Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good Saturday morning Nesters!

Hope everyone had a safe night in the nest

Kensho, you sound great, I am very happy for you

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Saturday!

Lav

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

My husband said it again - to his friends - that I'm not drinking. He asked how many days it had been. I felt a little weird knowing the exact amount of days. These are very social, but very caring people, so I didn't mind, and I felt he said it with a sort of pride - his way of being supportive. They asked me if it was a cleanse thing "or what" I felt like being honest. I don't feel ashamed any more, I feel empowered. I said I started to want it all the time and I didn't like that. I left wondering if there is a better response? Do they really need to know that side of the story? I could just say that it started not agreeing with me, but I feel that being vague is helping no one. I don't know. I'm always just a little too honest.

Kensho~ thanks for sharing that. That is a tough one and I can see your dilemma. For me, I think I would feel uncomfortable if my spouse were announcing to friends our family that I had quit. With that being said I can see where you he is being supportive and is happy for you,and you don't want to rain on his parade. Maybe just tell him you appreciate his support, and that you would like to field the "drink" question when and if it arises? I believe it would make me uncomfortable if it became a "spectacle" if you will, when we were around drinkers. Just my 2 cents
Take care

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

MAE all,

Lav - sorry to hear about your foot - hope it heals quickly!

Kensho - good questions/thoughts about fielding the "drink" question. Sounds like it might be worth mulling this over and possibly chatting with your husband before the next situation arises? I waffle on the what/how much to divulge part. Sometimes I think it might help someone else if I'm fully honest, but other times I feel like I have to my put own needs first and foremost and I'm normally a pretty private person. I haven't come up with an answer that fully satisfies me yet.

WMM - Sounds like you've been in a rough place for several years. I hope you find the strength to make the changes that are best for you (which in turn will likely be best for your kids).

Ava and Byrdie - You've both helped many a newbie, of that I am certain (I'm one of them!).

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, everyone!
Storms again in my section of the nest....it's either 100 degrees or raining buckets! What the what????!!!!
Soft Focus, I'm so glad you checked in....when we start drifting away from the MotherShip and getting overwhelmed that's a perfect opportunity for Dick Head to make a star appearance. Keep strong and stay connected, you will never regret a day you didn't drink!
Kensho, I am so happy to hear that you are turning the corner. I am here to tell you that achieving MindPeace is where it's at! (pardon the participle) Something clicked in my head and I knew this was something I could do....you just have to give time time to work!!! So happy for you!
As I'm sure everyone is sick of hearing, I have Crohn's/colitis, so when people ask me why I don't drink I say that my condition is about 1000 times better when I don't....that it is like battery acid to my insides....this hushes them up. I used to tell them it aggravated a couple things I had going on...I didn't mention it was my marriage and my liver! You will find the phrase that works for you! I HAVE found that I need to be consistent with my excuse...apparently one time at a neighbor's I used the medication excuse and the host REMEMBERED that!!! (yes, SHE has AL issues) so then I had to pull out my colitis thing and she hasn't mentioned it again. So happy for you.....driving at night is a different world for us, no?? Liberating!!

Hope everyone has a great day! I am going to do some recreational beading! Stay busy, stay full and no matter what, stay AF!!!! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Cross-post, Wags!
Thank you for the kind words....
Your fan, B

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all! Day one down and easy. It usually is. Now, saturday will be a bit tougher. Thank you for all the welcomes.

Available - that is great about yr 21 yo son. I have a 21 yr old too. He doesn't worry me too much but his older brother does. What a thing to pass down to yr children. I have several alcoholics in my family. One problem is that none of them would consider me an alcoholic because I drink way less than they all do. And for the most part, I can stop at one. But.....sometimes given the right circumstanced i drink way too much.

WMM, I know where white marsh is as I lived in the D.C. area for many years. I live in NY now.

Anyway, happy saturday! Got to go serve breakfast!

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Yogamom - You can do it! If you get any thoughts of drinking, come here and read, post, read some more. Use your plan, or visit the tool box and work on putting one together.

I look forward to hearing you say "day two done!"

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1697281 wrote: Good Morning, everyone!
I used to tell them it aggravated a couple things I had going on...I didn't mention it was my marriage and my liver!

Hah! I'll have to use that one, myself. I just always say "I found it becoming too much of a habit," and that seems to end the discussion mostly. If it doesn't, I figure the other person is curious about his or her own drinking and I try to be forthcoming as long as it isn't THE topic of discussion.

