Newbies Nest

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Good MAE, Nesters!
I have been a bit MIA due to sunny days and promises of trips to the lake. Today is rainy and the girls are busy in their room playing, so I'm taking advantage of the time to catch up with all of you.

Weary, Happy belated birthday! Sobriety is such a wonderful gift to give yourself! Any time of the year, but especially on your birthday. I, like NS mentioned, have been one who promises myself each and every year that, "this will be the ONE!"- I don't believe my big promises to myself any more! But taking each day as it comes and KNOWING that I can never drink again is working--I guess eventually I'll trust myself. Your post about your children really touched me. My Mom got sober when I was in my 20's and we now have a very close relationship, but I have so much shame for what I've already put my kids through--knowing how it is to be the daughter of an alcoholic and repeating the horror. The more time I spend not drinking, the more understanding I have for this addiction. I also want to say that I like your blog! And have enjoyed reading some of the others you recommended. Thank you for that!

WWM, Hi! and a belated :welcome:! I wish you all the best on your trip and with your plan to stop drinking. Pampering yourself, taking advantage of the gym, quiet time-- Your home life sounds really difficult --With some sober time under your belt your confidence in yourself will grow, you will be clear headed and stronger in your beliefs. You won't doubt your mothering abilities as much, if at all. You can do it!! And like Ginger said, we're all here to support you!!

Happy 80 days, Ginger!!:h What an amazing accomplishment. I know what you mean about feeling like those days will never add up. I have had about the longest 26 days of my life! When I was drinking, the days flew and I never had enough time. Now the days are endless! Because it's been quite stressful at home (wonderful, but stressful none the less!) I haven't enjoyed them all as much as I could have. I keep forgetting my purpose of staying present in the moment!! --

Kensho, I'm glad to see you happy and back on track! For me, the best thing has been realising that I can NEVER drink again-- and as long as I do that one thing, I will be ok. If I decide to drink, all bets are off. I can't test myself--I already know what the outcome will be, as I've done it a million times before. That's just me-- I lied to myself for such a long, long time. It isn't possible any more. I was also wondering about talking to the kids. Mine are 12 and 9-- Until now, I have been trying to show them by not drinking. And it is like night and day. I guess my worry is that by telling them, I might burden them or cause them undue worry. I wouldn't talk about it to the 9 year old, because she isn't interested-- and I don't think has really put the drinking and my actions together--but the older one knows for sure..Let me know what you decide..? And I would be interested to hear the experience of others..

Hi Star!!! it's so nice to have you back. I always love reading your posts-- they inspire me to be a better person!:l Yours, too, Ava!! You are so rocking with your 230 days, Miss Linda!!:l

Byrdie, I am thinking of you and am so glad that you were able to support your friend and be with her in the end--You are such a wonderful sober friend! Thank you for being here for all of us-- and you, too, LAV! and NS! I appreciate you all so much.

Momof3!! How are you doing? You've had a lot on your plate with the move and the little ones-- are your youngest girls twins? :l to you all!
and Sarah, :l and strength to you!

DD, how are you? and your Mum? I'm thinking of you both!
Hi to Roxy and Frances and Londoner and all other Nesters, new and old, flying by or stopping in today.

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Good MAE, Nesters!
I have been a bit MIA due to sunny days and promises of trips to the lake. Today is rainy and the girls are busy in their room playing, so I'm taking advantage of the time to catch up with all of you.

Weary, Happy belated birthday! Sobriety is such a wonderful gift to give yourself! Any time of the year, but especially on your birthday. I, like NS mentioned, have been one who promises myself each and every year that, "this will be the ONE!"- I don't believe my big promises to myself any more! But taking each day as it comes and KNOWING that I can never drink again is working--I guess eventually I'll trust myself. Your post about your children really touched me. My Mom got sober when I was in my 20's and we now have a very close relationship, but I have so much shame for what I've already put my kids through--knowing how it is to be the daughter of an alcoholic and repeating the horror. The more time I spend not drinking, the more understanding I have for this addiction. I also want to say that I like your blog! And have enjoyed reading some of the others you recommended. Thank you for that!

WWM, Hi! and a belated :welcome:! I wish you all the best on your trip and with your plan to stop drinking. Pampering yourself, taking advantage of the gym, quiet time-- Your home life sounds really difficult --With some sober time under your belt your confidence in yourself will grow, you will be clear headed and stronger in your beliefs. You won't doubt your mothering abilities as much, if at all. You can do it!! And like Ginger said, we're all here to support you!!

