Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone. I'm back. Nice to see some familiar and new faces - so much activity on this board! I did very well until I vacationed with a group that drank every night. Brought me right back into the pattern. I was at a point of not even wanting AL. Now I'm feeling sluggish and tired and bound by this stupid daily cycle again. I miss how great I felt without it!! Evening distractions (i.e. CONSTANT alternate drink in hand) and changing the way I ate were really huge factors in my previous success, so that is what I will do again. Headed for 30+ AF days starting today - thanks for being here.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Rahul, I totally was in your shoes as well. I'd gained so much weight from drinking that my blood pressure was out of control. Beginning about 6 years ago, one new BP med after another was added to keep my BP under control. But HOORAY, because with the meds I could keep drinking! Then one day at about noon, after a heavy drinking night, I landed in the ER with tachycardia - I had been just sitting in my car driving when my heart-rate soared to about 200 bpm for no reason. They thought I was having a heart attack. That happened twice, so my doc added metoprolol, which artificially suppresses your heart rate and keeps it under control. The unfortunate side effect is that I became energy-sapped, due to my heart working inefficiently because of the metoprolol. Even when I tried to exercise, I couldn't get my heart-rate above 128. I couldn't go on hikes with my kids. House-cleaning was exhausting. So on came another 20 pounds or so. But hey, I could drink as much as wanted and not worry about a soaring heart-rate anymore, so that part was GRRRRRREAT! Another case of vodka, please!! Then came the wellbutrin and celexa for depression, and more weight gain, and even higher blood pressure. And then I finally didn't care anymore and just stopped trying at all and decided it would be okay if I just died.

And Sarah --- then I came here, where I noticed a post by you around the same time because you had recently joined as well. I thought you sounded better than me - more optimistic - and like you didn't drink as much as me - and that you actually cared about your life -- and I was jealous and thought for sure you had a better shot than me of quitting.

On June 26, I had a physical and I was 25 pounds lighter (still have about 30 to go), my BP was only 96/68 so she took me off the metoprolol and my heavy-duty BP meds (I still take a diuretic, but that's a minimalist BP med), and came off the Celexa completely. Like Rahul, every single health problem I had was because of ALCOHOL.

Sarah42;1681991 wrote: I actually did have a plan that I posted months ago, and it helped with my Day 1. Since then, however, with this 'new' medical condition (wherein AL actually helps with Ets) it's been more difficult to stop. Dr. is referring me to neuro as soon as he can, and I imagine once that happens I will have a better chance of getting rid of the demon AL.

Funny thing is, I was prepared to stop until the Et's took form. But now, I cannot really function without at least 2 drinks to stop my hands from shaking, or my head bobbing, and it has gotten worse over the last 2 weeks. With the Crohn's, anxiety, and now some possible neuro problem...it has made it harder on me, I admit.

That's great that you got through a Day 1. But no time like NOW to try again. In your early posts that I remember from February, you insisted you would never EVER take any prescription meds and believed in healing yourself from the earth with herbals. Fast-forward 5 months and you're not only still drinking about as much as you were then, but you've added clonazepam (valium) to the mix ? as far from an herbal as you can get, and one of the most highly addictive benzos out there. I want to support you, but I feel like you're deflecting, because you didn't address mixing valium with AL, and the fact that you have a prescription for a drug that most of us would have killed for to help with early physical withdrawal when we stopped.

Listen to Birdie, Ava, Rahul, NS, Lav, everyone who wants to help you but will only believe you?re serious if you try to get through a 24 hour period now that you have the medical tools to do it without withdrawals!!! The planets are aligned perfectly RIGHT NOW for you to give it a shot ? quitting will only be harder when the valium is taken away and you?re dealing not only with AL withdrawal but valium withdrawal. One of the reasons doctors hesitate to prescribe alkies valium on an out-patient basis is because valium substantially heightens the intoxication effects of alcohol. For sneaky alkies (which if you are honest with yourself is what you are -- and what I was and we all are/were) It's a way of maximizing the high without drinking as much. So really, if you've cut back AL and have added valium, it's a zero-sum game. If AL is helping you with the ET's, and you don?t plan on quitting right now, then what the hell -- you might as well cut out the valium and just drink lots more. Because, again, if you're honest with your dr. about your drinking she/he is going to take away the valium and SHOULD.

Sarah42;1682009 wrote: I certainly understand your concern about the anx meds, as am I. But, I do feel I can breathe again, and I go back to Dr.. in about a week and 1/2 or so to see if it's something I should still be on.

