Newbies Nest

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Newbies Nest

Lol yes now i think back on it it was a bloody shocking time to quit. God knows how i could have been so thick to think i could do all those celebrations af but i am so glad i did. Highly recommend it to see how much willpower and determination you actually have! Im having a great chuckle on that one Allan but show me a logical alky! Pav was another illogical one also and look at us now. Life is great, im happy, i nearly love myself again and everyday the sun is shining and i dont miss al one single bit. I do know at that stage that i was done with al, completely and utterly, i didnt have the energy anymore to drink, i was starting to lose my family and my life.

My daughter actually bought a bottle of wine around on the day i stopped drinking even though i had told her i was stopping. I could have guzzled that bottle and another and another but i think we know when we are beat.

Thanks Allan, even being a nearly oldie on here now, its always great to hear from the even older oldies a compliment. I look at your nearly two years and think "i so want to be there". Before i thought i was dreaming and now i know it is a reality.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening all Nesters,

Sounds like everyone is moving right along

Nice to see you Allan!
You'll soon be celebrating your 2 year quits - awesome
Life changes, it improves day by day!!

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Hi pepper!

Thanks for responding. Yes I did a Day 1 around 2 months ago after I started tapering. I still hold to my taper 'point' which is no more than 5 drinks a night over a 8-10 hour period. Obviously, I want to stop completely, but just haven't had the mindset to stop completely yet I guess.

I was having immense anxiety due to periodontal stuff and now the fear or neurological condition (ET's) I do know you are not supposed to have any AL with the anxiety meds.

I actually did have a plan that I posted months ago, and it helped with my Day 1. Since then, however, with this 'new' medical condition (wherein AL actually helps with Ets) it's been more difficult to stop. Dr. is referring me to neuro as soon as he can, and I imagine once that happens I will have a better chance of getting rid of the demon AL.

Funny thing is, I was prepared to stop until the Et's took form. But now, I cannot really function without at least 2 drinks to stop my hands from shaking, or my head bobbing, and it has gotten worse over the last 2 weeks. With the Crohn's, anxiety, and now some possible neuro problem...it has made it harder on me, I admit.

However, I've been reading Allen Carr's book (almost done) and it has certainly enlightened me to many things.

I certainly appreciate your post to me, and I hope one day very soon..I can say Day 1 'again'.

Much love to you,

Sarah

peppersnow;1681854 wrote: Sarah, you and I both started on MWO about the same time I think, right around 4 months ago, right? Have you tried Day 1 yet and gotten through it? Just 1 day? I'm asking that sincerely - there is no sarcasm in that question.

My reason for asking is because you are on Clonazepam (valium) right now, which is a benzo prescribed to treat alcohol withdrawal symptoms!!! I know that's not why your Dr. prescribed it to you, so you are so much more fortunate and better positioned than anyone else on this site who does not have the benefit of meds and has tried Day 1 and gotten through it. So frankly, it kind of kills me that you are abusing this drug and don't see what a gift that is to try to get through at least 24 hours of not drinking.

I was drinking nearly a 1/2 liter of vodka or gin a day and was terrified of the DT's...seeing hallucinations while driving my kids....freaking out at work...seizures, etc. Are you afraid of any of those things? By your description, you don't drink nearly as much as some of us did (or at least as much as I did), so your risk of dangerous withdrawal should be pretty low. Which makes it that much more confusing (at least to me) why --- if you actually have the meds to treat withdrawal and make quitting easier that most newbies who would LOVE to get their hands on but are too embarassed to ask their doctor to prescribe -- why you haven't yet shared a plan for your Day 1. You yourself said that the tremors, etc., are just excuses.

