Newbies Nest

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

The formula of kudzu that I've been using has been on back order for months. I would find it here or there for less than ideal prices. Finally it looks like it's starting to come back in stock and got a two month supply.

In the meantime I'm sitting here at work just moments before a call thinking that I need to go to the Dojang tonight. Been slacking off all summer. Mostly because I've been drinking and can't make it. Then my mother sends me a text because I crashed hard on Sunday and told everyone and their mother about my drinking and midlife angst so she wants to make sure I stay sober.

Like after seeing a cigarette commercial the thought running through my head is that sounds good. I'm not an alcoholic, i can have just one drink. Because that's always bloody worked. If the past is any indication that thought will be with me all the way home trying to get me to make some sort of compromise with myself. Again. Get through the drive, meditate, Dojang to build up a bit of a lather.

Might've been rambling and I do need to read back but . . . . thanks for listening to my ramble.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Wow, busy in the Nest today, that's awesome! I got a text last night from an old friend of mine who used to be more than a friend. I legitimately miss this guy, so that's good, but the point is I actually didn't immediately think "I should grab a drink for this." One of the things we used to always have in common was AL and I really didn't mind when he was talking about some new brands he'd found or telling him that I'd decided I needed to quit. We're going to have to talk about that more if we ever meet up - I think he thinks it's just a break, but I'm still glad the initial conversation went well. And glad that I was sober for it and didn't say anything foolish I'd regret today! Sometimes late at night I still feel almost drunk which is frustrating - but I think I'm maybe not used to just being *tired* anymore. Also the brain fog. But the part of me that's willing to cut to the point and not dance around topics...looks like maybe that was me all along and not the AL giving me a push. Ditto with the part of me that does try not to hurt people's feelings. Sober I have a better filter for it, though.

Kensho - I know what you mean about a spinning mind; it's not fun. I'm glad you're trying to distract yourself, and your commitment to stay AF really helps me stay commited to my quit, too. I keep telling myself what Bryd says about never having two bad days in a row. I don't even let myself argue it, I just keep telling myself "she says it'll be better tomorrow so I'm just going to believe that, dammit. My mind spins most at night right now, though; so worst case I make myself go to bed and decide "I'll figure it out in the morning." I suppose that would works for naps; I know the old timers have recommended that, too. Good thoughts your way, anyway; I know you can get through it - you've done so much already!

abcowboy - Oh, nice work on the poem! Thanks so much for sharing! I haven't written poetry since I was a teenagers and I promise no one wants to read that - it wasn't bad, just horribly depressing in the way only a depressed teenager can write. I think writing things out really helps; I do a lot here (obviously lol) but I'm hoping once I have less of a one track mind to get back to my other writing. I'm sure it'll be better sober even if it's hard at first.

Pav - I'm so glad to hear that the people-pleasing is one of the things that's gotten better for you! I feel like I'm starting to get better at it, that's another great incentive to keep going knowing it can get better.

Jennie - I'm so happy you made it past that!!!! I have trouble talking about it when I'm stuggling sometimes too - I've just always been a private person when I'm hurting or having trouble. One thing that's helped me is if I don't think I can post, I at least come here and read for a good long time. Often, advice someone else gets also helps me. And after reading long enough, I feel better able to ask for help. Only a thought if it helps, I'm glad you're trying to stay close.

BF - I'm at 3 weeks now and 2 days ago I had awful shakes in my hands after yardwork. After I ate and drank some Gatorade they settled down though and been fine since.

Leigh - Also so glad you got rid of the rest! That was something else that helped me end my taper and actually get to the real quit. I'd be sitting nursing a drink but after some time posting and reading here...I didn't want to finish it. One I finished anyway and then felt dumb, but the next one I poured out half finished. I think that was the one when Byrd (? I think it was Byrd) asked if I thought I could try just stopping now instead of later.

Bryd - I love your comparison to the stages of grief, that makes so much sense!

Fin - Good to see you back! "Post before you drink" has definitely helped me through some very tough ones.

Sharky - Nice to meet you and glad you're here! Also I love your pic; wolves are wonderful creatures.

Orimus - Good to see you and I doubt you can ramble worse than I do; and everyone seems to put up with me! :P Keep posting - it's been helping so many of us!

Hope everyone has a great AF day; I've got to do some more deep housecleaning so at least I'll be super busy today!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Orimus, maybe you can call someone on the way home and distract yourself? I know Pav and NoSugar swear by those bubble hours, they listen to them when they have time...might be a great option to keep you between the lines!!

Cowboy,
I am a poetry hack! You are in another league! Have you read Kensho and Rahul's works? They are amazing as well! Do we have a thread where we put poetry??? We should!!!
Ok, so here is a taste of what I do...I was trying to help Dottie Belle thru a bad night....