I'm just trying to take one step at a time for remedies of all my conditions. I can't determine what is the right thing for me, as I'm not a doctor. All I'm trying to do right now, is take the appropriate steps to heal myself. AL included.

I get that you want to wait and talk to your doctor. The problem is that your doctor can?t help you unless you?re honest about your alcohol consumption. Obviously you've been manipulating your doctor so far or you wouldn't have that prescription for "Mother's Little Helper" (remember that Rolling Stone's song?) So, if you don?t answer any other question, can you answer this: Do you plan to be forthright with your doctor and confess exactly how much you have been drinking on a daily basis, and that you have been mixing with valium? Are you going to hold yourself accountable for being brutally honest with your neurologist or other doctor the next time you see him/her, promise to volunteer the information if they don't ask for it, and make that commitment right now? If you're not going to try to quit now that you have the valium, can you promise to be 100% transparent with your doctor at your next visit?

That's really all I have to say, which I realize is lengthy and I apologize for that, but I'm one of those folks who tends to rant and be done with it forever. You've asked for advice, so that's my contribution -- I truly hope for the best for you, and that you start living out what those books you're reading and everyone on this site are advising you to do. Best wishes.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Peppersnow, Thank you for sharing that information with all of us who may ourselves or have friends who don't understand the dangers of combining these two drugs. From my reading, it seems that you can't determine a dose of each at which you'd be safe because they potentiate one another with the effects differing among individuals. One thing I read that may be relevant is that when taking the 2 drugs, one's personality and decision-making skills may be compromised:

Serious side effects of Valium and alcohol

The side effects of combining diazepam and alcohol can result in severe health complications such as respiratory arrest, liver damage, and/or your central nervous system- responsible for coordination, balance, and changes in personality. The combination of Valium and alcohol can lead to respiratory arrest, as the drugs amplify the physical depression of the body and overpower the automatic bodily functions such as breathing or heart rate. This negative synergistic effect can cause asphyxiation, heart attack, or coma. The filtering of both Valium and alcohol is processed in the liver, which can put undue stress on the liver and cause liver disease or liver failure. Finally, this deadly combination can exacerbate the drowsiness and mental confusion side effects of both drugs and lead to making bad decisions and/or acting in a manner that is outside of the person’s normal character.

Sarah, despite what you've read posted to you here, you do not seem to be understanding the risks you are taking are above and beyond those of a typical problem drinker or alcoholic. Or, if you do understand the risks and continue to take them, there is another whole set of issues that needs to be addressed. You have suggested that you don't drink much but 5 drinks are 5-times the daily limit for a woman. Are you taking the valium as prescribed? I'm sure it has a label on it warning you not to consume alcohol while you take it but you apparently are ignoring that.

I had decided to stop trying to convince you to quit drinking but like others here, feel compelled to give it one more shot. At least 2 MWOers have died of alcoholism since I joined. It was horrifying and sad. I don't know if other drugs were involved or if it was just the alcohol. It was also hard to see how other MWOers felt - that they hadn't understood how bad the person's situation was - that they hadn't tried hard enough to help - that they hadn't written the right things.

You could accidently die, Sarah, and of course, the effect on those of us here is the least of the tragic consequences. You sound committed to this site, and that is great, but I do not think MWO can offer all you need right now, perhaps because you are not really yourself and are not thinking clearly. Rather than waiting for your doctor appointment, perhaps you could go to the ER and tell them exactly what you are drinking and how much valium you are taking each day. You might even be admitted to detox because what you are doing is so dangerous.

I hope your husband is aware of the risks you are taking. When a person isn't functioning at 100% in a life-or-death situation, he or she needs an advocate.

Please start taking care of yourself. NS

[available]

Newbies Nest

SF and Kensho welcome back here, sorry to here you fecked up. Reading about mwoers with days and months up scares me but it also keeps me vigilant in the path of sobriety. I feel for you guys, al waits and waits until it can pounce and get us to drink again. This is why i cant leave mwo, i have to be on here to stay accountable and "safe". I cant think of anywhere else i would rather be than here though and posting.

My only comment to Sarah again is that when i said i had 5 drinks a day i was lying. For gods sakes ask any alcoholic how many drinks they consume and it will always be about 3 less than they actually drink. I am an alcoholic i am not an idiot. No alcoholic can taper for so long and successfully stay at a certain amount day in and day out. 1 is too many and 100 is not enough. Some great points by fellow nesters and if anything hopefully the valium will go by the wayside. I have also seen two deaths since being on MWO and its very very sad when you get to that point due to al. We can use every excuse in the world not to drink. i could go on and on about my childhood, my father not talking to me for 20+ years, being abused by my ex husband, being abused by another ex, having a nervous breakdown, anxiety, depression, tremors, headaches, sores that didnt heal but i then stopped drinking and it doesnt matter anymore. The medical issues are gone and the emotional pain is healing. I am afraid sarah that you will never run out of excuses until it is too late.