You've said you want advice, so here's mine: DO IT NOW and stop giving yourself excuses to delay. The hard reality is that once your doctor finds out you are mixing AL with Clonazepam he/she will rip up your prescription right in front of you, and totally should, because you are abusing a narcotic. Your physician would risk malpractice by allowing you to continue using it. And he/she WILL be able to tell by your bloodwork if you're drinking - your absorption of B12 will be low, your magesium will be low, and these days doctors usually check the CDT levels (Carbohydrate-deficient transferrin) of any patient who is taking benzos or if they suspect alcoholism, which is a test that detects long-term alcohol misuse. (I didn't have a CDT test, but my doc guessed because my B and magnesium were in the basement so it wasn't needed). When you DO lose your prescription for clonazepam (and you should because you're abusing it) you will have blown this chance forever of getting meds to help you quit, because they'll never trust you to prescribe it again.

It is not my intention to sound cold or mean - it is meant with the most sincere hope that you not blow this chance. If you truly want to quit, you have the medical tool to do it right now that most people don't, but you're going to lose it after your next dr. appointment. If you actually want to quit, do it now.

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

allankay;1681942 wrote: Hi B,

yep with alcohol I didn't even need friends. I sometimes would go to a bar get drunk and then find some people to hang out with. It was much easier to meet new people drunk or at least I thought that way.

It is interesting that the most interesting people turn out to be either light drinkers or complete teetotallers, contrary to my old beliefs...

I so agree with the last part of this statement, have found it to be true over and over again.

In the past I had a succession of very heavy drinking/alcoholic boyfriends everything we did would revolve round alcohol and on the extremely rare occasion that we did not drink there would be an extremely awkward feeling almost like we were strangers to each other with nothing to talk about. I remember extremely drunken holidays with a couple of these men where our drinking took on an even more stupid level and we would chat away in bars to strangers and think they were "friends".... yuck.... I am so glad that is over now.

Now I do not want to be around heavy drinkers. The conversation is so repetitive but they think they are being really insightful, that's how I was when I drank... a complete bore!! Interestingly when I was eighteen I worked in a pub as a barmaid, got to recognise the regulars, would here their conversations etc. when I was 36 I returned to the same pub to do some evening shifts for extra money (to my main job). Interestingly lots of the original customers were the same...... had been drinking in there for 18 years, drinking the same drinks, standing on the same spot and more frighteningly than any of that having the same conversations 18 years later, how utterly stultifying!!

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Withdrawals

Pepper Snow your post made me think about how awful my withdrawals were, at the end I really did have a terrible time as I had become physically addicted. I would have that worry about some awful seizure happening at work, at one point one weekend when I tried to stop I heard my phone ringing when it wasn't really ringing and a few other things that weren't really happening (auditory hallucinations). Also when I stopped for a few days I would sweat profusely at night and the worst thing was having myoclonic jerks a lot at night and a bit throughout the day, in the daytime they were not nearly so frequent. I am so glad to be free of that now.

Sarah 42 hang on in there!! I do understand what it is like to be afraid. Although right now, in this actual minute of time I am peaceful I am fearful of my future, there is just so much physically that I am going to have to go through. What I do wonder is if Pepper Snow was right, she mentioned valium helping withdrawals, now as I mentioned previously one of my awful withdrawals were horrible jerks (not exactly the same as ETs I know) most doctors would not give me valium but one doctor did on a couple of occasions and it definitely calmed the jerkiness, I only needed it for a couple of days. I understand your ETs are not alcoholic withdrawals but would it be worth roughing it out for a bit, maybe about 3 days, having no alcohol, giving the valium a chance to work and seeing if it calmed them down a bit/ a lot/not at all. Might be worth a try!

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Good to be back home after a week of travels. Have been away from MWO was a but too tensed and occupied (this I know is an excuse) hence could not be active on MWO. But now back on action.

Sarah : when I was drinking by cholesterol and other lipids used to shoot. So were my liver enzymes. I was obviously "worried" about that effecting my health. Got the test done and found it had an effect on my lever. I got on too mess "stopped" AL for few days (week ?) got the tests done small sight of improvement I was back drinking. Soon it became meds and AL to "control" my vitals going off the scale. After a while it while these meds stopped the effect and I had to take more dosage. It was an ugly spiral as I recall. This was me just 142 days back !

