Newbies Nest

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Not that I'm an old timer here, but wow so many new folks!

Sarah42 - I know that for me, my drinking was at its worst after some major stress in my life plus I was unemployed for over a year. For a while I figured it would get back to "normal" when I was working again and once I recovered from the stress...but for me it didn't really work that way. I was still drinking anytime I could find the time. And I coudln't figure out why I wasn't really getting over that really bad time in my life. This time around with unemployment I thought I could keep to a schedule, but that didn't last long.

You know yourself better than I know you, but my own realization was that if I didn't already have an issue with drinking, that wouldn't have been my go to unemployed! I can think of a LOT of other things I could be doing with my freetime...but apparently "drink all day" was what sounded best to me. Anyway, for me I think I need to not drink at all AND either get back to working or find hobbies to keep me busy in the interim.

Kensho - so glad you made it, woo hoo!!! o/

jenniech - Nice to meet you and I'm glad you're here. This is definitely not my first quit, even if it's my first time on the site.

Daisy - Hi and nice to meet you, too. I know I've read your posts on other threads and they must have been good ones if I remember that! (That's a joke about my memory, not the quality of posts here. ^^)

peppersnow - Congrats and thanks so much for the post! I love hearing from people who have really made a change in their lives and are moving forward. Reminds me I have a lot to look forward to as time goes on.

Weary and Orimus; hi and nice to meet you as well!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

See the Light;1695303 wrote: I?m over 3 weeks now, and if I can do it, anyone can? (even if I ever slip, I know I will get right back up and try again).. hang in there all and stay strong

STL,
May I pick on you a little bit here? I LOVED your post! ALL except this last line....
If I thought I could pick myself right back up after a roll in the hay with AL, heck, why not? The problem is, so many people have a pretty straightforward time quitting and then think it's no big deal to get back up again. I'm here to tell you, IT'S A BIG DEAL. I've seen folks fall and NEVER get back up! If you have had a pretty smooth time quitting, consider yourself lucky! It gets HARDER every time! But here's the real rub, just as your body is healing and your brain is trying to rewire and your habits are changing, if you feed that addiction you are right back in the throes of it....just like nothing happened, you gotta start all over starving the beast. It sucks! BAD. Feeding our addiction keeps it alive. In fact, I'd dare to say that continuously stopping and starting makes the addiction worse (see Kindling Effect). It's 1000 times easier to maintain your quit than to start over....and I have the scars to prove it! Don't even THINK of failing....FAILURE IS NOT AN OPTION!
Stopping AL abuse is all a mind game, and we must use all we have! Don't give yourself an out with AL, because Dick Head will find the escape hatch (and the key)!

Peppersnow, I loved your post and I agree 100%. There's a whole sub culture out there to whom drinking never crosses their minds!! Once we can see with sober eyes, it is interesting to observe who is and who isn't ordering. Rahul had a wonderful post several months back...he was in an airport drinking, full of regret....and here comes some dignitary, complete with entourage....and the dignitary was drinking tea! I think the worm is turning in terms of AL....I don't think all the cool kids ARE doing it...I think the cool ones aren't!!

Great job everyone....do whatever it takes to get thru this day AF!!! You will never regret ONE DAY you spend sober!! Byrdie

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Oh hey, I forgot my actual "Hi and an update" in responding to other things. Well, I'm at my Day 7 now, at 7pm tonight I will have made it a week. I'll have a little AF party for myself, I think - I don't think I've got it all figured out or anything but it's definitely a pretty nice step forward for me.

My sleep is still off schedule, but I'm sleeping more if that makes sense. And it's been really interesting - when I wake up I immediately feel guilty for a moment, and then I remember that I didn't drink the night before and I can let go of that vague guilt. And last night - well, last night I dreamed about a specific ex of mine. He was at the base of my really bad time - I might give the story at some point but it was a very toxic relationship and he eventually went to prison over some thing that I'm not feeling like talking about at the moment. Usually when I have a dream about him it rocks me for the rest of the day (of course, usually I drink even more in the morning to try to forget about it). He's usually threatening to kill himself in the dream, and it's just...it's not a pleasant dream to be having at all. Anyway, I'm finding it easier to let go of the dream when I'm sober. To acknowledge that I don't like him popping up in my dreams, but it is just a dream and I can let it go. It actually is affecting me less now than it used to when I was drinking - who knew, eh?

Good thoughts to everyone starting out or still moving forward; thanks for the support and I hope everyone has a great day!

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

lavender, you really seem to be going at this with the right attitude, well done on seven days, thats brilliant!

alcohol messes with our emotions in all sorts of ways and your reaction to your horrible dream shows you are feeling strong and ready.

i dont remember seeing if you said how much you were drinking, if you did could you repeat yourself please?

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Thank you roxane; I think it's helping that I was desperate to make *some* kind of change in my life because it's been so crappy for so long. So when I came here and got the lightbulb that, gee, maybe it's the drinking I need to address first it was kind of a relief in a way? Like at least there is ONE thing I can do that will definitely help the rest.

I drank more than I should probably...always...but the last 5 years or so it's been something like 16 units a day? It was way more for the year after that relationship - I wound up with pancreatitis and decided if I took a break and drank mixed drinks instead of straight whiskey that would totally make everything ok. >.< It might have been less when I was working...but I don't think so. I think I just crammed the same amount into less hours.

I deliberately didn't pay attention to how strong I made my drinks so it wasn't until last weekend that I really did the math on what I was at. I figured how often I was buying a new bottle and did the math from there and went "Oh. Crap."

