Newbies Nest

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

WWM, we're all here for you. Please listen to Byrdie and use whatever advice or help that is offered. You will definitely NEVER regret being sober, that's for sure.

Thinking of you.

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Overit and Byrd, just when i thought i was doing so well for last week i went one day AF, one day AL, one day AF one day AL, One day AF, one day Al. then the weekend and now this week ive been a 4 pk of chardonnay minis every night, and trying to sneak some coronas in if i can raid DH garage stash, he also has bourbon,, We have practice tomorrow night, so not drinking should come easily, i am enjoying 7-11 coffee more and more with LOTS of hazelnut creamer!

[available]

Newbies Nest

whitemarshmom;1699084 wrote: Byrd, I know you read ALOT of posts and things can get confusing. I only have 2 children and I DO NOT not drink DAY and night, i drink at night only..( not much of a consolation but still) I am NOT using my children against him, i was making a point by him saying he wouldnt help Saturday with pick up from Football because i have a wedding to go to.. then he told me well forget Saturday!, i could and will easily skip the wedding to make sure my children are where they need to be.. the argument i posted happened this MORNING before school everyone sober, and not even a little bit hungover. He enrages me when I am minding my own business , enrages me when he speaks to me any time of day, because of the way he is and enrages me with his digs even more when i am drinking, he said once to me , that his mother killed his father by all her bitching and he is trying to do the same thing to me..! I'm not trying to be argumentative, i appreciate all the kind words and encouragement.. but i wanted to set a few things straight. I am in almost every sense of the word a single parent. I do everything for my 2 children.. sports, homework, meals , bath, bedtimes, shopping.. cooking, loving, he is here to do things when it is convenient for him, which isnt often. There have been plenty of times when i have done the dinner and bedtime things drunk and later passed out, but i am not an all day all night drinker...and i hope those days are over, and the past 2 weeks i have been successful. Im sorry, im not wanting to upset anyone....

WWM any al makes us not function properly. i did it for years. i was in a marriage where i did everything within our marriage and bought up 4 wonderful children. I used to get so mad at my ex that i always drank at him. I remember when i had my last change and he was drinking a lot that i said to myself "if i cant beat him i may as well join him". The worst thought i ever had in my brain. I had to make the decision to move on and have a life with my children where i would be a better mother emotionally and they would be happier. It was hard and sadly i still kept drinking AT everyone. Why me, why my life, i didnt want this, i am a good person, why why why. Your children will pick up everything that is going on, it doesnt matter how young they are they listen and they see. I, like Byrd had parents that did not drink but were outright vicious in their words to each other. My brother died an alcoholic and i became one. Was my past part of what made my future, yes it was. The only one that can change the cycle is yourself and with help. My 21 year old is a drinker and we are talking and both trying to change the cycle of addictional/alcoholism in our family so that it stops here. Only you can make the decision on what to do with your life but i totally agree with Byrd.

Friday here and all i can say is TFIF.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

WMM, I'm sorry you are stuck in such a rut :l

Please take this advice with all the care & love intended -
Your husband is going to continue to be an asshole as long as he chooses to be an asshole!
Your best bet (seen through my perfectly clear eyes) is to :
1. kick AL out of your life permanently
2. Go get yourself a good lawyer
3. Stop worrying about stuff that may never happen (like getting cancer) or running out of money.
You & your kids deserve a kinder & more peaceful life! Go make it happen

Lav

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

checking in and feeling good despite being starving….I was so worried all day about having terrible cravings that I think i psyched myself out of it. aa meeting at lunch help as well…..but not letting my guard down!!! will have food in front of me in 10 minutes…..no time to run out and buy a bottle
but I am not even tempted which is good!!!
can't wait to read my book tonight

[available]

Newbies Nest

Keep the food intake up Jenni, always have something in your bag to snack on. I just ate my way through a confectionary store but thats okay as i was not drinking. One of the vineyards here had a loss of profits, i still think it may be due to my not drinking.

[artsymom]

Newbies Nest

ava, many times I wish we could just comment on a post here with an lol.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Daevid;1699064 wrote: After all the stress, the rumination about liver and pancreatic cancer, the twinges. I had my ultrasound scan today. She said all was well just that my liver measured 19cm and it should have been 14.7cm. So, with a little care and zero alcohol forever, it should return to normal.