The key thing was giving up AL sounds difficult. But first 15 days were hard. Although I must admit I did not have much of shakes and anxiety as you are having and must seek professional guidance for that but still important think is for you to quit for right reasons. You are not "giving up" on anything ! Soon you will realise you are getting so much by "giving up" AL. Allan Carr explains this greatly in his book which helped me a lot !

Allan I have not bothered finding tee totaller friends. But I did manage to get lots of light drinkers who are not passionate about drinking or take a drink or two "just to be there" (and I want to tell them why even that ?) . But once go around a gym or start interacting people who are into fitness you will realise that the whole world (or UK) is not so passionate for drinking as we were !

Go out on Saturday night and once might get the impression that "wow the whole world drinks !" Wake up early morning and head to gym/park/club and you will realise "wow there are no many people into fitness" !

I might be heading to South Korea next week more travelling and stressful week on the way folks ...

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Just checking in early on a Sunday morning. I'd normally just be in the middle of partying now, so this is a good change.

Off out for the day to relax and get away from that shitty life that I've been living for too long.

Enjoy your day everyone & tick another AL free off.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Ava- I know u are talking to me. Believe me, your words have never fallen on deaf ears. In fact, I hear you all. Loud and clearly. And, I truly appreciate all the words of wisdom. I truly do! Plz don't give up on me! If I didn't think it was important, or if I wasn't serious about this, I would not be here.

Yes, I have been resistant to stopping completely for many reasons, but I have also been open to resistance at the same time. In the meantime, I have been honest in this journey. I am on a long road to the right path. Condemn me all you want, but I will still be here in 10 days, 20 days, 30 days or whatever it takes. I WANT to do this. I appreciate all of your advice and listen to you wholeheartedly. Thank you for that!

DD- I'm more worried about you! I do not have w/d symptoms and never have. I certainly understand your concern about the anx meds, as am I. But, I do feel I can breathe again, and I go back to Dr.. in about a week and 1/2 or so to see if it's something I should still be on.

I'm just trying to take one step at a time for remedies of all my conditions. I can't determine what is the right thing for me, as I'm not a doctor. All I'm trying to do right now, is take the appropriate steps to heal myself. AL included. I'll get 'there', but I ask that ya'll be patient with me as I go thru this struggle, and who knows....maybe I'll be the next Byrdie?

I cannot predict the future, but I know what I want. I want to be AF and I want to be a mentor for others who have suffered with what I have.

If that isn't accepted here by some, then so beit. I will do it anyway. If it's a week, a month, or a year...that is what IDK, but I'm here for the help and support and will continue to be until I get this done. And, in the meantime. I will try help others as much as I can.

Best wishes and much love,

Sarah

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Sarah 42

Hi again,
I totally understand that you don't have alcohol withdrawals and that ET is different in origin but the point I was trying to make was that as valium calms/stops alcohol shakes/jerkiness would it not be worth giving it a try on ET. But to give it a fair and safe try obviously you would need to be off the alcohol, also it might take time to kick in so it might be a matter of roughing it out for three or four days (with no alcohol) going through some shakiness and discomfort to see if the tremors lessen/go/stay the same. Wouldn't this be worth a try?
Best of luck
DD xxx

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Rahulthesweet;1682000 wrote: Hello Nesters,

Good to be back home after a week of travels. Have been away from MWO was a but too tensed and occupied (this I know is an excuse) hence could not be active on MWO. But now back on action.

Sarah : when I was drinking by cholesterol and other lipids used to shoot. So were my liver enzymes. I was obviously "worried" about that effecting my health. Got the test done and found it had an effect on my lever. I got on too mess "stopped" AL for few days (week ?) got the tests done small sight of improvement I was back drinking. Soon it became meds and AL to "control" my vitals going off the scale. After a while it while these meds stopped the effect and I had to take more dosage. It was an ugly spiral as I recall. This was me just 142 days back !

