Newbies Nest

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Darkest Diamond;1683771 wrote: Londoner and Allankay,
London is so so so so so hot isn't it?
One room in my flat is cool but the others are sweltering, this is the hottest I think I have ever known it to be, hope it cools off at the weekend! Londoner I think not going out is a good idea at this stage. Allankay that thing of sitting outside a pub in a suit in the sun drinking alcohol...... crazy, they must all be really sweating!!
DD x

Interestingly I have notice the temperature difference as well. As I walk into the hall it seems much cooler than my bedroom. Might sleep there tonight...

Regarding the people in suits, I always wandered what kind of profession allows people to drink in the middle of the day? (in suits)

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Kensho, Have you looked at trying Gaba or 5-HTP? It's not for everybody. Especially if you don't like taking pills but it works well for anxiety and depression. You can get 5-HTP at Cosco at a reasonable price. The Gaba I've only found at health food stores. Google it and see what you think. As for how long..... Everyone is different. I've always struggled with depression so I wasn't expecting that to change with stopping AL and it hasn't.

Hang in there..... It's worth it!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Kensho, NS posted a piece sometime back that spoke to what is going on with our neural transmitters just after we stop drinking. It is as tho they are looking for the stimulous and when they dont get it, they become agitated. That explained a lot of what I felt at that time. For me, once I got to Day 13, the road smoothed out and I knew I would ge ok. So proud of you for taking the leap of faith.

My friend passed away this morning at 10. I was in transit to her and made it about 30 minutes later. She was surrounded by her son, brother and my sister, so she wasnt alone. Her memorial service is next Wednesday at 7 pm. If this had been 4 years ago, I would be trying to think of a way to work this around my drinking! I am so thankful for my sobriety. Yes, it took work to get to this point, I struggled as much as the next person, but I put my quit before anything else. It WAS my #1 priority and still is. This past week was horrendous, but at no time did I wish I could drink, you cant imagine (or maybe you CAN) what a relief that is! I tell you, getting sober is a skill you kearn and you get better at it with practice! Turning to AL is just not an option now. Life is so precious. I am not going to waste one more minute of it with AL!

Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers. I am so grateful to have you all for my support. I think it is the best support in the world. Stay strong, all, Byrdie

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Hugs to you Byrdie :l
Your friend is at peace now, her friends & family can count on that. You were a true friend to her right up to the end, bless you :l

Kensho, anxiety was my middle name, no kidding. I had some level of anxiety going on all of my life. That & a few major disappointments made me turn to AL which only ended up making it worse.
Since I quit I have found much relief but it takes time. I have used herbal products with good results (did not do well on Rx stuff). Meditation & mindfulness have helped tremendously & so has exercise. Be proactive & find what works for you

Londoner, glad you decided to stay in tonight!

Greetings to everyone else & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for all!

Lav

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie - So sorry about the passing of your friend. As hard as losses like this are, I hope it comforts you, her other friends, and her family at least somewhat to know that she is at peace and out of pain now. It doesn't surprise me a bit that you stayed sober through all of this, and I am certain you will always be grateful for that.

Hugs to you,

Wag
:l :h

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Thank you all for the ideas and support. I guess I shouldn't expect it to be easy right away. And if I didn't have a problem, it wouldn't be this hard. I've been denying that I have a "real" problem, telling myself I should just probably cut down. More reason to hang in. Will check out herbs, and finally read the book my dad gave me on mindfulness. He's a yoga teacher for God sakes... You'd think I could take something from it.

I'm so sorry your friend has passed Byrdie. Hope you feel some sense of peace with it, knowing that she is no longer in pain. Thank you for your continued support even through your grief.

Here's to another day of "real" stuff... With the meaning not stripped away by AL.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1683621 wrote: Good morning Nesters,

Mom3, yes, most people find they feel very tired for a time after quitting. It will pass but be sure you are eating well, taking some good vitamin supplements & getting a bit of fresh air & exercise - it all helps. Don't forget to look in the Tool box for ideas to help reduce stress. Personally I like to listen to a guided meditation

Sarah, no one will give up on you but it does seem that you are almost looking for permission to keep drinking
You are just not going to hear that from any of us or from any doctor. I think you know at this point that any dependence on AL is not good. Why continue to delay the inevitable? I really hope you can grasp the full understanding of that & just quit. Do it for you!!!

Busy day ahead so I'll wish everyone a happy & AF Friday!
Thinking of you Byrdie & DD.

