Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Londoner:

Molly posted this on LB's thread about being angry (in May, but someone just answered and bumped it - it is in General Discussion). Anyway - she eloquently put into words what I was trying to say...

I agree with all the above methods of 'controlling' the anger somewhat LittleB -- however -- something I have learnt is that in order for me to remain sober long-term I need to confront the source of my anger head on (in my head haha -- not literally!!!) and try and rationalise it --- is it irrational anger on my behalf? Is is justified anger? Can I do anything about it? Is it something I have no control over but that I can remove myself from emotionally?
This is really important to me -- I can deal with a small amount of anger - but there comes a 'danger' stage - that is a danger for ANY addict imo --- and it's recognising that danger stage I've had to work very hard at --- I have removed myself from a HIGHLY emotive family issue in the last year -- in a sense to my own detriment cos it means I see less of those family members who I love dearly --- but it is the only safe way for me to go at the moment.....These are of course only my opinions - and if it is just a transient crappy week sort of thing --- absolutely -- jokes, walks, baths --- they'll all help xxxx

Pav

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

available;1684277 wrote: I will revolve around your mother or anyone unless you stop drinking AT people Sarah. I am extremely interested to know when your next af day is going to be?

That is a very good question, Ava. I ask myself the same question everyday. The answer is always "tomr".... and 'tomr' just doesn't come. IDK why.

i've done it before, so I know I can do it...the real question I guess is 'do I want to do this'? In my mind, I do. Emotions....ehhh...not sure.

I have no excuse. Maybe I am weaker than I thought, or maybe the habit is more enticing than I thought. Or, maybe I'm just a dipshit. Or maybe I think I'm not as bad as some on this site (since I cut down) so maybe I control it? IDK...I have several thoughts about it, and they all make sense to me.

So my answer is "tomr". Will I do it? That is the question I guess.

Love,

Sarah

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Maybe what I should do is stop posting here, but continue reading, so I don't frustrate those who are trying to help me? Maybe, I shouldn't share my emotions and just stick to the task at hand?

I don't want to be a burden on anyone....believe me I've had others put burdens on me, and they attached themselves to me like leaches. I don't want to do that to ya'll. I care about you guys and just don't want to ruin the help I'm trying to obtain.

Love,

sarah

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Greetings friends,
Thanks so much for all the congrats on my 80 days, it does mean a lot to me, one of the things that definitely helps me stay sober is counting the days and logging them up on roll call.

I got the results of scans last week, bone scan came back clear but CT scan showed tiny patches on lungs that could be cancer or could be non cancerous and left over from a previous chest infection that I had at the very beginning of May. This needs further investigation.

Went into work the other day to say goodbye, everyone was lovely to me, I was shown a lot of love, although I probably wont be back until 2015 I am looking forward to going back to work. My new job will not entail nearly as many hours as previously so that will be good.

Very emotional time, big argument with brother, now sorted out, not nice as it involved a lot of anger on both parts. It happened over the phone but we sorted it out face to face yesterday and we are fine now. I am worried about my mum but at the moment just have to wait. Also worried about my dad, he understandably has been very stressed recently.

Have decided to sort out some counselling for myself as have waited too long for hospital to come up with anything and I need to find ways of facing fears as at the moment they are multiplying.

DD xxx

[Darkest Diamond]

Newbies Nest

Ava is the dog in your avatar your own dog? He is lovely.
Peppersnow I think the emailing between you and your husband sounds so therapeutic, interesting how emails, carefully used, can be so helpful. I wish you well in the follow up to this.
Londoner have been thinking of you, well done on staying in, the man in the basement where I live had a boozy party in the garden last night, around midnight they all left to go clubbing, came back at 7.00 am carried on "partying" in the garden, if you had heard them I think it would have strengthened your resolve to avoid that sort of scene!! By the way going for long walks and reflecting always helps me resolve anger.
Happy Sunday to all,
xx

[allankay]