The key thing was giving up AL sounds difficult. But first 15 days were hard. Although I must admit I did not have much of shakes and anxiety as you are having and must seek professional guidance for that but still important think is for you to quit for right reasons. You are not "giving up" on anything ! Soon you will realise you are getting so much by "giving up" AL. Allan Carr explains this greatly in his book which helped me a lot !

Allan I have not bothered finding tee totaller friends. But I did manage to get lots of light drinkers who are not passionate about drinking or take a drink or two "just to be there" (and I want to tell them why even that ?) . But once go around a gym or start interacting people who are into fitness you will realise that the whole world (or UK) is not so passionate for drinking as we were !

Go out on Saturday night and once might get the impression that "wow the whole world drinks !" Wake up early morning and head to gym/park/club and you will realise "wow there are no many people into fitness" !

I might be heading to South Korea next week more travelling and stressful week on the way folks ...

Sound like you have an interesting profession. What do you do?

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Hello and happy Sunday, Nesters!

Rahul, so glad to see you safe and sound back home from your work trip. That was a very good post-- I remember your struggle vividly and am so happy for your sober success. I know it still difficult for you at times with so much travel, work related drinking affairs, etc. But you are strong and solid in your mind, and instead of drinking your life away, you are here offering help to those still struggling. Thank you for that!! 142 day is awesome..

Allan, good to see you and talk to you again! You're one of my idols here on MWO! I really enjoyed sharing with you on the sugar free challenge and SF roll call-- then I made the stupid decision in January to "test" myself with alcohol moderation. It was so stupid. At that time, after 4 months of not drinking, being disciplined with my nutrition and exercise, I was fitter than I'd been in 15 years. I remember reading on Runner's World website about cheat meals, including a glass of wine or a beer and I thought, wow, what a great idea. I want to be a part of THAT group. After 6 months of failing at moderation AGAIN, I am more than certain that no matter how fit I am, how happy I am, how inspired I am, I will NEVER be able to enjoy al in moderation. In fact, it's only without drinking that I can ever hope to make anything more out of my life That is the only way for me to be happy.! So here I am again on day 15, but happy and proud of it and looking forward to the journey, instead of sad that I can't drink or sad that I'm not at almost a year AF. I am still struggling with the sugar demon-- like you, I also can't moderate sugar..though I keep trying to! I look forward to seeing you more!!

DD, how are you feeling today? You sound mentally very well-- and I hope you enjoyed your day yesterday..I'm glad you're feeling at peace at the moment. It's a good place to be!!

Sarah, I liked DD's suggestion, too. I hope you'll make the decision to go for another Day 1 soon--:l

Londoner, :goodjob:!!!!! on staying in last night. You're bound to have a much better Sunday for it! You are back on the right track--

Ticking off another AF day today!! Wishing you all a restful, peaceful day--

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

lifechange;1682081 wrote: Hello and happy Sunday, Nesters!

Allan, good to see you and talk to you again! You're one of my idols here on MWO! I really enjoyed sharing with you on the sugar free challenge and SF roll call-- then I made the stupid decision in January to "test" myself with alcohol moderation. It was so stupid. At that time, after 4 months of not drinking, being disciplined with my nutrition and exercise, I was fitter than I'd been in 15 years. I remember reading on Runner's World website about cheat meals, including a glass of wine or a beer and I thought, wow, what a great idea. I want to be a part of THAT group. After 6 months of failing at moderation AGAIN, I am more than certain that no matter how fit I am, how happy I am, how inspired I am, I will NEVER be able to enjoy al in moderation. In fact, it's only without drinking that I can ever hope to make anything more out of my life That is the only way for me to be happy.! So here I am again on day 15, but happy and proud of it and looking forward to the journey, instead of sad that I can't drink or sad that I'm not at almost a year AF. I am still struggling with the sugar demon-- like you, I also can't moderate sugar..though I keep trying to! I look forward to seeing you more!!

Hi LC,

I sympathise with you. It is much easier staying quit than starting all over...

