Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

AL was ruining my life, my health, even my brain. I felt like hell all the time. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't think. I could barely get through work. I was hiding, sneaking, lying about this horrid poison that had taken over my life. Until one day I broke. I cried out to God for help. I couldn't do it on my own. I kept trying to control AL but it was controlling me. I believe God heard my pleading cries because suddenly I had the strength. He answered my prayers. I was so unworthy and ashamed to even speak to him. For the things I've done, for the person I become. But broken, sobbing, and hopeless....I took a chance".*

Cherokeer~ thanks for sharing that. It is amazing how fast AL"the beast" makes us forget our miseries and regrets, when the thought if drinking slips back in.
I too have began replaying and writing down my past horrors. I remind myself at the age of 40, the worst choices, decisions regrets I ever made came from being drunk. I know I cant dwell on the past, but I sure as Hell will use past as a reminder.
Any way your post made me think of that.

AF 15 days

[jenniech]

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you are all an inspiration?. i just DUMPED my glass of wine
one step at a time

[artsymom]

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Jenniech. YES!!!

[artsymom]

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Fin--Happy to be one of "your people." Love bluegrass, btw, even though I never played it myself. I introduce myself as the only person in Appalachia who cannot play a stringed instrument. Not saying musicians have it any worse than anyone else (because we don't), but there is a "culture" around bands and bars. I remember when I was "just a kid" starting playing I was told if someone wanted to buy me a drink (or a dozen--or a bottle) NEVER to say "I don't drink." Bad for business, ya know (and I was underage!!). And since most of us have some level of stage fright, I also love your reference to "cans of performance courage." Gotta get over that. Meanwhile, I'll check out that link and get back to you. Geez, Toy Story 3 made me sob!

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Samstone;1695380 wrote: Hey Fin
that music thing is certainly beer related. What I've found is that now I really enjoy playing sober. It took awhile to get there but you really do play better straight. There's a real high all unto itself when you get playing ok without the "edge". It took me several festivals to feel that comfort. The turning point was seeing people feeling like shit the next day and I WASN'T ONE OF THEM! It was also helpful my friends did not pressure me in any way to drink. That was key and I'm grateful that they did not. You might need to be up front with them.

Lots of water is a good thing. The hard work will pay off as you know!
be well
Sam
Right on Sam. This is my experience.

artsymom;1695389 wrote:
I'm a long-time professional musician myself. Music and drinking seem to go together so perfectly. Usually "let's jam" really means, "let's all get drunk." Thing is, like Samstone said, the music is actually better when you're clear-headed, and you sure feel better the next day--or the same day, if the "jam" went on all night.
Yep. Another musician here Artsymom!

Byrdlady;1695390 wrote: Artsy...I remember watching the Today Show several years ago and the Rolling Stones were on there and one of the members (not Keith Richards or Mick, and not the drummer...dang, can't recall his name) had quit drinking and they all said he played better and so did he!

Ronnie Wood Brydy. He stopped and started many times, but he'd be a little over 2 years sober now. Inspiration!

jenniech;1695452 wrote: you are all an inspiration?. i just DUMPED my glass of wine
one step at a time

It is you who are the inspiration Jennie! Great stuff. All the best with your dog. Sadly, our pets get old way before we do.

Take it easy out there, and kick some ass in your own way. G.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Matt, thank you and congrats on 15 days. I agree with you 100%. I use it as a reminder not a weight to pull me back under. When lizard brain starts I try to beat it back in submission with reading here and a trip down "that I shall not name" lane. It happens evermore infrequently as time goes on. But I never get completely comfortable because I think (for me) complacency would cause me to begin to let my guard down. I think I will have to be the Sentinel for some time to come. How about you?

Jen-Good job! Let the sewer have it.

[LavenderBlue]

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Cherokeer, thank you for that post! I'm not sure why I wound up on here either; it makes me suspect I was nudged. I'd been crying to God, the Universe, anything for just one thing I could do to get myself out of the hole I dug and then couldn't get out of. Don't get me wrong; the effects of that hole are going to take a lot longer than a week to fix! But at least I'm not digging DOWN anymore (while wondering why the hole keeps getting deeper).

Jenni, YAY YOU!!! I started my taper and then my quit earlier than I planned thanks to this board and I don't regret it one bit. Rooting for you from over here!

