Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
Great to see the night shift checking in!
Ja, as I look back in the rear view mirror, the happiest times of my life have been when I was sober.....happy times as a kid, when the feelings of pure JOY were not clouded by artificial influences. I have that ability again. The past 3+ years have not been all rainbows and butterflies, I have had some tragedies, too....but now I am FEELING them instead of numbing up. THAT is what distinguishes us from NORMAL drinkers.... WE drink to escape. Anytime I hear someone say I NEED A DRINK, alarm bells go off...that is the difference between normal drinkers and us.
So proud of your 5 days, I hope it is an easy one for you!! Hugs, B

Edit to add,
Darkest Diamond, please check in...I miss you and hope you are doing ok! XXOO

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi All. I know I post a lot, and that it may be annoying. When I say things out loud, they seem more real. I love reading posts from people who have made the choice of sobriety, and who are also loving life. It gives me hope and belief and strength. Thank you.

I learned a few things last night that I thought I'd share:
1. Having a really solid plan, referring to it frequently, and having a lot of determination is helpful, but going to an AL event at AF-Day3 is not a good idea (I know any of you could have told me that). It was really hard at first.
2. The ones that object to you not drinking may have the biggest problem themselves. At the first stop, he said "we're going to get you to drink". Then he asked me why I wasn't and I said that it started to become destructive in my life, and that I didn't like it anymore. He went off on a tangent about how HE drinks every night... and got defensive. He brought it back to himself.
3. Others may be curious about why you don't drink, but in the end they really don't care if you do or don't
4. For me, (especially since they are close friends), it was easier to tell them what I was doing and why - then they left me alone, and I actually felt respect from them
5. Once I said no out loud (was really afraid of this), and started seeing others get a bit stupid, I valued my sobriety even more and NOT drinking became easier throughout the night. I was so glad to be sitting at the last place sober - watching some of the others feeling too toasted.
6. I still had a really fun night, laughed a lot
7. My husband drinks more than he should at certain events
8. Waking up without a hangover, and knowing I kept to my goal and faced my fears head-on is golden beyond words. I feel stronger.

Happy Sunday and kudos to all who have faced their fears and are working on going "through". My fears WERE so much bigger than the reality.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hiya, Nest:

Byrdie - I LOVE your prizes. Keep 'em coming. But who gives YOU prizes? We'll have to come up with a good one for four years in January!

Kensho - no such thing as posting too much. Keep 'em coming. I love your list. That number 6 was surprising to me - I still can laugh a ton and have fun AND I can drive home and sleep well. It takes longer for me to get into the groove so to speak, but once I'm there, watch out!

Ja - I love what you said about truth. That has been key for me. If I ever feel wobbly, I conjure the worst hangover I ever had, or I look back at old journal posts to remember how the BAD parts about drinking were much worse than the good parts were good.

Pepper - Great post - you sound so amazing. Keep it up!

Daisy - You're a sober Rock Star.

Hope Stella stays dry, Lav.

xo
Pav

[Ja]

Newbies Nest

Hi all. It's hot here. Thought about beer after work then bought a package of cookies instead! Haven't done that in years. Eating cookies in my truck driving home I thought about beer again. This time I thought about the first one going down fast, then the second and how within a short time I'd be super buzzed on a empty stomach and that a short time later I'd want a nap. Then I'd wake up sweaty and feeling gross and probably drink water after the beer was gone until bed. Unless, I went for another 6 pack. I think checking in with you all is a lot more fun. Thanks for being around. Ja

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ja, great job thinking it all the way thru. We dont just have ONE drink, if we did we wouldn't be here. Keep yourself full and do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF. Learning new ways to cope with a hot day, or stressful day or a really GOOD day, will he key. It doesnt take much of an excuse for us to drink, well done on working thru it. Learning how to surf the crave is a wonderful skill! Hugs, B

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Way to go Ja. You won't regret that choice today or tomorrow or ever.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Didn't get all the rain that was promised after all & that's OK with me. Stella really hates getting wet

Glad to see you working thru those damn drinking thoughts Ja. They are habitual but will disappear in time - you'll see

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Ja]

Newbies Nest

You guys are all so sweet! Thanks for the pats on the back. Had dinner with friends who support me completely and had no temptation at all. Guess I just needed those cookies! Glad to be home happy and in control. Tomorrows going to be a great day! Ciao!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Good evening to the Nest. Sipping on some Tension Tamer tea and really feeling I'm getting used to not drinking. I know I've had only up to 7 days in a row, but I've had something like 20 of the last 23 days AF... my body is adjusting, and my mind has grown through a few recent challenges.

Poking through the toolbox, I found this article that Guitarista posted back in 2012. I found number one particularly thought provoking. I had underestimated the work that was associated with quitting AL - thinking I could just stop AL and change nothing else. Turns out, it becomes an opportunity to change any and everything... why not make the life we REALLY WANT? I can say for sure that one of my top regrets would have been "going through life numbed". I think GUITARISTA also posted a list of about a million things you can do besides drinking - my favorite being "write your bucket list" - along the same lines. thanks mate!

Susie Steiner
guardian.co.uk, Wednesday 1 February 2012 11.49 GMT Article history
A palliative nurse has recorded the top five regrets of the dying. Photograph: Montgomery Martin/Alamy
There was no mention of more sex or bungee jumps. A palliative nurse who has counselled the dying in their last days has revealed the most common regrets we have at the end of our lives. And among the top, from men in particular, is 'I wish I hadn't worked so hard'.

Bronnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent several years working in palliative care, caring for patients in the last 12 weeks of their lives. She recorded their dying epiphanies in a blog called Inspiration and Chai, which gathered so much attention that she put her observations into a book called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying.

