Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

Dila, welcome back! Please settle in & let us know how you are doing.

Sarah, it seems you are still looking for every excuse to continue drinking. Why compare yourself to others? You joined MWO for some reason - support & information I assume. There's plenty of both here for you - your decision. Nothing is going to change until you change your thinking. I really believe denial, in combination with AL abuse will kill us all. Be proactive & take the 30 day AF challenge!

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a great AF Tuesday!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

LavenderBlue;1700508 wrote: And if I definitely have a problem, it would be pretty arrogant for me to assume I'll be the special snowflake who'll never hit a worse bottom if I continue to drink.

LavBlue, I think you are a very special snowflake :l. Your self-awareness and insight, and your willingness to share them here, are really appreciated. I think your post would be a very worthy addition to the Toobox!

Sarah, Bottom is reached when, as the phrase goes, it is harder to keep drinking than to stop. My bottom probably looks "high" to some people but I was so low that there didn't seem to be much that I valued anymore, especially myself. A life without meaning isn't much of a life - and it certainly wasn't the life I'd expected to live. Nor was it one that I would want for one of my children. That thought broke my heart so why would I continue to live that way?

Would you want your son to be living as you are now when he is an adult? If I remember your posts correctly, you stay up until the early hours of the morning drinking alone, night after night. And if you thought you were fine, as Ava mentioned, you wouldn't have searched the internet for a stop-drinking website.

I hope you take Lav's challenge - don't worry about whether you do or don't have a problem - just don't drink for 30 days and see how you feel. Like Mr. G said, many things look different from that perspective.

All the best, NS

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Good morning friends,

LavBlue, good post. When I was drinking, I would try to take small breaks (never as long as 30 days) to show myself or my wife that I was in control. I would always make very complicated rules and exceptions as to why I could break off the experiment early, or "do something" to earn myself a good drunk. It was really just a bunch of BS so that I could continue to drink.

When cherries come into season in the Northeast, I have to have some all the time. It is one of the best parts of summer for me. If my doctor told me that it was necessary to stop eating cherries for 30 days, I would be a little bummed out but I would follow the advice because it is reasonable to do what your doctor says. If we change cherries to alcohol, I can imagine all the whining, bargaining and disbelief, and all the different tactics that "the voice" would use to attempt to allow me to continue drinking. That should tell us something. When we are drinking, we are very selective about what we listen to though, as we all know. "Wow, I just read that a daily glass of X is good for you..." So I would then drink a bottle and a half. It is a sick joke, and we are the butt of that joke.

Having drank for years, and now approaching having been AF for years, I choose AF life. There is no comparison in the quality of my life. When I was drinking I believed that not drinking would be a terrible deprivation. Now it makes me sad to know how long I deprived myself of real life by drinking.

Many alcoholics, people with drinking issues, die from their disease or complications thereof. If you made it here, you are one of the lucky ones! It may not feel like it at first, but I strongly believe that to be true. Take that brass ring and run with it!

Sarah, Guitarista and Lav posted great advice: try AF life for 30 days.

Dila, It's good to see you back here.

Have a great AF day!

Edit to add, Great Job, Available! Congratulations!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good Morning, Nesters!
Back to the grind today!
LavBlue, I also vote that you put that last post in the tool box maybe give it a title of NOT hitting rock bottom or some such....it is hard to believe that you have gained SO MUCH clarity in such a short amount of time. Beautifully written!

I had a wonderful 3 day weekend...I did not check work email one time! Bwahahah!! Worked in the yard, went shopping, did exactly what I wanted to!! But here is the BEST part...AL was no where in sight...the THOUGHT of AL was no where in sight, now that is nirvana to folks like us! I didn't give AL any of my precious time (mentally or physically). It was wonderful. It just takes some time. Give time, time to work for you.

Sarah, I'm not sure I can add anything to what has already been said, but I will. I want to ask you one question first. It is a YES or NO question. It is simple, yet VERY complex....and there really isn't any middle ground or qualification needed. I just want an HONEST answer. Sarah, would you say you are you an alcoholic?
Byrdie

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Morning all! Been doing some site navigation seeing what all the threads are about...seeing where I can contribute.....

A bit about me, 57 years old, been drinking for about 40 years, drinking hard the past 20, out of control drinking the past 5 or so.... no real horror stories, just knew it was time to take a step in the right direction.

Back in November, I knew I could never moderate, so I had to face the fact that quitting totally was my only option. Joined AA, got through 2 months, then figured I earned a celebration! The next day, started over, and got through the next 7 months and then forgot everything I learned, let anger and my AV take over and wasted all my hard work! Started over again the next day.... No more looking ahead, no more "pat myself on the back" just one day at a time for me now....

