Newbies Nest

[treetops]

Newbies Nest

Yes thats a great post Pav. Sums up much of my experience too. It took me months to appreciate the freedom that sobriety gave me - but like you, there are so many things I can now choose to do - without AL or lack of AL being a factor. Its just finding the time to do all these things - a far cry from many newbie's fears of being bored and trying to fill up sober time.
It even took me a while to realise that I could still cook an evening meal without a glass of wine beside me - plus having a couple of bottles waiting in the fridge:H

I Still hate doing most housework though!

[available]

Newbies Nest

On facebook today which i thought i would share:- (finally something worth a read on fb)

Recovery doesn’t mean life is over – addiction does
Recovery doesn’t mean you have to be miserable – addiction does
Recovery doesn’t mean you cant have fun – addiction does
Recovery doesn’t turn you into a liar and a thief – addiction does
Recovery does not make false promises – addiction does
Recovery does not centre on abusive relationships – addiction does
Recovery does not strengthen through fear and anger – addiction does
Recovery does not isolate – addiction does
Recovery does not encourage risky behaviour – addiction does
Recovery does not eat away at your soul – addiction does
Recovery does not leave you morally, financially, emotionally and spiritually bankrupt – addiction does
Addiction does not give you a second chance – recovery does.

[patrice]

Newbies Nest

I love that too! Thanks Ava xx

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

I am appalled. Seriously you turn Guapo away?? Telling him he needs to go somewhere else for a problem we all share?

I don't get this. This is like 'religion gone cult'. "If you don't master abstainence than you need to go to another thread"

Which means " unless you do it OUR way, you are unimportant or insignificant". Or, that you aren't doing it the way I think you should. Or you are not welcome here. Bullshit.

Alky- you said Guapo's comments were 'inappropriate'?? How...exactly? Plz...tell me what was inappropriate...can't wait to hear it.

Well. let me say this...ANY WAY OUT is a step forward and I cannot believe what I read.

How about none of us be judgmental on the way that a person gets healthy? How about embracing a person whether or not they decide to moderate or otherwise and not be placed in your particular 'box'. If they fail...then embrace them and try to help them thru?

Look, I have gotten help here that I cannot deny, but this has got to stop! Ya'll chased away a person who was looking for help. And, quite honestly, you might chase me away too.

I don't think telling someone to go to another 'thread' or otherwise helps anyone.
All that does is offer more 'rejection'. Surely you don't want to do that.

OR do you?

For now, I will sit back and read.

Jen

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

no need to be aggressive sarah/jen.

Which means " unless you do it OUR way, you are unimportant or insignificant". Or, that you aren't doing it the way I think you should. Or you are not welcome here. Bullshit.

you have been here long enough to know that is not the case, but if thats how you feel, you really havent taken in anything that anyone has taken the time to tell you. things that you have asked to be told. that is, how they do it!!!!!

[available]

Newbies Nest

Exactly Sarah, you have been given nothing but advice, guidance and help and still proceeded to keep on drinking and tapering or whatever you deem to call it. The newbies nest is for NEWBIES. People who are out of control drinking and need help. They do not need to be told that it is ok to have one or two drinks when they are in a vicious cycle of addiction. Some make it off the merry go round and many dont. We try and help all that come to MWO and i for one when i started on here did not need to be told that moderating or tapering would be a miracle cure. A miracle cure is to stop drinking and get off the cycle of addiction. We can never not be addicted but we can change our lives for the better.

If you want to support Guapo Sarah then off you go. When you have days af up your sleeve to give advice that will be fantastic. As yet you have done 2 days af where you were given support between each set time, approximately 4 to 5 months. If i were you i would probably keep my opinions to myself. Walk the walk to talk the talk. I for one will not slam the door on you on the way out, i promise!

[Wearywino]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone - fingers crossed, I'm back! I would just like to say I HATE COMPUTERS! But can't seem to live without one either :H. Dead hard drive, several days waiting for a new one, then backwards and forwards with Mr IT trying to sort problems with software and recovering documents (embarrassing - I had my Wearywino blog on my desktop!!) Well just to say it hasn't been easy getting onto my emails, writing my blog and reading and posting here with Mr remote IT jumping onto my desktop every five minutes (how do they do that?!! :nutso: )

Anyway lots of upset and defensive posts here this morning - cheer up guys! I've been reading some interesting blogs about U-Turns when getting sober - something I've done for years. A few days sober, then a drink and back to square one. Someone posted this inspirational video about U-Turns, take a look (he's a fit young man - will certainly put a smile on the ladies faces :H) - SOBER // Inspirational Short Documentary on Vimeo

I'm doing OK - had a minor slip last weekend when we had some friends over for a BBQ and got tempted to have a couple of glasses of wine (it didn't help that I lost my entire sober support network as everything disappeared along with my hard drive!) but back on track now. It's good to be back :thanks:

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Ava,

You are right. I'm in no position to offer advice, nor did I. I just saw several turn away another soul.

However, maybe you are right...maybe I keep my opinions to myself.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Yes and i was one of them also. I have no qualms in telling people what i think, you included. As i have stated when i posted, this is for newbies and i was one once also. I went onto the modding threads and it ended in me drinking again as my al brain quite happily told me i could do it. newbies do not need to be informed that everything is okay. If everything was okay, they would not be on a drinking site for alcoholics or people with an addiction to drinking.

