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    Newbies Nest

    Hi Friends, some great discussion here today.

    On cravings, I found the following strategies to be very helpful: urge surfing (google it for details), distraction and snacking. Also the concept of the witching hour, which many of us experience. These techniques will work if applied at the right time. I spent hours my first week in my garage re shaping a wooden tool handle and then sanding it very smooth and finally finishing it. It was very manual and mindful work, maybe not everyone's cup of tea, but we can all find something to take us out of the intensity of the moment and refocus the brain. It is a special tool for me now when I use it!

    The good news is that the intensity of the early struggle diminishes with time. If we put in the work, we will be rewarded. Trust the process and put the time in. I have never, ever read a post on here titled: "I'm two years AF and this sucks..." I am not holding my breath for that one.

    When I was a teenager, I used to lie down on a porch swing at my house, listen to the birds and experience a deep calm. I remember it very clearly. In my late teens, I began drinking and it was like someone suddenly turned up the volume on a track of mind chatter. This lasted until I quit. I now have moments of a really quiet mind again. When I was in the midst of drinking, I wanted that back. That feeling is worth so much more than any crummy buzz.

    We can all dig deep and push through the craving, even when the other voice is doing its thing. Everyone here has the requisite strength. The proof is that we all researched alcoholism or quitting drinking, made an account and started posting. That is a huge uphill step against this thing.

    Thanks to everyone for posting today, it made a great read! Have a great AF day.
    "When you have faults, do not fear to abandon them." Analects of Confucius
    AF 11/12/11

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      Newbies Nest

      Experiencing a test right now. My husband and I have historically liked going to concerts and getting sloshy. His 40th birthday is this weekend and he got 2 tickets to a large music festival - all day and night. I want him to have fun, but its not going to be the same. If I don't drink, it will be both hard for me (maybe hard to resist, but also hard to last until 1am... I don't have the stamina), and hard for him because he will want to tie one on. He has no trouble drinking one or none during week nights, but on weekends or special events he likes to get pretty buzzed. I think he should go with his buddy and have me drive or get a limo for him.
      Kensho

      Done. Moving on to life.

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        Newbies Nest

        Getting a Limo for him sounds like a terrific idea, Ken. I would do that! Then you could just plan a nice evening for yourself at home and not have to go out late to get him. Sounds like an outstanding plan!
        :heartbeat:

        Star:star:

        08-13-15

        I am only one drink away from never being sober again.

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          Newbies Nest

          Hey, Fin -- thanks for the update on Boyhood. I will def. have to see that one. Checked out your link to the Broken Circle movie this a.m. Wow. You were right. The review alone had me in tears. Don't think I could handle the movie (well, maybe by myself with an entire box of tissues and an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's). A beautiful story, though, and the music was great. Would like to check for a soundtrack.

          Glad you had a good time with your kids. Sweet about your daughter. Keep that picture in your mind. A lot of us use the bad things we did while drinking to stop doing it, but keeping in mind the really nice moments when we weren't using is powerful, too.

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            Newbies Nest

            Hey, Fin -- thanks for the update on Boyhood. I will def. have to see that one. Checked out your link to the Broken Circle movie this a.m. Wow. You were right. The review alone had me in tears. Don't think I could handle the movie (well, maybe by myself with an entire box of tissues and an entire carton of Ben and Jerry's). A beautiful story, though, and the music was great. Would like to check for a soundtrack.

            Glad you had a good time with your kids. Sweet about your daughter. Keep that picture in your mind. A lot of us use the bad things we did while drinking to stop doing it, but keeping in mind the really nice moments when we weren't using is powerful, too.

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              Newbies Nest

              Definitely a test Kensho- You have done so well for so long, an all day, all night concert event maybe just too much of a temptation... Getting a Limo for him or picking him up at the end of the event would probably be the best thing for you. My evening just got ALOT busier as i just found out about my little girls back to school night, happens at 5pm. means we have to be ready for football game at 430 pm to make back to school night at 5pm , then run from school to scrimmage game, Aint no time for drinking tonight

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                Newbies Nest

                A general question-- does everybody have a problem getting logged off really quickly or do I just take too long to finish what I'm doing?

