Newbies Nest

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Leighann - it sounds like you must have a lot of responsibility. I can relate to the feeling of holding others together while I myself fell apart. Lots of people here on MWO and in the nest are caregivers of one sort or another, and ran into trouble when we used booze to escape or cope.

Are there specific things we can help you with? Of course we're always here to listen and/or empathize, but if you'd like suggestions or ideas, this group can probably do a good job with that too.

As Lav said, AL won't solve anything, and your woes will still be waiting for you tomorrow. Start over with Day 1 and work toward your 30 days again - you can do it, and it will likely only help.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Quick note for folks losing long posts. What I've been doing is typing my long ones in Notepad and then copy-pasting them to the board. Then I don't lose what I wrote if the site goes weird. It means I don't have spellcheck though, so I should maybe use a different program so I don't have to work so hard on my editing. :P

Hey all, and what a nice surprise that my late night babble hit some bells for folks. Well, not nice that so many of us have been there/are there; but you know what I mean. I want to say again though, that it's everyone here that really got the fire under my rear to take things seriously. A lot of the thoughts I'm having are things that were probably in the back of my head for a long time, but I wasn't...I guess brave enough to really look at them until I came here. I look at myself as "Geez, why did I ignore these thoughts so long, I'm an idiot!" so it also really means a lot to be reminded that I'm thinking them *now* and that's a good thing.

I'll definitely take late night sober introspection here over the half-drunk introspection I used to email at my friends! At least I know I meant what I said and I'm telling it to people who care instead of some poor friend of mine probably wondering why I decided to write them a freakin book at 3am.

Everything I've read here has helped me so much - and I know I wasn't getting that in a lot of places. If all you hear about is AA and all you see are shows like "Intervention"...they probably should have scared me but my main thought was, "Well, I'm not that bad so I'm sure I'm fine." I feel a little head up my own butt when I post long things, but I am also hoping it can help someone the same way other posts have helped me.

G - I'm kind of excited to hit 30 days. I know it'll still take time to get back to actual normal, but you guys were right about everything else so far.

Dila - I'm so glad you came back; and I know I've never been able to do it alone so far. Having people here that are so supportive and with great advice is making all the difference.

NS and Byrd - Thanks so much. I think I lied to myself so long that when I really started looking, everything jumped out at me at once. It took a lot of energy to not think about thoughts I had in the back of my head! But if it's helpful, I can certainly add it. And thanks again; I know I'm the one digging into the thoughts but it was you guys who got me started on a path where I can now. And that includes the "super annoying" encouragement to end my taper early. XD I was definitely having the "what about just one every night?" thoughts when you guys were nudging me.

Pinecone - I LOVE your example with the cherries; that's exactly the sort of thing I meant! I also lied to my doctor about how much I was drinking, which I wouldn't dream of doing with anything else. Part of me knew he'd tell me I should stop...with anything else I'd welcome advice from my doctor. Even when I got pancreatitis I swore I really wasn't drinking much. (I'm sure he didn't believe me.) And then I told everyone I knew it wasn't actually because of my drinking...again, because I didn't want anyone saying anything "if" (by which I meant "when") I started again.

abcowboy - "Never forget where you came from, just don't let it get in the way of where you're headed!" I like that, a lot!

Pav - Super yay 9 months; that is awesome!!! I'm still all brain foggy here no matter how I sound when I type; when I see numbers like that I get so encouraged to see where I'll be after more time.

Overit-still - I'm so sorry you feel so rotten; I can definitely sympathise. "Depressed and detached" is pretty much my life for, geez, at least the last few years. I'm glad you're here, though and giving it a go.

Leigh - I'm so sorry you're so down. We're definitely here to listen and give whatever help we can.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Quick note for folks losing long posts. What I've been doing is typing my long ones in Notepad and then copy-pasting them to the board. Then I don't lose what I wrote if the site goes weird. It means I don't have spellcheck though, so I should maybe use a different program so I don't have to work so hard on my editing. :P

Hey all, and what a nice surprise that my late night babble hit some bells for folks. Well, not nice that so many of us have been there/are there; but you know what I mean. I want to say again though, that it's everyone here that really got the fire under my rear to take things seriously. A lot of the thoughts I'm having are things that were probably in the back of my head for a long time, but I wasn't...I guess brave enough to really look at them until I came here. I look at myself as "Geez, why did I ignore these thoughts so long, I'm an idiot!" so it also really means a lot to be reminded that I'm thinking them *now* and that's a good thing.

I'll definitely take late night sober introspection here over the half-drunk introspection I used to email at my friends! At least I know I meant what I said and I'm telling it to people who care instead of some poor friend of mine probably wondering why I decided to write them a freakin book at 3am.

Everything I've read here has helped me so much - and I know I wasn't getting that in a lot of places. If all you hear about is AA and all you see are shows like "Intervention"...they probably should have scared me but my main thought was, "Well, I'm not that bad so I'm sure I'm fine." I feel a little head up my own butt when I post long things, but I am also hoping it can help someone the same way other posts have helped me.

