Newbies Nest

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I find it almost magical how one person posts about moderating due to an unbearable household that is a situation I am not dealing with personally, but then everyone posts her back with all this really priceless advice and empathy and after reading it all, I feel like they are speaking to me too…..not just the person who they are typing to….It just goes to show how AL is the PROBLEM……it is not whatever else is going on in your life - those are NOT the underlying problems… AL is….whether good, bad or impossible to endure…..the impossible becomes possible without AL in our lives……
:thanks:

[available]

Newbies Nest

It certainly is al jenni. I have already made plans with my daughter for tomorrow and i know i will be there and i will be up early and not waking up to tell her i feel sick or tired or some excuse. Its an amazing feeling each and every day to be sober especially as time goes on. I feel like one of those "normal" people now but i will never let my guard down with al.

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

Cherokeer;1699168 wrote:
I am just now starting to feel, think, and function like the old me. My mind and emotions are clear for the first time in a long time. It's a blessed feeling and I am humbled and grateful to not be drinking now and forever more. Not one sip, not ever again. That poison turned me into someone I never thought I could ever be and I will have scars on my soul for eternity because of it. I had lost my way and tread a path of destruction. Only through the grace of God I fought my way free.

There is enough shame and guilt in my heart that if I wanted a reason to keep drinking, I would have a few thousand. But instead I chose to soldier on. Sure I could let my past sins eat me alive but instead I chose life.

Cherokee, your words are resonating with me like the beat of a thousand drums. Thank you, and congratulations!

Pie

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Friday to all

Chero, so great to read about your evolution since kicking AL out of your life! Congrats on your 90 AF days :wd:
I remember having the same thoughts & feelings around that 3 month mark - awesome

Hi Pav!
Kensho, everything is easier to deal with when you have a clear head - an AF bonus!

LavB, I continued to drink more than I wanted to & way longer than I ever should have because I felt so damn sorry for myself. I literally threw myself a pity party day after day
Kicking AL out of my life helped me to separate feelings from facts. I no longer worry about what everyone else is thinking, that's their business, not mine. I focus on being the best I can be every single day & yes, that does mean being a bit selfish

Jennie, we are all different but all human, huh?
Hi there Ava!

Wishing everyone a great AF Friday!

Lav

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

LavenderBlue;1699196 wrote:
At the time, I felt like my drinking was the one thing I was doing "for me" "to cope." I'd have shot anyone who tried to take that away from me. But I'm slowly seeing now that my "escape" was actually making everything worse, most of all my chances to heal and get to a better place. I guess all I'm saying is that I never thought it would make a difference, but AF has been night and day for me even from moderating in terms of...oh, just even feeling like I have a chance to fix anything. Getting sober has done me more good in two weeks than even getting out of the situation did, it's crazy.

Cherokeer;1699168 wrote: There is enough shame and guilt in my heart that if I wanted a reason to keep drinking, I would have a few thousand. But instead I chose to soldier on. Sure I could let my past sins eat me alive but instead I chose life. I chose to try and be the best mother, wife, worker, human I can be. That will, in some small way, I believe begin to heal me from the inside out. I owe my husband and children the woman I used to be. I owe it to myself. If God can forgive me then someday maybe I can forgive myself too.

Epiphany's can get you all philosophical.

Great posts LavB and Cherokee--- I suspect a lot of people here can related to both of those feelings. Thanks for sharing

MAE everyone else. Happy Friday. Get prepared and stay motivated for an AF weekend ahead.

BTW...anyone seen Fin?`

[Daevid]

Newbies Nest

Thanks all who have expressed concern regarding my health. It's been great to have listening ears. I wish us all nothing but success. But if anyone get's dismounted, get back on that damn horse! Namaste. We shall live as long as we can and die when we can't help it.