Newbies Nest

Darkest Diamond;1684348 wrote: Ava is the dog in your avatar your own dog? He is lovely.
Peppersnow I think the emailing between you and your husband sounds so therapeutic, interesting how emails, carefully used, can be so helpful. I wish you well in the follow up to this.
Londoner have been thinking of you, well done on staying in, the man in the basement where I live had a boozy party in the garden last night, around midnight they all left to go clubbing, came back at 7.00 am carried on "partying" in the garden, if you had heard them I think it would have strengthened your resolve to avoid that sort of scene!! By the way going for long walks and reflecting always helps me resolve anger.
Happy Sunday to all,
xx

DD,

I like your story about your neighbour.

What amazes me still is that when I was drinking I was less fit and much weaker mentally and physically. However, I used to pull these nights out regularly. Now that I am sober I cant imagine staying up all night talking, dancing... I would be exhausted, alcohol does work like adrenaline on some level. It makes you fell energized before you crash...

AK

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Wags, a big congratulations on your 80 days! Just grrreat!!!

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Darkest Diamond;1684348 wrote: Ava is the dog in your avatar your own dog? He is lovely.
Peppersnow I think the emailing between you and your husband sounds so therapeutic, interesting how emails, carefully used, can be so helpful. I wish you well in the follow up to this.
Londoner have been thinking of you, well done on staying in, the man in the basement where I live had a boozy party in the garden last night, around midnight they all left to go clubbing, came back at 7.00 am carried on "partying" in the garden, if you had heard them I think it would have strengthened your resolve to avoid that sort of scene!! By the way going for long walks and reflecting always helps me resolve anger.
Happy Sunday to all,
xx

Thanks DD. Feeling a bit angry atm - maybe it's a combo of the heat, 2 weeks in for no AL and also stopping all caffeine intake.

Tbh - I'm at that point now where I notice what AL does to other people. When you drink you don't notice. But I've a friend has flaked out on plans today due to a hangover and my family were drinking yesterday - and the conversation becomes so false.

Stay strong this weekend everyone.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Slept in a little but that's because I've been dragging around with a head cold of some sort. First one I've had in a few years so I shouldn't complain - much

DD, having clear bone scans is great! I hope your lung scan clears on it own - very possible.
Hope you get a chance to talk to someone about your concerns very soon.

Londoner, you have two weeks AF? Good for you!! Protect your quit with everything you've got

Greetings to everyone checking in today & sending wishes for a great AF Sunday for all!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nest!
Great to see the overnight victories!! I tell you, AL is the most ruthless Bas*ard I have ever encountered! (and you should meet my customers!!) There is just no level AL won't sink to in order to live within you. It takes some work to shake him, but boy, it is worth it.

I know it's hard to do. No one hates lifestyle change more than I...but AL is out to kill us. It's a step towards LIFE and LIVING....every drink WE take is a step towards death and dying. For anyone struggling to quit, this is actually all the evidence you need to know that you are drinking alcoholically. I contend that there are 2 sure signs you are an Alkie....when you try to quit and realize you can't....and then when you decide to Moderate instead. Do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. BREAK the cycle. You will never be sorry!

Hope everyone has a happy Sunday. Byrdie

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

DD, you have a ton on your plate...I hope you get the counseling you want soon, as you need to take care of yourself as you try to care for others.

Birdie, Lav, Daisy, Ava, Wag, Cherokeer, DD, Pav and anyone I forgot, thanks all for the kind words. I especially appreciate that I?m not alone and that others can relate. I know that in some of your cases, your partners or kids gave you ultimatums, which obviously means they were very impacted by your drinking. Mine never did. Not my DH, my 16 and 19 year old kids, my parents (who told my brother they were worried about me, but never me)?so in the back of my head, I think that is one way in which I thought I might be different from others, in that I hid it better, or maybe my family wasn?t as impacted. Well, turns out that was a crock of shit. I looked back on my early posts and I talked about how well I hid how much I was drinking from my family. The irony is that?s why I hid it when I stopped drinking, because I didn?t want them to know I had such a serious problem that I needed to quit and was hoping they hadn?t noticed.