DD glad you are sounding good, i hope that the test results are what we all want to hear, we will be here for you.

London so glad you stayed in on the weekend. i will let you out for work Monday ha ha.

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back SF :welcome:

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, you will never believe this, but I just got a text from our local news. How timely!
So I went to read the article, here it is...


Sheriff Ron Hewett is a man who went from Hero to zero. How does a man go from hero to zero? What did it? Two things - Alcohol and Xanax.

I first met Ron in 1991 and we became great friends. At the time Ron was a deputy with the Brunswick County Sheriff's department. He was one of the most decent, caring, and honest people that I have ever run across. He had a Wonderful family and Great friends. He was a man who worshiped god. I was fortunate enough to become one of Ron's very good friends.

At that time He was a D.A.R.E. officer helping educate children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Ron himself avoided drugs and alcohol?at the time. He was a hero in my book.

Ron won the award of DARE officer of the year for the entire United States. Shortly thereafter he became the Sheriff of Brunswick County. He came in and began cleaning up the county of criminals and drugs. He made more arrests in his first 4 months than the entire prior 4 years. He had his police radio on 24/7 He was doing great. He would help anyone regardless of the person's age, race, gender, or sexual orientation.

Then the hero to zero route began to take place. A drink here a drink there? with a Xanax for anxiety. Ron's personality began to change. The downhill slide had begun. By 2001 he began taking Ambien and had hateful episodes. He had forgotten all that he had been telling the DARE students. He made some racist comments even though I knew he was not a racist. It was very embarrassing for his family and friends. He became sloppy and thought that he was invincible.

Around 2008 a federal Grand Jury was convened. Ron was then convicted of felony charges. He went to jail for a few years. I visited him in Jail even though many people had abandoned him by now. In 2010, Ron came out of prison a bitter angry man who began to drink even more. In a short time He was a full blown alcoholic taking Xanax along with the alcohol. He would make abusive calls when he was drunk. His wife Julie who had stood by his side through thick and thin finally had to leave. He was too abusive. Ron was no longer the same hero he once was. Ron had become an angry, abusive, drunk? disconnected from his moral codes. Our friendship was not the same, although I would still call and talk with him every month or two.

Then on July 9 th 2014 Ron was arrested again, this time on felony gun charges. On July 12, 2014 He became combative in jail and after an altercation, he expired. It was probably not the fault of any deputy, but Ron's heart was probably too weak due to the years of alcohol abuse. With that said an autopsy and investigation is pending and we await those results.

As a friend, it was an extremely painful journey to watch Ron falter over a 20 year time period, like a train wreck unfolding before me. Alcohol and Xanax stole a hero from all of us, and made him a zero in the end.

I would like to just say?If you are hooked on Alcohol or drugs?from my experiences, you have three options? recovery, prison, or death? please take the direction towards recovery

Unfortunately Ron's disease chose prison, shortly followed by death. This emphasizes the importance of recovery as soon as possible

Ron's life was not in vain! Ron taught many people the dangers of alcohol and drugs in the classroom and unfortunately by bad example. Ron has 2 great kids Justin and Jessica. Ron took many criminals off the street. Ron made Brunswick County a much better place to live. Ron touched many people in a positive way. Rest in peace Ron, you deserve it

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1682267 wrote: Wow, you will never believe this, but I just got a text from our local news. How timely!
So I went to read the article, here it is...


Sheriff Ron Hewett is a man who went from Hero to zero. How does a man go from hero to zero? What did it? Two things - Alcohol and Xanax.

I first met Ron in 1991 and we became great friends. At the time Ron was a deputy with the Brunswick County Sheriff's department. He was one of the most decent, caring, and honest people that I have ever run across. He had a Wonderful family and Great friends. He was a man who worshiped god. I was fortunate enough to become one of Ron's very good friends.

At that time He was a D.A.R.E. officer helping educate children about the dangers of drugs and alcohol. Ron himself avoided drugs and alcohol?at the time. He was a hero in my book.

Ron won the award of DARE officer of the year for the entire United States. Shortly thereafter he became the Sheriff of Brunswick County. He came in and began cleaning up the county of criminals and drugs. He made more arrests in his first 4 months than the entire prior 4 years. He had his police radio on 24/7 He was doing great. He would help anyone regardless of the person's age, race, gender, or sexual orientation.

