Newbies Nest

[momofthree]

Newbies Nest

whitemarshmom;1696228 wrote: Wow! Mom! What an INCREDIBLE job! 29 days already?? Share some secrets of how you are managing the cravings..:goodjob::l

I wish there was a secret! :H
Some days I don't think of it at all, some days I white knuckle it though and battle the cravings, the irritability, the emotional roller coaster of why I can't have one, and why couldn't I be a normal drinker like others? My biggest help has really been my husband, he is very supportive in a loving, healthy way. If he sees me struggling and getting really stressed he helps even more to give me a break, to lighten the load. He's very nurturing and does it in a way that I don't feel bad about myself. Also, coming here and talking to everyone, making myself accountable, watching the days add up is a great motivation.
Basically for me, it's hard work. It's daily, it's like a job really and the real benefit is my health, my families respect and them knowing that I am there and I can be counted on. And respect for myself. Knowing I've went this long and not having to make apologizes for something I don't remember doing is a pretty big plus.

[johnshannon34]

Newbies Nest

hello new to this

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Day 4 is incredibly better. Sounds like same for artsymom?

Welcome johnshannon34 and ccaples08! Come post Day 1 of your new commitment on our Roll Call page and let us know how we can help you get to Day 2.

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Welcome!
Ccaples08 and Johnshannon34 I am on day 2. Please read our stories and share yours, so that we can help

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Way to go MOM3! You're on 30-eve, and with a little one cutting teeth! If you can get through that, you can get through another day AF!! So impressed.

I second the notion that having family support is a savior. I have been a bit in the AF closet until recently. My husband seems to be getting used to me not drinking, and he is now just saying it to others (when appropriate) as if it's the type of pizza I prefer. He sees that I'm serious about it, that I'm happier and nicer without it, and he's supporting it. Means THE WORLD to me. I know we do not all have this support, but I do think that when people around us know what we are doing, it is easier.

The dilemma of the whole day-long music fest is solved. I encouraged hubs to go have fun with a guy friend - and I am driving them. I am so happy with this decision. We will both have a better time.

Day 16 is a new AF time period for me - haven't gone that long in - well - 10 years (excluding pregnancy). Woo Hoo! A couple fun things:

1. My rings are rolling around on my fingers because I'm not retaining water from booze
2. At least every other day, someone comments on how I look good, but they can't put their finger on it
3. My booze CC no longer has booze charges on it. For months, I was mortified to have my CC statements reviewed by my accountant because there were so many purchases from liquor stores. I even tried to find stores with obscure names so she didn't know what I was buying. WELL, I haven't purchased liquor in over 30 days, and this CC statement doesn't have the word "liquor" or "spirits" on it once.

Thanks to all who commented on my "forever" thoughts. It seems to be a consensus that one day at a time at this point is the best, until some real time racks up and I am able to see my problem for what it really was.

And thank you LAV2 for saying you appreciate my words. I know I spew all over the place here and it may not be relevant to others. But if it resonates with even one other person, I'm so very glad. I always try to be concise, but I'm just not

Hugs and thoughts of courage to all - to face life as it should be, AF.

[Petrelhead]

Newbies Nest

MAE nesters!! Friday morning here in Oz. Start of day 11 for me. The working week is nearly done, so I'll get in early and wish everyone a fantastic AF weekend.:happy:

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

just when i thought i was having a good day DH came thru ranting about an IRS bill he got with Intent to Levy.. He has his own business and has always been a hard ass about the almighty dollar. I met him in 1994 and i have always worked full time, used to give him ALL my money and he would give me what he thought i needed.. ( Always a bad idea to let someone have that much control over you) Anyway , after having children i realized he never respected me or valued my opinion, so that amongst other realizations about the control freak that he was made me open my eyes and depending on me.. I was and still am working full time.. I opened my own bank account, this was close to 10 years ago.. He has never given me one penny towards anything child related, food, clothing, school expenses. dr visits, child care etc, Nothing!. So a couple years back i had to dip into my 401 K plan, because I would NEVER dare ask DH for a dime. Well that showed up on our taxes and i had to tell him and the accountant what i had done. I am not a wasteful person, i make excellent money, i dont spend on myself.. I dont buy the kids all the hot new brands.. but im not conservative either, I pay for family health ins. out of pocket 600.00 month! Gas & Electric bill, my phone bill and the cable bill, in addition to every thing child related. Well he just came in here and blasted me about the IRS bill, calling me every name in the book! He is the one i drink at! I never would have had to tap into my 401 K if i wasnt trying to support my kids. He pays the mortgage, car ins and anything that relates to his business.... We have a horrible relationship and I wish I could leave, but im afraid i would never make it, and he would laugh all the way to his grave...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Don't drink AT him WMM! Nobody wins that. Stay strong! You need YOU! Do NOT give in!! B

[available]

Newbies Nest

WWM he is not worth drinking at, no one is. He is probably happy you drink AT him, prove him wrong. Do not make big decisions when you are giving up drinking, the time will come when you have more sober days up your sleeve. Stress is a huge trigger with drinking for all of us. Tell him you wont be spoken to like that and walk away. I do that now as i will never ever drink AT anyone again. Have a big piece of chocolate toooooo.