Spleen, kidneys, pancras, bile duct, gallbladder and portal vein NAD. No cancer, no cirrhosis. We were very pleased. More blood tests to see if the Gamma GT levels have dropped. They oughta at 38 days totally abstinent. I can now save for my Nepal, Buthan and Tibet tour next year and sod pre-paying for my funeral. Just not ready for the cosmic event horizon! Namaste Birds Nesters

Fab news Daevid!

Must get a similar check up myself. Nepal etc sounds huge!

WMM stick with us.

Day 31 here. Kick some ass Nester's.

G

[MossRose]

Newbies Nest

Hi all. Just checking in. I need to stay accountable. So my day went as follows - routine, routine, routine. Which is probably good at this stage of my quit. LOL.

Ava - Vineyards around the world are probably weeping right now for losing me too. haha. I've been such a good customer.

Kensho - I find the candy incident very interesting. I always swore that I don't like sweets, but I sure used to love wine - which is really just sugar and AL if you think about it. Those candy hangovers are awful. Hang in there.

Leighann - I saw that you posted on a thread I started. Glad to meet you and nice to see you safely in the Nest. It's a good place to be.

Daevid - we haven't met but looking forward to knowing you better. And please share your photos of Tibet, Nepal, etc. I am so jealous. That's a dream of mine. Seriously, I am glad your test came back mostly positive, and that you are now being proactive.

WMM - Please listen to Byrdie. My sons saw much of what you are describing and it's been a disaster. Everyone here knows that I have damaged the relationship with my youngest son due to drinking, fighting, all of the above. I've said it a million times - it's easier to avoid the problem than to try to repair it. I get your anger and angst. I'm recently divorced after a long-term marriage. It was scary. Very scary. But somehow, I manage to pay the rent, buy some groceries, and best of all...live a peaceful life. Please just think about it. But as Byride said, nothing will make total sense until you are sober. Sending you love and peace. Please take this in the spirit intended. I've been there, so I really do know what I'm talking about.

Guitarista - our G-man - I obviously missed something important during my absence. It sounds like you hit a milestone. So congrats, my friend.

That's all for tonight. Going to have some dinner, knit a bit, and fall asleep. How lovely is that??

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Dropping back in quickly to wish everyone a safe night in the nest!

Welcome Leighann, glad you are here with us
Daevid, great on your health news. All the more reason to stay on plan now!
Hi there MR

Lav

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Tonight on the eve of my 90th day I had a couple things happen that made me smile. My best friend came over for a chat. And as I'm opening beers and handing them to my DH and best friend, I had had to smile to myself as the thought occurred to me that beer smells like shit. LOL

Yeah, so that made me smile at the time. But what occurred to me a few hours after really made me smile. I am playing bartender and the thought of drinking didn't even occur to me. And while I was bartending, we're making plans for my friends birthday party at the wine festival. Of course, we were talking about whose vehicle to drive and a game plan so I can get everyone home safely in a timely manner. It wasn't until later that I realized again the thought of drinking didn't occur to me and that everyone else just expects that I don't drink and that its a bonus for everyone. It felt good to be in that place. Not to say that Dick head won't occasionally rear its stupid head but that nagging, provocative, enticing, romanticizing feeling didn't come up.

I am just now starting to feel, think, and function like the old me. My mind and emotions are clear for the first time in a long time. It's a blessed feeling and I am humbled and grateful to not be drinking now and forever more. Not one sip, not ever again. That poison turned me into someone I never thought I could ever be and I will have scars on my soul for eternity because of it. I had lost my way and tread a path of destruction. Only through the grace of God I fought my way free.

There is enough shame and guilt in my heart that if I wanted a reason to keep drinking, I would have a few thousand. But instead I chose to soldier on. Sure I could let my past sins eat me alive but instead I chose life. I chose to try and be the best mother, wife, worker, human I can be. That will, in some small way, I believe begin to heal me from the inside out. I owe my husband and children the woman I used to be. I owe it to myself. If God can forgive me then someday maybe I can forgive myself too.

Epiphany's can get you all philosophical.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone--

Daevid - congratulations!

Cherokeer - 90 is HUGE. So great that you aren't even thinking about it. Be careful about spending TOO much time around alcohol - those temptations can and will continue to jump out of the bushes. Great that your friends and family see you as a non drinker.