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                  Newbies Nest

                  I feel a bit like I'm letting him down. I think he wishes we could do it like the old days - and it's his 40th bday. I really didn't plan much for him and I'm feeling bad for that. I know its not a reason to drink, I'm just feeling the pain of change. So much of his "ideal" fun involves alcohol, even if it's not to extremes. He likes craft beer.
                  Kensho

                  Done. Moving on to life.

                  Comment


                    Newbies Nest

                    this is not a life sentence, it will not continue like this. get past this stage and you will be going to concerts with him (if you want to) in time and will be able to enjoy it af. probably more so kensho.

                    you have to be selfish atm and he will get the benefits also. dont let that guilt thought worm into your head. al is crafty, dont forget that.

                    think the long game.

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                      Newbies Nest

                      KENSHO;1695792 wrote: I feel a bit like I'm letting him down. I think he wishes we could do it like the old days - and it's his 40th bday.
                      Ken, do you think it would be a gamble to ASK him if he really wants you to drink with him? If he said "no", then you would not feel bad about abstaining and be able to enjoy the event so much more.
                      :heartbeat:

                      Star:star:

                      08-13-15

                      I am only one drink away from never being sober again.

                      Comment


                        Newbies Nest

                        Good...ummmm..."morning" all! I swear the more I try to go to bed early the more I sleep super long anyway. I've got to assume my body needs it though since it's not AL or caffeine.

                        Anyway, seconding the eating thing - I feel like I'm always munching on something, and feeling full really does help me crave less. So does having candy around - I'm not a big candy eater but I'm glad I took the advice to have something sweet around. I picked up some of the kind that comes in individual pieces so I can just grab a little at a time. Other than that I'm rediscovering my love of salads. Granted I have them with cheese and Ranch dressing but that's been a really nice thing to much on. I've been back and forth from the grocery store a lot though - trying to keep a variety of things around so it's easier to find something that sounds good.

                        Also seconding the advice I've seen here to think about where the craving is coming from. I can't count the number of times so far that I realized I was actually hungry or bored or upset. Bored is the really sneaky one for me because those are the cravings that seem "lowkey" and "reasonable." I have to really sit and tell myself that if I think I need AL to keep my mind occupied maybe I need to find something else to do for a while.

                        I think the avoiding thing is smart advice, too. I've been tempted to head out to our Rennfest this summer now that I'm feeling less awful during the day. It's one of the things I miss most about tying myself to the house for so long. BUT I know it's also a huge trigger for me. I "always" "have" to have my cup or two of mead. And I'm not sure I'd be able to say no if it was right there. Sooooo...it'll still be there next year if I think I'm strong enough.

                        TL;DR - I'm figuring the last times I tried to quit/moderate on my own it didn't work. If I wanted to fix my car, I'd ask someone who'd been working on cars for a long time - not ignore their advice and try to do it on my own. It's hard for me to ask for help and it's hard for me to take advice sometimes. I'm used to being the one who knows what to do! But if I knew what to do about AL I wouldn't be here, yeah? That's the thinking I keep reminding myself of, anyway.

                        Byrd - Thank you for the reminder that this is an ongoing thing for all of us. I think there's a temptation (for me, at least) to want to see this as "well I stopped drinking for a while, that means I'm ok now!" even though I know better. Also to be impatient! It keeps my feelings in perspective to see it as "ok, this is a thing I have to deal with; I'm not bad for having the thoughts but I need to keep up with the saying no." In a weird way, it's like when I was diagnosed with depression. It wasn't cured by the diagnosis but I knew where the thoughts were coming from, at least. I could start learning to think "Ok, that is the depression talking. It sucks and I feel awful, but I also know it's NOT TRUE. and IT WILL PASS."

