Newbies Nest

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

No Sugar, i agree the bridge and the water under was a beautiful metaphor i can picture it now and im standing on the bridge looking into those AF waters also. Thank you for the inspiration! It feels so peaceful..

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Hi friends. NS's post prompted me to post this letter again. I love this and it has helped me so much, in the past. Since several of us are starting over again, I hoped it may help someone else.


This letter is for the seven Monkees who wrote to me last night. For the Monkees who decided last night to try to swim.

Dearest Drunken Monkee Friend,

I have been where you are this morning. I’ve lived through this day. This day when you wake up terrified. When you open your eyes and it hits you . . . the jig is up. When you lie paralyzed in bed and shake from the horrifying realization that life as you know it is over.

Quickly you consider that perhaps that’s okay, because life as you know it totally blows. Even so, you can’t get out of bed because the thing is that you don’t know how. You don’t know how to live, how to interact, how to cope, how to function without a drink or at least the hope of a future drink. You never learned. You dropped out before all the lessons. So who will teach you how to live? Listen to me, because I am you.

You are shaking from withdrawal and fear and panic this morning, so you cannot see clearly. You are very, very confused right now. You think that this is the worst day of your life, but you are wrong. This is the best day of your life, friend. Things, right now, are very, very good. Better than they have ever been in your entire life. Your angels are dancing. Because you have been offered freedom from the prison of secrets. You have been offered the gift of crisis.

Kathleen Norris reminded me last night that the Greek root of the word crisis is “to sift.” As in to shake out the excesses and leave only what’s important. That’s what crises do. They shake things up until we are forced to decide and hold onto what matters most. And what matters most right now is that you are sober. You owe the world nothing else. And so you will not worry about whether the real you will be brave or smart or funny or beautiful or responsible enough. Because the only thing you have to be is sober. You owe the world absolutely nothing but sobriety. If you are sober, you are enough. Even if you are shaking and cursing and boring and terrified. You are enough.

But becoming sober, becoming real, will be hard and painful. A lot of good things are.
Becoming sober is like recovering from frostbite.

The process of defrosting is excruciatingly painful. You have been so numb for so long. And as feeling comes back to your soul, you start to tingle, and it’s uncomfortable and strange. But then the tingles start feeling like daggers. Sadness, loss, fear, anger, all of these things that you have been numbing with the booze . . . you start to FEEL them for the first time. And it’s horrific at first, to tell you the damn truth. But feeling the pain, refusing to escape from it, is the only way to recovery. You can’t go around it, you can’t go over it, you have to go through it. There is no other option, except for amputation. And if you allow the defrosting process to take place, if you trust that it will work, if you can stand the pain, one day you will get your soul back. If you can feel, it means there has been no amputation. If you can feel, you can hope. If you can feel, you are not too late.

Friend, we need you. The world has suffered while you’ve been hiding. You are already forgiven. You are loved. All there is to do now it to step into your life. What does that mean? What the hell does that mean? This is what it means. These are the steps you take. They are plain as mud.

Get out of bed. Don’t lie there and think - thinking is the kiss of death for us - just move. Take a shower. Sing while you’re in there. MAKE YOURSELF SING. The stupider you feel, the better. Giggle at yourself, alone. Joy for its own sake . . . Joy just for you, created by you – it’s the best. Find yourself amusing.

Put on some make-up. Blow dry your hair. Wear something nice, something that makes you feel grown up. If you have nothing, go buy something. Today’s not the day to worry too much about money. Invest in some good coffee, caffeinated and decaf. Decaf after eleven o’clock. Read your daughter a story. Don’t think about other things while you’re reading, actually pay attention to the words. Then braid your girl’s hair. Clean the sink. Keep good books within reach. Start with Traveling Mercies. David Sedaris is good, too. If you don’t have any good books, go to the library. If you don’t have a library card, apply for one. This will stress you out. You will worry that the librarian will sense that you are a disaster and reject you. But listen, they don’t know and they don’t care. They gave me a card, and I’ve got a rap sheet as long as your arm. When practicing re-entering society and risking rejection, the library is a good place to start. They have low expectations. I love the library. Also church. Both have to take you in.

Alternate two prayers – “Help” and “Thank you.” That’s all the spirituality you’ll need for a while. Go to meetings. Any meeting will do. Don’t worry if the other addicts there are “enough like you.” Face it – we are all the same – be humble.

