Newbies Nest

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

I know Wags....cycled and swam today and feel soooooo much better.....

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Hello ( ashamedly) Its been a rough couple weeks.. I had a great plan for my business trip to FL, that plan was abruptly turned upside down when i heard there was a 3 hour delay on my flight from BWI to FLL. I was already heartbroken about leaving the kids.. When i made my plan , i had forgotten how painful that part of the trip was .. the 1st excuse to drink, the 2nd excuse to drink was the plane delay .. I didnt continue to drink on the plane, i knew i had a couple ponies in my checked bag though. Worked all day Tuesday and was so tired and defenseless, i had some wine. i sat outside at the hotel..and smoked and drank wine and talked to some random travelers.. the 3rd night, i figured i would have some again and make that my last night. i would stop on Thursday, new plan yeah right the weekend, i did end up drinking and im not even sure why, its like im out of control and just stop at the store pick up and start, almost like on auto pilot, I have to figure out how to fight back harder .. The whole football thing in full swing, i figured a way around that too.. i start drinking before i take him and polish the rest off when i get home quickly its so late i feel so crappy in the mornings, WHY do i keep doing this to myself!? Monday started off badly when my childcare didnt show up, didnt call , text or anything, Tuesday no show, but i heard from her BF, they were fighting, he kicked her out etc....she apologized and will be back tomorrow, she has court today... i had to take half days Friday, Monday and tuesday and take the entire day off yesterday which, i did enjoy with the kids.. BGE turned the power off on Tuesday night, my fault for falling behind on bills. had to have DH pay the $850.00 for reconnection, now he s madder than ever at me.. supposed to camp next week Daisy, Kensho , Guitarista . Weary, Wags. Star.. I feel like i have let everyone down, but im back to try and get off this roller coaster! Going for a walk

[Icanwithoutacan]

Newbies Nest

Sounds like me about right now Whitemarshmom....It's like I'm on autopilot and have lost control....So just for today and tonight .....I WILL NOT DRINK....no matter how mad or sad or overwhelmed or anxious I feel....Join me?

[available]

Newbies Nest

LS and Ican, hi again and welcome back. I dont know how many times i was on here, then drank and then ran away to hide but i always knew this was the place that would start me on my journey to being af. I still log in twice a day and read if nothing else, it keeps me connected with like minded alkies who understand. There is no place like home (thank you Dorothy). Dont hide anymore, keep on here and settle in, you both wont ever regret not drinking.

Wags, thanks lovely, sometimes i am sure i feel like a mother lion protecting her young. This is a place to hopefully get newbies on the road to recovery like we all are doing. I know if someone offered my son some crack after a year sober i would rip that persons throat out for even suggesting such a thing. He cant moderate with his drug use just like at the end of the day we cant moderate with our al intake.

WWM the thing that struck me with your post was "i had a couple of ponies in my bag". You knew you were going to drink before you started, that is my take on it then you grabbed every excuse that you could think of to drink. Get rid of the al completely, if it is there you will drink it. Life is full of stress that gets us needing/wanting the buzz and its hard to not drink but as time marches on being af its easier to cope with. I had my power cut off so many times, due to my priorities and that was buying al. Who cares about drinking in the dark! After 8 months i can quiet happily say that my bills are up to date and i dont suffer anxiety about them. I had a phobia about opening mail as i knew al always came first, now i can open those bills without fear. At the end of the day the only person you have let down is yourself and those close to you. I choose not to let my children down or myself anymore and i am so glad i put in the hard yards and they were very hard yards. You will get there but you need a plan.

Ican, one day at a time and for that day dont drink. Sounds easy, i know but it is hell on wheels just to get through the day. I highly recommend 8 months. My anxiety was through the roof for the first week or so but it does get better, you know that and you can do this.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

WhiteMarsh, Lost Soul and ICan, welcome back. Settle in and firm up your plan, we will help any way we can. Glad you are back with us, there is strength in numbers. B

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Available- i am in such denial that AL has anything to do with the biills not being paid, i know i spend about 300 dollars a month on wine and cigarettes. My sadness from leaving the kids on that late monday afternoon was heartbreaking, so i stopped on the way to the airport for a 4 pak of which i drank 2 and put 2 in my checked bag . So yes the drinking started before i realized the delay in the plane. i have a pony in the fridge, ive been drinking 8 per night the equiv of 2 bottles a night... oh but they are so small...it doesnt feel like its that much, like eating a little bit of cake at a time only to realize you've eaten the entire thing only AL is poison.