[Rivergal]

Newbies Nest

Chero- thanks for the amazing post. It helped me tremendously. Thoughts of AL are everywhere in my head. 4 hours till quitting time, not on-call, gorgeous day, 3-day weekend...ah to have a few cold ones....but then my evening with my hubby would be ruined- he will know immediately if I drank. I DO NOT DRINK ALCOHOL. Thanks to all of you!

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Cherokeer

Congrats on 90 Days!!!

:banana:

You have seemed very strong, very solid with your quit and it's awesome to see you reach this major milestone. Another big one (triple digits!) is just around the corner.

Thanks for all that you share here about your journey - I always learn something from your posts.

:h :l

[susuberg]

Newbies Nest

Help...feeling so desperate today. Sick of drinking,yet its all I think about. The harder I try to quit the more I drink. Started naltrexone couple of weeks ago (not sinclair method per se). aa x30 years. Yesterday at a meeting a woman slipped on her big book (yep, she had been drinking) and people laughed and distance themselves as though she had contagious virus. Turns out she was in a great deal of emotional pain.
Haha----slipped on big book--that is a new one

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

Susuberg-I'm very sorry about your stress and the AA meeting yesterday. We are ALL in this same stupid boat, together, whether we like it or not. Thinking of you today. Hold on babe!

Just checking in on another sober morning. Really tired today but I am sleeping well.

Hope to see everyone checking in throughout the day.

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

Hi guys, could I just start with a little apology, I've been reading through the threads and my memory ATM is terrible, so to everybody that has welcomed me...... Thank you, and I apologise if I don't remember you're usernames!!!
I had an access meeting today with my drinks worker and was telling him about this website and the fact there's so much support on here, I've told him to recommend it to his other clients as I think it's great!!
So..... I'm on day 30 something, and I'm feeling great!!! My brain is still trying to play tricks on me and tell me I fancy a drink but I'm finding telling it to shut up helps lol. I am worried that when I come off the Antabuse I will have to rely on my own willpower, but I'm hoping by then that my thought patterns will be in check.
My boyfriend is on day 3, he's had the odd bad mood and the usual withdrawals associated with getting sober but he's doing great (I'm worried a little too great!) and I made us both fresh fruit smoothies today so we got some vitamins in us :-) the kudzu arrived this morning so he's on day 1 of giving it a go.....

All I can say is, if giving up was easy we would have all done it years ago. Stay strong everybody and I hope you all have a fabulous AF day :-)

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Life is about choices. Here in Hamburg today I choose to take a train to go out from the hussle bussle of the city into a forest on outskirts of Hamburg. Man also chose to walk out of the wild and stay in cities. In the wild things look so simple. I am right no sitting next to a small patch of water inside a forest which is lush green, with moist fresh air bit cool with bright blue sky.

With hardly anyone around I feel I am at peace. Coming here is the wild I guess is giving me a fresh supply of dopamine which I guess my brain is starved from not getting the synthetic supply with AL.

Freshness and peace, I switch of my cell* to airline mode wondering how great would be life in wild away from the complications. Going our daily to hunt or gather food am back to family.

An old man just wisked by in a bicycle maybe he is enjoying his evening of just going away home thru the forest .

Water droplets on the glares of grass so green it reminds me of myself several years ago when I was younger and not addicted. It's funny how with the surface tension the water droplets stand on top of a blade of grass. Grass holding water droplets not letting it go . Just like I hold on to gift of sobriety never letting it go. Water will dry off from the grass but my sobriety won't.

I chose to come here in the wild to feel fresh air , fell life s it would have been if I would have been living in the wild.

Train passes by at a distance reminding me of the long journey I have tomorrow. Back to home. I miss home I miss family but I am so grateful I don't miss the drink which 6 months back of my life.

I see leaves as they float on the water in this small river in this forest. It just floats away without knowing where it will go.* It only reminds me that's how I was living.

So many regrets of past which I must forget as it only makes me sad as I was just like that leaf floating away in the water which will sink in the next rain.

I can't wonder everyday why I live and for what I live, this is not with an attitude of depression or sadness but rather with an attitude of gratefulness as I have been given a chance to be reborn as a sober person and I must not waste this precious life so things that don't matter.