Get Out Of The House. If you have nowhere to go, take a walk outside. Do not excuse yourself from walks because it’s cold. Bundle up. The sky will remind you of how big God is, and if you’re not down with God, then the oxygen will help. Same thing. Call one friend a day. Do not start the conversation by telling her how you are. Ask how she is. Really listen to her response, and offer your love. You will discover that you can help a friend just by listening, and this discovery will remind you that you are powerful and worthy.
Get a yoga DVD and a pretty mat. Practice yoga after your daughter goes to bed. The evenings are dangerous times, so have a plan. Yoga is good for people like us, it teaches us to breathe and that solitude is a gift. Learn to keep yourself company.

When you start to feel . . . do. For example – when you start to feel scared because you don’t have enough money….find someone to give a little money to. When you start to feel like you don’t have enough love. . . find someone to offer love. When you feel unappreciated, unacknowledged . . . appreciate and acknowledge someone in your life in a concrete way. When you feel unlucky, order yourself to consider a blessing or two. And then find a tangible way to make today somebody else’s lucky day. This strategy helps me sidestep wallowing every day.

Don’t worry about whether you like doing these things or not. You’re going to hate everything for a long while. And the fact is that you don’t even know what you like or hate yet. Just Do These Things Regardless of How You Feel About Doing These Things. Because these little things, done over and over again, eventually add up to a life. A good one.


Friend, I am sober this morning. Thank God Almighty, I’m sober this morning. I’m here, friend. Last week, my son turned nine. Which means that I haven’t had a drink for nine years and nine months. Lots of beautiful and horrible things have happened to me during the past nine years and nine months. And I have more or less handled my business day in and day out without booze. GOD, I ROCK.

And today, I’m a wife and a mother and a daughter and friend and a writer and a dreamer and a Sister to one and a “sister” to thousands of monkees… and I wasn’t any of those things when I was a drunk.

And I absolutely love being a recovering alcoholic, friend. I am more proud of the “recovering” badge I wear than any other.

What will you be, friend? What will you be when you become yourself? We would love to find out with you.

Love,
G


When Jesus saw her lying there and knew that she had been there for a long time, he said to her, “Do you want to be made well? . . . Then pick up your mat, and walk.” – John 5:6-8
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[Wearywino]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone - just had a quick read through your posts - great to see that there are lots of upbeat attitudes today!

I'm just checking in quickly. Had a nightmare 24 hours as the hard drive on my laptop packed up yesterday lunchtime (with me on a deadline to complete some design work!) spent the afternoon with IT support trying to rescue it and finally had to succumb to buying a new laptop (?600 I didn't plan to spend today! :upset

So today, I have spent the entire day, loading software, setting up emails, printers etc - done no work and am very behind with everything! Hopefully be back on track by Monday.

Have a happy sober weekend everyone! x

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

and another great one, thanks Star. THAT is def a keeper and reread reread reread. moved to tears again. Humblng. I am feeling! I am feeling so strongly, and i think its because my door has already opened and is waiting for me to walk thru Maybe i just cant believe there are such wonderful people on this MWO... people just like me, people who listen, people who care. i dont have that outside of MWO, I dont have girl friends i talk to regularly, my DH is very very mean to me, i talk to my family sometimes, but everyone is so busy busy busy. we all get along great and i love them dearly.. but you all, you all are the absolute best, whether you have 2 days or 200 days, you are all so wonderful and supportive.. I cant wait to make you guys as proud of me, as i am proud of all of you!

[Starfish1]

Newbies Nest

Aww, :l YOU are a KEEPER, WMM...Have a great day!

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Just a pop-in wanted to tell Star and NS how much I got out of their posts...very nice. Also Kensho (this was from awhile ago - I was just catching up on posts), I resonated with many items on your list of why you felt/feel you have a drinking problem. I also connect with many of your previous posts thinking doesn't this suck etc. - why can't I drink normally dammit?! But the fact is, I cannot and as hard as that is to accept, here I am. I know that if I let myself drink again one today, will turn into one next week, will turn into two the next week, then four, then eight, then back to where I was and worse. I just KNOW it. I still find my dumbhead brain thinking can't I just drink on special occasions? How quickly I have forgotten how many times I tried that before! The plain answer is NO. That's why I have to keep coming here - every time I do I see posts reinforcing what I need to be reminded of. Thanks, as always, everyone.

