Newbies Nest

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

okoren1;1695196 wrote: Hi Sarah,
I can relate to a lot of what you wrote. I to had a business that I sold (investment banking) and then found myself at home with obviously less defined obligations. And, as you mentioned, AL usage suddenly became a bigger deal (I was always an evening drinker, but when I had more freedom in my day, it started PRECISELY at 5:00 pm). I found that, not only to curb the AL use, but also to keep my life relevant, I had to actively plan for things to do. Especially, things that "took me out of my self" so to speak. In other words, where MY needs/wants/desires were not the main focus, but helping others ARE. So, by the grace of God, I was invited to join a couple of non- profit boards where my business background could be useful, my spiritual/interior life improved- I regularly attend daily Mass, I actively got involved with mentoring some younger men/women just entering the business world, etc. In other words, it's like everything else that I (and I suspect you) have ever done during our business careers, I/we planned and executed. Same thing needs to happen now, that the demands on our time have changed. Make sense?

It absolutely makes sense! I need just adjust my plan to be pretty much busy all day/night long so that I'm exhausted. I'm not sure it's a healthy approach, but that is my personality. You are so correct about "taking me out of myself". That is a very poignant statement and very much relates to me. I gotta get OUT of myself- like I was a few years ago. I think realizing this is going to help me out now. I'm already writing down things I can do on a daily basis to keep me 'busy' so I'm only thinking about other things to focus on and not AL. I still have alot more writing to do, but I feel more hopeful now that I can succeed.

Going to read back....

Thanks,

Sarah

[available]

Newbies Nest

WWM why was it easier to give in? What does al do to to you that not drinking doesnt? Why did you need to spend that $17 on al? These are questions you have to ask yourself before you drink or buy al. Stress, family, life will never go away because we give up drinking, it will always be around and we have to learn to deal with it sober. I never thought i could deal with anything sober until i gave it a try and after the initial anxiety that i "wanted and needed" al to feel better and fighting tooth and nail with myself to not drink did i realise that al only made it worse. Us "oldies" with time up have been where you are, we know the battles that you have to face but if you give into al then al will always win. I used to think the oldies spoke so much crap, what did they know, i thought they just gave up and that was it, end of story! They never went through what i am going through. Well they did and i did also and what i found out was that being on here on my pc or iphone helped enormously, reading, eating, posting your feelings all helped to say not to al. It takes pure grit and determination to get through a craving but it can be done. Never say yes to al and you will succeed. The thoughts of drinking start way before buying that bottle.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Checking in on my final day 2! Had about 4 hours sleep as I had to drop my daughter off en route to Spain at 3am.....then up at 7 to start my first day of childminding.....it is only 11 and feels like a day is done already!
The kids are lovely.....another 2 coming at lunchtime for a couple of hours. They go home at 7.
Gonna be a long day!
So relieved to be sober today.....feel if I can get a good week done I should be ok again.....

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Wanted to share a story I found from a MWO'er in the" long term abstinence" thread. I fell into this with 10 months af~ It goes to show how powerful AL is.

Thanks for letting me share!
AF Day 16

In August of this year, I had four years of sobriety under my belt. I was proud of that and felt pretty good. But I fell into the trap of thinking maybe I was "cured" by having gone through that and was also older and wiser and I know many "normal" people drink less as they get older so I decided to experiment with moderating.*

I'm back here so you can guess how that went, eh? I haven't been here in so long but logged in this morning and the first message I read was celebrating five years and reread the struggle. I am trying to find my old posts so I can reread my own story and remind myself about how far it was.*

Let me tell you about the attempt to moderate for those of you thinking it might be an option.... I've done really well and event went on a trip to France and drank not a sip for those four years. But I began to think I missed wine with a meal, I missed a beer by the pool (though I do have oDouls for the taste).*

I talked to my husband and told him I wanted to have A glass of wine at a party we went to during a week of special festival events that included a lot of social events. He was supportive but cautious. He went to hell and back with me for many years. That first night that I decided to something happened that made the night emotional and I wound up not having that glass because I knew having alcohol in an emotional setting was not a good idea. The next night I did have a glass and it was ok. The third night I already pulled out the old trick of stopping for a mini vodka and red bull on the way to special event! The slide was that quick! That drug hit my brain and four years of discipline and strength went right back to sneakiness and needing to take the edge off before an event.*

