Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone:

I was exercising today and listened to the Bubble Hour episode called: Early Sobriety - Am I Ever Going to Feel Better. It is VERY GOOD for people with 1 day to 1 year sober - very informative about what we might be feeling and experiencing. They talk about PAWS (post acute withdrawal symptoms) that can strike at any time when you least expect them, and can frequently lead to relapse. Symptoms include:

--Anxiety
--Irritability
--Disrupted sleeping patterns; insomnia
--Confusion and forgetfulness
--Attention and focus problems

What is the one thing that we think can relieve all of those problems quickly? You guessed it - a drink. That's why PAWS can lead to relapse.

They make the point that most people get them, even if you think it couldn't be you (I know I thought it couldn't be me - I thought that was for REALLY REALLY hard drinkers...) They also make the point that as long as we're expecting them and make very tight plans to get through them we CAN get through them (like G says above). And what's the number one recommendation? REACH OUT AND ASK FOR HELP. The reason we don't want to is that we feel vulnerable, afraid, ashamed and we don't want to be talked out of a "planned relapse." We make excuses that our brain tells us are real, and get defensive when people point out the fallacy of our thinking. That is the cold, hard fact of denial.

The bummer is, once you drink, your brain is reset back, and you'll have to go through it all again.

SO... If you're feeling crummy in any way for any reason, post here, call a friend, go to a meeting, read, exercise, breathe - BEFORE you make the decision to listen to the dickhead (that's AL). The good news is that it goes away. Sometimes it takes a couple of days, but it DOES go away.

My soapbox speech for tonight.

Honestly, really, truly, unbelievably, being sober is MUCH MUCH better than being a drunk.

Pav

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie- My intention is NOT to moderate. I want to stop. It just upset me that a poster was turned away. Obviously, I'm a slow 'stopper'. I have and do moderate now, but not cause I want to! I just can't seem to get over the 'hump'. I will continue trying, however.

Love,

Sarah

Byrdlady;1690386 wrote: Thank you for the constructive post.
Over the years, you can imagine that a merge of so many personalities will disagree from time to time. We all come here broken and defeated in some way (usually by alcohol). All I can say is, if you would like the nest to be something it isn't, stay and help make it that way. So many come and go and offer ways to do it better, but they seldom participate long enough to make it 'this great thing' that they envision. Some come in and sling ideas around and create discord, but are not invested enough in the process to stay and affect change in a meaningful way.
The nest is actually a very delicate eco system.
I am a student of history and I've seen what works and what doesn't. My stance on it is, Those than can, DO. Those that can't, complain. I am here front and center for MY sobriety. If I can help someone else in the process, then that is a plus. If I can help a person take the easier route to the inevitable end result (AF), I am obligated as a human being to do it.
I am not a AA'er, BTW, have never attended a meeting. I went to the school of Trying it ALL the Hard Way, or FU, for short, that's what I did to myself! If I can help someone's journey be easier, then mission accomplished. I am also well-schooled on the meaning of moderation, but thanks for clarifying it for me. If I have not been clear about this in the past, my stance is to do whatever it takes to get sober.
Have a great day, Byrdie

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1690344 wrote: Good morning Nesters,

Glad to see you back WW - sorry about the computer problems.

I hope everyone can try to understand a few things about the nest & MWO in general:
1. Everyone is welcome in the nest. The majority of the folks who post here have some degree of acceptance that we can no longer drink AL safely. We are looking for support to help fully accept a future without AL.
2. It can be confusing & possibly detrimental to newly sober people to read another's post relating to their continued drinking. That is why the Moderation threads were started a long time ago. That is the appropriate place for those kind of posts.
3. Choosing to use Rx medication to help reach your AF goals is a personal choice & perfectly fine. There's not a lot of discussion in the nest about using medication. You will find a dedicated thread for support on that topic.
4. We all have to find our own way out of addiction. If you don't like the advice offered by those who have found success then don't read here. It's that simple.

Wishing everyone a good AF Wednesday!

Lav

Thank you for this post Lav.

Love,

Sarah

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Alky;1690339 wrote: Guapo is a troll. Perhaps you haven't read enough of his other posts on this forum, but just about everything I've read that he's written (I'm assuming it's a he based on username), is negative, argumentative and confrontational.