I have had some trouble logging in and reading back - each page takes forever to load. I hope I can read back today.

Keep on keeping on!

Pav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

I will not drink today, no matter what. I am grateful to be sober. I remember the me that drank and she was sluggish, dishonest, unhealthy and consumed.

Have a great day everyone!

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends, great to see everyone here. I just wanted to chime in about "declaring" AF-ness on occasions. I too have found that a simple, confident and positive statement is all that is required. We always overthink what others will think of it. Just like watching someone drink half a beer and leaving it sitting there for half an hour! I would always notice that stuff but then again I am the one with the issue! Have a great AF day!

[lifechange]

Newbies Nest

I hear you, Kensho! I could have been your twin!!

Hi to all Nesters, it's just about the end of my Saturday-- been a heck of a day. Somehow good, relaxing, but with the nagging voice in the back of my head beginning at 3. I can always tell when it's 3pm (if it's not 11)! I read here a lot, I do all I can to preoccupy myself, I think a lot about the shitty existence I had just a short 11 days ago, I read in the tool box, I post something, sometimes rambling on and on, I go through the HALT, eating something and having a short nap, I write my gratitude list, I don't go to the grocery store!-- and eventually, usually between 7 and 8 pm the voice quiets. Thank god! I so look forward to a time when the cravings and urges are a bit fewer and farther between...for now, though, I have to be grateful that I'm using some of the tools I've learned to get some more time under my belt. Learning to sit and be quiet and allow myself to feel impatient or uncomfortable when all I want to do is run/escape. Each morning I've felt stronger and have been SO relieved that I haven't had another drink. Building/strengthening the muscle, right?

Wishing you all a relaxing Saturday!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Helllo all, still here! I was tired last night and wound up getting sucked into a computer game I bought myself with "I'm not drinking" money for a few hours.

Woke up with a headache thinking vaguely, "damn I was up so late, I hate when I drink too much." Very nice to wake up the rest of the way and remember no, I was just up too late, not drinking.

I have the house to myself this weekend and that always used to be horrible for me. I'd drink even more than normal since no one was around to see and then be depressed by the end that I'd done nothing but drink. I can actually do things this time!

Digging back through things...

All "old timers": Keep kicking our butts! No, really. I tend to sit on advice quietly when I don't like it, but I can tell you that any advice that made me go "Now hang on a second, there" is probably exactly what I need/needed. I know you got me past my initial withdrawal fears just by being supportive that I was tapering but also gently pushing me not to take too much time with it. And you guys are what's keeping me in line that some events I want to go to should really wait until I've got more time sober under my belt.

STL: My emotional triggers for drinking are easier for me to spot and expect; but when the trigger is boredom (for me, anyway) it's the sneakier one. That's the one where I'm feeling fine otherwise and it just pops in my head "this would be so much better with a drink." Ugh.

Ava - Mom and I talked some later that night - I guess she'd been doing more thinking about when she was younger and stopped smoking pot. She said that in hindsight she doesn't even know how she did it other than God must have helped her, and wanted me to know that she's sincerely proud of me. I tend to see myself as dumb (even though I know it's not true) for letting the AL get so bad in the first place and see her as "the smart one" for being able to drink normally. It feels really good to have someone I care about seeing it the opposite way.

Kensho - Way to go on making it through your gathering, and so well, too! I'm a little too honest, too, sometimes; but I think that's ok as long as you're not going to town on anyone about it. If I was quitting smoking (and I will again when I'm ready!) everyone would be all over it, knowing it's unhealthy and addictive. Or if I was going on a diet for health reasons. So if it comes up, I'm mostly comfortable with being honest that it was starting to affect my health and I didn't like that at all. With closer friends I've told a few that I realized I was self medicating and I didn't want to do that anymore. Depends on your friends - most of my close ones know I have depression/anxiety issues so it doesn't really come out of nowhere for me to say that. I agree with the rest that we'll all find what's most comfortable for us, though.

Good luck all, I have got to get some food here and then I think I'm going to make it a pj day! Already did the shopping and errands I need, no one is home, and it's rainy outside. Think I'll curl up with a book soon. Been spending a lot of time making sure I'm not-drinking which is good and I need it...but think I need to take some time just enjoying being as well. Hope everyone is having a great and AF day; rooting for everyone!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Oh, I remember another thought I had - one of the books I was reading kept mentioning that anytime you make rules to control AL...that means those rules are controlling your life. I'm sure some of the folks here have given the same advice, but it's really started to sink in with me. Like when I was tapering; I was drinking less yeah, but my thoughts all day were about when I would be "allowed" to drink and how much I was "allowed" to have. So even though I was drinking less, it was still all up in my head all over me.