Happy 80 days, Ginger!!:h What an amazing accomplishment. I know what you mean about feeling like those days will never add up. I have had about the longest 26 days of my life! When I was drinking, the days flew and I never had enough time. Now the days are endless! Because it's been quite stressful at home (wonderful, but stressful none the less!) I haven't enjoyed them all as much as I could have. I keep forgetting my purpose of staying present in the moment!! --

Kensho, I'm glad to see you happy and back on track! For me, the best thing has been realising that I can NEVER drink again-- and as long as I do that one thing, I will be ok. If I decide to drink, all bets are off. I can't test myself--I already know what the outcome will be, as I've done it a million times before. That's just me-- I lied to myself for such a long, long time. It isn't possible any more. I was also wondering about talking to the kids. Mine are 12 and 9-- Until now, I have been trying to show them by not drinking. And it is like night and day. I guess my worry is that by telling them, I might burden them or cause them undue worry. I wouldn't talk about it to the 9 year old, because she isn't interested-- and I don't think has really put the drinking and my actions together--but the older one knows for sure..Let me know what you decide..? And I would be interested to hear the experience of others..

Hi Star!!! it's so nice to have you back. I always love reading your posts-- they inspire me to be a better person!:l Yours, too, Ava!! You are so rocking with your 230 days, Miss Linda!!:l

Byrdie, I am thinking of you and am so glad that you were able to support your friend and be with her in the end--You are such a wonderful sober friend! Thank you for being here for all of us-- and you, too, LAV! and NS (loved the Perfect Day 1)! I appreciate you all so much.

Momof3!! How are you doing? You've had a lot on your plate with the move and the little ones-- are your youngest girls twins? :l to you all!
and Sarah, :l and strength to you!

DD, how are you? and your Mum? I'm thinking of you both!
Hi to Roxy and Frances and Londoner and all other Nesters, new and old, flying by or stopping in today.

[Wearywino]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone - and thank you so much for all of your birthday wishes! I can honestly say it was 'the best ever!'

My hubby brought tickets to go and see Miss Saigon in London - a truly awesome show. On the train into London I kept thinking about wine - how would it feel to say no to it during our pre-theatre dinner - not craving exactly, but just feeling at a bit of a loss because my normal routine is all out of sinc (luckily that one was taken out of the equation as we arrived so late we had to eat in a fast food noodle bar that only served soft drinks!) Once I had eaten, I really couldn't care less about wine any more - and didn't think about it for the rest of the evening. Arrived home completely sober and slept like a log for the third night in a row!

Ginger - huge congratulations on 80 days! :bananacomputer:

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Morning everyone, I had a really bad day yesterday and drank. Its no excuse, I let my main trigger (my mother) get to me after almost two weeks AF. After a bad phone call and tears I went and bought a bottle of wine later in the afternoon and drank while making supper. I feel horrible for so many reasons, Ive got to stop letting her have so much control over my thoughts and feelings. Shes toxic for me, if she was a boyfriend or a spouse I would have divorced her by now. Back on Day 1 and feeling pretty bad about myself.

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Correction, I bought 2 bottles and today there is none left. What little was left I dumped.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Sorry to hear that you drank Mom. You will not stop drinking until you stop drinking AT people. I used to drink at my mother for my life and everything else also. At the end of the day i have to accept that she is the way she is and is not going to change and i am the way i am and i am probably not going to change. Try and limit your interactions with her until you feel strong enough to deal with her. You are feeling bad about yourself now and she is going along her merry way not worrying about anything. Did you think before you drank to come on here or were you just determined to have that bottle of wine and no one was going to stop you. Left to our own devices and not utilising what we have is dangerous ground but it is one you can learn from.

You have done two wonderful weeks af and you are back instead of running away. You will get there Mom. Hugs!

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Mom of three, I have a terrible mother. She is a viscous bitch who loves to spew her emotional vomiting all over her children. Well she tries with me and it doesn't go well for her. She is a rotten miserable person who wants everyone as miserable as she is. That is her problem, not mine. I refuse to allow this women the liberty of mistreating me just because we are genetically linked. It doesn't give her free reign to lash out because she has made bad decisions in her life and is (deservedly so) experiencing the consequences. Parents are what they are but if keeping them at arms length is healthier then that is what should happen. Meaning if their phone calls cause you tears, don't take them. I have one of the most vicious families one can imagine. A stranger wouldn't attack or treat me as awful as they do so I have learned to not allow them to upset my world. They are not going to change so I had to change how, one I would let them affect me emotionally and what behaviors I was willing to tolerate.

I know how much a Mother can rip you up but I also know that they only have the power you give them. I've been there. Don't feel bad about yourself, today is day one. Devise yourself a battle plan for the next mother encounter. Whether it be not taking her call or how your going to deal with how she makes you feel or just refuse to allow her to hurt your feelings. Try stepping outside yourself and watching yourself and your mother interact as if you were watching a movie. Then ask yourself, if you were not reacting emotionally to the situation how would you view your mother's actions and words? I did that very thing once and thought "God my mother is a mean, rotten, awful person." It was then that she stopped having any ability to hurt me.