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Yes Byrdie- Duly noted ..I agree. Rookie mistake...I read on one of the posts about relapses here that one of the signs that you are going to relapse (or slip) is that you already allow that option to exist in the first place. Being confident (but not overconfident) that the quit will not go away, and this is the final time is a key overlapping characteristic of all successful long time posters I have read here. Instead of hoping that I can get up and try and again next time, I (we all actually) need to believe this is the last time and work hard for that, so we never need wonder what happens next time.

I used that same slip of ?if? before my first weekend here when I wasn?t sure I was going to make it through my first weekend AF. People use the hamster wheel reference sometimes here?but it?s not really?.I think it?s more like a treadmill that keeps increasing in resistance and speed the longer you are on it...unless it is maybe truly rock bottom, then it?s a 600 pound barbell pressed against your chest with no spotter around?. I like a good workout as much as the next person, just not that way?Thanks

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

MAE everyone! It's Wednesday morning here in Aus. Hump day. Welcome to all the newcomers and stay close to the nest. Lots of wonderful support here.

Happy birthday Rox for the other day:bday3:

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

oh crap indeed. home measures are always more generous than pubs ones. wine was my choice of drink, ended up using tall glasses with sturdy bottoms. less likely to knock over and could fit more in them.

STL, i saw that part of your post and thought the same as byrd but she put it better than i ever could.

thanks petrel!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

LavBlue
It's our pleasure to shine a Full Moon on you for these 7 Days!
:moon:
GREAT JOB in kicking AL's arse! Keep up the great work, the worst is behind you! (that just never gets old!)

STL, :l (it's ALL a mindset!)

Roxy, GREAT to see you! B

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Good grief, things are movin' here! I love the energy and feel less alone in this struggle. Great to read everyone's thoughts. Thank you LAVB and AVA for the support last night. That's the worst craving I have ever denied.

BYRDIE, I loved your words about service. It is easy (fir me) to get self consumed in this mess and I agree that nothing heals like helping others heal.

WEARY, I was amazed at two things: One, that the girls could have leftover from one bottle if wine after an entire night, and two, that I was amazed by that. It's been my downfall at times to ride on the belief that I don't have a very "big" problem, but this reminds me that my drinking habits and my thoughts about AL were not healthy.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Woooo weeee, am I craving hard right now. Day 2. I've had three invitations to various activities today that all feed my AL brain. 1) a bluegrass jam, a friend from out of town leaves a message about a spontaneous meeting over beers and call from an attorney friend who has great seats for the baseball game tomorrow night. Party, party!

I've just resolved to not do any of it and opting to go see Boyhood, the movie, by myself with a big Nalgene bottle of H2O. Tomorrow night I'll just stay home. Hard work going on here, hard work!

Stay strong and be good,
-Fin

[artsymom]

Newbies Nest

LavBlue--Big Congrats on your 7 days. Hope to be there soon.

I know I am new here, but learned a trick about bad dreams. Booze or no booze, I have always, always had terrible dreams, some about bad, past things I would much rather forget. I often woke in a panic, soaked in sweat. Couldn't get over it even after realizing it was a dream. I was taught that immediately when you wake up from a dream like that you should note where you are. Normal things. Notice your bed, your alarm clock, your dresser, the water spot on the ceiling, whatever. Here comes the crazy part. You should say it out loud: "I'm in my own bed. There's my alarm clock. There's my white noise generator. There's my lamp" Yes, if you have a partner in bed, he or she will think you're crazy, but it has actually helped me. Good luck to you.

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1695377 wrote: Woooo weeee, am I craving hard right now. Day 2. I've had three invitations to various activities today that all feed my AL brain. 1) a bluegrass jam, a friend from out of town leaves a message about a spontaneous meeting over beers and call from an attorney friend who has great seats for the baseball game tomorrow night. Party, party!

I've just resolved to not do any of it and opting to go see Boyhood, the movie, by myself with a big Nalgene bottle of H2O. Tomorrow night I'll just stay home. Hard work going on here, hard work!

Stay strong and be good,
-Fin

Hey Fin
that music thing is certainly beer related. What I've found is that now I really enjoy playing sober. It took awhile to get there but you really do play better straight. There's a real high all unto itself when you get playing ok without the "edge". It took me several festivals to feel that comfort. The turning point was seeing people feeling like shit the next day and I WASN'T ONE OF THEM! It was also helpful my friends did not pressure me in any way to drink. That was key and I'm grateful that they did not. You might need to be up front with them.

Lots of water is a good thing. The hard work will pay off as you know!
be well
Sam

[artsymom]

Newbies Nest

Hey, Fin,

Stick with WMM and me! We don't wanna lose you, we just started here. I know how you feel. I'm a long-time professional musician myself. Music and drinking seem to go together so perfectly. Usually "let's jam" really means, "let's all get drunk." Thing is, like Samstone said, the music is actually better when you're clear-headed, and you sure feel better the next day--or the same day, if the "jam" went on all night. You might want to let your attorney friend in on your trying to be AF. Attorneys have one of the worst records of alcohol and drug dependence and, boy, it eventually catches up with every one of them. Anyway, stick with it. Let us know how "Boyhood" is and if I'll need a box of tissues to go see it.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Artsy...I remember watching the Today Show several years ago and the Rolling Stones were on there and one of the members (not Keith Richards or Mick, and not the drummer...dang, can't recall his name) had quit drinking and they all said he played better and so did he! I sure wouldn't want a surgeon having a couple of belts before getting to me!!! Makes sense, it dulls us in every way! B