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Agreed! I know it will get easier, but I also I have to keep it real and REAL is if I do not guard and be the Sentinel to my quit, the beast can rise. IMO Complacency allows that old thinking and Al brain take over. It cost me a 10 month af period.
Thanks for your wisdom Cheroker!

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Lavender, Rome wasn't built in a day and trying to is overwhelming. I think we all get through one day at a time the best way we can. I believe whatever gets you through the day w/o AL, is okay. Whether it's eating a gallon of ice cream or sitting staring at the wall for hours. If it gets you one step closer to being AF. Then I say, "Pass the spoon"!

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Matt, keep up the good fight!! I know you can slay the "Beast"!

[available]

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Jenny great work but why do you have wine in the house? As a fellow alky i knew i had to take temptation out of the equation. If i had wine in the house i would of drank it, if i had anything relating to al i would have drank it. White knuckling is what we have to do in the first few days. We are withdrawing from a poison.

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

available;1695470 wrote: Jenny great work but why do you have wine in the house? As a fellow alky i knew i had to take temptation out of the equation. If i had wine in the house i would of drank it, if i had anything relating to al i would have drank it. White knuckling is what we have to do in the first few days. We are withdrawing from a poison.

Well said Available!
Jenny~ good choice! In the last couple of weeks I have kept myself glued these forums, several hours a day. Finding this site was divine intervention for me. In my first few days when the craving seemed to be the worst, I started reading, reading and posting my thoughts, it has been a savior.
Looks like it worked for you as well. Good luck and stay plugged in, I check this site often and would love to share/chat!

AF~15 Days
Thy will be done Not mine!

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Grrrr AL.... I had to go back out today to the laundromat today to wash all the clothes from our camping trip, i usually use our washer and dryer, but there was SO much dirty laundry , alot of pee soaked blankets. comforters and clothes from the kids since i am trying to wean my almost 7 year old and almost 10 year old from pull ups, it makes sense to do the laundry in the 80 pound washer. so of course as i was waiting the temptation grew as i waited.... I tried to resist, it was easier to give in.. I had 2 glasses before practice and saved 2 for when i got home, of course I thought that would be enough and this time would be different, but i finished off the last 2 and went to the garage in search of DH stash, found some irish rose ( its just like sweet wine) stole the whole unopened bottle, I'll deal with the consequences tomorrow if he finds out that soon, unless Friday comes 1st and i can afford to replace it.. I feel soooooooooooooo ashamed.. I found 17 dollars in our laundry at the laundry mat, i felt that it was a sign, ( from the devil Chat you all in the morning when i can start again........ AF Day 1 08/20/2014:upset:

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, All:

The nest is BUSY today - that means more happy people quitting alcohol. Even if you're struggling with cravings, feel the weight of the burden of alcohol being lifted from your shoulders as you decide once and for all to give yourselves FREEDOM!

O - as for winging it - that's what I did at first. I knew I had to quit, and I knew Byrdie, Lav, NS and others were successfully sober for a long time, so I just copied them - even if I didn't believe what they were saying, and even if I was tired of their endless optimism when I felt like shit. Post, read, eat, take the alcohol out of the house, WHATEVER they say, do it. You will eventually find your own way, but the willingness to accept help and the willingness to let someone tell you what to do to stay sober at the beginning will take the burden off of you to go it alone. The only things you have to do are take care of yourself and don't drink, no matter what. The rest is gravy.

I forgot to congratulate Pepper when I posted this morning - 150 days is AMAZING!! I love your posts, so keep 'em coming. Good luck with your husband. I know my relationship is a lot more smooth without alcohol as a third wheel.

Off to heat soup for my sick son. So glad I am sober and present for him!

xo
Pav

[artsymom]

Newbies Nest

WMM--I don't have any great words of wisdom for you, haven't been here long enough and I'm afraid of saying the wrong thing, but I will say, don't give up. It sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate. I think you're just going to have to try avoiding anywhere you can get AL if that's possible, at least for awhile. I guess I'm lucky my H doesn't drink, so no stashes to find. I am worried about you going out to replace the bottle, though. Can't think of an alternative, maybe someone with more experience can. 'Till then, take care of yourself and don't give up!