Newbies Nest

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Londoner - I agree with Pav. Call someone, even if it's an anonymous help line. You wouldn't have posted here if you didn't want someone to help you, but there's only so much we can do as an on-line community. Sometimes professional help is needed. There's no shame in reaching out - hell, that's exactly why they exist. At least call someone to come sit with you?

I'm one of those who did hit rock bottom, and I can promise you that the intensity of the loneliness you're feeling DOES go away when you get and remain sober! You're not alone, but your addiction is tricking you into believing you are so that you'll keep turning to AL instead of people. Don't give into that lie. Please reach out to someone who can physically be with you.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi all! So, two of the things that have been swirling around in my brain lately are that a lot of authors I've seen have related AL to bad relationships - the push/pull of always hoping for "a good night" even though you know most are crappy. And another thought I've seen in a lot of places that the "good feelings" addictions give only exist because of the addiction - easiest to see in my smoking, I'm sure. I think it relaxes me, but only because I have that addiction that wants something and relaxes when it gets it. Get past the addiction and you won't have the anxiety that the drug "cures."

I'm kind of looking at that with other things in my life, too. Not that I'm planning on huge changes so early in my quit; but it's interesting looking at other things in my life I'd like to change and realizing that mostly do them out of habit or because I've grown accustomed to "needing" to rather than because they actually benefit me.

And the thing with my one friend is sorted, finally. They were doing the same thing I do. :P Had a rougher week than I knew, but didn't mention it, so I didn't realize not to take certain things personally. I'm glad I fought past the crappy/triggery feelings - I did not lose my quit, I took care of myself, AND I didn't make anything worse by deciding this would be a great time to talk about my feelings in depth. I call that a win and worth a couple days on and off on edge. I've known this person for a long time now and I ought to be able to remember that when they're off with me, it usually means something else is bothering them - I'm too quick to take it personally sometimes.

Londoner - I'm sorry you're feeling so horrible, I know those feelings all too well. My best advice is to listen to the old timers here. I sometimes feel like a baby duck who's imprinted on them, but they're doing a great job of leading me somewhere better and safer. Good thoughts and I hope you stay close and stay safe. You can get out of this, please take care of yourself and I'm going to echo the idea to call someone who can be there more than we can from online.

blackflag - Good for you for eating, drinking water, and posting. It's good advice that I was given and has really helped me push through cravings. You've been doing awesome with your quit, definitely not worth giving up on it!

Ava and BF - Music is definitely a trigger. Even when I was trying to moderate, I found I had to be careful about listening to some of the albums from a local band I used to always go see in the pub. Too easy to get all maudlin and feeling like I owe myself a drink...'cause sitting at home feeling sorry for myself with a cd is SO the same as a nice night out with friends...except not!

Kensho - I'm so glad you're sticking to your quit, I'm sorry it's been tough going. I just bet your son is happy about the choice his mom is making, though.

allan - Congrats on 2 years, that's wonderful!!! And thank you so much for that thoughtful post.

And, that's all I got; I need to go find food before I get light headed; put it off typing here and talking to too many people at the same time; oops.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Londoner- That dead end, dark place is only in your mind...you can escape that place, but you have to want to...find a reason to go somewhere else. I saw lots of negative and dark things in my past, and they often fueled my desire to drink...but I realize now that darkness is something you can change by really trying hard to focus on the positives. Break yourself free from this make today a new day...you can do this...take a deep breath, try on a smile and try to see the light...hang in there

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

check in….all is ok
i feel emotionally exhausted so can't express myself right now. I just need a good night sleep….
londoner….don't give up and keep coming here….there IS a light at the end of the tunnel…this much I know is true...

[available]

Newbies Nest

London only you, with help can pull yourself out of your bottom. Yes you do sound very down and for us alkies that is not a good place to be, its not a good place for anyone to be. Please go and talk to your doctor ASAP and go from there. There is hope London, never give up on hope. A lot of us here when we started had no hope, we felt we had nothing to lose. It is an awful place to be when we feel we have nothing and that there is nothing good about us. Believe me London if you get al out of your life completely and do this one day at a time you will look back on how you are feeling now and wont believe it is the same person. Give yourself that opportunity to become well again.

I remember towards the end of my drinking career standing in my sons room looking for more al, i would have drank anything and i was swaying and slurring my words and he had his friends there. I walked out of that room and even in my drunken stupour i was ashamed, totally and utterly ashamed and alone. How did i get to that point and how the hell was i going to get out? Was it going to even be better if i did make the effort to stop drinking? I had to give it a try. It was do or die and for me doing was the easier option. I was in that hole London also and as i will keep on saying, keep on here, be accountable daily if not twice daily, post when you are sad, angry, happy. Let us help you be the man you so desperately want to be. You can do the hard work and we can help. Win Win for all of us.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Checking in before the power goes like it usually does with these big storms.

Allan, CONGRATS to you on your 2 year quit :wd:
I just wish we could bottle up the wisdom & pure joy that comes with an AF life & hand it out to all the newbies as they arrive!

Londoner, at the risk of repeating myself - please, please go get some professional help for your severe depression. Obviously it's not going away on it's own & it is only aggravated by your drinking. We all want to see you get well & move on to a better place in your life.

Greetings to everyone & sending wishes for a safe night in the nest for all

Lav

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Morning everyone.
I've woken up really late today - almost dinner time.
All I can say is I must have needed the rest, and it still feels so good waking up and knowing where I am straight away, and being able to remember going to bed!
Have a good day, I'll check back later.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

AVAILABLE HAS 9 MONTHS TODAY
I am so proud and in awe of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have done it girl!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Labor day to all

Nice to have a three day weekend, hope everyone is able to relax a bit

Ava, Congrats on your 9 AF months - great!!!!!
What a world of difference, huh?