G - I'm kind of excited to hit 30 days. I know it'll still take time to get back to actual normal, but you guys were right about everything else so far.

Dila - I'm so glad you came back; and I know I've never been able to do it alone so far. Having people here that are so supportive and with great advice is making all the difference.

NS and Byrd - Thanks so much. I think I lied to myself so long that when I really started looking, everything jumped out at me at once. It took a lot of energy to not think about thoughts I had in the back of my head! But if it's helpful, I can certainly add it. And thanks again; I know I'm the one digging into the thoughts but it was you guys who got me started on a path where I can now. And that includes the "super annoying" encouragement to end my taper early. XD I was definitely having the "what about just one every night?" thoughts when you guys were nudging me.

Pinecone - I LOVE your example with the cherries; that's exactly the sort of thing I meant! I also lied to my doctor about how much I was drinking, which I wouldn't dream of doing with anything else. Part of me knew he'd tell me I should stop...with anything else I'd welcome advice from my doctor. Even when I got pancreatitis I swore I really wasn't drinking much. (I'm sure he didn't believe me.) And then I told everyone I knew it wasn't actually because of my drinking...again, because I didn't want anyone saying anything "if" (by which I meant "when") I started again.

abcowboy - "Never forget where you came from, just don't let it get in the way of where you're headed!" I like that, a lot!

Pav - Super yay 9 months; that is awesome!!! I'm still all brain foggy here no matter how I sound when I type; when I see numbers like that I get so encouraged to see where I'll be after more time.

Overit-still - I'm so sorry you feel so rotten; I can definitely sympathise. "Depressed and detached" is pretty much my life for, geez, at least the last few years. I'm glad you're here, though and giving it a go.

Leigh - I'm so sorry you're so down. We're definitely here to listen and give whatever help we can.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Pav, Pav, Pav happy 9 months girl and isnt it a wonderful day for you today? I felt i had finally made it and i am so glad you made it with me. 2016 is looking good girl for us as is everyday and i so cant let you beat me! I am privileged to be walking the walk with you and well see you next month for the 10 month mark is all i will say. Lots of hugs on your special day today!

ABC welcome to the next and settle in. So much advice and wisdom to be gained on here.

Leigh sorry you fell but us alkies cant celebrate with al, ever. End of story. Give us one and it will turn into 100. This was the hardest part of not drinking that i had to deal with but once i accepted that, albeit not happily, then the days seemed a bit easier. I grieved not ever being able to drink again but i look at my life now to how it was 9 months ago and i never, ever want that life back. I am an alcoholic.

Welcome back Dil and Overit, one day at a time is all we can do. Keep on here and be accountable. We are our own worst enemies if left to our own devices.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Ava, that advice is golden...stick to this nest like GLUE! (or your favorite thread here)
Staying with like-minded people really does help your attitude....when you drift away from the source of your strength ...back out into the world where everyone is shoving AL in your face, well, it doesn't take long for 'the voices' to win. Keep tethered to this place (or some other support group) so you can keep your resolve strong and top of mind.

I know that life gets hectic sometimes, but I ALWAYS check in here. Lav does, and if it works for her, it can work for me. So far, so good. If I see that for some reason I just cannot get to a computer to post, I let someone know so they will check in for me. It's THAT important. This place and my quit are priority #1, so I MAKE time to check in. When the day comes that I feel like I don't have time to come here, or that it's not important any more, I hope someone will come slap me up side the head, I'm heading for trouble!!! Stay connected...stay engaged....and stay sober! It's a 1000 times easier! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Hey everyone,
Just a quick check in from me, today's been hectic but I didn't have a drink so I'm gonna chalk it up as a success. All the other stuff doesn't matter to me right now.
This weekend is shaping up to be challenging, got a few gigs to play, I'm gonna hang out with the guy who's driving all night, and hopefully that'll see me through.
Fantasic work, pav well done!

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

good idea to stick to the driver, or even offer to share the driving if it comes to it.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Congrats Pavati! 9 months is such a success. I love reading your posts. Thanks for all you do here.

LAV2, I love your posts too. So inspiring to see your process. Thank you for sharing.

I've been feeling very scattered and a little anxious - and can't focus on anything. I'm on a freeking beach and don't feel calm today. I think I am realizing the reasons I drank. They are creeping up on me here and there. Among other things, it seemed to calm my mind. Unfortunately it did a lot of other damage too. I need to figure out how to deal with my "brain in 1000 directions" thing. I want to be able to sit down and enjoy time with my kids more without "being somewhere else". Really craving what I know I don't need - just becaue I am feeling uncomfortable. But I think it through and know it would not only lead to feeling like crap later and tomorrow, it would reset the clock and make the quit harder than before. I've worked really hard to get here - and the voice is shouting at me now.

I'm going to go for a run and distract in any way I can. SO many emotions and uncomfortable feelings right now. But, just as Londoner said, IT WILL NOT LAST. Disappointed that it feels as hard as the first week today. But it will ease, I'm sure of it.

Been hard to find the space and time to read and write so forgive what I am missing. I will be home Wed pm.

