Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Aannnnnndddd.... Welcome back anxiety. I have to say that I'm getting really tired of doing this with you. I am planning for my long term future without you (in the alcohol withdrawl form at least), and you are doing a great job at playing up your exit by highlighting my fears. I so wish I could just stop drinking and keep things the way they are... going through every day - no real disturbance. But I am realizing that there are major changes involved with a lasting quit and I am terrified of what it will mean for my work, my relationships and my short term sanity. I am terrified of this change. I spent most of the day exercising and reading toolbox and generating my long term plan - so work did not get done either - add more anxiety. Need to focus on this sometime I suppose. Not really looking forward to the next 13 days.

Sorry for your angst with hubby Cherokeer. I can relate. Won't it be great when the numbness no longer feels like the best option - i.e. when we grow past the desire for it. Looking forward to that day.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ava,
Congratulations on those 8 months!! :bow:
I am so proud of you! Your work here is just amazing. You are the welcome wagon of MWO! This place would not be the same without you! Well done, you!!!

STL, that is one of my favorites from the tool box, too. I put exceptional posts like that in a folder and pull them out when the occasion arises. The Tool is is an amazing resource. Every time I venture thru it I find something useful.

Cherokeer, great job of not drinking AT your hubs. It doesn't help a single thing.. in fact, makes it worse. Much worse. Learning how to cope with our feelings is new to us, my hat is off to you for negotiating your way thru them. Hugs dear lady.

Hope everyone has an easy evening!! Xxoo, B

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;1688473 wrote: Aannnnnndddd.... Welcome back anxiety. I have to say that I'm getting really tired of doing this with you. I am planning for my long term future without you (in the alcohol withdrawl form at least), and you are doing a great job at playing up your exit by highlighting my fears. I so wish I could just stop drinking and keep things the way they are... going through every day - no real disturbance. But I am realizing that there are major changes involved with a lasting quit and I am terrified of what it will mean for my work, my relationships and my short term sanity. I am terrified of this change. I spent most of the day exercising and reading toolbox and generating my long term plan - so work did not get done either - add more anxiety. Need to focus on this sometime I suppose. Not really looking forward to the next 13 days.

Sorry for your angst with hubby Cherokeer. I can relate. Won't it be great when the numbness no longer feels like the best option - i.e. when we grow past the desire for it. Looking forward to that day.

Kensho,
I am sorry you are anxious. I found that my FEAR of the future was 1000 times worse than the reality of it. I let FEAR keep me in my AL prison. The truth is that is wasnt nearly as bad as I thought, in fact, the whole experience was totally doable. I just had to make a decision and stick with it no matter what. I didnt worry about the want ifs, I gave myself NO option to fail. It was NON negotiable. Zero Tolerance Policy. Once you take yourself off the hook it is much easier to face. Al will not claim one more day of my life. Try and relax, you can do this. I've seen you!
Byrdie

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

My lovely Ava - WHOOT! So proud of you and so happy to be your quit buddy. I know you won't drink, and therefore I know I won't drink. It is still Thursday here, so my 8 months is in two days (believe me, I'll let you all know).

STL - Someone also recommended ice cream (you don't have to tell me twice) or milkshakes as a way to fill up and satisfy your cravings. So glad to hear you drank only water.

Kensho - When I was where you were, fearful of what would become of me, what my life would be like without alcohol, that is when "one day at a time" finally hit home. I kept thinking it was stupid - I wanted to quit forever - what does THAT even mean? I came to find that what it means is continue to live in the present - and be sober for today. You will cross all of those bridges when you get to them, but for now, focus on today.

BTW, I vote for option 2 as well, but I am afraid that AF beer will make me want the real thing.

Mo3 - Hope you're doing well.

Happy Sober Thursday! Almost the weekend - what are your sober plans?

Pav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Mother in law (AKA drinking buddy) walked in tonight VERY excited to show me the nice bottle of white wine she brought for dinner. Truth or dare at that point. It would have been easy to just say ok. But I just politely said - "Oh Yummy, but not for me!" and explained that I wasn't drinking until my bday (didn't say beyond). She looked so disappointed. I know she probably drinks too much also. But then I poured a soda water with apple juice for myself (looks suspiciously like white wine) and have been mindlessly sipping on that, having a really great conversation with her. Why am I so afraid of what people will think of me, and what distress it might cause THEM? Well, got partly over hump one.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Great job, Kensho!!
One day at a time! Your muscles will get stronger and stronger and before you know it, it will just come naturally!
:applaud:
B

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Ava, CONGRATS on your 8 AF months!
Sober birthdays & holidays & every future occasion will become the new norm, you'll see

Chero, my drinking was all about my husband, believe me. I was just so disappointed with the empty words & promises after a lifetime of devotion to him. I took my focus off of him & completely focused on myself & that's how I've made this quit work.

Kensho, glad you are making it thru the evening OK.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Lava, you know what the strange thing is? He is a trigger. I didn't realize until last night. But he can suck it because I am not drinking again no matter what. No more checking out because it's easier for everyone if I just give, give, give and have no emotions. F%&#@! that. For all of the last 27 years I have cooked, cleaned, worked full time, raised 3 kids, paid the bills, done all the yard work, everything and was not supposed to ever get mad or frustrated waiting on everyone hand and foot.