Lav

Hey Lav, it prolly seems that way, but I am NOT looking for permission to drink! I truly do want to stop! I think my problem is...I have a hard time with the 'ODAT" ...it's fear of being AF for any decent period of time, and the fear of failure that I won't succeed. I could go on and on about the why's, what if's, poor me, blah blah blah. It's how my mind works. But, I am HERE, and read everyday and post as much as I can....and have been here for months. So certainly, I'm here to stop....not talk myself into permission to drink.

That all being said...the reason I say don't give up on me is b/c I know myself. I know I will waiver, waffle, make excuses...most as everyone else here has done at some pt in their journey of becoming AF. And I don't think any of us here wanted or wants to be judged on whatever journey they are taking to stop this...as long as they are trying and stick here like glue.

At least- that is my opinion. I may be slower than most on committed to being AF, but it doesn't mean I won't be.

Love,

Sarah

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1683903 wrote: Kensho, NS posted a piece sometime back that spoke to what is going on with our neural transmitters just after we stop drinking. It is as tho they are looking for the stimulous and when they dont get it, they become agitated. That explained a lot of what I felt at that time. For me, once I got to Day 13, the road smoothed out and I knew I would ge ok. So proud of you for taking the leap of faith.

My friend passed away this morning at 10. I was in transit to her and made it about 30 minutes later. She was surrounded by her son, brother and my sister, so she wasnt alone. Her memorial service is next Wednesday at 7 pm. If this had been 4 years ago, I would be trying to think of a way to work this around my drinking! I am so thankful for my sobriety. Yes, it took work to get to this point, I struggled as much as the next person, but I put my quit before anything else. It WAS my #1 priority and still is. This past week was horrendous, but at no time did I wish I could drink, you cant imagine (or maybe you CAN) what a relief that is! I tell you, getting sober is a skill you kearn and you get better at it with practice! Turning to AL is just not an option now. Life is so precious. I am not going to waste one more minute of it with AL!

Thank you all for the thoughts and prayers. I am so grateful to have you all for my support. I think it is the best support in the world. Stay strong, all, Byrdie

B- so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you right now. Even still in the midst of your grief- you try to advise or treat us. Thank you my friend! I hope you will take the time to heal from your loss. Don't put 'other's' on your shoulders right now....think of YOU! I love ya girlie...

I'm here for you ....

love,

Sarah

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Allankay and Londoner
Hope you enjoyed the rain in the night and the thunderstorm the night before, So Londoner what are your weekend plans now? Allan I have often wondered about the output in offices on a Friday afternoon, think it might be less than other days!!
Byrdie
So sorry to hear about your friend but glad that she had her family with her and that you were with her for those last few days of her life. I know what you mean about not having to worry about when and where you are going to sneak in a drink. It is so good to be fully present in the moment and free from those chains!
Mom of three
The stress thing is a tough one. If I get stressed in an angry or frustrated sort of way for me what works best is a burst of cleaning or a walk. (The walking thing isn't so easy for you as you can't just pop out for a long walk with three young children!!)
Sarah 42
Thinking about what you posted recently, if the idea of several sober days strung together is not appealing to you why not try for a few day ones, that might give you a taster of AF life. I am not sure that being committed to a website means that you are committed to making that lifestyle change (you suggest it is). Every day I go on a property website and look at London properties costing millions of pounds .... it is fun and a fantasy, unless I win the lottery I can't buy them! I wish you success but I'm sure you get my point there has to be some sort of real effort, reading and posting is not the same as actually trying to be AF.

Joy of joys it is raining heavily as I post. I am glad I don't live in a hot country, the heat that we have had for the last few days has been too much for me!!

DD xx

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Posted a 'journal entry' to my Mom. It's pretty personal but I felt I should share it for some reason. No- I have not sent this to her.

Sometimes I feel like I am talking to an empty wall. I realize you are busy in your church stuff,
accouting, Keno,sewing, and supper clubs. I'm glad you are doing these things. But I would be untruthful
if I said I felt I wasn't on the 'backburner'.

I know throughout my life I have made many mistakes and caused you both many disappoiments.

However, given the fact we are all getting older- I am hoping that we can repair some of those things

I'm certainly not perfect. In fact, I'm nothing more than a person trying to better my life.

It's not an easy task, Life for me has been hard "at least in my eyes".

I suppose it is time to come clean about a problem that I have, that I know you already know.

Drinking.

I have taken steps to stop the madness, and I'm slowly working myself to success.

The last thing I need is judgment of any kind, but support from you instead. You've known the
problem for quite some time, I imagine, but probably didn't realize how much AL took over my life.

I have taken major steps in remeding the situation. I won't share with you, at this point, what
those are, because I do have a fear that you will find a way to condemn 'my way' of doing this,
and nothing I do in regard to it will be good enough for you.