She stills tries of course, I don't get why don't you ever come see, you don't care, your a rotten daughter blah blah (that's the G-rated version) I just calmly tell her your mean, rude, and hurtful and spending time with you is painful. If you changed x,y,z perhaps you would have family and friends wanting to be in your presence. It falls on deaf ears. Again, its her problem not mine. I choose not to allow her to use me as an emotional whipping post. Don't get me started on her advice tirades. Poke me in the eye! LOL

MMT, I am here cheering you on as you build your AF and your mommies dearest muscles. I've got the war wounds from my own time in the trenches. It gets better on both counts, Promise

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

If she calls today I am just not going to answer, I don't want to deal with her right now and I don't have the nerves too. I never thought at all about coming on here, I was out the door to get groceries with the kids and the liquor is attached to the grocery store which made it that much easier. Im going to start going to another grocery store as well. I was starting to feel really good as well, I felt good about not drinking that length of time, I could feel my body healing. Now I feel just bad, bad because I gave into the stress and handled it in such an unhealthy way and bad because alcohol just makes you feel that way. Back on Day 1.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Mumof3, 'use' how you feel right now to move forward and finally decide that it is just not worth the hassle....the problems that you feel pushed you towards the drink are still there, just feel worse with a hangover....so nothing got better. I do know how you can feel, we all do....just get right back at it....beating yourself up does no good but making that decision and empowering yourself by saying no to alcohol will change everything, even how you feel today.
Make a few visible changes.....box up your wine glasses and put them in the garage. Bottles to the bottle bank. Maybe shift furniture if you have a certain drinking spot......little things make a difference....
Away to see my lovely son for his birthday.....such a nice night....met his girlfriend's family and liked them. My son is a 2 hr drive from me so it was nice to have all 4 children together....came home late last night....

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

Hi Momof3-- I have to agree with Ava-- this drinking AT people is so deadly for almost all of us. My BF is someone I have tried to kill with my drinking-- of course, it has only worked to harm me. We all know this-- re-learning. or Learning for the first time how to otherwise deal with these pressures/stresses/confrontations is part of the ticket to success. I remember in your first days posting here, you were talking about how you needed to avoid your mother for awhile. Was yesterday the first day you'd had contact with her again? Do you have anyone who can help you to learn to deal with her more constructively?
It's great that you came right back-- you have done so well these past 2 weeks and those days are not lost. :l

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Thanks so much Cherokeer, mine is quite horrible as well. Its very rare when Im around her or get off the phone with her that I don't feel bad, she makes me feel horrible about my self. I don't understand why a mother would want to do that to their child.. I would be devastated if I knew I made my kids feel like that. No matter what I tell her, she doesn't pay attention. I always felt she was Narcissistic. Ive read articles on being raised by a Narcissistic mother one time and don't I have so many of the traits caused from it. Amazing.

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

daisy45;1685862 wrote:
Make a few visible changes.....box up your wine glasses and put them in the garage. Bottles to the bottle bank. Maybe shift furniture if you have a certain drinking spot......little things make a difference.....

That is a great idea! I am going to do that, I don't need wine glasses anyway. Ill donate them.

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

lifechange;1685866 wrote: Hi Momof3-- I have to agree with Ava-- this drinking AT people is so deadly for almost all of us. My BF is someone I have tried to kill with my drinking-- of course, it has only worked to harm me. We all know this-- re-learning. or Learning for the first time how to otherwise deal with these pressures/stresses/confrontations is part of the ticket to success. I remember in your first days posting here, you were talking about how you needed to avoid your mother for awhile. Was yesterday the first day you'd had contact with her again? Do you have anyone who can help you to learn to deal with her more constructively?
It's great that you came right back-- you have done so well these past 2 weeks and those days are not lost. :l

Ive had contact with her, but lately not as much. Im limiting what time I allow her in my life anymore. We have a family function on Saturday to go to, I will see her there for a while but I am not staying longer then that and driving back home. Im not looking forward to it, I really don't want any contact with her right now. Because we moved further from her, were a little over an hour away now she puts guilt on me quite regularly about not seeing the kids as much. Well, she has a vehicle of her own if she misses them that much and she doesn't work, so jump in the truck and drive here for the day to spend time with them. I could go on and on how manipulative she is but I wont. My husband is helping me through a lot of it, he is very supportive and hates seeing what she does to me.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Daisy i love having my 4 children together, it just makes you go all gooey doesnt it? Its even better to do it sober and i am so happy for you that your son was so proud. They are the reason that i can and will never drink again. Funny you mentioned glasses, i opened a cupboard i had hidden my wine glasses in and i looked at them and had a wave of nostalgia (a horrible wave) and the glasses were dusty and that is how i like to see them now.

Mom, i had mother issues too and did not even contemplate telling my mother i had given up drinking due to her negativity and when i did she replied with negativity. Thats my mother, i cant change her and i do love her. I am going to visit her tomorrow for four days, the first time i have been to her place in 9 years and i am sober. why am i going? Because i love her and she is my mother and she is getting old. When she starts, i will get up and walk away, but i do know i will never drink AT her or anyone again.

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

I felt so bad yesterday when my husband came home and I saw the disappointed look on his face, I hate feeling like I let him down in anyway. I don't want to put our relationship in jeopardy because of this. Right now were still doing great but he may not always, I don't ever want that day to come.