Newbies Nest

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Pinecone;1692934 wrote: Hi Friends,

Wagmore, I think you hit upon a real truth there. I don't feel like I'm "not drinking" (although I'm not ). I feel like I'm living AF life. Psychologically, the two couldn't be further apart. I don't feel one bit deprived. Drinking is what was truly depriving me of living the kind of life I should have been.

Hi, All:

I couldn't log on last night so a quick hello on the way to work.

Great to see you K9 :yougo:

Pinecone - I couldn't agree more with your statement above.

Happy Hump Day everyone.

Pav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Howdy All. Just checking in to say that I will not drink today, no matter what. I am grateful to be sober, though I am really, really tired. Stay on that horse y'all.

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Kensho, congratulations on your job! And yes, stayin' on the horse.

Happy AF Thursday.

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesties!

It's sooo good to be back! I have missed you all, and can't wait to catch up with the newbies!

I have been training at a new job for the last 5 weeks, so I wasn't free to check in much, but now I plan to be back ALL the time!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi K-9! I wondered where you went! Good training?

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Been thinking a lot about alcohol... it is popping into my mind now, as I am realizing I used it for abating the racing mind I get at times. Has anyone else felt like they used AL to calm ADD?

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

Afternoon all, Day 22 and I am white knuckling it today. I've been thinking about buying AL for hours now and really I'm finding it hard to escape any kind of thought without it leading there.
"What a nice day to BBQ, a beer would be good"... "I have no kids today with me, a beer would be great would to BBQ with on the deck, it's so nice"... Ahhhhhh! *&%$^%#%#%$#@!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Use the old "play it through to the end of the film" trick, Mof3. It isn't a happy ending if you drink. You can get through this.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, just checking in and still AF, into Day 2. Super super brain foggy, arg! Usually on forums I'm the one who goes through and responds to *everything* point by point but I've got the attention span of a gold fish. So another general thanks to everyone; 'cause I can at least do that!

Tough morning, I had an all body spasm out of nowhere when I tried to sleep last night - pulled something in my foot. >.< But I put on an audiobook to get myself to calm down. Slept way longer than I wanted to, but I'm sure that means I need it. And I'm still pushing for it.

I keep reminding myself that if I don't need AL, the smart thing is to lay off it and let my body heal. And if I do "need" it...well, then I probably shouldn't be having any. I'm also realizing I've got quite a few books sitting around here that talk about alcohol abuse; I'm sure I picked them up "just out of curiousity" at the time. But reading them with a new eye now.

I'm thankful today that even if my brain is foggy at least I know it's not because I drank last night or this morning. At least I'm not worrying in the back of my head if this is the day I'm going to wake up with yellow skin or with my pancreas inflamed. And if I do dumb things at least I can tell people "My body is still detoxing" instead of making up an excuse so they don't know I've been drinking.

EDIT: Oh yeah, one more thing. What is the Nest Rollcall? Should I be joining that?

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends,

I can remember that panicky feeling of my newly sober brain being deprived of the daily drinking. In the first few weeks, it was fairly acute. I distracted myself with a small project during that time. Reading about witching hour on here helped greatly.

LostSoul and Kensho, you both did great! It is uncomfortable to struggle through, but each time YOU win, you get a little stronger.

You can trust that all the mental chatter subsides eventually, and it is so worth it to not share cranial real estate with lizard brain!

Momofthree, sending you support! Saying "I don't drink." out loud can really help.

Amything worthwhile does not come easily, but everyone here has the strength to do it. The real inner you brought you here for healing. "Shut up brain, I'm getting well." or my favorite "NO, HELL NO!" (credit to Byrdie!). Have a great AF day!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

MOM3 we are on the same page today! Let's not take that road as we will regret it. I'm there right with you on the cravings. ALBrain is creeping in and I'm working really hard to say NO NO NO NO...

Besides, I have a reward scheduled tomorrow for my day 10 and I would hate to miss it or cancel and lose $$. It's just days like today with WAY too much to do and a total lack of focus when I want relief. Guess I'll have to find it elsewhere. It's really uncomfortable. But I keep coming to the decision to NOT drink, so just because I don't like how I feel now doesn't mean AL will solve anything. Uugh.

LavB, you seem very realistic with your approach. Sounds like you are on a good path.

Ciao y'all - I'm going to make it through this day. But I don't know how many like this I will be able to handle. Something has to change.

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

I really hate these moments and I am really thankful it's not a daily occurrence. I have not went back out to get anything to drink, I stayed glued to the house and started searching for things to make to eat. Maybe I'll cook up some corn on the cob and fry some scallops, that should do the trick I am hoping. Something for a splurge. Don't these moments just suck ass? The only good thing is that it's supper time and even though the kids aren't home right home I've developed a routine to be home at this time and prepare meals for everyone. I've moved my wine glasses out of reach, I forget who's idea that was but they are no longer in direct eye sight anymore and that does actually help.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

I'm hoping I'm on a good path, thank you! I just did something that makes it much more real to me and messaged my dad. He's an alcoholic, been sober for a long time now (yay dad!) and last I checked is also an addiction counselor now. We don't really stay in touch well - no hard feelings, just we were never close after my parents divorced when I was a kid. But I know he does love me...and I also know he knows all the ways AL tries to grab you back. I think he's going to have plenty to say if I start saying that maybe I'm ok and don't actually have a problem. That's probably one reason I put off talking to him about it; there is no "Ha ha, jk; I can drink fine" after telling him. I got away with this for too long blaming my depression and acting like things were fine when really I'd given up on anything good in my life.

I'll be panicking next week, I'm sure. Eventually I've got to go through and fix all the messes in my life that I've been drinking to avoid. Just not letting myself think about all that just yet.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Come to think of it, if I'm annoying anyone by being strangely excited even though this isn't easy for me that's why. I didn't admit it to myself, but I've spent the last 5 years or so just not even caring about anything good in my life. "My life went to shit and I'll never be able to fix it, so why even try?" I know I still have to fix the things that went all wonky but even being able to care and start thinking it's all fixable is about a million times better than I was doing.

'K, I need to make some food. Good thoughts towards everyone, though; I'm pulling for all of you guys, too!

[K9Lover]

Newbies Nest

Mo3 - I second what NS said, "fast forward" from that first beer, to number 10 (if you're like me) and then again to the 3 am anxiety wake-up call. Is a short-lived buzz worth it? We all know the "fun" part of drinking lasts about 5 minutes...the rest is all HELL. Hang in there...you CAN do this! :l

Kensho - My training has been for my new job...I transferred departments at work and I am much happier. It's so LAID BACK here

Lav2 - I know you can do this...keep posting whatever you are feeling...it does help!