Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Had a long conversation with husband last night. Apparently I've changed quite a bit. In my opinion, the biggest reason I have changed is that I'm no longer numbing myself to deal with our conflicts, so they have become front and center. According to him however, I am more irritable, hard, distracted and unsocial.

I'm also recognizing that I am having social anxiety, that I'm extremely guarded and am not perhaps a very good friend, and have a racing mind that makes it hard to organize my time. Hmph.

Looks like the hard work begins for me. How did you all plow through the "issues" that were uncovered once drinking stopped? Feeling sad.

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

MAE all.

Great work on 37 days Daisy38 and welcome!

Pine - This will be my third dietary change in the past 6 months or so. Currently been following this diet by a Dr. Page - very Paleo. Pretty much veg (lots of leafy greens) and protein. However I might need to look at it as Byrdie is suggesting eating like it's thanksgiving and I don't think I've really been doing that with this diet.

Another day 2 and I thought I slept alright until I actually woke up. Woke a couple hours before I wanted to but was fortunately able to fall back to sleep but when I finally went to get up it was like crawling up from the grave. A little light headed and distractable right now but . . . think in about two weeks that should shake out. Will need to force myself to hit the Dojang tonight and not fall into the trap of thinking I'll go when I'm more rested otherwise I'll never get back on track.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Kensho, when I quit drinking & was falsely accused of similar things I sent my accuser back to the psychiatrist where he belonged in the first place!!!!!!
I put my foot down & told him NO MORE BS! Honestly, how long can a man live in denial of his problems?? He needed to take ownership of his problems just as I did mine.
Long story short, he ended up living elsewhere for 4 years so he could sort through his BS. We always stayed in touch & he has since returned. It's just not possible to sanely end a 41 year marriage. Things are different now & that's OK with me

Orimus, building an AF life does mean we have to feed ourselves well, get some exercise & all that. Just take it easy, one thing at a time works best

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi, all! For once I actually was up this morning - I just had to get going and bring the car in. Which is also a plus of the not-drinking. I've been horrible for putting off car maintenance til the absolute last minute the last few years. It feels good to be getting it in to be looked at sooner rather than later.

Everyone who commented on my "future" AL thoughts, THANK YOU! I suspected that it was the AL trying to be sneaky, but I wasn't sure if I was over thinking it. If you guys agree those are worth challenging then I feel less paranoid for bringing it up! The wedding one is honestly the most out of character for me - while I'd love to find the right person and settle down I have literally *never* planned my future wedding. At all. Never even played "I wonder what kind of dress I'd like." (I'm not anti romantic, I just never had that drive to plan ahead of time.) And I'm not even actively seeing anyone at the moment since even before I decided to quit AL I had the feeling I wasn't in a good place to try dating again! Soooo, yeah; especially with you guys confirming I can definitely put that in the pile of AL trying to trick me.

And Kensho, that's the other reason it seemed red flaggy to me - I'm not going out of my way to think about the future. It's more I see wedding pics from a friend and then my brain suddenly starts thinking AL thoughts. Or a friend says something about home brewing and the back of my head goes, "You know, sometime in the future I bet you could try..." And no, no future thoughts allowed. Partly because I think I don't need to be thinking romanticised thoughts about AL no matter at what future point it is. The cute image of the just one glass isn't how I drink; it's a lie. And I need to not let AL trick me into thinking otherwise.

Orimus, good going getting it all out of the house! And I've definitely been adjusting my diet. The first week or so I ate like a starving thing - mostly because that's what everyone recommended - and it really did help. So did picking up some sugary candy even though I usually don't eat sweets. This week I'm starting to feel a more normal appetite so while I'm making sure not to skip meals and still have occasional snacks, it's definitely balancing out. Which is good. xD And my sugar cravings have gone down as well, at least enough that I can be somewhat sensible about what I eat instead of EAT ALL THE THINGS!

MyLuck - Nice to meet you and I LOVE your pic!!!! Yay you on the quits also, but I had to mention.

Hi Daisy and nice to meet you, too! Good for you on your quit and I agree the toolbox is very useful.