No plans for me today, still dealing with extra damp weather around these parts!
Wishing everyone peace & happiness today!

Lav

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1700253 wrote: AVAILABLE HAS 9 MONTHS TODAY
I am so proud and in awe of you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You have done it girl!!

Congrats available!!!

[Londoner]

Newbies Nest

I'm back.

I've let everything get on top of me.

Financial stress. Letting my substance abuse get in the way of a friendship. Seeing my brothers move on in the world.

As a result I've not exercised. Probably let myself become malnourished by living off of processed foods. Slept poorly. And secluded myself from everyone even more.

I'm not going to lie I've been in a dark place for the last week. Thoughts have been in a scary place.

But, then it hit me. "Impermanence". From my meditation practice (which I've stopped recently) I have learned that nothing lasts.

And there are people in far worse places than myself.

I haven't been me for a long time. But I can strengthen myself.

Bit by bit. Sleep well. Eat well. Exercise. Meditate.

Those 4 things can give me a solid base upon which I can then build a better life.

I have no doubt caused some damage to my brain with my substance abuse. But the brain is plastic. It can heal. 3 months of quality living is needed.

I cannot expect to build anything decent if I keep weakening my body and mind with this abuse.

Hopefully I can be here to help others in the future.

This has been rock bottom.

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Birdie Congrats Allan, Ava, Soft focus, Black Flag!

Yesterday I had a moment where I wished I could still drink. We had hopped into the river on the kayaks and everyone was throwing back beers and chatting away happily as you do when you first get that drink one on board. I felt a little left out. But as I we paddled down the river and everyone got louder and the words starting slurring I became grateful I didn't drink. It was fleeting at best. At the end when I was loading up the kayaks and safely driving everyone I became even more thankful that I was not drunk off my ASS depending on someone else to get me home safely. And at the end of the night when all the drunk people were falling asleep and grumpy I was still awake and able to function.

I was looking at them wishing that they would stop talking so damn loudly and how they are going to loose their entire day tomorrow because they are going to have a hangover and I am not. I woke up feeling wonderful this morning. And grateful, so very grateful.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ava! To borrow your own words, "9 Farking months!" That is just HUGE!
:naughtfeet:

We are jumping for joy in celebration!!!! I hit a rather flat spot from 4-9 months, it freaked me out at the time, but after I got thru it was good going! I hope that you are in smooth waters now! I am so proud of you, and thank you for all your work here in the nest and greeting new people when they fly in all over the boards....you are just an amazing woman! MWO is a better place because of YOU. Well done!

Chero, if I have learned ONE THING around here....it's that DRINKING AL HAS A PRICE. You either pay it FOR drinking it when you shouldn't, (like us) or you pay it after you drink it (like in the case of your friends). There is ALWAYS a PRICE TO PAY. And AL will get it, too, always does, he never misses a chance to collect. That's the way I look at it....so by my NOT drinking, I pay NO PRICE really, feeling a little left out (which is TEMPORARY) is nothing compared to the guilt/shame/remorse that I'd feel if I drank it.....it is NOT worth it anymore. There will always be some other schmuck to pay it...so AL will get his due, just not from me. You did GREAT in staying strong!!! Well done!

Londoner, getting your mindset is THE tool you need to get underway! You sound strong and resolute! Stick with us like glue!! TALK, we love hearing from you!

Daisy, I see you on roll call, this is a wonderful time to make a new beginning for yourself! Hugs dear lady...

Strength to all today! I am going to enjoy my day off!!! Byrdie

[Rivergal]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1700302 wrote: Ava! To borrow your own words, "9 Farking months!" That is just HUGE!
:naughtfeet:

We are jumping for joy in celebration!!!! I hit a rather flat spot from 4-9 months, it freaked me out at the time, but after I got thru it was good going! I hope that you are in smooth waters now! I am so proud of you, and thank you for all your work here in the nest and greeting new people when they fly in all over the boards....you are just an amazing woman! MWO is a better place because of YOU. Well done!

Chero, if I have learned ONE THING around here....it's that DRINKING AL HAS A PRICE. You either pay it FOR drinking it when you shouldn't, (like us) or you pay it after you drink it (like in the case of your friends). There is ALWAYS a PRICE TO PAY. And AL will get it, too, always does, he never misses a chance to collect. That's the way I look at it....so by my NOT drinking, I pay NO PRICE really, feeling a little left out (which is TEMPORARY) is nothing compared to the guilt/shame/remorse that I'd feel if I drank it.....it is NOT worth it anymore. There will always be some other schmuck to pay it...so AL will get his due, just not from me. You did GREAT in staying strong!!! Well done!

Londoner, getting your mindset is THE tool you need to get underway! You sound strong and resolute! Stick with us like glue!! TALK, we love hearing from you!

Daisy, I see you on roll call, this is a wonderful time to make a new beginning for yourself! Hugs dear lady...

Strength to all today! I am going to enjoy my day off!!! Byrdie

Hey Byrdie,
Take a look...those feet are not just jumping, as my passionate husband pointed out!!! You go girl!

[frances]

Newbies Nest

Laughing out loud at that one! Yes you have to do a double take and you will see what Rivergal's husband noticed!

Ava - a very big congratulations to you for 9 months! Wow what an accomplishment!! I'm so happy for you!!

Londoner glad you are back please stick around! You sound like you know what you need to do.

Allan what a great post thanks for sharing and congrats on 2 years!!

Everyone else - thanks for being here. Stick around and stay strong!!