He and I did talk face-to-face last night. He said he never commented on my quit because obviously since I hadn?t told him about it, I didn?t want to talk about it, and he was afraid I?d become angry, lie to him about ever having a problem (which would make him angry), and maybe drink again. So we?ve both been pretending for about 4 months that everything is normal, me out of shame and him out of fear. Shame and fear ? I can?t think of a worse combination to be serving as the primary motivators behind how two people who love one another are inter-relating.

We?ve been together for 26 years and it turns out there is a lot to rebuild, which I was pretty much completely unaware of until yesterday, so yes, this was a very good thing. It was a hard conversation and he still has a lot of anger about the last few years that he never expressed until last night. He also felt very alone ? he imagined calling my parents or good friends and asking them to be part of an intervention, but said he was worried they wouldn?t believe that I had a problem because they didn?t see me drink every day (sometimes he smelled it on my in the early morning on weekends and knew I?d had AL for breakfast) or know how bad it was. Clearly, my problem impacted him deeply. I have this group, but he?s had no one to talk to or support him, and that concerns me. Anyone know of a good group on-line for family members? I?m also thinking of counseling for him or both of us together.

We will be fine, but if we were younger and fewer years behind us, he would have totally walked and took our kids with him. If there were any lingering debris-like thoughts in my brain of ?maybe I can drink normally again someday? or ?maybe I wasn?t as bad as I think?, those have been blown out with hurricane-like force, permanently. And I?m grateful. If anyone out there is considering quitting, or early in your quit and fearful of losing AL, there?s so much more you could lose and you probably don?t even know how close you are to losing it. I sure as hell didn?t. Do yourself a favor and quit now.

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hello sweet friends :l

I am back again and so very ready to be well.

I have finally accepted the fact that I can't achieve sobriety by myself. I have been trying not to "bother" anyone and trying to be strong and do it all on my own. It is not working.

Although this past year has been very difficult for me (2 daughters? weddings, the death of my daddy, one daughter missing for 3 months and much stress at work)? nothing was made better by my drinking. As you all know, drinking only makes all burdens heavier. In addition to that, I have been drinking more than ever. It is time to stop.

I am using this weekend to ?jump start? my plan, which includes reading here and on other sobriety blogs, eating frequent, small meals, drinking lots of water and getting plenty of rest. Basically just trying to take care of myself.

I know MWO is the right place for me to get the support I need and I thank each of you in advance.

I don?t feel very strong right now, but at least I am not in the middle of a crisis (Thank God!) I will make myself accountable by posting at least a couple times a day, if just to check in. I hope to be more helpful to others soon.

P.S. I am so very proud of all of you racking up the days. That is awesome!

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Daisy

Starfish - Glad you're back here - it's definitely a good place to come for support. Most people cannot do this alone. As you mentioned, AL is no help at all when dealing with tough situations like those you've faced in the past year. Sorry to hear you've had such challenges, but glad to hear you're jump-starting your way down a new path.

Pepper - Sounds like you had a great talk with your husband - one that needed to happen. Probably just the first of many talks, but it seems like such a good sign that nobody walked away and that you're essentially in this together. Although you've had a combo of fear and shame, you can now move forward into new stronger and healthier territory. Kudos to you for facing this and for racking up so much AF time - it can only help you.

Lav - Hope you shake the cold and feel better soon!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, Wag :l

Pepper :l that was a great post. You are a very caring wife and mother. I am sure your family has been able to see that all these years and I know they are so happy that you are doing so well.

In answer to your question about resources for your family members...did your realize we actually have a thread on this site especially for family members affected by drinking? Its under the "Special Interest" section, I believe. Why don't you check it out and see if you think it could be of some help?

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Starfish, just wanted to say Hi, welcome back and send you some support!