Then the hero to zero route began to take place. A drink here a drink there? with a Xanax for anxiety. Ron's personality began to change. The downhill slide had begun. By 2001 he began taking Ambien and had hateful episodes. He had forgotten all that he had been telling the DARE students. He made some racist comments even though I knew he was not a racist. It was very embarrassing for his family and friends. He became sloppy and thought that he was invincible.

Around 2008 a federal Grand Jury was convened. Ron was then convicted of felony charges. He went to jail for a few years. I visited him in Jail even though many people had abandoned him by now. In 2010, Ron came out of prison a bitter angry man who began to drink even more. In a short time He was a full blown alcoholic taking Xanax along with the alcohol. He would make abusive calls when he was drunk. His wife Julie who had stood by his side through thick and thin finally had to leave. He was too abusive. Ron was no longer the same hero he once was. Ron had become an angry, abusive, drunk? disconnected from his moral codes. Our friendship was not the same, although I would still call and talk with him every month or two.

Then on July 9 th 2014 Ron was arrested again, this time on felony gun charges. On July 12, 2014 He became combative in jail and after an altercation, he expired. It was probably not the fault of any deputy, but Ron's heart was probably too weak due to the years of alcohol abuse. With that said an autopsy and investigation is pending and we await those results.

As a friend, it was an extremely painful journey to watch Ron falter over a 20 year time period, like a train wreck unfolding before me. Alcohol and Xanax stole a hero from all of us, and made him a zero in the end.

I would like to just say?If you are hooked on Alcohol or drugs?from my experiences, you have three options? recovery, prison, or death? please take the direction towards recovery

Unfortunately Ron's disease chose prison, shortly followed by death. This emphasizes the importance of recovery as soon as possible

Ron's life was not in vain! Ron taught many people the dangers of alcohol and drugs in the classroom and unfortunately by bad example. Ron has 2 great kids Justin and Jessica. Ron took many criminals off the street. Ron made Brunswick County a much better place to live. Ron touched many people in a positive way. Rest in peace Ron, you deserve it

Yes it is very sad...

It is hard to put all of the blame on the person but he cant remain blameless either.

I was a very different person a few years ago and I was even more different when I was drunk. It is like having a multiple personalities syndrome.

AK

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi,

Out of town and posting on my phone so this will be short.

My advice is to listen to these wise people. It can sound harsh but it is REAL. Sarah-if you don't want to listen here, listen to the Bubble Hour on denial. Denial is what alcoholism is all about. On top of everything said here, there is no doctor in the world who would say you should be drinking anything w Crohn's.

Welcome back SFx and Kensho. SFx, glad it was a short interval. When I first came it was with the intention of moderating- just 90 days sober and my head would be screwed on right. Hah! So much happier w no AL in my life. And for what it is worth, I had been taking blood pressure medicine for 8 years and now mine is normal w no meds.

Tired of phone typing. Happy SOBER Saturday, nest.

Pav

Ps. Allan great to see you here.

[bran new day]

Newbies Nest

Hi All ,
This site is Amazing , so much strength , honesty and real life experience . I'd like to leave longer posts but my 2 fingered typing can't keep up with my thoughts , After months of half-arsed attempts with a lot of sober time , I told my partner yesterday that this was it , the depression I get when I relapse is not worth it . The depression isn't about relapsing or failure , it's a direct reaction to Al in my system . Believe it or not she isn't aware im an alcoholic , When i'm abstaining she will often offer me a drink when she's having one !
So I've just said that's it I don't want Al anymore for what it does to me .
7 days down and God willing a lot more on the way . BND

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back Kensho!

Bran New Day, it's incredible how abstaining from al lifts depression and reduces anxiety.

Byrdie, sad story, but a true story that can happen to any of us. Yes, let's choose recovery.

Have a great night.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Bran New Day, 7 days is awesome! Theres a prize for that!
:moon:
Heres to kicking AL's arse for a full week! Those first few days are the worst and they are now behind you!!! GREAT JOB!

Kensho, welcome back! Soft Focus, hope you had an easy day. B

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

bran new day;1682289 wrote:
So I've just said that's it I don't want Al anymore for what it does to me .
Same here, BND!

Pavati;1682285 wrote: And for what it is worth, I had been taking blood pressure medicine for 8 years and now mine is normal w no meds.
.

Hope I can achieve the same result as you, Pav. I'm only been taking BP meds for a few months, but will be happy to ditch them if I can get back to normal after some AF time.

Night, Nesters!

