Newbies Nest

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

abcowboy;1700750 wrote: Hi all! Just checking in after supper and about to head out to my weekly meeting. Years back I used to write a bit of cowboy poetry, forgot how much I loved to do it! Not sure if this is the right place, but thought I might share a poem that I penned when I started my journey.....


When I was just a young lad
I had my first taste of beer
I opened the door to my demon
I thought I had nothing to fear

For the first few years, he was my friend
Of that I had no doubt,
I told myself if he got too strong
I?d be able to kick him out

As the years went by, we got close
He was there through thick and thin
Always with his helping hand
Beer, whiskey, or lemon gin

I came to rely on him more and more
To get me through the day
He never ever judged me
Just wanted things all his way

Eventually my life just fell apart
And I didn?t understand why
How could I beat this demon
Or should I even try

But it was time to kick him out
A simple thing to do
Unless you know this demon
And the hell he can put you through

He?ll take your life, your mind, your soul
And all the people you hold dear
He doesn?t care how they feel
As long as he keeps you near

But the day will come when you realize
He is no friend at all
He sat there on your shoulder
And watched you take your fall

He didn?t try to help you
Like your loved ones tried to do
He knew you?d come crawling back
And help to get you through

And now that he?s evicted
With the help of family and friends
I have one more thing to do
Try to make amends

So now I have a new friend
He who sits on High
And when I need to talk to Him
I just look up to the sky!

well done cowboy

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone!

STL - Loved that story - you are so aware of the possible pitfalls and do everything to avoid them! It was ingenious to take those bottles elsewhere, and to reward yourself with steak. You're well on your way!

LavB - I love reading your musings, too. It helps to get all of those thoughts and ideas out. Keep posting like a maniac.

As for rock bottom - from what I've read there have been no people here sleeping in the streets; losing houses; getting liver transplants. You have a problem with alcohol when you think you have a problem with alcohol. I like NoSugar's question - would you want how you live to be your child's life?

At nine months I can truly say that the biggest surprise is how much better life is without alcohol. Like Pinecone says, I thought that I would live in deprivation, feeling like I was missing something all of the time. I thought I could never have the same fun; stay up late; camp; see live music; dance; laugh until my stomach hurts (yes, I do have good memories involving alcohol, too). What a surprise to realize that I actually CAN do all of those things, and they're actually better. I can see a concert and notice nuance I haven't before; I can tell a funny story without losing my place or repeating myself; I can get in my sleeping bag camping and look up at the stars, fully present in my life.

But the biggest surprise are the things that are better in my life that I didn't think were even connected in the slightest to my drinking. I have shed some of my "people pleaser" nature and have stood up for myself more; I have a more fun, lively and honest relationship with my husband; I have anxiety and depressed feelings much less; I have patience with my kids, even when they do VERY annoying things; I don't get angry with crazy fwads at work - and so much more.

So if you're reading, lurking, bargaining with yourself, afraid, contemplating "moderating" or wondering what to do - take a leap of faith and give yourself the life you deserve. It was MUCH harder in the beginning - if I drank again I know I'd just have to go through all of that again.

Ava and I have a date to meet in August 2016 for our 1,000 day milestones. Grab a partner and make a date FAR in the future.

Thanks to all of you for your good wishes and support. I know for certain I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for Byrdie, Lav, NS, Ava, and many others who have reached a hand out along the way.

Wow - that was a waffle. Thanks for listening!

Pav

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Pav, that was an awesome-cool-amazing post. I loved every word, and especially the message to those lurking or stressing about whether or not to quit, and how great life is sober -- not just the big things but the little things.

Perfectly said! And HUGE congratulations on 9 months!! :goodjob:

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

I made a huge mistake last night. I had the most incredibly stressful day at work and then topped it off with an argument with DH?.drove home with white knuckles as I contemplated hitting the liquor store for some wine. But then I thought about the amazing progress I have made in such a short time period and drove right past it!!! Got home and ate quickly and the edges smoothed out and I felt much better. Hit the sheets early and now am up for my 6:15 super strength class?.