This so called soul is on other threads. This is not a religious thread it is a drinking thread to give advice to people who so desperately want to stop drinking and need advice. I have never seen a "normal" drinker popping in to say hello.

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1690296 wrote: Ava,

You are right. I'm in no position to offer advice, nor did I. I just saw several turn away another soul.

However, maybe you are right...maybe I keep my opinions to myself.

do you actually read what you write sarah?

no one has been turned away either, directed to another thread yes. like i did with you.

people come to this thread to try to stop. if, after they read and dont think they want to but 'mod' instead, then the nest is not for them. it is for the protection of those wishing to quit. ok?

having a few drinks but thats ok? no, its not. if you are happy with that, fair enough but it doesnt belong here. it can be disruptive and confusing to give that message.

to any that read this and think i'm being rude, i am being blunt. sometimes it has to be said that way to get through.

i will not be an enabler.

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Kensho - so sorry you drank and are feeling so bad. Lots of good advice to you here and one thing I'd like to add is to suggest that you not think of being AL free as 'forever'. When I initially went AF, I had a lot of the same thoughts you are having. I kept thinking I didn't want to be that person forever, the one I don't want to be, who doesn't drink when out with other people, or who can't have a wine to relax with hubs at the end of the day. Then, I started taking it one day at a time. Take forever completely out of it. It's not that I can't drink forever, just today. This has helped me. As the days have mounted, it is amazing how much easier it gets. After 30-60 days the thoughts are farther between and you develop new habits - I remember how surprised I was at myself after a long day thinking I couldn't wait to get home and unwind with a cup of tea! Now, thinking of and looking forward to that wine is out of the picture and the thoughts of drinking rarely come. And as social events have come and gone, that 'I'm not drinking today' gets me through it and boy is it way easier than my mind had me thinking. And it takes time to start feeling better after giving it up - you need to stick with it and you will reap the rewards! You will never regret it.

I'm so happy you're sticking with this!

Frances

[Alky]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1690275 wrote: Alky- you said Guapo's comments were 'inappropriate'?? How...exactly? Plz...tell me what was inappropriate...can't wait to hear it.

Guapo is a troll. Perhaps you haven't read enough of his other posts on this forum, but just about everything I've read that he's written (I'm assuming it's a he based on username), is negative, argumentative and confrontational.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Glad to see you back WW - sorry about the computer problems.

I hope everyone can try to understand a few things about the nest & MWO in general:
1. Everyone is welcome in the nest. The majority of the folks who post here have some degree of acceptance that we can no longer drink AL safely. We are looking for support to help fully accept a future without AL.
2. It can be confusing & possibly detrimental to newly sober people to read another's post relating to their continued drinking. That is why the Moderation threads were started a long time ago. That is the appropriate place for those kind of posts.
3. Choosing to use Rx medication to help reach your AF goals is a personal choice & perfectly fine. There's not a lot of discussion in the nest about using medication. You will find a dedicated thread for support on that topic.
4. We all have to find our own way out of addiction. If you don't like the advice offered by those who have found success then don't read here. It's that simple.

Wishing everyone a good AF Wednesday!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Good morning. Didn't want to post "only day 1" on roll call, but then I realized, hey! I had a day without AL! I'm going to post that baby! Said these words to myself as I was falling asleep, and I found myself waking up repeating them throughout the night:

"I will not drink today, no matter what. I am grateful to be sober." Just today.

Thanks All. :h

[Wearywino]

Newbies Nest

frances;1690321 wrote: Kensho - so sorry you drank and are feeling so bad. Lots of good advice to you here and one thing I'd like to add is to suggest that you not think of being AL free as 'forever'. When I initially went AF, I had a lot of the same thoughts you are having. I kept thinking I didn't want to be that person forever, the one I don't want to be, who doesn't drink when out with other people, or who can't have a wine to relax with hubs at the end of the day. Then, I started taking it one day at a time. Take forever completely out of it. It's not that I can't drink forever, just today. This has helped me. As the days have mounted, it is amazing how much easier it gets. After 30-60 days the thoughts are farther between and you develop new habits - I remember how surprised I was at myself after a long day thinking I couldn't wait to get home and unwind with a cup of tea! Now, thinking of and looking forward to that wine is out of the picture and the thoughts of drinking rarely come. And as social events have come and gone, that 'I'm not drinking today' gets me through it and boy is it way easier than my mind had me thinking. And it takes time to start feeling better after giving it up - you need to stick with it and you will reap the rewards! You will never regret it
Frances

Frances - that is so so true! In the past I listened to people talking about 'one day at a time' without really digesting it. But to think that I might NEVER drink again feels so overwhelming - not having a glass of champagne at a wedding, or ever sip a cold beer on a sunny day. But I don't actually need to think about the future until it happens. It is much easier to think that I won't drink today - and hope that tomorrow I won't drink either. I don't really need to be worrying about next week or the week after - I wouldn't be worrying about what we are going to have for dinner in a month's time, so why would I need to worry about what I'm going to drink?