Newbies Nest

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends, I'm having a busy week, but it's great to see everyone today.

Guitarista, well done on your AF time!
Cherokeer, nice post and great job. Coming home to your self is a wonderful feeling.
Welcome, Leighann!

To anyone who is hearing "that voice" tonight, don't engage. There is no conversation to be had. It's just a trick. It is spoiled and bratty and as soon as it realizes that it can't have its way it loses strength. It's as simple as saying "NO, HELL NO!" (Thank you, Byrdie). Anyone who has the guts to make it to this site has the guts to make it through any craving. Stop feeding it tonight so you can eventually get some peace in your life. Have a great AF night!

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

Thanks pinecone, you're post made me chuckle :-)

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Thanks Ava, the foot is healing & much less pain & swelling this week
It's true that a craving won't kill us & neither will anxiety. I was a victim of full blown panic attacks for a period of time (years ago) & thought sure I was going to die ~ I didn't I thought wine would help me relax but of course we all know how that tactic backfires on us! Just hang in there everyone, give it a week or so & you will be amazed at the results!

Jennie, I sure hope you decided to stay home & stay safe. Going out this early in your quit is not an easy way to go. Wrapping yourself in comfort with a cup of tea & a good book works much better to help you reach your goals.

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Little less distracted now; still kind of a meh day but I'm trying to just take it for what it is and remember tomorrow is a new day. Planning to go see a movie with my mom tomorrow, too - it'll be my first movie in YEARS when I wasn't cranky because I couldn't drink while I was there. Looking forward to gorging on popcorn. :P

I'm deep into an audiobook right now; when I'm really twitchy or craving I've been playing one while I go online or do something else. I'm not sure why it's working as an anchor, but I suppose my brain can only pay so much attention to so many things at once. If I'm listening to a book AND online AND eating it doesn't leave much room to focus on craving thoughts.

Cherokeer - Congrats on 90 days! And thank you for sharing your thoughts; hearing things like that help me remember what I'm striving for and what I still have to look forward to after I give it more time and work.

Kensho - Grace and patience are two wonderful qualities - and I'm sure I've been missing them for a while, too. Glad to hear you're finding them again.

Jenni - I find a lot in common with things folks post, too. Even if the specifics aren't always the same, the running threads that hold the story together almost always ring at least a few bells for me. I come here and read a lot, even when I don't feel up to typing anything - it really is a bit of magic and a definite blessing how other stories can help me, too.

Lav - "I no longer worry about what everyone else is thinking, that's their business, not mine." That's a big one that I've struggled with and the AL only made it worse. It makes me forget how to know what I want to say in a situation, and it also makes me blame myself for things that aren't my fault. I'm working it, though. The quit is double helping me there, because if nothing else, I know I don't want to risk my quit. And on the other topic, I definitely speak full blown panic attacks; ugh. But you're also right - no matter how it feels neither that nor a craving is actually going to kill us.

STL - Thanks; I'm still processing and not always sure how much I want to/should say about things in my past. But I know I'm not the only one with regrets.

Susu - I'm so sorry to hear about the stress and the way the AA meeting went. I hope you can stay close here, the support from the folks here has helped me so much.

Rhul - Another beautiful post, thank you for sharing. I'm so glad you're in such a great place - literally and figuratively!

Byrd - I mistrust myself a lot sometimes; not knowing if I'm overreacting or not. And I'm bad about always acting like I'm ok. So I know it'll be messy...but I also know I wasn't getting any better while I was drinking. I know last night I was thinking how pointless it would be to ruin my quit because one person upset me - what, am I going to let myself drink everytime someone upsets me? No! Well, then why should "this one time" be the one to break? It would have been the same as "because today ended in 'y'." Enjoy your 3 day weekend!

Blackflag - Way to go! You sound like you're doing a great job with your quit, that is awesome!

Nosugar - Great way to look at it, thank you.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Pinecone;1699458 wrote:
To anyone who is hearing "that voice" tonight, don't engage. There is no conversation to be had. It's just a trick. It is spoiled and bratty and as soon as it realizes that it can't have its way it loses strength. It's as simple as saying "NO, HELL NO!" (Thank you, Byrdie). Anyone who has the guts to make it to this site has the guts to make it through any craving. Stop feeding it tonight so you can eventually get some peace in your life. Have a great AF night!

Hi, All:

Pinecone - I love when you stop by. DO NOT ENGAGE. Diffuse the situation by walking away.