After that week of festive stuff, I didn't drink again for two weeks and I thought that was good. Then we were out at a restaurant with a bunch of beer drinkers and I had a beer. .... but again after a stop at the store for a mini. One is never enough. How many times have we all heard that?*

Over the last couple of weeks I've had a drink or two almost every day. And not just with my husband or not just at an event. All the rules I said I'd do when I tried - only with other people, only once a week, only at a special event. Over the seven weeks since I decided to try moderating, (49 days roughly), I've probably had a drink about 25 of them... more over the last week which is the scary part. The escalation. The need. The buying a bottle to hide and have one here and there. I havent' gotten "drunk" but I the cloudiness in my brain last night, the waking in the middle of the night, and the not being fully in the moment for a couple of things lately really bothers me.*

It's not possible! My brain chemistry will not allow me to have any alcohol. So, today is my 41st birthday and I am being re-born into sobriety. Over the past 4 years I've proven I can do it and I felt great. I tried the moderation for this little interlude and I guess I've answered the question for myself forever - I am not able to drink.*

So, please welcome me back so I can make sure I master this again?

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

available: I know?.why do i keep wine in the house??????? Well it is all tied to the damn liquor store in New Hampshire on the way to Maine?..spent 2 weeks of july in Maine and so "stocked up" for the family and bought some really good wine at an extremely discounted price. After the 2 weeks, driving home, I thought it would be STUPID not to stop and buy a couple of more cases. What a downward spiral it has been!!!!!

I have done the quit many times in the past couple of years?..MWO was always a very powerful tool for me?..this time, with so much experience and wisdom under my belt, I feel like it might be different and I will make it. ?.. I am doing this at a pace that feels best and don't want to blow it?.
THANK YOU MWO?.I dumped that huge glass of wine last night and feel just a little bit better this morning because of it?.and slept better too.
AL is so idiotic

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Jennie

If you have wine in this house, it would be very hard for this not to happen again. You need to set things up so you can succeed.

Take care, NS

[Wearywino]

Newbies Nest

Hello everyone - just wanted to check in and to see how you all are. Well done Fin and Daisy for hanging in there.

I know that everyone talks about eating and how hunger affects cravings, but I really experienced this last night and almost caved in! Hubby and I took the dogs for a long walk early eve and decided that as it was getting late we would treat ourselves and order a Chinese takeaway to be delivered.

I was already hungry when we got home, but the food seemed to take forever. After about 25 minutes I was seriously wanted a glass of wine and drank two cans of ginger beer down quickly to try and suppress the craving. But I was starving and I've never wanted a drink more. I finally picked up my car keys ready to drive to the supermarket to buy a bottle, but when I sat in my car on the driveway, I thought how stupid this was and went back into the house. When the food finally arrived at about 9pm I piled my plate high and wolfed down so much I felt sick with the amount I had eaten - but hey, every thought of drinking wine disappeared and didn't re-enter my head for the rest of the eve.

I wouldn't recommend eating quite that much. I had to lie on the floor groaning because my stomach felt so full (I think I've only ever felt like that at Christmas!! - but I know I need to make sure I don't get hungry like that again. In hindsight, it would have been better to make a sandwich whilst I was waiting for the food and to just eat a lot less! But thank goodness I didn't drink!! :yay:

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

Hi Weary,

I've experienced the strong cravings you describe whilst hungry. For me it's a huge mistake to let too many hours pass between meals, so trying to be more vigilant about eating at reasonable intervals. Glad you made it through!

Pie

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Hump day

I am meeting some old friends for lunch today & all of us are non-drinkers for various reasons

WW, you learned a great lesson last evening. Don't allow yourself to get too hungry. Small, well planned protein snacks are a big help.

Hi Jennie, welcome back!
Reading your post & WMM's post reminded me of something I did when I quit. I absolutely vowed to never ever step foot in a wine store again! To this date I haven't & I believe it has been one of my best tools! I did all my drinking at home so I constantly had to go to the store to reload my stock. The wine store is located in the same shopping center as the supermarket so it was an effort to look the other way in the beginning but that's how I broke that habit. Habitual buying & drinking is a bad habit that can be changed if you try

Wishing everyone a great AF Wednesday!