As Abraham Lincoln said "the best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time"

Great to be here, looking forward to getting to know everyone, helping and supporting each other on our journey together! Never forget where you came from, just don't let it get in the way of where you're headed!

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone-

I am on my way to work and will read back later, but I HAD to check in to celebrate 9 months sober. I LOVE those big milestones - gives me such a sense of accomplishment.

More later.

Pav

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Welcome back Dila and welcome abcowboy. MAE all. Great discussion all on hitting rock bottom…hopefully it is not necessary for anyone else here to need to hit that before they see where they are at or where they are going.

Great long weekend here, but the tests for me continue. One project I decided to tackle this weekend (ok, well, my wife decided) was to clean my garage. During my peak, I guess I was the Easter Bunny of Booze as I found not 1, not 2 but 3 small bottles of hard liquor hiding in the most ingenious of spots in my garage....none of which I remember putting there. It was a hot day, I had been working hard all morning and thought “ I’m sure I can handle 1 little sip at this point, let’s see what happens” . But I didn’t, as I know that 1 sip equals 1 bottle in my world, so I didn’t even open them (because I didn’t want the smell to bother me)…I took them in a plastic bag to a grocery store dumpster so I couldn’t change my mind …I went in the grocery store (it was Sunday morning so it was before AL could be sold), bought some nice steaks for the grill as a reward and a gallon of ice cream for my kids, and called that a close call … I think in some way or another temptation will always find us, no matter what we try to do….we just need a good set of tools and plans to help us react when it happens. Hope everyone’s battles are strong this week.

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

Good morning!

Back in the saddle, no excuses, very depressed and detached lately, I don't know why.

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

Londoner;1700279 wrote: I'm back.

I've let everything get on top of me.

Financial stress. Letting my substance abuse get in the way of a friendship. Seeing my brothers move on in the world.

As a result I've not exercised. Probably let myself become malnourished by living off of processed foods. Slept poorly. And secluded myself from everyone even more.

I'm not going to lie I've been in a dark place for the last week. Thoughts have been in a scary place.

But, then it hit me. "Impermanence". From my meditation practice (which I've stopped recently) I have learned that nothing lasts.

And there are people in far worse places than myself.

I haven't been me for a long time. But I can strengthen myself.

Bit by bit. Sleep well. Eat well. Exercise. Meditate.

Those 4 things can give me a solid base upon which I can then build a better life.

I have no doubt caused some damage to my brain with my substance abuse. But the brain is plastic. It can heal. 3 months of quality living is needed.

I cannot expect to build anything decent if I keep weakening my body and mind with this abuse.

Hopefully I can be here to help others in the future.

This has been rock bottom.

My thoughts exactly Londoner. I've been hiding and lying to all of my friends. I've been very depressed. My financial future is very bleak, and on and on and on.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

But you know what, Overit? It only takes a couple good AF days and you will feel hopeful again! It doesn't take long and you will be back on the right track! I'm so glad you're here!
Welcome back Dila, and welcome cowboy!!

Pav, to be totally fair, I'll have to award the same prize as I gave Ava yesterday!
:naughtfeet:

Yes, the horizontal two-step award for 9 FARKING months!!! THANK YOU for all you do here in the nest! I have always been a fan of yours and each month you add to your count, my admiration grows! Keep up the great work and we are so happy that you continue here in the nest, your posts are priceless, Pav. GREAT JOB!!!
B

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

Dila;1700530 wrote: Crawling back in the nest. Been gone too long. Drinking more and more and need to stop. I need to be here. I need to get strong and healthy. I can't do it alone...I keep failing.

Welcome back, Dila!

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

Done so well....... 30 odd days! Felt great, too much stress and no release and now I find myself sat with a vodka!!! I have no one to talk to and I'm sick of this :-(

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Leighann111;1700626 wrote: Done so well....... 30 odd days! Felt great, too much stress and no release and now I find myself sat with a vodka!!! I have no one to talk to and I'm sick of this :-(

Hi Leighann,

Sorry to hear you're struggling after 30 odd great days. You can talk with us here. Most of us find that it helps to write things out and get responses. People are on here quite a bit, and thru all time zones, so you'll generally get some replies pretty quickly.

How can we help you or offer support?

:huggy

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

I just feel like I'm holding everybody else together while my ties are coming undone. I don't know maybe I'm just having a low day, sorry. Thank you for the reply wagmore :-)

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Leighann, sorry you are feeling so down. You have all of us to talk to - we are good listeners. Whatever is going on, AL is NOT the answer. Please dump the booze, get yourself a cup of tea. Make tomorrow Day 1 again.

Pinecone, great post & I choose an AF life too - nothing better

Pav, CONGRATS to you on your 9 AF months :wd:
Very happy for you & wishing you the best!

Have a great afternoon all!