My huge mistake? I didn't come on here and tell you all that I was struggling. was it pride? arrogance? both? Anyway, it doesn't really matter why?.. that can not happen again or else I will end up in that damn liquor store. SO, while I made it last night, I am here now with my arrogance (or is it my AL mind?) pushed aside to tell you that I do need your help and next time, I will reach out for it.

Oh, and cowboy?..I absolutely LOVE your poem
I am going to print it and keep it in my wallet

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Morning everyone.
Jen, well done for keeping it together!
Quick question, my hands still shake like crazy, is this something that will pass, or have I perminantly f'd up my nerves does anyone know?
I thought it'd go within a few days, but it's still here.

B.F.

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

jennie, i wouldnt say it was a HUGE mistake. sometimes when we are in that moment we cant string our thoughts together to post. reading we can do, so do that at least. well done for not succumbing to a massive trigger.

BF are you taking suppliments? you could do no harm in also taking large doses of vit b. drinking depletes it big time and is used for the nervous system. you pee out what you dont need turning it bright yellow.

i am not a doctor. this is just a suggestion.

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Thanks roxane, I'll give it a shot.
I should go the docs really I guess, just not a massive fan of them.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Cowboy what a fantastic poem, i wish i could string some words out to make sense. It is true in every sense of the word. Thank you for sharing that.

Oh Pav a great post and so true. When i first started i thought my life was over giving up al but really my life had just begun. Its interesting to find me again, i seemed to have lost me years ago.

Jenni, its a huge mistake that you cant make again please. It is great that you realised and you pulled out all stops to not get al. Its arrogance and al combined. A lot of people think they can make it by themselves being af but look at the ones with big days up, we post religiously, daily and always are not far away. As byrd says this is where we are accountable, this is our AA. This is where we gain strength off others to keep sober each and every day. MWO is my safe house, it is where i come each and every day so that i can live my life sober.

[available]

Newbies Nest

BF my anxiety was through the roof before i stopped drinking and took about two weeks to settle down. When i was drinking i could not even write my name let alone anything else. It will settle down.

Hi Roxy!

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

:waving: ava!

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

Well......... Yesterday is over thankfully. As I'm sure u guessed I had a real shitter of a day, BUT some good did come out of it....... After I posted on here I full of self pity, I picked up the drink, took a swig..... And thought yuk What the hell am I doing!!! It tasted vile and I realised it wouldn't help!!! So I picked up the bottle, popped to a friends, gave it to him, and came home had a bloody good cry, made a cuppa T and that was it, I felt better!!!!!!!
Thanks to all for the support and advice. I'm kinda proud of myself for not sinking that bottle as I would have been devastated today. Also not proud for being weak and buying it in the first place.
Anyway, just wanted to check in and say the strong, determined me is back :-) wishing everybody a safe, happy, and AF weekend xxx

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

Ava, just re-read what u posted about MWO being your safe house. I think that's what I needed last night, just to shout and scream how I feel, et it all out, and be done with it!!!! I don't have many friends as they are all drinkers, and I didn't want to burden my mum. So coming on here really helped!!! My advice to anybody having a hard day............. Get on MWO.
Thank u Lav and Wagmore for listening to my rant!! :-)

[available]

Newbies Nest

Leigh this is what mwo is for. I posted like a lunatic when i first stopped drinking. Since i live in Aus no one was awake but boy did they wake up to just my posting and posting and posting but i didnt drink. I also watched a lot of doco's on youtube about alcoholism and that made me think stop thinking about getting that al also. I even went to thailand on holidays in April and i was on here constantly, Thailand is al paradise and i was determined not to drink. I will protect my quit with whatever it takes and its a good attitude to take on board. Good on you for giving the al away, at the end of the day al does nothing but cause pain and misery.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Onya Leighann. Well done.

Take care Nester's. Passing the butt velcro to the right.

x post. G'day Ava!

G

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

yes, ava, I awoke this morning with fear…..fear that the next time, I won't have the strength to NOT go to liquor store….so I thought about it and (duh) realized that I really just need to post here when I have those feelings.

For someone who is well educated and has been around these rooms for several years (both sober and not), I sure can be stupid.