Newbies Nest

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Welcome YogaMom! I am back on day 1 myself if you would like to try together. Read our stories and tell us yours, Its a wonderful and super forgiving supportive group of people

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Thank you for the welcome WMM and Fin. WMM, sorry you are having such conflict with DH. I get really mad at my hubby too but it is usually because he is giving me a hard time about AL. He is actually a great guy. He can take or leave AL. He is hypercritical of over consuming. Every problem he relates to alcohol use. He is very against my family's use of Al at every occasion. I think his family is boring. No lampshades at their parties. I don't want to be boring and judgemental. I do want to be a good mom and be healthy. Thanks for listening.

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

I see you are also on the east coast, I am in MD, 47 years old, 2 kids, ages 7 and 10 I want to be a better Mom and be healthy also! I was up to 2 bottles of wine, plus maybe a couple beers for good measure, passing out almost each night. DH is very bitter about my drinking i have said alot of very mean things to him in retaliation to the verbal abuse i have gotten over the years, since i started taking my independence back after having kids ... he is extremely sarcastic and unsupportive sober or not, he is able to spew mean things when he is sober or not.. anyway, welcome, tell us your story..

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Each and every one of us have our issues outside of AL use - family, relationships, handling stress, loss. Sometimes these issues caused us to TURN TO drinking, sometimes they are caused BY drinking. But one thing I know for sure is that it is VERY difficult to solve any of our problems while STILL drinking. Quitting is the most important thing we can do to begin to better our lives. Once we are free from it, we can begin to see life as it really is and operate with clarity and balance.

Continuing to drink and trying to solve our problems is like putting on a blindfold and spinning in 50 circles before attempting to walk a tight rope. Walking a tight rope is not easy as it is - but it's 1000 times easier with clear eyesight and a stable mind.

Good job to everyone here for taking the initiative for a better life -- just by being here. Keep on fighting, do the work, and DO NOT LET AL WIN!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

momofthree - YAY you on 30 days; that's brilliant! o/

Byrd - Your smoke break story reminded me of something. When I was managing a Blockbuster Video years ago, an employee told me he was angry the smokers took smoke breaks and he never got a fresh air break. So I told him he was right. He kind of looked at me funny, and I said, "No, really. If you want to get out of the store for a few minutes quick, tell me." I was pretty pleased with myself for that, if you want the truth.

WMM - Yes, do keep climbing back in and keep trying; you deserve a better life for yourself and your kiddos! I haven't exactly taken a poll, but I'm pretty sure most of us have slipped before. I know I have every other time I said I was done or going to moderate. The old timers here have great advice and we're all rooting for you to succeed. I have so much respect for the mothers and fathers on here, trying to juggle that and get sober, too. That's no small thing. I'm glad you're watching your triggers too, that's really been helping me so far.

artsymom - Glad it helped and I'm going with awesome as well! You also have a really great point that once you have it together, at least it's done. I might do mine soon now that you mention that part, then it'll be ready once I figure out what I'm doing. And good luck with the job!

Yogamom - Hi and nice to meet you! The accountability definitely helps me, I'm glad you came in here.

Orimus - Glad you came back. I don't want to give bad advice, but I know it's been helping me to make kind of a new ritual. I started making lemon water just because folks here recommended it, but I think the act of juicing the lemon and all that has helped fill the "and now I make a drink" part of my brain? Good luck in any case.

Fin - I definitely agree it's not as easy as just saying no; I wouldn't be here if it was 'cause I would have quit one of the last times I swore I was done. I love the support here, it's giving me a better start than any other time - the trick will be later on. But one day at a time.

And good morning everyone else! I was even up by...erm...10:30 today!

On a neat note, I just got a text from my mom - she's been trying to quit smoking and get healthier partly to help her MS. She texted that what I'm doing makes her want to do, better, too. Sometimes I forget that if I wasn't around, she'd be living on her own with the cats (and I don't mean that as an insult, she just doesn't date and doesn't really get out much other than work) - even if I'm not perfect, it's nice to be reminded that when I'm not drinking, I really do help her out by being here.