                        Matt - Thanks for that post! That makes me think a lot about the last time I relapsed. It didn't help that I was never 100% on quitting anyway, even though I said I was, but it definitely started small and I thought I was "smart" enough to handle it. Fast forward a bit and I was right back where I started or worse. That's the other thing I try to remember when I "just want one." It didn't work last time, so why would it work now?

                        WMM - I'm glad you've decided moderation doesn't work for you. It's taken me a long time to admit that to myself and I know I still have to remind myself when the sneaky thoughts come in. I trust the old timers that those thoughts will always be around - but I also believe them that it gets better and we can all find ways to keep saying no!

                        Jenni - Pouring out my AL was hard for me, not just because of the addiction but I also hate wasting money. I'd picked up a bottle just before I started tapering and it was still nearly full! I sat on it for a few days, to be honest, "just in case." I had to really get it in my head that I was *done* and needed to be *done.* It wasn't calling my name yet, but I was aware of it there and to me it told me I was still thinking I'd want one someday. If you have a lot of wine yet, is there anyone you could give it away to? The old timers know better than I do though; and dumping it out did a lot for me to show myself I was serious.

                        Good thoughts and good luck everyone, I know we can all do this if we get serious and really put in the work. And I don't mean that as a slam on anyone either - this is not my first quit and I can't say anything when I'm only a week into it! I just trust and believe that we *can*.
                        I am stubborn as a pig - but changing what I'm being stubborn about!

                        Cigarette Free On: 9/23/2014
                        AF on: 8/12/2014

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                          Newbies Nest

                          Know what you mean about the Ren Fair Lavender. Can't remember one I've been to where I didn't have a few meads and beers. Still haven't been this season yet though I keep seeing the messages from friends about going. The fact that they usually spend most of the time in garb and drinking at one of the pubs . . . . As for the sugar still not sure of the trade off as the body can use either AL or sugar to produce serotonin. And after reading Grain Brain been sticking with the salads. (have found a love for some sauteed kale.)
                          “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                          "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

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                            Newbies Nest

                            Course I do love the steak on a stake or the sausage and peppers sandwich. Not sure where your faire is or if they have that fare. Plus ruined my garb and lost my boots after a regretful night. Only my kilt remains.
                            “If we are facing in the right direction, all we have to do is keep on walking.” – Zen proverb

                            "See it as it is, not worse than it is just so you have a reason not to try." - Tony Robbins.

                            Newbies Nest
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                              Newbies Nest

                              Oh good, I'm not the only festie here! ^^ My closest is Minnesota, though I used to run around some of the smaller ones in Iowa when I was still with a group actually working them. Always turned into all day drink fests for us too, I don't know how I handled it as long as I did since my body hates heat even when I'm drinking water. I've missed the last couple years because I just wasn't even feeling well enough to get out there but same here - everyone hangs out at one of the mini pubs or the mead booth most of the day.

                              And I agree on the sugar - I mostly grabbed it for the first week. I was also cutting out soda (I'd been drinking that as my mixer so...all the time) and figured my brain would go "OMG where did all the sugar go?!"

                              That's a shame about your garb. Most of mine doesn't fit anymore if you want the truth, so there's another reason I'd been missing seasons. I betcha that cutting out the AL and soda will help with that, too, though!
                              I am stubborn as a pig - but changing what I'm being stubborn about!

                              Cigarette Free On: 9/23/2014
                              AF on: 8/12/2014

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                                Newbies Nest

                                Wow, I just spent the last half hour or so reading and re-reading that relapse thread. If anyone here with even a few days behind them needs a reason not to take that next drink again since they now feel fine, want a test, or think that AL is controllable, please read there. One point that sticks in my mind : Quitting drinking is not the same as getting sober.

                                (Thanks Star for bumping this again)

                                https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ect-78410.html
                                “Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness”- Desmond Tutu


                                STL

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