I get that- you are a loving parent who only wants the best for their child, but I need utter
support as opposed to condemnation, judgment, and quite franklyy .... your opinion.


This will be hard for you. Sharing this with you is hard for me.

I could at this point mention Ray. I will just let you know he is wonderfully supportive of what I am trying to
do, but he also knows my personality, my emotions, etc. and he knows if he pressures me at
any pt, he will just exacerbate the problem.

The important thing you need to know is I am working on it. I'm certain you will say something
about it at some pt-and I am ok with that- as long as it is postive. Otherwise, thru the advice of
my training---I will need to cut you out of my life for awhile.

Certainly, that is not what I want to happen, but I have to do what I think is right for me right now.


There comes a time during your life, that you have to start thinking about yourself. This is my time.

Does it sound selfish? Yep.

What does this mean for you?

It means, for a time, that I might abstain from 'visits' with you/family... holidays included.

This seems extremely harsh (on you), but for me....it's a "relief". This doesn't mean I don't love
you to death along with Dad, but there are 'triggers' that you realease in me that I must avoid.

I hope that makes sense.


Not an easy thing to say for me, and not an easy thing to hear for you, but it is the truth.


But, you have Lisa who is wonderful!!!!

I want to be that child that makes you so happy, but I won't be. I don't think it matters what
I do, say, etc. I am me. And, what I need to be comfortable with is how I feel about
myself and not how others feel about me. Spent too many years down that road....and it wasn't a good one.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Posted a 'journal entry' to my Mom. It's pretty personal but I felt I should share it for some reason. No- I have not sent this to her.

Sometimes I feel like I am talking to an empty wall. I realize you are busy in your church stuff,
accouting, Keno,sewing, and supper clubs. I'm glad you are doing these things. But I would be untruthful
if I said I felt I wasn't on the 'backburner'.

I know throughout my life I have made many mistakes and caused you both many disappoiments.

However, given the fact we are all getting older- I am hoping that we can repair some of those things

I'm certainly not perfect. In fact, I'm nothing more than a person trying to better my life.

It's not an easy task, Life for me has been hard "at least in my eyes".

I suppose it is time to come clean about a problem that I have, that I know you already know.

Drinking.

I have taken steps to stop the madness, and I'm slowly working myself to success.

The last thing I need is judgment of any kind, but support from you instead. You've known the
problem for quite some time, I imagine, but probably didn't realize how much AL took over my life.

I have taken major steps in remeding the situation. I won't share with you, at this point, what
those are, because I do have a fear that you will find a way to condemn 'my way' of doing this,
and nothing I do in regard to it will be good enough for you.

I get that- you are a loving parent who only wants the best for their child, but I need utter
support as opposed to condemnation, judgment, and quite franklyy .... your opinion.


This will be hard for you. Sharing this with you is hard for me.

I could at this point mention Ray. I will just let you know he is wonderfully supportive of what I am trying to
do, but he also knows my personality, my emotions, etc. and he knows if he pressures me at
any pt, he will just exacerbate the problem.

The important thing you need to know is I am working on it. I'm certain you will say something
about it at some pt-and I am ok with that- as long as it is postive. Otherwise, thru the advice of
my training---I will need to cut you out of my life for awhile.

Certainly, that is not what I want to happen, but I have to do what I think is right for me right now.


There comes a time during your life, that you have to start thinking about yourself. This is my time.

Does it sound selfish? Yep.

What does this mean for you?

It means, for a time, that I might abstain from 'visits' with you/family... holidays included.

This seems extremely harsh (on you), but for me....it's a "relief". This doesn't mean I don't love
you to death along with Dad, but there are 'triggers' that you realease in me that I must avoid.

I hope that makes sense.


Not an easy thing to say for me, and not an easy thing to hear for you, but it is the truth.


But, you have Lisa who is wonderful!!!!

I want to be that child that makes you so happy, but I won't be. I don't think it matters what
I do, say, etc. I am me. And, what I need to be comfortable with is how I feel about
myself and not how others feel about me. Spent too many years down that road....and it wasn't a good one.

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42,
Just read what you posted, you sound very sad, do hope you resolve all of this, sending you:l
DD x

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

I'll get there DD!

You just keep well!


Love you,

Sarah

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters!!

DD, very well done on 80 days! Congratulations!!

I am just flying by to say hello and to wish everyone a great summer weekend.
We are also having very hot weather and the only way to deal with it is to hang out at the lake. Or in a shopping mall, I guess! yuck!

[available]

Newbies Nest

DD congratulations on 80 days that is a wonderful achievement with all you have been through and you just keep powering on being af. Big hugs to you today.