EDIT: I went for a run in the sand. A hard, sweaty run, breathing in the salty air. I focused on the rhythm of my feet and the rhythm of the waves and nothing else. I got home rubber-legged and spent. A snack and a stretch has me feeling better. I'm still feeling that so many places in my life need work. My relationship with my husband is different and a little strained. I am seeing my lack of participation in my friendships. I have a hard time focusing on any one task at a time. I am completely overwhelmed with work. I just really want to find that peaceful place of ease - and it feels a bit lost right now. Feeling a little depressed. It would be so easy to find 10 minutes of calm in a bottle, but I know it would lead to weeks of pain. SO I will not drink today. I will be grateful to face these things sober - when I can deal with them clearly. I will pat myself on the back for choosing to take the healthy path, even through it feels hard. And I will do the same tomorrow. I'm not sure I would be able to make that choice if there weren't so many of you here telling me that this phase will also pass. I have to say that I can't see it, but I will believe.

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Pav and the rest of the nine monther's, that's the right amount of time to create a new you, your rebirth into a new way of life! Congratulations!!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Hang in there, Kensho!

Keep going, from now it gets easier, there are now odd days that are crappy BUT they are always followed by a better day. I call the bad day a detox day when your body is re-wiring and you feel bad. If you have one, greet it with joy as it is a sure sign you are repairing physically and psychologically. You will not have 2 bad days in a row!! B

[Rivergal]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1700680 wrote: Ava, that advice is golden...stick to this nest like GLUE! (or your favorite thread here)
Staying with like-minded people really does help your attitude....when you drift away from the source of your strength ...back out into the world where everyone is shoving AL in your face, well, it doesn't take long for 'the voices' to win. Keep tethered to this place (or some other support group) so you can keep your resolve strong and top of mind.

I know that life gets hectic sometimes, but I ALWAYS check in here. Lav does, and if it works for her, it can work for me. So far, so good. If I see that for some reason I just cannot get to a computer to post, I let someone know so they will check in for me. It's THAT important. This place and my quit are priority #1, so I MAKE time to check in. When the day comes that I feel like I don't have time to come here, or that it's not important any more, I hope someone will come slap me up side the head, I'm heading for trouble!!! Stay connected...stay engaged....and stay sober! It's a 1000 times easier! Hugs to all, Byrdie

Hey all, Byrdie, once again, so many common themes. Yes Ava, this is a site for AL addiction- not a dating site...hahahaha....but this site is so necessary and has become a vital part of my day. I just thanked my husband, as I am hear reading all of your posts in my bedroom as he waits for us to enjoy dinner. He realizes how important my sobriety is to me and to our future. So farking ( hi Ava!), I used to retire to the bedroom early because I stashed all of my booze in my closet. I consumed a lot of everything. Like he didn't know. Who the Hell was I fooling? Only my sick self. Day 23 and I am feeling good. Now I sit in my bed next to my closet and spend time with the most amazing & courageous folks I know! No more AL.
Checking in is that important!!!!

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Hi all! Just checking in after supper and about to head out to my weekly meeting. Years back I used to write a bit of cowboy poetry, forgot how much I loved to do it! Not sure if this is the right place, but thought I might share a poem that I penned when I started my journey.....


When I was just a young lad
I had my first taste of beer
I opened the door to my demon
I thought I had nothing to fear

For the first few years, he was my friend
Of that I had no doubt,
I told myself if he got too strong
I?d be able to kick him out

As the years went by, we got close
He was there through thick and thin
Always with his helping hand
Beer, whiskey, or lemon gin

I came to rely on him more and more
To get me through the day
He never ever judged me
Just wanted things all his way

Eventually my life just fell apart
And I didn?t understand why
How could I beat this demon
Or should I even try

But it was time to kick him out
A simple thing to do
Unless you know this demon
And the hell he can put you through

He?ll take your life, your mind, your soul
And all the people you hold dear
He doesn?t care how they feel
As long as he keeps you near

But the day will come when you realize
He is no friend at all
He sat there on your shoulder
And watched you take your fall

He didn?t try to help you
Like your loved ones tried to do
He knew you?d come crawling back
And help to get you through

And now that he?s evicted
With the help of family and friends
I have one more thing to do
Try to make amends

So now I have a new friend
He who sits on High
And when I need to talk to Him
I just look up to the sky!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Wow, Cow, that was amazing! You may not know this, but Ive been known to break out in rhyme, from time to time. :H
I hate for that piece ti get lost in the shuffle, would you consider putting it in the tool box!? It was just beautiful! B

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Thanks for the poem Cowboy - you really nailed it too!
AL is no friend of ours

Kensho, we just can't fix everything overnight when we quit drinking. Keep the faith, have a bit of patience & know that everything will be OK. All we have to do is not drink & you are doing great!

Rivergal, nice on your 23 days!

Wishing all if us a safe night in the nest, hang on tight. We have thunderstorms rolling thru here - again!!!

Lav

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Great Poem Cowboy!

Evening nesters! Have a great night.