I can -lets do this! I can do it and so can you! , i am going to the fridge right now to pour out my sole surviving pony from last night and not down my throat . I drink and smoke, then gag, throw up and drink and smoke some more, i want to throw up just thinking about that!

[available]

Newbies Nest

i was a 2 bottle a night girl so i fully understand but i had to get rid of al out of the house, put my fav wine glass away out of eyes reach and grit my teeth and stop. I smoke also so wine and fags was killing me and i lived week to week. now i have money in the bank, woo hoo. Still feel i need to spend it but i spend it on me or the kids now. Denial is what us alkies do best, i found when i accepted that i cant drink then it was easier. Dont think of never drinking atm, thats way too hard to get your head around. Just say "i wont drink today". That is doable, forever is not in the early days. Oh i eat a LOT of cake now!

I stopped throwing up years ago, al was too precious to get back up again! Sad but true.

You both can do this but keep on here and post like a lunatic. WE are great listeners.

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

i wont drink today! this is doable.. no wine in the house.. are you still smoking avail?

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

oops i thought i edited that last one but it didnt show up. Im so glad i poured out my last pony of chard because it would have down the hatch already. its seems like the slightest trigger sends me to the bottle, some neighbor boys are playing outside with my 9 year old and they just pushed him down in the mud, ganged up style.. I saw it with my own eyes and then they denied it. lied, i yelled at them and told them to go home! Practice is in 2 hours. Please god give me strength!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hey WHITEMARSH... I'm right here doing this with you. It's been helping to think of today only. Just today. I can get through one day for God sakes - and there is always down time - the cravings aren't constant. So if I can make it through a craving, there is better time on the other side. You are not alone, and in the end, AL will make it all worse!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

WMM, as you know, getting and staying sober is a skill, it can be learned...and mastered! You just have to build up your immunity to the triggers and recognize who is doing the talking in your head! Learning which voices to listen to will come, as you know. Great job of pouring out that AL and saving your poor liver the trouble of processing it! I believe something so strongly I put it in my signature line....all you gotta do, is get thru THIS day. So far, so good!! B

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Icanwithoutacan;1690819 wrote: Sounds like me about right now Whitemarshmom....It's like I'm on autopilot and have lost control....So just for today and tonight .....I WILL NOT DRINK....no matter how mad or sad or overwhelmed or anxious I feel....Join me?
Welcome back, Ican :l

You wrote this last May. It is worth doing whatever it takes to get yourself back in this mindset again:

Icanwithoutacan;1664850 wrote: ... Reading about PAWS or listening to a podcast about it really helps ....I have had to learn to accept that yes, this is it. There is no amazing perfect life zapped into being because I quit drinking. There are amazing days and moments. Like waking up without a hangover every day, not worrying about counting alcohol cans/bottles, freedom from hiding and shame, driving whenever I want/need, not planning my activities around drinking, an alert mind that dreams if more than just a drink and checking out.
I think normies realized this in their normal development process (the one we were drinking away)---that life is amazing bc of many amazing moments linked together with a few wow moments interspersed here and there. We alkies seem to think we are entitled to wow moments bc of our struggle to live in reality..... When in actuality that is reality- struggling through some moments, cherishing amazing moments, accepting good and bad, happy and sad.... And being grateful that we are here and alert enough to really see the WOW moments when they happen.

I think you have 5 kids at home, right? As one whose kids have grown up and gone on their ways, I know you want to be alert to everything with them and not have future regrets about what you missed.

What did you do last time to accomplish all you did? And what additional tool do you need so that you don't let it slip away again?

I've written to you before that your posting seems to be rather sporadic while a commitment to engaging here, giving and receiving support, seems to be a critical element for most people. Do you think that would help you?

Maybe you could share your plan for the upcoming 7 days and you might get some feedback that will help you do it.

xx, NS

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

can you all share some of the plans that you put into place to help eliminate AL from your lives?