Kensho - On the rest you know your situation better than I do. But I've found that I'm standing up for my boundaries more and some folks are much more used to me quietly buckling all the time. In a few of those cases I've just had to just go with it, and if they don't like me having more solid boundaries now I guess they can walk away. I'm sure the married folks here can give better advice than I can when it's your husband, though.

For anxiety, the only thing that's been working for me is plowing through it the best I can, trusting everyone that it gets better as you get more used to dealing with it sober. I was super twitchy just bringing my car in today, if you want the truth, but it had to get done so I pushed through. But even before the drinking I've always been kind of a delayed reaction girl. I'm the one who seems totally in control at the time...and then I go nuts a few hours later. It's one of those weird traits that sometimes is a good thing and sometimes isn't. Something like today when coming back home triggered a craving (You made it through stress! Take a drink!) I distracted myself making lunch and coming on here, and the feeling has passed by now.

Good luck all, and have a great AF day!

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

Hey guys. I'm back.

I've really messed up this time. It's finally hit home.

I went to a festival this weekend and got completely messed up. Drink. Drugs.

It basically resulted in massive paranoia for 2-3 days, thinking everyone was out to get me.

Normally my problems are hidden from anyone in my direct life.

Not this time. I'm a fairly closed off person. It takes me a while to trust someone and let them into my life.

But I managed to go ape at one of my friends who I let into my life recently. Due to my mindset, I went slightly mad at her and her friend. I was in a bad place.

As I sober up more and more, I realise just what a mistake I have made.

It's the first time I've directly impacted a relationship.

Not good.

Need to sort my life out.

ATM there's one way my life is going, and that's 6 feet under. These circles are just being drawn out more and more.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Londoner, I'm so sorry that you are in such a bad place. It's not just for you, but ALL of us that AL is effecting this way....it is wrecking our lives. I am so glad you are here, we can help! So all this happened over the weekend? Have you taken steps to get yourself propped back up? Gotten all the booze and drugs OUT? Try to eat something and as you know...stay hydrated. I'm so sorry this happened, but if something good (getting sober) can come from it, then all is NOT lost! Hugs to you....
Byrdie

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I can say yes, to gloss over it all.

Truth is, I see the big picture.

I get sober for 4-12 weeks at a time. Then resume the cycle. I get wasted. I withdraw myself from reality.

I was acting very strange this weekend. I've scared other people. I've scared myself.

I'm selfish.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Howdy Bydry, Londoner and Nester's near and not so far,

Glad you posted Londoner. You can do this. Go for it mate.

'Tis a glorious morning in upside down land. 21c and sunny. Day 29.

Take it easy.

G

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Londoner, I know this sort of thing has happened to me, and I'd imagine lots of people here
Best bet is to kick on, you're here now, and you know what you need to do.

Pine cone, I've seen the spoken word stuff live but not listened to the album, I'll see if it's on Spotify.

So I went for a meal tonight, and I sat with all the guys driving so I didn't look out of place not drinking. One person mentioned it. One! I don't even think anyone noticed, and before I went I was worried it was going to be a big issue. I didn't even need to make an excuse, I just said I wasn't in the mood and that was the end of it. All the big drinkers were too wrapped up in their own drinking to notice I wasn't drinking. I even got a lift home. Excellent result.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Mr G so one more day to the big 30, woo hoo. If only it was our age.

London welcome back. My thoughts are you have to stop running away especially from here and yourself. You have had the big days up and as soon as you disappear from here you are drinking again. Back track to how you managed to achieve that long period of sobriety as you were doing something right. Take ownership of yourself again and say goodbye to al. Yes you are right in being 6 feet under, there is no denying the truth with that one and it may not happen anytime soon but the damage that you will do to yourself by my age wont be good. Al ruins everything and combined with drugs is dangerous. Ive been there and done that when i was your age and our mind and body can only take so much abuse.

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. It's been quite a while since I've posted here, but I sure hope there's still a perch with my name on it. I certainly do need it right now. I haven't had time to read back much, so please forgive me. I'm not feeling very well this evening, so I don't have much to contribute.