Pie

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hope everyone had a great day - I sure did

Welcome back Kensho, Soft Focus & SF. BND - CONGRATS on 7 AF days!! Yay!!!!

I hope everyone has a safe night in the nest - use the butt Velcro, there's plenty to go around

I was thinking today that the first thing on every newbie's plan should be BSE (bull shit elimination)!
This whole process & journey of getting & staying sober is really rather easy when we just eliminate the BS!!!! It is painful to take a long hard & completely honest look at yourself BUT it won't kill you!

We can all be survivors together

Lav

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back Kensho and SF!!!

BND - Nice job earning your 7-day moon! Did you see the grand moon we had yesterday? Perhaps in your honor?


Regarding the recent discussion about advice being given, questions about it going unheard, etc: I don't really feel like I have anything to add that hasn't already been said, and I'm reluctant to wade into territory that apparently has a history much longer than my short time here. However, I appreciate the honest and heartfelt commentary coming from all who have chimed in.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Byrdie. I know this, and you know I know this...I just have to do it.

Deprivity is a hard thing to get past - esp when you are dealing with med issues and possible Et's or other neuro things. That being, said, I feel so guilty saying that knowing what DD is going thru, etc. What a freakin dope I am.

However, you should know me by now. (I am you)...I WILL do this. But, I also know I have to do it in my own time to 'mean' something. Does that make sense? That is what I'm working on. Cutting down might not mean much to anyone here, but I do feel some sort of accomplishment by doing so. It gives me hope. Certainly, it doesn't mean I'm hanging my hat on that, as I want to stop completely, but with ya'lls help I know I can do it. And, I know with you all in my life, I CAN do it.

Love,
Sarah

Byrdlady;1682164 wrote: Morning, Nesters!
It's a beautiful day here in NC! I woke up to an overly affectionate Chihuahua chewing on my ear. :h

Soft Focus, I'm sorry to hear that you fell out. I'd be lying if I said that I haven't had those same thoughts....Wouldn't it be NICE just to get AWAY from my head! But that is when you must PUSH those thoughts out and change direction completely. At least, that's what I do. Sometimes I 'Play it to the end' but mostly PUSHING the thoughts out is effective for me. I am glad you are right back here so you can be on your AF way. It's a hard lesson to learn that the things we were trying to escape from are still right there PLUS we feel like thit. Welcome back and keep checking in and talking it out. It really helps.

Sarah, I can't add much to what has been said...but I CAN tell you this, there at the end of my drinking, I was grabbing onto ANYTHING that would keep AL involved...most of my anxiety was about giving IT up!! I kept piling meds on top of meds and the whole time, MOST of my issues were ALCOHOL!!! You have a real opportunity to see exactly what is going on here by removing variables and the only one you haven't removed yet is AL. Let's take a look at this thing.... you only have 5 drinks over the course of an 8-10 night. So in a 24 hour period, let's say you sleep 8 hours (give or take) so that leaves 16 hours in a day. It's summer in our part of the world, and I notice you post late at night, so if your night begins around 3 or 4 in the afternoon and you are drinking until you go to bed....8 hours later...so that leaves you only about 5 or 6 sober hours in a day. You know...that's not much. You are drinking MORE of the day than you aren't. It may ONLY BE 5 drinks, but to us alkies, ONE drink is too many. You are clinging to those 5 drinks, right? I know how that is....and you do NOT want anyone to take those away. In our world, this is a CLUE. Those 5 drinks aren't HELPING anything, even tho you think they are. They are ADDING to the problem. Believe me, I didn't want to hear this either...I thought LAV was just nucking futs! 'SHE doesn't understand what I'M going thru! THEY don't know MY situation....what do I owe THOSE people, anyway?' Those are the things that kept me stuck on the hamster wheel. There just comes a time when you have to put your foot out of the wheel and make it stop. Having drinks 8-10 hours out of your day is NOT NORMAL drinking and yes, that is Alcoholic drinking! And we know that using the word ONLY in front of the 5 justifies it in your head! BUT, they are no longer the solution they are now THE PROBLEM. We are alcoholics....sad but true. The answer for an alkie is to consume NO alcohol. There is no cutting back for us. Trust me, I fought this with every ounce of my being, but until I finally stopped the BS (and that's all it is....) I wasn't going to succeed. ONLY STOPPING your intake of AL will fix these problems. You have tried everything else, this is the last variable. Take the leap of faith...we will catch you. Just do it. At this point, there are no more reasons to continue drinking...only excuses. I wrote the book on that one.

I hope everyone has a peaceful day. DD, thinking of you and wishing you strength.
Byrdie