To keep me motivated i think of how many bottles i have not drank now and its a grand total of 528 but throw a few more in for good measure and that is after 8+ months. I feel for my liver and what it used to go through. That was 2 bottles a day of wine poured down my throat. No more cringing when the recycle truck comes past thats for sure.

Yes Petrel thank god it is Friday is all i will say and a nice sunny weekend coming up.

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

All i have to do is get thru the babysitter leaving, and then i know I wont run out..My BP is up, want to cry he is definitely one of my BIGGEST triggers! Hate that man ...! Grrrr. going to have another cigarette!

[available]

Newbies Nest

You are better than al and if you need a smoke then smoke! Smoke 2 at a time if that helps. You can do this and an af brain is definitely better than a drunk one. Time will come to sort out your personal issues but at the moment you need to concentrate on you. You cant change his rants at you so ignore them or walk away. He will run out of steam hopefully.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Daevid - Oh no, glad you're ok though - and that you made it to the library to check in.

Ccaples, lifechange, johnshannon - Hi and nice to meet you! The "old timers" here give some amazing advice and everyone has been super supportive. I'm so glad you came here.

Cherokeer - It always depended on what I was doing; the last couple years I did go I was more of a playtron than a volunteer/paid act so the rules were more lax. So of course I drank more just because I could, ugh. It's really a shame - I was also on a RHPS cast for some of that time and I always drank before the show. I feel like I missed out on a lot of memories that way, plus I never gave myself the chance to realize I really could perform in front of people without the AL.

Jenni - So glad you're getting the AL out of hte house!

artsymom - Yay on Day 4 and good luck with the resume - that's one of the things I'm going to have to learn to do sober again. But I'm sure you and I will both do them better with clear heads! And on my "present" thank you! I'm pretty sure everytime I got it into my head to go looking for it before I'd been drinking, so it's just kind of perfect I found it by accident just cleaning up after a week of not drinking.

momofthree - YAY you! Almost a month there, that is awesome!

Kensho - I'm kinda all over the place with what I write too, so no worries there. xD Your posts are especially nice for me because you're only a week away from me, something about that and what you write is just very encouraging.

WMM - Folks who know more have already given great advice, but I hope you hang in there, too! For myself, I'm starting to see how drinking when I was in bad relationships with people made everything worse, and worst of all for me. I drank because I felt trapped and helpless, but the drinking made me feel even more trapped and helpless. Listen to the old timers more than me, for sure, but definitely no one is worth drinking at. Sending virtual hugs and I'm sorry it's so hard.

And for everyone else hello again, still here. I've been trying to set my alarm and get up earlier but my body is just not having it yet! But I'm much more able to get some things done during the day than when I was drinking so that's nice. And really really nice, I don't have to plan running to the store around if I've had enough to drink yet/too much to drink. I'm honestly not even used to that anymore, that I can just decide to run to the store and GO.

I've also noticed I'm doing much better about my friend - the one that the argument kinda spurred me to think about things. I'm realizing that a lot of my anger that would randomly pop up was actually fear. I'd suspected that before and told him, but I never really sat with it enough to make a difference in how I was acting. It's been a long time since I had a really close male friend I could count on, and I'm scared I don't know how to do that anymore since he's not interested in dating. I was also scared I'd come to like him too much. The more my head clears, the more I realize he's not going anywhere as my friend and I don't *have* to "figure out what we have." And my emotions are much more balanced without the drinking, I don't have to fight myself so much.

Hope everyone has a great and AF day - I do actually need to run to the store in a bit, here. xD

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

WMM~ I hope you guys can work this out, but just think how great it will be to tackle this with a sober, rationale mind! If the worst happens you will never have to question yourself if it ends with you knowing you were sober and responsible. If you end up drinking, there will always be a worry or regret about what you said, or did you blackout, that will cause you extra grief and provide ammunition.
Please remember No matter what your not going to drink! Fire any reason it ANYONE!
I wish you well! Keep your mind clear and don't give in to the Beast were call AL!

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

WMM~ This was a post from another thread, did advice I received. Hope it helps!

After trying and failing to control my drinking for years, I was finally successful because of the ironclad decision to*no longer drink...no matter what.

No matter what...isn't about willpower.*No matter what*is what you cling to in the times when the physical cravings get so great you feel like you NEED to drink NOW. Ride it out....the acute phase of detox is relatively short.

No matter what...gives you the time and space to learn and accept that*alcohol*is the problem and will*always*be the problem. Alcohol is a toxic, carcinogenic, addictive drug. It is damaging to all who drink it. No exceptions. It leads to addiction for those who have physiological vulnerabilities. It damages every cell in the body. It causes brain damage. It damages the part of the brain that makes decisions. The damage is cumulative.*

No matter what....will help you regain the trust and respect of your family as they see that this time IS truly different.

No matter what....will give you freedom from the white-knuckle fears about relapse because you will truly understand thatalcohol is the problem - not you.*Keep alcohol out of you then there is no problem. And that is power.

Healing is a process. And it takes a massive, active, informed effort. It also helps to get support. I got mine online here. You are defnitely ready to be done with addiction once and for all. The thought of*Forever*isn't scary when you realize all it takes to honor that committment is being able to say*I no longer drink...no matter what....one*moment*at a time.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

What does "DH" stand for?

WMM, thinking of you. Hang in there.