Newbies Nest

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Welcome to all of the newest newbies (and those returning to the nest). Great job with getting those first days under your belt. Keep reading and posting - together we are stronger!

On my end, I'm back from my paddling races and had a fantastic AF weekend. Was surrounded by partiers Sat and Sun nights after hard days of races, but I stuck with my plan and made it through with little trouble.

One tactic I decided to try, which worked wonderfully, was to arrive a bit late to the big post-race celebration. By the time I arrived, most other people had already been there about an hour or so and had a couple of drinks in them. In this buzzed-on-the-way-to-drunk state of mind, they didn't even notice that I wasn't drinking.

Yay!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Wow - looks like the nest exploded today :H
Hello & welcome to the newbies & welcome back to the returnees

Wags, that's awesome about your weekend! It's true, most other people don't notice what you're drinking (or not)!

I had a great day & a nice visit from my daughter & granddaughter - perfect really
This is the life I really wanted. I have it now & I'm keeping it, no matter what!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

MAE, Folks

Welcome back, Fin. I was lurking when you were here at some point. I remember boat making??? Glad you're back to see this thing through. Your list was wonderful. NoSugar gave me the "write it all down" advice, too, and I have to say that I etched that last weekend in my memory - I was MISERABLE - and any time I am tempted I conjure that feeling.

Artsy, Coco, WMM and everyone else - if you're back, think what will be different this time? When you encounter that VERY STRONG temptation, how will you react? Do you have it firmly in your mind each morning that you will not drink that day? No matter what? One day at a time really meant something to me once I started seriously focusing on getting and staying sober. Although I will not drink no matter what, sometimes it was hard to contemplate that for a lifetime. One day at a time is all it takes...

Food, glorious food, helped me stay sober. I eat more and still have lost weight - makes a lot of difference to not be drinking so many calories!

Butt velcro on, nest, and hold on tight to those Lav, Byrdie and NS tail feathers - they know what they're talking about.

Pav

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

Hi, checking in time

Great to see so much positive vibe in the nest. And well wishes to everyone starting & restarting their AF journey.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Working late tonight. I can't stop thinking about AL, so I thought I'd post it so it doesn't get out of hand. It amazes me how I can be having a totally positive day, and then WAMMO, a difficult time. I hate working late - despise it in fact - and so I want the feel good factor. I keep having thoughts that AL will give me pleasure & no one would know. I know better, of course, but damn that voice!!!!!!!!! NO. I will focus on my work, and get it done as quickly as possible - try to make that a game. A little WILL hurt me and I'll go back to wanting 3-4 per night and I decided I didn't want that. There is no such thing as a "little" in my world. Maybe I'll get some gum. Stupid f-ing voice!!!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

You can do it, Kensho! Hang in there and I'm glad you posted. I'm not awake enough to come up with super good advice, but I wanted to at least say I'm sending good thoughts your way.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Thank you LavB! It is no darn wonder I drank so much during the growth part of my career because I worked late almost every night. I absolutely hate this, and I hate the work I'm doing. I'll be made of steel if I can get this project done sober tonight. It's clear to me now that I will need to hire this part of the process out. I could be snuggly in bed at this moment, but it has to be done for a 10am meeting. ARGH!!! Why isn't there a mood bar for "Pissed OFF"? Ok. So I'm checking in every half hour to tell you all that I'm still sober.

[available]

Newbies Nest

The problem is Kensho you will know you drank and you will be the one that has let yourself down. When i stopped drinking I knew the only people i would hurt are myself and my children. I was over hurting myself, i had been doing it for years by drinking. Its hard saying no to al, its horrendous sometimes but i felt a sense of self worth when i did not succumb to that voice. Each time i said no, i had won and each time it got easier. I used to imagine that voice was a little man who had to be put back into his box and believe me i had a box for him on the left side at the back of my brain. (i'm sure people think i am nuts) but i had to give him an identity and a place and i had to put him back. now 8 months later he is locked safely away and i never want to find the key to let him out.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

You are very right. I would be mad at myself. Focusing. Thanks.

[Mein Sonnenschein]

Newbies Nest

Day 18!!! Wow. I'm constantly amazed that I made it this far. I find that staying at home as much as I can really helps me with temptation (there is no AL in the house), which is not difficult for me since my depressed brain usually wants to stay home anyway. Sleep last night was not good but this is no surprise as my sleep has been crap for years.