WMM - A bottle of wine every other day will mess with you - even if you're not doing all of those things while drinking, you have a lot of alcohol in your system. Believe me, I am not judging. But a surprise of getting sober was how many more things were affected than just my "hangover" state. I have more confidence, think more clearly, make decisions more easily, get along better with my husband and sons, cut a friend out of my life who needed to be cut out... Congratulations on cutting back, but do yourself a favor and cut it out completely. You can survive without the asshole.

Good night everyone--
Pav

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Realize that had a double meaning - AL the asshole, and your husband the asshole.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hey... quick check in. Doozy of a day. There seems to be conflict everywhere here - car dealership being poopheads, credit card dispute, incorrectly shipped items, etc, etc. I am exhausted from my 3 hours sleep last night, and I will be up late tonight too.

BUT... I dealt with most of the issues with more grace and patience than I've seen from myself in a very long time.

I also had a discussion with a good friend at lunch about the fact that I've stopped drinking. I was not ashamed - I felt proud. I owned my quit.

WMM - I can tell you are being very honest and sharing vulnerability. And less alcohol is better than more. Good for you for coming here and discussing the hard issues. Could you take some more action though? Change is scary, but you have said many times that you need to leave your relationship and stop drinking. Reminds me of that saying - "if you keep doing what you've always done, you will keep getting what you've always had", or something like that. You noticed a change with cutting back on AL - just think what good is in store for you once you get past the discomfort and fear (and the fear is ALWAYS bigger than reality) and get rid of toxic things altogether? I know it's hard, but I know you can do it. :h

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Just a quick thanks to everyone who's here and posting. My worst triggers are when my feelings are hurt, doubly when I'm not sure if I'm being reasonable by being hurt. I get caught in a battle of should I be honest and tell the other person so I don't sulk by accident? Should I be quiet about it until I'm sure I'm being "fair" by being upset? Should I just pretend everything is ok? Can imagine what a great combo that is at the moment when my emotions can be all over. And yeah, feelings were hurt earlier this night - I'm 100% sure by someone literally just not thinking or realizing what they did would hurt me.

But I'm not going to drink; that won't help me figure out why my feelings are hurt or if it's something I should explain to the other party or let it go. If I drink I'll either launch into SUPER UPSET THIS IS THE WORST THING EVER or I'll bury it and it'll jump out again later. And in both of those cases, I end up doing exactly what I don't want to do and either exploding at the other person about ALL THE THINGS or making myself feel worse by pretending it didn't happen.

WMM - I was in a horrible relationship something like 5 years ago. (Well, it ended something like 5 years ago, at least). As in, the guy is in prison now (or he was when I finally broke ties with him and the rest of his family) and that's not even the worst of it. I didn't marry him, though I practically lived at his house and at the time I would have married him if he'd been willing to ever discuss our relationship. But my point is, I actually did get out of that while I was still drinking. And for a year or so, I drank like a fish, and then I quit for a little bit, and then I moderated (or tried to) on and off until now. Even ignoring that I did eventually start drinking objectively way too much again....even during the times that I was moderating pretty well...I never worked though any of my own emotional/mental stuff from the relationship. I never got to a point where I really felt like I was starting over, or that I had a chance to be happy, or a chance to fix things. I stayed scared and depressed and feeling defeated. I'm only just now realizing that, after a couple weeks sober, I still have things from 5 years ago that I never worked through. Even while I was only drinking a glass or two a night.

At the time, I felt like my drinking was the one thing I was doing "for me" "to cope." I'd have shot anyone who tried to take that away from me. But I'm slowly seeing now that my "escape" was actually making everything worse, most of all my chances to heal and get to a better place. I guess all I'm saying is that I never thought it would make a difference, but AF has been night and day for me even from moderating in terms of...oh, just even feeling like I have a chance to fix anything. Getting sober has done me more good in two weeks than even getting out of the situation did, it's crazy.

I still point to the old timers for actual advice; I guess I just wanted to add in my feelings that after a couple weeks, I'm 100% convinced I could never work through everything I needed to while I was drinking at all. And that I'm sure I made my pain and feelings of being helpless last much much longer than it would have without the AL. I mean, they lasted past even the guy being in my life; I definitely wouldn't have had a prayer if he was still around!