Hope everyone has a good and AF day, sending good thoughts. And thanks as always everyone who is talking and supporting and sharing their stories. I'm still reading here a lot and it always seems to help.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

LAV2, funny you should say that about your mom. It IS inspiring to others that we are changing our lives for the better, and I have found that most people have a lot of respect for me. They see what I am doing as sign that I respect myself. I have had a surprising amount of conversations lately with people that say, "yah, I should probably cut back too," and "good for you". I have also noticed that a lot of my city friends drink only on special occasions - so every time I see them they are drinking (every 2 months or so) - but they don't do it every night. There are more people than I realized that just don't drink much.

I have YET another event tonight. Husband's coworkers are hosting a party because they have successive birthdays - 22nd, 23rd, 24th (my daughter), and 25th (my hubby's 40th). Nice of them, but they drink a LOT. They asked my hubs what I wanted to drink and he told them I'm not drinking - so it's right out there in the open now! I don't have to do the explaining game.

It does get easier to attend these events the more you say no - it's like you learn how and learn that you CAN do it. Byrdie, Lav, AVA, you were right once again. I'm tellin you all - listen to the masters. They know what they are talking about!!

I will not drink today so I can see Day-18AF tomorrow. I am grateful to be sober!! :h:

[frances]

Newbies Nest

available;1696624 wrote: Posting a link (well i hope it works). A lovely story but sad about alcoholism. Lost and Never Found: An Alcoholic?s Unknown Story | takingthemaskoff

Ava I just finished reading this - so touching and sad but really great points made about how society views alcoholics and boy does that need to change. Thanks for sharing.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

frances;1696837 wrote: Ava I just finished reading this - so touching and sad but really great points made about how society views alcoholics and boy does that need to change. Thanks for sharing.

Good article I'm a little surprised to read this part though:

" Most addicts are bored with everyday life, it’s pointless. So they drink and they can feel ok and be ok with normally boring things."


From what I can tell, there seems to be a lot more triggers than boredom that make people drink, do drugs, cut themselves or whatever. I know other feelings such as anger, sadness, stress/anxiety, and even happiness/ joy among others are reasons people give to drink….although maybe they are just masks for something else? Not sure. I started getting more lost in my drinking from feelings of being overwhelmed or frustrated, tied with too many things going on. Maybe, subconsciously, they were not all the things I wanted going on however.

They more I am away from AL, the more I wonder why some people are able to drink without any real problems (and yes maybe I resent them still). And then there are us. No time away from AL really keeps us safe, we are never “cured”. I wish I really knew why I can’t mod, or why it took so much abuse for me to even see it was a problem. I wouldn’t want to go back, but now I wonder if there was something I could have seen earlier to make me stop earlier.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

WMM, I'm sorry that you are having trouble committing to being AF. As a person who was doing exactly like you...on again, off again....one day here, two days there...I can HONESTLY tell you that you are sure taking the hard approach to this. I call this the Alkie's Loophole....by saying to ourselves "I'm not perfect but I have a lot MORE sober days this month than I did last month!" While 10 sober days this months might sound great (and they ARE) if they are not consecutive days then all you are doing is FEEDING the addiction and making it STRONGER. It's only with consecutive days that we can get these toxins out of our bodies so that we don't CRAVE so much...the urges will lesson until you don't have them at all. More sympathetic I could not be....this isn't easy, but I went back and looked at your first post in June of 2008. At that time you had 2 children, and an overbearing husband. You've been working at this for 6 years, if you really take a hard look at it, here we are 6 years later repeating the very same behavior. Now you have 3 beautiful children who need their mother. Unfortunately, my mother was abusive and controlling and my mom and dad fought like cats and dogs. It affects the children, I can tell you that with certainty. I am a result of that, and I'm an alcoholic. That conflict is toxic to children. Please get yourself well and do your best to get those children to a peaceful place. You must set your mind to a zero tolerance policy....can you try to get your hubs on board and ask him to get his booze out? If not I guess you are going to have to self police. You have a lot to fight for....do not give in, it just makes it harder and prolongs the agony!
Don't look for reasons to drink look for reasons to stay sober!!! You can do this. Byrdie