Well this zombie has turned back into a vampire and she quit drinking. Things are not going to go as smoothly for him anymore. I almost feel sorry for him.

I went out with my daughter tonight. I had water and she had beer. It felt a bit weird because we always drank wine with dinner. But it feels so good to be me again.

Kensho, we have all felt that fear and anxiety when we thought about stopping drinking. The trick is, is to move through it. The more you do, the more you realize that, the fearful emotion is just that an emotion. It only has the power that you give it. At first you can't really imagine life without AL, what do I do? How will I this or that? Keep moving forward. It will evaporate in the sun. Hold on tight and keep moving forward, you can do this. Tell your AL brain to shut the hell up with the 101 excuses of why you should keep drinking. Been there, done that I told mine to "F" off just last night.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Birdie, your the best. I missed your post at first.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Hi all.

Visitation for my friend is tomr. I can't do it. Sissy may go, but I can't...it brings back too many memories of when my friend Shea died.

I don't want to see him dead...I want to remember him alive. Maybe I am a horrible person. IDK. But I can't. I will break down like an idiot. I'm already an idiot so no need to exploit it. I feel bad in a way cause I want to be there for other friends, but I can't. Thought about it alot tonight and I can't see him dead in a casket....I just want to remember him as he was alive. Is that bad?

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

well, I suppose it doesn't matter if it's bad...cause that's the way it's gonna be. I cannot see myself going to his wake or funeral...just can't. Maybe that makes me a bad person, but I can't. I am sending a donation via his name per the family's request and that I can do.

Sorry to fill the forum with this, but sharing feelings.

thanks,

sarah

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Overcast here today with rain on the way the next few days, oh well.

Sarah, if you prefer to remember your friend in better times that's fine.
Don't torture yourself with second guessing. Make your decision then firmly put it out of your mind. All that second guessing is not helpful. I am sorry for your loss.

Chero, I really do understand your situation. Just keep your focus on yourself & what's good for you right now. You can't change his thinking but you can change your own

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Friday!

Lav

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone, another AF day for me and loads of coffee to begin my day. Made breakfast for my little chickens and later on were going to head out to the hardware store, momma needs some new tools.
Sarah, if you don't want to go, don't go. Really. We all mourn in our ways and personally I don't find it disrespectful if people don't go to those things. Everyone handles hurt and pain in their own ways and if you prefer to handle your grief at home then I think you should do what feels right.
I have a cousin coming at the end of the month and she wants to go to the bars for some drinking and dancing, and really that ship has sailed for me. She is a mother as well, but really I am just too old for that anymore. I have three kids, Im almost 40 my bar days are over and honestly I don't want to go out where everyone is drinking. The crowds, the drunks, I hate being bumped into, you cant talk to anyone and the floors are sticky with god knows what. Im going to decline that night and see if she wants to go for supper instead, she can still go but it wont be with me.

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone - Wanted to shout out to Ava - CONGRATULATIONS! The days are really adding up boy does time fly You are such a great supporter of everyone here and I may not post much but I read a lot and see all your posts and sharing and helping and it is just great!

Kensho I know how you feel it is such a bummer to be where we are but once you accept it it really isn't so bad. (listen to me! I talk the talk but I am still working on that myself). I have been through not drinking with people I usually drink with and all the angst about how they are feeling and they honestly do not care! As long as they can keep drinking they are happy! And yes, having a drink of your own in hand does seem to be important, both for them as well as for us. So glad you were able to be strong with your MIL! After the initial reaction maybe she was happy to have more for her

Doing well here - the AL thoughts come less and less frequently. I was out of town last weekend with hubs and finally talked to him about it. We have ALWAYS drank together - a drink to wind down after a work day, drinks socially, drinks to excess on vacations, etc. - and I hadn't talked to him though he was fully aware I haven't been drinking and have been coming on this site. Finally I asked him if he minded me not drinking - he said no but hopes I don't mind him still drinking (I don't). He asked if it was for good and I said I think so - I said I drank too much and have tried cutting back (moderating) numerous times and always wind up back in the same place, drinking way too much - so I told him I didn't think I could drink anymore, period. He doesn't care and it's out there now. I feel relieved about that.

Have a great AF day everyone!!

[available]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Frances and yes the days roll by now, still ups and downs but more ups. So glad you opened up to hubs, another bit of our journey being af as now you dont feel you will fail so are more confident in speaking about not drinking. that was what it was like for me when i started telling people and its a good feeling.

Mom your quit is your main priority and always should be. Nothing and no one should interfere with that and you sound positive and have a good plan. its lovely to hear how happy you are with the children, i wish i was fully sober with mine but i will be for my grandchildren.

Tonight my son is preparing "shots" for his party. he made me smell what he was making and i am sure it was pure alcohol. gave me head spins and he said "well back to day 1 for you mum". I said to the boys that i am sure i will have thoughts of just a drink tomorrow night and his friend said he would buy me a bottle of wine (in jest) and i said no, i feel happy that i wont drink but i am prepared as i know that al brain will want a drinking partner. They are all very proud of my sobriety and its nice to get the cudo's off them when i tell them each month i am sober.