You know the drill now and you will have this memory to stop you romanticising moderation in the future so its a good lesson.

I hope that one day we can try to start sugar free diet again. But for now do whatever it takes. I would rather eat a chocolate for a year than drink one glass of wine. And those sugar cravings are pretty bad for the first few weeks/months after quitting.

AK

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters!

Woke up to the sound of a gentle rain this morning. Hope it dries up out there though because I do have plans to go to a car show today
Also will be taking daughter & her family to lunch. I surely wouldn't be interested in doing all this if I was sporting a hangover. Grateful to be AF!

Wishing everyone a great AF Sunday! Go out, do something nice

Lav

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Soft focus,
I'm sorry for you fall, been there and know it happens. What's great is that you're right back and know that you need to fine-tune your plan. Yes, looking at the long-terms plans is a great idea. Revisiting the toolbox might also help. For me, I really had to make recovery my priority. I submerged myself in literature, reading and posting lots (at least twice daily) and hung onto anyone that would help me and encourage me along with way. It was serious business. It was priority. The bubble hour podcast is another great resource that lots of people listen to. Google it. It's very helpful. Stay here and post lots!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
It's a beautiful day here in NC! I woke up to an overly affectionate Chihuahua chewing on my ear. :h

Soft Focus, I'm sorry to hear that you fell out. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't had those same thoughts....Wouldn't it be NICE just to get AWAY from my head! But that is when you must PUSH those thoughts out and change direction completely. At least, that's what I do. Sometimes I 'Play it to the end' but mostly PUSHING the thoughts out is effective for me. I am glad you are right back here so you can be on your AF way. It's a hard lesson to learn that the things we were trying to escape from are still right there PLUS we feel like thit. Welcome back and keep checking in and talking it out. It really helps.

Sarah, I can't add much to what has been said...but I CAN tell you this, there at the end of my drinking, I was grabbing onto ANYTHING that would keep AL involved...most of my anxiety was about giving IT up!! I kept piling meds on top of meds and the whole time, MOST of my issues were ALCOHOL!!! You have a real opportunity to see exactly what is going on here by removing variables and the only one you haven't removed yet is AL. Let's take a look at this thing.... you only have 5 drinks over the course of an 8-10 night. So in a 24 hour period, let's say you sleep 8 hours (give or take) so that leaves 16 hours in a day. It's summer in our part of the world, and I notice you post late at night, so if your night begins around 3 or 4 in the afternoon and you are drinking until you go to bed....8 hours later...so that leaves you only about 5 or 6 sober hours in a day. You know...that's not much. You are drinking MORE of the day than you aren't. It may ONLY BE 5 drinks, but to us alkies, ONE drink is too many. You are clinging to those 5 drinks, right? I know how that is....and you do NOT want anyone to take those away. In our world, this is a CLUE. Those 5 drinks aren't HELPING anything, even tho you think they are. They are ADDING to the problem. Believe me, I didn't want to hear this either...I thought LAV was just nucking futs! 'SHE doesn't understand what I'M going thru! THEY don't know MY situation....what do I owe THOSE people, anyway?' Those are the things that kept me stuck on the hamster wheel. There just comes a time when you have to put your foot out of the wheel and make it stop. Having drinks 8-10 hours out of your day is NOT NORMAL drinking and yes, that is Alcoholic drinking! And we know that using the word ONLY in front of the 5 justifies it in your head! BUT, they are no longer the solution they are now THE PROBLEM. We are alcoholics....sad but true. The answer for an alkie is to consume NO alcohol. There is no cutting back for us. Trust me, I fought this with every ounce of my being, but until I finally stopped the BS (and that's all it is....) I wasn't going to succeed. ONLY STOPPING your intake of AL will fix these problems. You have tried everything else, this is the last variable. Take the leap of faith...we will catch you. Just do it. At this point, there are no more reasons to continue drinking...only excuses. I wrote the book on that one.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. DD, thinking of you and wishing you strength.
Byrdie