Saying "none, not anymore" is hard...but it's also a lot simpler than going back and forth and debating. And if my brain is still fuzzy on and off now...I can see better why even "just one drink" would get in the way of my body and mind healing. I didn't like all the talk about it taking time to really get back to normal, but I'm starting to see better why AF helps more than cutting back. I think it also keeps me on my toes to find new things to do and new ways to process how I feel when I know I can't rely on my backup plan of a drink. So again, not easy but simpler - I *have* to find other things to do, I can't just decide not to bother for now.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

LavB, yes you know you're an alkie when you start making, then breaking your own AL rules. Pav posted a quote from Robin Williams the other day and how true it is. He said 'I was violating my standards faster than I could lower them!'
So glad everyone is working thru your weekend. Jane just posted a most excellent thing in the Tool Box regarding relapse we should all take on board! AND Lav Blue put her post in there about how AL lies to us. That Tool box is amazing.
Wishing everyone an easy evening. Byrdie

[available]

Newbies Nest

Soft Focus;1697293 wrote: Hi Byrdie,

Thanks for that. It was the main reason I wanted to check in. Don't want to leave any easy openings for that to sneak in! I decided to have a 'hangover' day today so spent most of the morning in bed, managing to amble down to the shops for coffee and cake, before taking up residence in the sofa for the afternoon. I reckon if I used to do that when I drank then I can do it when I'm sober. All the things I ought to be doing can wait til tomorrow, and it's a lot more enjoyable when it's not accompanied by a thumping headache, a sore stomach and a bucket of self-loathing!!

Ava - as I've been reading over the last few months it's been such a joy to watch you go from a newbie to a fully fledged nest mother. You sound so strong and so positive while never being compacent. It's a heartwarming balance and one for all of us to aspire to.

Hope everyone's enjoying their weekend.
SF

Thanks so much SF its lovely to get cudo's. I so love the "hangover" day. Im going to run with that one. its funny how we used to do that constantly "nothing" and now i know i feel guilty if i do exactly that. So hangover day it is and i think i will make Sunday my hangover day. Though i will do a nice walk to top it off.

Wags, you have come a long long way on mwo. i love how you think and deal with your conflict issues with others. I need to work on that issue as i am not a "thinker" im more a "f*** you" sort of person. Working on that one, but you do get that brain of mine thinking.

Yoga, its a talk i have been having with my son for months and months, gentle pushes, talks about alcoholism in our family, how i want to break the cycle of addiction if i can and i can only hope he stays strong. We are also a family of "no arses" now we are working on trying to stop this genetic line. So with our wisdom we have decided that we are going to do the John Cleese funny walk like lunging to break this vicious addiction to our bodies also.

LavB, i used to call my mother "dragon lady" when i was drinking and at the end of the day my drinking was pushing her away also, it was breaking her heart. my brother died of al and she could see it happening to me even if i was functioning. But of course you cant tell a person that has a drinking problem that they have a drinking problem. She told me at the end of July that she was so proud of me and to me this journey has made it all worthwhile. As i keep on saying to myself "i will not drink today" that is all my brain can process and its all it needs to.

My children will sometimes say to their friends that i dont drink as i am an alcoholic and that "blows" me away but these are people i know also and these people also knew i drank too much. They are young so if they can see that a normal person can have this problem then i cant say much and my children are proud. I know they would never embarrass me intentionally to people we are not good friends with by publicly saying it to all and sundry. i normally tell people i am having a break as wine and i were becoming too good a friend.

Lovely to see you pav, not long till we hit the 9 month mark now. let us hope for month 9 to be less emotional and it brings us so much closer to one year! never when i was in my early days did i ever think i would be sober for any long amount of time but i thought i would give it a go, i had nothing to lose and as the time has gone on it really does get easier, not perfect but easier.

well i am going to make that cup of coffee and enjoy my "hangover" day. Look at what needs to be done and put it off till tomorrow.

keep safe everyone and just dont drink for today.

Lav i hope your foot gets better soon. Relax and have a day for you too!