And NS you are right - that 3:30 anxiety and sadness is SO much worse than enduring a craving or some self pity.

Byrdie, NO, HELL NO. Remember that movie Network? I'm mad as hell and I'm not going to take it any more! As Ava would say, fark off, Alcohol.

Lav - Hi back. Hope your foot is good, and you're doing some nice gluten free baking this weekend.

BF - I'm jealous of your rain - sitting here in parched Northern California (I slept right through the earthquake, fyi).

LavB - I love your posts. They remind me of me and Ava a short almost nine months ago! Posting is where sober is at.

CHEROKEER! 90! Super duper. Speech??

I'm Friday tired. Ate a bowl of ice cream - full fat, full sugar. Now I'm thirsty and heading to bed.

Happy SOBER weekend.

Take care of yourselves, and don't drink, no matter what!

Pav

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

rahul- I truly love your words...plz keep posting. Somehow your words bring me calmness. I love it. Thanks for them!!!!!!!!!!

Love,

Sarah

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

thanks everyone…..I ended up staying in with no take out!!!!!! Instead I treated myself to my FAVORITE food this time of year……BLT with just picked tomatoes……heaven!!!! As soon as i finished, all cravings gone!! And a good movie and to bed early….
I am so looking forward to a weekend without booze…….

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Great news Jennie
Keep doing just that!!!

Pav, glad the earthquake didn't rattle you
One of my fav baking books these day is Simply...Gluten-free Desserts by Carol Kicinski. Great recipies & I also use non-dairy ingredients. I do use eggs though - obviously :H

Greetings to everyone, wishing a great AF Saturday for all.

Lav

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I am actually going to a boot camp class at 8am on a saturday?.who would have thunk it.

[Rivergal]

Newbies Nest

available;1699441 wrote: Morning all and hi back lav. how is that foot of yours going?

Not a long weekend here but a beautiful sunny day that i am going to spend with my daughter at the markets and then a hair dye to get rid of the greys, god forbid i have any at 50. today i am doing this totally sober. Yes it has been a hard struggle to live everyday life sober but every morning i have a smile (eventually when i have woken up) on what i have achieved being sober. It will be 9 months on Monday and I used to be like you newbies, i had those thoughts, struggles, stresses and emotions. I also had grit and determination and willpower gallore, i dont know some days where i found it but i knew i just had to. I had to as no one else would give up drinking for me except me. I have made the best choice and decision in my life to get rid of al, i only wish i had done so sooner but the past is the past and the future is f**king fantastic.

Have a great long weekend everyone and stay safe and stay on here. If you have a single urge to drink, come on mwo and post and read. This is my AA and i am not judged and god forbid i would slip on a book. How sad is that to be judge by fellow alkies. Its a funny world we live in.

I need new glasses Byrd, you may have motivated me, well after shopping maybe!

Ava, you so greatly inspire me! So very happy for you & your upcoming 9 months! I hope Byrdie has a doozie of a hat ( better than chips! ) for you! You are lovely and I feel so blessed to be in everyone's presence....to the Farmer's Market & building a tire swing for my grand kids upcoming visit! :thanks:

[available]

Newbies Nest

Good work Jenni, took me 8 months to get my arse moving but now i enjoy my exercise.

Thanks River, today was the best. We went shopping for 5 hours and in my drinking days i was lucky to last two hours at most. A beautiful sunny day, bought lots of random stuff and spoilt my daughter. Purple hair also. I asked Mia if she wanted a wine when we got home as there was some in the fridge from her last visit and she said yes. I said to her that i wish i could have one and she told me i could smell it. I smelt it and dry wretched. How good a feeling is that to have wine on my list alongside vomit as my non favourite smell. I stuck to water and was content that i had such a lovely time without taking a xanax for my anxiety or starting with a hangover. Im jealous River i want grandkids but not takers on that front at the present time. How many do you have? Maybe you could share!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi everyone. I'm out of State - at Oregon coast. Lovely and quiet. Stressful to max last couple days. Feeling really brain foggy. Stayed up until 2 and 3 am to finish drawings for a client, and then scanned them all in- but forgot to email them. Remembered after leaving house. What is wrong with my brain? Also been saying the wrong word a lot. Saying breakfast instead of dinner and hand instead of foot.