I did not know this....I generally stick here. Thanks for informing me.

Love,

Sarah

[Mick]

Newbies Nest

hiya all...dont usually post here but thought I would..just popped in to have a wee nosey around..I started here over 2 years ago now..and yes the same thoughts/arguments etc were around then as they surely were for those before me...the same fears ,worries about the word "never",the same things can I limit my drinking all played their part...fortunately I put together a strategy as advised by some good friends...and it worked..I can now look back on my diary and read how I felt, modding quitting never again,down days the lot..what I will say tho ..is something worked..something changed my life...that something was this site..even moreso the people who take the time and effort to try and pass on their experiences in order that others may try and avoid the pitfalls that befell them..each and everyone one of us is fighting a battle of some kind of our own as ns put up in her post....now why would I want to fight another dozen battles that werent mine on top?get on with the job in hand ,live life and enjoy it..one life enjoy it while you can..and Diasy ..well done for having both the guts to stand up and say it nearly went wrong for me...and secondly for now being on day 87!!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Mick.....and well said in your post. I did notice that, perhaps due to conflict that the nest was not as busy last night.....thankfully for me, I got the responses I needed, but this distracts from the purpose.
People desperate for help could be crying out for a reply.....
We need to think before we put our words out there.....
Byrdie and Lav, and so many others are a security blanket round here.....mother soberistas whom we rely on for their knowledge and unconditional and relentless caring....thank you.
I feel so relieved today.....cannot believe how close I came....Pav, like you say, out of nowhere....
Yet, on reflection, I see where things were starting to slip.
I am overloaded with tasks; so much so that my exercise was not happening. This has become a crucial part of my sobriety.....helps with levelling out moods, dealing with stress. After a good session, I feel great and it is a definite destresser.
This is part of my plan and in letting that go I was not making sobriety my priority.....started to feel down and overwhelmed.....
The other thing is sleep.....this was a knock-on effect of things at home....again, another part of the plan that was sliding.
This combination resulted in my thinking becoming distorted and I am shocked that I did not drink in the end.
I have a bottle of wine I need to give away today. No matter what I have to do today I will exercise.....this will also help me sleep.....the load I have got will be dealt with, one chunk at a time.....
I feel like I am talking about someone else here.....please review your plan and check that everything is in order because those little things slipping can build momentum without your even noticing and then it's too late.
Thank you, thank you!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Daisy, a lesson learned, huh?
We really do need to stay vigilant & keep our plans close
You did a great job!

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Thursday. Make it a great day

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, all!
Quick check in to wish all an easy day. GREAT to see you, Mick! Daisy, congrats on Day 87!

Pav, I wish you would put THAT post in the Tool Box....very, very helpful!!! You have really come into your own with your knowledge and information....knowledge IS power.
xo, B

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

daisy45;1690654 wrote: .....please review your plan and check that everything is in order because those little things slipping can build momentum without your even noticing and then it's too late.Thank you, thank you!

Daisy, you really used this site in the way it is most likely to work - I'm so impressed and happy for you. Now that you're on the other side of that potential crisis, doing a version of "play it forward" can be so helpful. How would it have gone if you'd decided to drink?

I bet you would have had to gulp down the first glass because you would have been feeling so guilty and wrong, you'd have needed to get to that fuzzy place of not caring as quickly as possible. I've heard the first one usually tastes pretty bad after a period of abstinence, too, so gulping might have helped you get past that, too. The second glass might have been more enjoyable but you still would have been with it enough to know you were undoing 86 days of hard work. You truly would have been swallowing all the pride you'd gained. After 2 or 3, you might not have cared about the consequences anymore and would have been on your way to the desired state of oblivion. At some point you would have reached it and either crashed on your couch or staggered off to bed without cleaning up. In the morning you'd figure out which of those had happened. And this is the best case scenario - not being as used to drinking as before, you might have gotten really drunk and sent emails or text messages that would mortify you this morning, you might have fallen and hurt yourself, or you might have for some reason had to drive and gotten a DUI or in a tragic accident.