[available]

Newbies Nest

WMM great work on coming back as you will get this af life. ONLY is not a word we can use for al. Only had a couple, doesnt work for an alky, you are keeping the addicted part of your brain alive. I would love ONLY one drink but i cant. Its all or nothing in this af game and at the end of the day it is your choice to be rid of al. Did it make anything better for you? Did it solve your problems with hubs? Did it make you make wise decisions about what you are going to do in the future. Al will control you so that you cant make wise decisions, it will control you like your hubs but only you can make the choice to be free of al. It was a choice i was honestly not happy with. Wondering how i would deal with stress, issues and life in particular but at the end of the day it is a wonderful to wake up and face each and every day sober. I have had a few very stressful days at work this week and the easy option would have been to drink, the hard option was to say no but i chose the hard option. Now i am out of the pit of al and what it does to me the option to say no gets easier.

Kensho thanks for the compliment, it does mean at lot to us. We seem like the baddies most of the time with hard words to newbies but at the end of the day there is nothing nice about what al has done to our lives and if we can help one newbie succeed then every single word we write is worthwhile. I hated Byrd and Lav when i gave up, but when i stopped being a selfish twat and actually read what they wrote and took it on board and actually read it without "skimming" then the advice sunk in. My brain was thick, it didnt want to listen in some aspects. Sure i wanted to stop drinking but it seemed way too hard and it is but at the end of the day i had to accept the help and get my act together. i had the help here i just had to make the choice to stop and become a participant of life.

Frances, that story was so sad, no one gets the real story of addiction from someone and all the "bricks" were set in place for this womans life and she did not feel worthy of love. It made me think i must say but thats for another time when i am ready.

A beautiful sunny Saturday in Melbourne today so i am off to the markets with my 23 and 21 year old and a walk is in store. I do know 8 months ago i would be nursing a hangover, taking paracetamol, thinking of how i could cancel my plans so i could lay in bed and feel sorry for myself, well until it was 4pm and i would drive to the store to buy more al to hit the repeat button. I never thought i could get out of the hell i was living that i called a life but i have and its totally doable.

Welcome Yoga, dont stalk, participate. I used to stalk and drink while stalking. That worked a treat NOT.

[available]

Newbies Nest

We always cross post Byrd. hugs to you lovely lady.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I know, Ava! I am getting off the day shift as you are coming on the night shift! :H
Xo,B

[available]

Newbies Nest

See the Light;1696855 wrote: Good article I'm a little surprised to read this part though:

" Most addicts are bored with everyday life, it?s pointless. So they drink and they can feel ok and be ok with normally boring things."


From what I can tell, there seems to be a lot more triggers than boredom that make people drink, do drugs, cut themselves or whatever. I know other feelings such as anger, sadness, stress/anxiety, and even happiness/ joy among others are reasons people give to drink?.although maybe they are just masks for something else? Not sure. I started getting more lost in my drinking from feelings of being overwhelmed or frustrated, tied with too many things going on. Maybe, subconsciously, they were not all the things I wanted going on however.

They more I am away from AL, the more I wonder why some people are able to drink without any real problems (and yes maybe I resent them still). And then there are us. No time away from AL really keeps us safe, we are never ?cured?. I wish I really knew why I can?t mod, or why it took so much abuse for me to even see it was a problem. I wouldn?t want to go back, but now I wonder if there was something I could have seen earlier to make me stop earlier.