Ware writes of the phenomenal clarity of vision that people gain at the end of their lives, and how we might learn from their wisdom. "When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently," she says, "common themes surfaced again and again."

Here are the top five regrets of the dying, as witnessed by Ware:

1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

"This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it."

2. I wish I hadn't worked so hard.

"This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret, but as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence."

3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.

"Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result."

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

"Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying."

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

"This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content, when deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again."

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Hi all! I am back.
After the death of my friend, I stopped taking the 'worse of the two' anxiety med, (Klopopin?) Just took the Lopromax? Sorry if my spelling is off. I've been off the Klopopin for 4 days or so, but tonight I did have a small panic attack.

It had nothing to do with AL...it was pretty much b/c my son drove from my house to his Dad's the first time on his own. I literally couldn't breathe for 30 minutes until we got the text he made it there safely.

I felt better, but still very anxious. So, not so long ago I did have a panic attack. I just could not breathe...never could get a good amt of breath. Scared me to death so I did take 1/2 pill of the Klopomin to just be able to breathe and not hyperventilate. Hubby helped me, and said "if you take this...no more drinks"....I will comply.

It amazes me at what the mind can do with the body. and vice versa really...

My son is my only son. I grew up with friends dying left and right (including last week) and it scared the bejeezus out of me that my son is now on the road- driving himself. I'm sure this is normal for most mothers, but after the divorce/custody battle I had, and the past experiences of the last 30 yrs...i suppose I'm a bit more conscious at what could happen and I dream about it.

It's part of my personality that won't go away. Every psychologist has said this is normal...the drinking is not.

I feel somewhat that I am stuck in a platitude of injustice. "they" don't tell you how to deal with a death OR "your own child". They just say "get over the anxiety by not drinking and everything will be fine". Well, it's not. Our children still die beyond things that we control, and we have the choice how to handle it. I know not drinking makes things more clear-minded, and that is my hope.

However, the fear of losing my son is still there heavily on me (prolly cause of the past for me) but shit this is gonna be hard.

Sorry to clog the forum up with my crap...I'm gonna keep working on it FOR my son and pray to God the boy will be okay.

Love,

Sarah

[Daevid]

Newbies Nest

It's no longer an option for me to drink. Tests show that my liver is not going to take it. I am so scared that I can't even imagine having a drink. I don't know how much damage I've already done. The doctors seem to be fairly apathetic. I know that if I start feeling better, the alcoholic voice will start it's antics again. So, I'm continuing to access alcohol services, attending sessions, relapse prevention and Smart recovery. I have asked to be considered for Campral as well. Dark, depressing days.

I have been accepted for 2 jobs but awaiting a DBS background check. The last one took 13 weeks. I won't have money to live on in the meantime. I could be on the street because of stupid UK legislation. (everybody's a paedophile unless they have a DBS check)

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Monday morning Nesters,

My day is starting off cloudy & gray outside but hopefully the sun will make an appearance later

Kensho, the Tool box is a gem. You can always find something of value in there

Sarah, I understand your concerns with your son driving now. I went thru it with my kids, it is completely normal to be anxious at first. Just don't hold onto that fear, let it go & trust that he will be OK. Have you any experience with CBT to help with your anxiety? I highly recommend looking at this:
Therapy for Anxiety Disorders: Cognitive and Behavioral Approaches

Daevid, I hope your background check come thru sooner rather than later. We are subject to the same checks here in the US.
You will find your liver tests improve quickly when you completely stop drinking. A lot of people use the supplement Milk Thistle to help too.

Wishing everyone a great AF Monday. Make it a great day!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters...
Lav, your rain came our way....we are about to float away. A neighbor has begun to collect animals....2 by 2....I'm getting a little concerned!

Daevid, it's hard to interpret what your liver is up to, it took about 3 months for my readings to show signs of improvement, and you just checked in with 15 days, so please don't jump to any conclusions yet! The BEST thing for you to do (IMHO) is not tax your liver anymore with powerful drugs (all metabolized in the liver!) Give yourself some time to heal! I quit and went in about 3 weeks later and my readings were actually WORSE, but then 3 months later came back good and they've been in the great range of good (the lower the better, and mine are now low). Give time, time!

Sarah, was yesterday Day 1? Please join us over on Roll Call for even MORE support!

Ja, that Tool Box is worth its weight in gold. Another great find there. Likewise, no one gets to the end of their life wishing they'd drank MORE!!!

Hope everyone is heading in to an easy week! One day at a time, before you know it, you will have gone the whole day without thinking of you-know-who and THAT is a very good day!! Hugs to all, B

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Morning everyone! I believe all I did all weekend was paint, cook and paint and cook! We had a lot of family time which was really really nice, I love when that happens. I had a drinking dream over the weekend and was telling my husband about it. In the dream people were asking me to drink and I was politely telling them no thank you, I didn't want one. They kept pushing and pushing and finally I got ticked off and just yelled at them that I don't drink anymore so stop pushing me on it. When I told him that he told me how nice it was not to see me stress drink anymore, that he really worried about me when I did. All I could do was just to hug him, he told me he was proud of me and that really made me feel good. Being able to talk openly to your spouse has got to be the best thing, I can tell him my thoughts and feelings and we work through them. Never being in a relationship like that ever in the past I cant express how much its valued and appreciated.
But, rainy day here again today so Im going to bake some WWII cookies and chocolate chip with oatmeal, quinoa and flax seed.

[Ja]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning all! Waking up to day 6 AF. God, I love sober mornings. Last night before heading to bed I began reading a thread under general I think all about Gratitude. It was pretty addicting and I had a hard time quitting it. Just reading others reasons to be grateful propelled me into my own reasons. So, I'm grateful for MWO and the community here and I'm grateful to be sober and grateful to be learning so much and taking this walk with all of you at this time in my life. Have and awesome AF day! Ja