Even if you had only blacked out, safe in your home, you would have awakened with the sickening feeling of failure. You would wonder what was wrong with you. You would have given anything to turn the clock back 24 hours or 12 hours -- just long enough not to make the horrible choice to drink.

Well, enough of "Play it Backward" because that isn't what you did . But contrasting your fabulous choice with the consequences of its opposite can really help cement in your rationale mind the right thing to do.

I hope you are celebrating your 87th day! :h

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1690705 wrote: Daisy, you really used this site in the way it is most likely to work - I'm so impressed and happy for you. Now that you're on the other side of that potential crisis, doing a version of "play it forward" can be so helpful. How would it have gone if you'd decided to drink?

I bet you would have had to gulp down the first glass because you would have been feeling so guilty and wrong, you'd have needed to get to that fuzzy place of not caring as quickly as possible. I've heard the first one usually tastes pretty bad after a period of abstinence, too, so gulping might have helped you get past that, too. The second glass might have been more enjoyable but you still would have been with it enough to know you were undoing 86 days of hard work. You truly would have been swallowing all the pride you'd gained. After 2 or 3, you might not have cared about the consequences anymore and would have been on your way to the desired state of oblivion. At some point you would have reached it and either crashed on your couch or staggered off to bed without cleaning up. In the morning you'd figure out which of those had happened. And this is the best case scenario - not being as used to drinking as before, you might have gotten really drunk and sent emails or text messages that would mortify you this morning, you might have fallen and hurt yourself, or you might have for some reason had to drive and gotten a DUI or in a tragic accident.

Even if you had only blacked out, safe in your home, you would have awakened with the sickening feeling of failure. You would wonder what was wrong with you. You would have given anything to turn the clock back 24 hours or 12 hours -- just long enough not to make the horrible choice to drink.

Well, enough of "Play it Backward" because that isn't what you did . But contrasting your fabulous choice with the consequences of its opposite can really help cement in your rationale mind the right thing to do.

I hope you are celebrating your 87th day! :h

Wow NS - Thanks for the "No Sugar" coated reminder of the truth of relapse!

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Great job, Daisy.

[LostSoul33]

Newbies Nest

Hi all-- its me again. I have a lot of catching up to do on this site--looking forward to hearing your stories and seeing some familiar faces. For those who don't know me, I have been struggling with sobriety for over 3 years, before that I was in total denial and just drinking a lot. In the past 2 years, it became such a significant part of my life, that I practically lost everything. I found this site last spring and achieved about 5 months sobriety-- it was incredible, then there were a lot of life changes, a cross country move, a new job, a breakup and I fell down. Everything came crashing along with me. I have been drinking, for the most part, for the last 11 months. Ive quit for 15 days here and there but always go back. I am checking in now to say today is Day 1. I am going to do this and would love any support or words of encouragement-- I am hopeful, not confident yet, that I can do this. I have the willingness to do so and thats the best I can offer for now. Thank you for listening and have a wonderful day everyone.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

PAVATI - You said it! Great post - thank you.

DAISY - I think you DID show me how to do it. Way to go!

I will not drink today, no matter what. I am grateful to be sober. Just today.

Hugs to all :h

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Hello all. I'm struggling with bringing myself back for another Day 1 because the voices that say I don't want to quit again are so strong. But I have to be stronger than those voices now. I am very down and anxious and ready to feel good again, but I know how much work it takes.

Day 1....goal is 7 days. Love you all

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

STL - Saw your post in the roll call... Congrats on reaching double digits with 10 days!!!

Ican - Your name says it all - you CAN do this. A goal of 7 days is a great place to start. Then maybe think about stretching it all the way to 30, as that will really give you a chance to start feeling better.

Daisy - I'm SOOOO glad you made it past that strong urge to drink. I think it's a great idea to prioritize exercise and make sure you get that back into your daily routine. I know it isn't the solution for everyone (and many people don't enjoy it at all), but for me it is one of the major keys to staying AF.

Pav and NS - great posts, as usual - I learn so much from both of you.

Lav, Ava and Byrdie - thanks for your steadfast support for all of us newbies, and for your fierce protection of the nest. I may not always agree with everything you say, but I do always respect and appreciate your clarity and honesty.