Sarah - keep us posted - I am very excited for your day 1!!

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Weary, thats terrible about the laptop, things like that always have a way of happening at the most inconvenient times, and then $600.00 out of pocket can make it seem that much worse.! Hang in there... Its the weekend :l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Jane! FLOWERS for me? Those are just gorgeous, I so seldom get flowers!! Thank you! Congrats on yer 200 big days!!! You are a rockstar!! I hope you liked the party we threw on Roll Call!!!
:grouptrophy:

Big numbers going on! Frances reporting in today with 150! We threw her a party, too but they flew off....
:flyingunders:

I can't remember when we've had so many LONG TIMERS!! It is very nice to see!!! It wasn't always this way....Lav, it seemed like once folks got to 30 days they fell off and faded away....it's not that way anymore! Now Lav can't get rid of us!!!
:chick:

Hang tough everyone!! We are sliding into the weekend, time to shore up your plan! B

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone! I was able to skim through the posts really fast but it looks like everyone had a really great day today which is wonderful! I'm covered in various shades of paint but I made something pretty again so it's all good. Now where to put this in my house? So many options. Busy weekend planned with the fam, so I may not check in but if I do start drink thinking and romancing wine thoughts again since I'll be seeing my mother pretty much all weekend I'll be on here faster then a fat kid on a smartie. Lots of love to you all, MO3

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Mof3. so glad you found some info about your moms disorder and i was happy to hear there is an online support group for people with parents like you described. No parent should ever make their child feel badly about themselves and it sounds like shes been doing it for a long time.. Just like this support group at MWO, it feels good to get with people who are going thru the same things Love ya! :l

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

Came back home yesterday night and tonight went out in one of the couple's dinner. It was a lounge bar with drinks and dancing. My mind has been too much focused on work. Work, stress and work. Then travelling and more stress.

Now saw my wife chilling out. She doesn't drink and so doesn't I . Everyone knows that now. But I could not chill out. Was too tired and stressed out. I need to take a break . I was there but not there.

No interest to have Al. Saw friends drinking smoking and drinking. Now I don't relate to them they can't relate to me. Later at night saw them puking.

Back now tired I wish I can sleep for 24 hours.

Jane and Frances you both rock. Many congrats and keep it up.

Good night take care.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rahul,
That is amazing that your friends were throwing up at the end of the evening!!! WOW! I can tell you, I don't miss that at all.
Sounds like you need some plain old REST! I'm sorry your work is so stressful. Mine has been too. This year isn't going anything like I thought it would, personally or professionally, but given the losses that have been happening with friends and family I am viewing things from a very different perspective. If I get fired, then I get fired....I am doing the absolute best I can. So are you! The way I see it, when YOUR day comes and you look back over your life, I doubt either of us will say, DANG, I wish I had just worked a little more! I bet we say we wish we had spent more time with the people we love. I'm really trying to do that, not always easy to carve out that time, but I don't want any more regrets! Try and relax this weekend! Get outside!!! Hugs to you, Byrdie

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Jane and Frances, a whopper of congrats to you both!!!!
way to hang there Rahul. Hope you get some much needed rest.
Sam

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi all you good Peeps! I'm leaving to go camping shortly. Husband asked me what I wanted from liquor store and he was surprised when I said nothing. I guess I should tell him that this is not a short "break". Anyway, he will know what he brought, so it would be noticeable if any disappeared. Looking forward to focusing on nature and my VERY comfy pop-up bed!! I love sleeping in the woods! Also look forward to checking in on Sunday evening with a big fat (well, ok, not so big YET) 6 on the roll call! Happy weekend - senses intact!

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Kensho

Have a great camping weekend! We have a camper also, havent been camping since memorial day weekend. Hershey Park, I like to camp and being with the kids but the being with DH part the whole long while sucks.. I need to get out of here for my health and the kids too. He already gave me the finger and cussed me out this afternoon " do you even remember last night?" He is angry and bitter and most unsupportive. He does drink and does whatever he wants , whenever he wants , I do ALL the stuff for the kids laundry , shopping, food, activities, homework, sports, Daisys etc.. i dont care if i dont remember all of last night, but i know we exchanged words and he called me every name in the book.. I hate the man and the feeling is mutual