I see lots of new faces here and I'm looking forward to getting to know you all. I'm not exactly a newbie to this living hell, but if anyone has read my recent post, you know I don't have much good advice right now. But I do want to say to Londoner - I'm sorry you are struggling. I totally understand. Let's get back into the fight together.

And Lav, your post cracked me up - "sent my accuser back to the psychiatrist where he belonged in the first place!!!!!!" Since I can trace the trigger of my latest bender to the fact that I was stupid enough to let my ex-sicko-husband back into my life just long enough for him to do major harm, your post was very, very timely.

Good to see everyone. Carry on and stay strong.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

MossRose, happy to see you but sorry for your troubles. I saw your thread but haven't read it yet.
We all know spouses can be THE biggest triggers, sorry this happened to you.
The only way I survived mine was to emotionally disconnect from him. You see, he ran out more than a year after I quit drinking. I swear he doesn't like to see me or anyone else happy. Well, he finally figured out that I was going to be happy whether he was around or not. Then he decided to change his attitude, all on his own. I hope you stick around with us for as long as you need us

Londoner, hope you are OK & plan to stick around as well!
Now that you have clearly described your mood swings & subsequent bad behavior choices - what's next? Are you willing to go talk to someone, investigate therapy & maybe medication? We all need some help at times. Do whatever you have to do to get yourself happy & healthy. We are here!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Evening Nesters!

Welcome Daisey38 and Black Flag! Yes, safe & good place to be here in the nest. Welcome back Moss Rose. Londoner, sorry you lost your balance. Nothing like a bender to remind us why we keep wanting to quit. Keep this feeling and make a plan. We are here for you.

Today was calmer. Gosh, yesterday just sucked all the way around and I was just up bitch alley - not hormone time or anything, just a big swing. AND most of the day was doing what LAV2 mentioned - pushing my foot down against BS. The hubs is going to have to change a few behaviors if this is going to work. There's a lot to work with and work for, but sometimes he needs a reality check - I used to drink to avoid it. A lot of our conversation was about the fact that good or bad, this is the new me and I am not going to avoid things that bother me any more. I am willing to civilly deal with them, but no more look the other way.

You know what though? This feels like real life. Not a fog, not a synthetic situation - genuine conflict and emotions and conversation. That part is worth its weight in gold. Bring it.

Oh, and I've decided that the best way to achieve long term sobriety is to apply a multi-layered approach (do I sound like a text book?). Meaning, I need to go back to addressing diet and exercise. I feel like the AF chemistry is resetting enough to begin some long-term habits. Biggest goals here are 5 fruits/veg. per day (this is so much harder done than said - and I consider myself a very healthy eater!), and to sweat 4 times per week. So send me some sweaty vegetable vibes - wait - that didn't come out right....

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Moss - Of course, there's always a perch for you here in the nest. Lots of new folks and plenty of us mid- and long-timers as well. You're in good company, as you already know. Sorry to hear of your recent struggles but glad you're back. Pull up that perch and nestle in.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Yay, car repairs are done and it wasn't anything that was a huge deal to fix - that's always a super bonus! Now that I'm not worried that anything is wrong with my car, I'm hoping to get out a little more this week than just grocery store and back. Get my dog out to a park, visit the used bookstore in town, *something* to start actually enjoying the whole "I can drive places now" thing.

Londoner - I'm so sorry you're in such a rough spot but I'm glad you came back here and want to get back on track. I'll leave advice to the old timers, but good thoughts and support your way. One of the reasons I started on my quit this time around was realizing I was lashing out at a friend of mine that didn't even know that I was drinking again, I can sympathize with next-day thoughts.

blackflag - I'm so glad the meal went well for you; that's great! And it's a great reminder that not everyone drinks or pays all that much attention to if anyone else is or not.

MossRose - Hi again and I'm glad you came in here.

Kensho - Glad today was better and that putting your foot down is working better! I'm starting to think about getting some exercise into my long term quit goals, too; I think it's a great idea. Yay sweaty vegetable vibes, lol!

And I LOVE this that you wrote, "You know what though? This feels like real life. Not a fog, not a synthetic situation - genuine conflict and emotions and conversation. That part is worth its weight in gold. Bring it."