STL i drank at the end as much as i did due to being addicted and i was bored with life, well the life i had and i did not know how to get out of it and i really didnt want to. I had my children, yes but other than that i did not feel i was worth anyones time or trouble. What stopped me drinking was my eldest daughter pulling away from me, i could see the shame in her eyes and i had the strength to say enough was enough. My children are my world. My brother on the other hand died of alcoholism, he did not have the strength to beat this addiction and that is sad. I wish i could have picked up when i was a "normal" drinker before i slid into addiction but it seems to have just happened. I was always the life of the party when a teenager, tried all the drugs, slept with everyone and drank like a fish but i could stop. The time came when i could not stop and the daily drinking started. I also had every excuse as to why i drank everyday and no one could stop me. They didnt know what i went through daily so dont judge me was what i thought. Then i drank due to boredom, i didnt have anything that interested me except al when i hit my bottom. i hated work, i didnt want to see anyone, i didnt want to go shopping, i didnt want to spend time with the children as they would see what i drank and so i hid. i hated my mother, i hated life.

Now i dont, now i will face my addiction and my life and take whatever steps i can to stay sober. i am jealous of those "normal" drinkers even now but maybe behind closed doors they arent normal and maybe they have other addictions they are trying to deal with. i focus on me now and controlling my addiction. This woman had 8 children, an abusive husband and i think she did get bored with life, she could see no way out, she lost it all.

LavB that is great news about your mum and you giving her inspiration. My son has given up drinking for the time being. he just turned 21 and we have had some amazing talks about alcoholism in the family and that he drinks way too much. he was sober on his 21st family night dinner and he has not touched a drink. he knows he is the only one that can change his direction in life and he is making a choice. He said he may drink at parties but i am hoping as time goes on he makes the choice to not drink at all. He knows if he keeps drinking the way he is that he will get to my age and be a drunk like his mother was. he doesnt want that and neither do it. Before i would have not talked about being an alcoholic as i was ashamed as i am one. Communication with him has made him think and look at what his life could be like.

Ok enough waffling, i am done. have a great weekend everyone!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Had a great day watching my three year old grandson despite having a newly diagnosed stress fracture in my foot - ouch. No wonder it's been hurting so bad :H

Welcome back yogamom! Get your plan together and stay put in the nest for a while.

WMM, think of your kids & the strong, sober Mom they deserve!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest - buckle up

Lav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Good late evening all. I attended this gathering. It's getting easier. These are heavy drinkers. I didn't eat lunch (stupid), but I took the opportunity to shove down an entire sandwich right before going. I felt a bit bad for not eating the lovely apps because I was full, but I did not crave a drink at all. That's a first, with it being right under my nose.

I have found that I am more aware of my social interaction when I don't drink. I had a little social anxiety tonight - which I used to drink away. But I remembered the tools I learned a long time ago and decided to be gentle with myself and not expect perfection. I may have said a couple dumb things, but so did they, after drinking.

I left with the kids and drove sober as a stone home. I must say that I'm feeling really proud. I feel something changing - I have felt stronger the past two days, like I KNOW I can do this, and I like it. I like how I feel. I like who I am.

My husband said it again - to his friends - that I'm not drinking. He asked how many days it had been. I felt a little weird knowing the exact amount of days. These are very social, but very caring people, so I didn't mind, and I felt he said it with a sort of pride - his way of being supportive. They asked me if it was a cleanse thing "or what", and I felt like being honest. I don't feel ashamed any more, I feel empowered. I said I started to want it all the time and I didn't like that. I left wondering if there is a better response? Do they really need to know that side of the story? I could just say that it started not agreeing with me, but I feel that being vague is helping no one. I don't know. I'm always just a little too honest.

Any hoo...

Sorry about your foot LAV! Hope you heal fast. Do you have to stay off it for long?

WMM, I thought about you a lot today. I feel sad for your situation, but I also really hope you empower yourself to get clear and change your life for the better. It's hard, but doable!! You can do it, I know it.

Sleep tight - or enjoy your coffee - AF today. :h