Felt really sad with I laws at dinner last night. I think they wish I would drink and be my old self. Feeling low confidence and not close to my family and friends. I considered saying "f it" last night just to escape the discomfort, but decided against. I just want to not be so stressed and tired. I'm sure sleep will help.

Will have more time to read back and catch up letter, but had to use iPad while husband is away to write.

Sending hugs ands well wishes to everyone here.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Late check-in! Great posts overnight! Remember that every post matters....if you are thinking it, odds are, someone else is, too. Knowing we aren't alone is very comforting.

Last night, hubs and I went out to dinner....a New Orleans type place, jumping and happy. Hubs ordered a beer, and I ordered water. We were sitting there and he asked me if I wished I could have a wine....I said, of course it would be nice...but I wish I could have a million dollars and be thin, too, and that ain't happening. I told him there was a time when I longed to have one with him and be normal about it, but it doesn't bother me now. It is a good feeling to be able to say that, it took me a LONG time to get to this point. I say all that to say this, I built up this immunity one day at a time. Get thru this day AF no matter what! When you get up tomorrow you will be so glad you did! Have a great day, eva-body!!! xo, B

Edit to add: Great job, Kensho! Brain fog is perfectly normal but in your second 30 days you will notice all that lifting and you will find you are at the TOP of your game! THAT'S a good feeling! I am so happy that you resisted the peer pressure, this isn't a popularity contest for sure, we are in the fight of our lives and it's every girl for herself! WELL DONE!!!!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Well, I was up later than I wanted but I beat out my cravings and my sad feelings. Audiobook and a $7 puzzle/adventure/hidden object game. I don't often do the hidden object ones - I do more "serious gaming" as the kids say but those type are soothing when I'm in the right mood. Probably because I can usually do them even when my brains are toast, no need for fast reaction times. xD Anyway, up til about 6am but when I looked up from the screen I thought "Oh yeah...I was upset before...I'm just tired now, time to crash out." And I was glad of it this morning. I had a weird dream, too - I dreamed that I was out with friends and family and some guy who was there kept drinking so much that we had to carry him and think about calling 911. I've never (thankfully) been in that situation in real life (or if it happened around me I was probably too drink to motice) but at least part of my brain is preferring the not-drinking thing.

I think some of my dreams are touched off by all the FB posts I read at the end of the day when folks say it's time for [poison of choice]. I don't crave when I read them, but I am seeing it much differently than I used to. In the back of my brain I'm always questioning "Why do we DO that, even normal drinkers...just numb away our nights?" Obviously I know why, but the thinking is different.

I think Mom and I are rainchecking on the movie - but this time it's because she's wiped out from her week. Ok, I'm not glad she's wiped out, but I'm glad it's not because I feel like crap or changed my mind. And I'm draggy from being up so late so it works out just fine.

Pav - Lol, well posting is definitely where my sober is at! It's funny how if I'm craving by myself it feels harder; but just posting "I will not" here reminds me that I'm in charge of that first drink and I'm choosing NO. This whole "letting people be supportive" thing, I shoud do it more often.

Jenni - YAY YOU!!!! I'm kind of amazed at how much more I'm enjoying my food now, I know I'm enjoying it. And it does feel good to know I've made a good choice. I'm rediscovering a love for veggies that I haven't had since I was a kid...still eat way too much cheese, though; hehe. And good luck with the boot camp class.

Kensho - Glad you're getting a chance to unwind, but I hear you on brain fog. The other day my mom called me (I still have to put names into my phone, skipped it while drinking..on the list of weird things I didn't bother doing) and I sat there staring at the number trying to remember whose it was. Hers had been the same for years now and the only one I can usually remember no trouble...but I just STARED at my phone, "I know I know that number....ummmmm..."

And I'm glad you skipped the drinking. From the way you post here, I'm positive that your not-drinking self is interesting, and funny, and kind. I'm sure that the longer you're sober the more it will come out, too. *hugs*

Byrd - "Remember that every post matters....if you are thinking it, odds are, someone else is, too." Thanks for that reminder!

Hope everyone is having a great and AF day. I'm going to be sluggish today, I think. Running to the store to get more sparkling water, but otherwise I think I'll just poke around tidying and try to be kind to myself.

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Had some massive cravings just now, the worst I've had so far.
So I've had some food, drank loads of water and now I'm here to keep myself honest.
On my way home from work, and if I hadn't written this to make me think straight I'd have been right in the shop as soon as I got off this train.
Hope everyone is ok and coping with their Saturday.

BF