Lav

[paulywogg]

Newbies Nest

Hi Weary,boy i know exactly how that feels! i try and eat small meals at the same time everyday to avoid that crazy,out of my mind feeling,good for you on avoiding the store,but sorry you got a tummy ache,keep small snacks around,i like nuts or jerky,keeps me full for a bit,stay strong

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Matt thank you for that post you found about trying to moderate. Just what I needed to see right about now. Yesterday I was at high school tryouts and one of the ladies was saying we should all go out for drinks tomorrow - we're moms we deal with all this stuff we deserve it! I said (coward that I am) 'sounds good to me!' - well of course it kind of does sound good. But I know I can't do it. So then I thought, can I? Just one? Again, I know better but boy I hate it when those thoughts come. I'd like to go and don't think I would have a problem with others drinking as long as I have a plan for what I will say in advance. I think just something about work the next day should suffice. I'll keep giving this some thought. But yes, I know where this would lead, and NO I can't just have one here and there, only when out, only on special occasions...I've tried it before - it doesn't work! I just wish AL brain didn't try to convince me the way it sometimes does!

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

The cravings at the beginning are so hard. In this video, the speaker says that the word is used so casually that it has lost meaning. The addict doesn't crave a drink the way a person craves a piece of pie or a juicy steak - but more like a drowning person craves air: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE. Getting past that is an accomplisment to be proud of!

The thing to remember is that the feeling will pass - usually within several minutes - so in that way it is not at all like drowning. You don't need to panic and think you'll feel like this forever or die. You won't. And each time you make it through, you're stronger. Posting on here like some of you did last night is such a great way to deal with a craving. Keep with it and with time, they fade and ultimately disappear.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

You deserve a fancy, refreshing AF drink, Frances! No one deserves what a drink could lead you to!

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

im back for another day.. If i could drink as little ( relatively speaking) as i did yesterday.. only a 4 pack of chardonnay or equivalent of 1 bottle of wine, maybe i would be ok.. Took kids to football prax and back home for dinner, cleaned up rooms, finished laundry, read books and went to bed.. but we all know how that is not possible. AL just leads you in , and says this time will be different, which last night was, but it doesnt take long for things to get right back to the blackouts and not remembering the nights and passing out. COngratulations to you Weary and Daisy. I will stay off roll call, until i have a few days under my belt... Bottom line is , i need to stop drinking all togther, moderation has not worked for me in the past.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1695637 wrote: available: I know….why do i keep wine in the house??????? Well it is all tied to the damn liquor store in New Hampshire on the way to Maine…..spent 2 weeks of july in Maine and so "stocked up" for the family and bought some really good wine at an extremely discounted price. After the 2 weeks, driving home, I thought it would be STUPID not to stop and buy a couple of more cases. What a downward spiral it has been!!!!!

I have done the quit many times in the past couple of years…..MWO was always a very powerful tool for me…..this time, with so much experience and wisdom under my belt, I feel like it might be different and I will make it. ….. I am doing this at a pace that feels best and don't want to blow it….
THANK YOU MWO….I dumped that huge glass of wine last night and feel just a little bit better this morning because of it….and slept better too.
AL is so idiotic

Jenniech-

I agree with the others that it is really impossible for and Alk to quit when there is AL in the house. Last time I “quit” I completely stopped buying hard AL (bourbon at the time) for weeks, figuring that would stop me from my temptations. My wife kept a nice wine rack full of wine for guests in the house however (and she doesn’t even drink). I don’t really even prefer wine (but when you’re an Alk, the type of AL just stops mattering) so over a few days I had nearly emptied the wine rack (well not really empty as I closed up the bottles and put them back in the rack, like no one would notice). Needless to say, my wife eventually noticed and poured out the rest while I was at work and made the wine rack a nice towel rack for our bathroom. Point being, if the temptation is there, we will cave and find an excuse and a way. Step 1 for my recent success…stay as far away from AL as possible at all times, as difficult as that sounds, else the old ways are sure the creep back in (regardless really of how many AF free days you have clocked)…hope you are ready to take that step…best wishes