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, WMM

Have you checked out the Toolbox? The link is given below. It is brimming with ideas for you to consider but in the short run:

Have alternative beverages you enjoy to drink.
Don't get hungry.
Read and read here - post your feelings and continue to ask questions.
Promise yourself that if you're tempted to drink, you'll post here first and will wait for a response. (I promise you no one will tell you to go ahead and chug that down!!)
Go to bed as early as you can to escape temptation.
Notice every little thing that happens that is better because you didn't drink. After awhile, drinking starts to seem really stupid.

Anyway, I hope you can spend your former drinking time reading in the toolbox. Something someone has written should be just what you need to read.

All the best, NS

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

WhiteMarsh, I thought you'd never ask! Here is something I posted sometime back about my Plan. Maybe it will help you!

What is a Plan?
I heard about this thing called a Plan, and I HAD plans, but I wouldn't call it a PLAN, as such....it was more of a HOPE. A GOAL, even. A PLAN sounded way too formal for this thing I was embarking on...after all, what if I failed? I learned that Hope is NOT a strategy. Get yourself a PLAN.

#1 Failure is not an option. When you think you are going to fail, guess what? You FAIL! Wrote this book on this one. Get your mind into a mode of THIS WILL BE DONE. Don't be willy-nilly, or your willy will get nillied. Your mind is your best friend and your biggest enemy. Control IT and you will win. Control your thoughts and you will win.

Get all of the AL out of your house/space. Yes...ALL of it. You don't need a safety net because you are not going to fail. I fought this one hard, but I wasn't able to succeed until I did it. No, I was NOT different than everybody else, I could not resist it if it was in the house. GET IT OUT.

Get your story down as to why you're not drinking. This is important. Get a story together you can live with. I actually have ulcerative colitis, so I say that my UC is 1000 times better if I don't drink. If you are a Type A personality, you might enjoy using 'AL kills my ulcers'. If you are a health nuts, "I'm detoxing"....religious nut? "I gave it up for Lent and felt so good I kept going".....you get the idea. Get your story and stick to it.

EAT! As Alkies, we aren't used to eating. This is the SILVER BULLET to succeeding. If you have a bad craving and The Voices are knocking, EAT! Eat until you are FULL! Remember those times when you've said, "I can't eat another bite of anything!" That's the full we're talking about. You will not want anything if you EAT!

You are gonna feel like dookey for a few days. I felt flu-like for the first couple weeks, so treat yourself well. Drink plenty of fluids and rest! Your body is changing over from an ethanol burning engine to a food/nutrient burning machine. Have patience as your body makes this transition.

Keep yourself out of temptation. STAY out of the wine aisle at the grocery store. NO, you are not stronger than this thing, protect your young quit with everything you've got. Stay out of bars and avoid booze parties, especially the first 3 or 4 weeks. I don't care how strong you feel, this is a new thing for us and temptation is everywhere. Avoid it at all costs.

Change your mindset from one of deprivation to one of gratitude. Just look at the folks on here who have made C-changes in their lives!!! They are HAPPY and optimistic! Does this sound like someone who considers themselves deprived? It's all a matter of perspective. Thank God, you don't HAVE to drink today!!! Remember, to a worm, digging around in the hard old ground is a lot more relaxing than going fishing! Try not to throw, attend and participate in Pity Parties, they serve no good purpose.

Glue yourself to this site and learn everything you can about this condition we have. Knowledge is power. Nothing we do or think hasn't been done or thought before, so look back on the 7 years of experience here and you will find out what happens if you do such and such.

Let go of the past... don't look back. Let it go. ALL of it. Forgive yourself and move on....nothing to see here. There is NOTHING we can do to change what we've done, but we can start today and make things better for our future.

Did I mention gluing yourself here? Read and Post!!! This is key! Being part of a group is important. Like so many have said recently, we find that we actually don't have a much of a life outside the bottle! So learning to trust others again is part of our emotional growth and healing. Yes, the Nest does move fast, but we are always on point. You just regained about 4-6 hours a day back, so spending 30 minutes catching up here should be no problem. Staying connected here is a real key to STAYING sober. The world out there is telling us to do something totally counter to what we know we must do. Staying connected with like-minded people is vital. We are swimming upstream on this one...it's nice to have fellow fish to make the journey with us.

I feared someone giving me a drink by mistake....if they ever do, I'm spitting it back in the glass. My quit is my foundation. No one can take it from me.

That's my take on The Plan. Byrdie