Today's plan is to #1 Practice Gratitude, attempt to be proud of myself rather than beating myself up for past failures, a three hour German class this afternoon (yuck) and healthy eating. I'm adding honey to my coffee in the morning to quench my newly discovered sweet tooth, in hopes that the sugar cravings will subside. I'm hoping to lose some AL pounds as well. When I think of the years of wine/beer calories that I poured down my throat without a thought... it's no wonder that none of my cute clothes fit.

I have to attend a wedding on Saturday. At the moment I'm feeling confident and I hope to keep up that feeling through the weekend.

So happy to be here. Much love and strength to you all today. :l

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Going to bed. 3am. No drinking, lots of yawning.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Just had a "ahha" moment! (This sometimes happens when I keep my mouth shut and just read".

I too worked at home for 6 years. I did this after I left the legal field, and started my own businesses. When I was working around a 'time clock', I had 2 smoke breaks and only drank a bit when I got home from work, but had to get to bed by "x" time so I could get up in the morning for the next day of work. That was discipline that was enforced on me.

Now, thinking back, my drinking and smoking got worse when that 'discipline' that was enforced upon me by another source was gone.

I don't know why I never thought of this before, b/c it makes perfect sense! I think I was REBELLING from the life of the 8-5 job, stressed beyond belief, kissing bosses asses, getting no credit...yada yada yada....and then still trying to deal with emotions of my family. When I quit the workforce, and began working from home...that gave me free reign to smoke and drink whenever I wanted! (I obviously already had the addiction, but it just wasn't as bad then).

When I sold my businesses and decided to be 'retired'...drinking became much worse! I was so used to being almost compulsively busy to doing nothing ... that my mind didn't know what to do with itself, except 'numb' it.

As I was reading ya'lls posts tonight- I got up off the couch to grab another glass of wine. THIS is when all this hit me!!! I was filling up my glass and thinking about the 'work at home' thing, and realized- I didn't even want wine! I got up off the couch b/c I was restless. (and I often am). Sometimes, I will get up just to throw a little sliver of paper away in the trash...just to DO something.

Could it be that I've made a breakthru in my mind that I needed to come to in order to gain some resolve????

When I was working for SOMEONE else I HAD to do certain things (I.e, the parent syndrome), but when I worked for myself...I set the rules. (and that obviously didn't work out so well)

Maybe I need someone to TELL me what to do. I obviously have no intention of going back to work, but I thought of this....

PRETEND I was working again. Wherein I had to punch a clock and get to bed early and still get chores done at home.

Does this resonate with anyone else here??

It could seem silly to most of you, but this truly is enlightening to me after reading ya'lls posts over the last day or so.

As I said months ago (when I joined)...I needed to find the 'cause' of what was wanting me to drink. I think this could be a big part of what it is. Previously, I was thinking I was drinking AT my mother, deaths, health, etc.. I really never considered this before tonight.

Maybe this is the "ah ha" moment I needed!??

Curious as to your thoughts.

Love,

Sarah

P.S. Sorry for the long post, and wishing all the newbies and others an AF day today!

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

Ah, Kensho, you made it through! Good on you for posting!

Happy Day 18, Mein!

Pie

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Me in, Good to see you back. I feel you on the weddings. We've had so many this summer. Funny when your not drinking how much earlier you want to leave. Between weddings and kayak trips I feel somewhat like a piranha. I am the only one that does not drink. But I would rather be that then the alcoholic everyone knew I was. And I thought I kept it a secret. I was so clueless. A friend told me last weekend she never said anything about my drinking because she knew I would quit when I wanted too. I never drank around her but a few times. Quite a blow to my pride. Every humiliating moment in my life in the last 5 years was because of AL. God, I hate AL so much. I wish it were a person so I could beat the hell out of it.

Strength to You Mein. You were so kind & encouraging to me when I first came here so broken . I hope I can return the favor.

A shout out to all the new people, welcome, welcome, welcome.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Was kind of restless myself last night, oh well. I'll live

Kehsho, glad you got thru your evening unscathed. Staying up until 3 am is tough, you need to work on that

Mein, great on your 18 AF days - yay!
Not drinking will become your new norm!

Sarah, glad you are thinking things through. Now you can adjust your plan & work on a better AF future for yourself.

Chero, the longer we are AF the further we move away from our old drinking selves. I'm never going back there, how about you?

Wishing everyone a terrific AF Tuesday!

Lav