Thinks like AL on which I wasted so much time ...

Its good to be in the wild, Good to express ... Great to share ...

Sobriety is the best gift given to me ...

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Quick checkin, did not drink last night. Had trouble sleeping because my brain didn't want to shut up, but I found other things to do and eventually did get some sleep. I also slept late so little rushed at the moment - but the important part is I didn't drink!

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Pav, I actually don't spend much time around alcohol at all. Believe it or not being around drunk people just pisses me off and causes me to hate AL even more fiercely. My DH drinks about a 6 pack a week of beer. I open him a bottle and bring it to him with his dinner. The wine fest is a yearly birthday tradition with my best friend and a whole group of us. This will be my first year not drinking and I think I will still have fun and get everyone home safe and sound. I am sure at first I will feel a bit awkward but that is to be expected. But a little awkward is a whole lot better than the abject shame I used to feel wondering what the hell happened because my stupid ASS was un-drunk-conscious. I'm just going to laugh at my friends making asses of themselves but I will also keep them safe too.

Pie, Thank you and your welcome.

Lav, Thank you and I am looking forward to those triple D's. I feel like when I was drinking I was being held hostage by an invisible force. Sounds wacky I know. But now that I have shaken it off I truly feel powerful once more.

RiverGal, In the beginning when Dick head was slithering around my brain trying to entice me to drink again I would conjure up my feelings of shame and humiliation and use it as my hammer to beat the damn thing back in its cage. For me, instead of making me want to drink to avoid those feelings I forced myself to confront those demons and it gave me the strength. You have the power within you, use it to heal yourself. Use it to forgive yourself. In times of weakness, its okay to give yourself a hug and just hold on until your strength returns.

Wagmore, Thank you so much!! I am strong in my quit. I am now prepared to live in the moment. Guilt, pain, shame and all. As each day passes, the stabbing pain of those memory flashes don't cut quite as deeply. Each day is a gift, one that God has given me. Shame on me for wasting all those precious days in fiery clutches of AL. But I'm just grateful I woke up before it was too late. I can't change the past and I try not to dwell there either. There is beauty in everything nowadays.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Pav, I actually don't spend much time around alcohol at all. Believe it or not being around drunk people just pisses me off and causes me to hate AL even more fiercely. My DH drinks about a 6 pack a week of beer. I open him a bottle and bring it to him with his dinner. The wine fest is a yearly birthday tradition with my best friend and a whole group of us. This will be my first year not drinking and I think I will still have fun and get everyone home safe and sound. I am sure at first I will feel a bit awkward but that is to be expected. But a little awkward is a whole lot better than the abject shame I used to feel wondering what the hell happened because my stupid ASS was un-drunk-conscious. I'm just going to laugh at my friends making asses of themselves but I will also keep them safe too.

Pie, Thank you and your welcome.

Lav, Thank you and I am looking forward to those triple D's. I feel like when I was drinking I was being held hostage by an invisible force. Sounds wacky I know. But now that I have shaken it off I truly feel powerful once more.

RiverGal, In the beginning when Dick head was slithering around my brain trying to entice me to drink again I would conjure up my feelings of shame and humiliation and use it as my hammer to beat the damn thing back in its cage. For me, instead of making me want to drink to avoid those feelings I forced myself to confront those demons and it gave me the strength. You have the power within you, use it to heal yourself. Use it to forgive yourself. In times of weakness, its okay to give yourself a hug and just hold on until your strength returns.

Wagmore, Thank you so much!! I am strong in my quit. I am now prepared to live in the moment. Guilt, pain, shame and all. As each day passes, the stabbing pain of those memory flashes don't cut quite as deeply. Each day is a gift, one that God has given me. Shame on me for wasting all those precious days in fiery clutches of AL. But I'm just grateful I woke up before it was too late. I can't change the past and I try not to dwell there either. There is beauty in everything nowadays.