I know Dottie Belle,
The cravings are hell
and sometimes they can really get to ya...
But brush them aside
and stand up with pride
and take the advice of Dear Kuya.
The cravings will pass
Kick Alcohol's ass
Tomorrow will be just ahead.
Just ride the wave
and try to behave
and handle it all with your class.

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Pinecone, I think I'm eating ok. Definitely a lot more than when I was drinking, that's for sure.
Lavb, yeah I've just eaten the most food ever with a load of lemonade and that seems to have done the trick too. Hopefully it'll go soon like you say.
Cravings were pretty bad again on my way from work, but a massive veggie curry seems to have sorted that out. I like that halt thing, puts it into perspective when your feeling like you really need a drink.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

such fabulous posts one and all. and it was only because I have been reading posts all day that I had the strength to bypass liquor store on my way home from work.
accomplishments thus far:
1. have gone to gym every day for 7 days in a row (i really need to lose that booze belly!)
2. have fallen blissfully asleep, fully aware and appreciating the wonderful feeling of dozing off
3. have had much more solid sleep?.not great yet, but so much better than before
4. feel so much more alert and on task at work?I am the boss so need to be sharp!!!!
5. have come to the point of being WILLING to get AL out of my life?.my WILL is such an obstacle sometimes!!!!!
6. I look forward to coming on here and reading and posting and doing what is necessary
7. I am going to AA meetings but refuse to get brainwashed?.I tried that last time and obviously failed so this time I am focusing on ME and NOT how to get with the program - because I just don't get that higher power stuff (no insult intended for those who believe).

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Jen, I need to hit the gym too, I'm just feeling so damn lethargic at the moment. I'm sleeping better than I have in ages though, probably in years.
This is an excellent list of accomplishments, and well done in avoiding that store!!
I too find coming here sharpens my resolve and being accountable means it's not just myself I'd feel like I was letting down if I was to slip up.
I've not told family or friends about my quit, so as far as they know, I'm on medication (good job no-one's asked what it's for yet) so this is an important place for me to get that accountability.

B.F.

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

job well done blackflag!!! I , too, have not told my family… that is because they are convinced for reasons I do not comprehend, that I do not have a drinking problem!!! Go to the gym….sweat out those toxins….sweating makes you feel so much better! And I say this as my muscles ache and I am ready to drop dead asleep after a long hard day…..but I feel like I actually accomplished something as opposed to before when I was just surfing the top of what is my life without any actual connection.
If you are feeling lethargic and can't' muster the motivation to hit the gym, go for a nice LONG walk!!!! That does the trick but it doesn't feel like you are struggling through a workout.
and you know what? I think in order to succeed in this journey, you have to NOT CARE what people think and that is a very hard thing to do. Medication is a good excuse but in long term, that will not work. Just tell them you are sick of drinking and you want to be more healthy…You are on a quest to be a completely healthy person so you can live longer…..easier said than done.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Jennie, great post and great job if fighting off those urges
BF, remember your body is doing a great deal of healing. It is learning how to use food as fuel instead of ethanol. I felt flu like for a couple weeks but I gradually got my mojo back, it takes a little time! I abused my poor body a long time, it took a while for it to bend back into shape. If you think about it, 3 or so weeks is a really short time compared to the 25 years of abuse I put my mind and body thru. Our bodies are quite resilient when you put it in perspective. Hang in there! Byrdie

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

Looks like everyone is hanging in there today. So glad my friends. I feel pretty good tonight. I'm going home to enjoy my family and get some sleep. See you tomorrow.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, Everyone:

Jennie and BlackFlag - exercise is KEY in my staying sober. It clears my head and releases endorphins in addition to allowing me to have that ice cream to reward myself from time to time. Even if it is just a walk around the block, I highly recommend.

And SLEEP! I swear I've had "insomnia" for so long - and it is GONE. That anxiety that kept me up or woke me up seems to have had almost everything to do with alcohol. Who knew? I definitely didn't, as it struck even on nights I didn't drink. I sleep very soundly now. Add that to my list...

Fin - Stay close. What might be different this time in your plan? Can you think about the thoughts and actions that lead to your drinking and change them in some way?

Byrdie - I took the choice off the table, too. I looked at my kids, husband, job, life, and knew in my heart that if I wanted the best possible life with all of that, I'd have to quit drinking. I have learned to deal with stress, anger and anxiety in other ways, and no longer think - I need a drink - when bad things happen. There is no doubt that alcohol is quick and effective at shutting off the immediate pain, but it only ends up making it worse and last longer. Life has pain - we don't need alcohol to deal with it.

OK - I'm off to see a play. In the old days I wouldn't have even made plans to do this as it would cut in to my drinking time, or I'd make sure I had plenty before I went in so I would not appreciate it.

Stay close all you newbies - this can be done.

Pav

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see everyone checking in & making great decisions
I have unexpected but happy overnight guests, my daughter & granddaughter! I will always be grateful for these special times together, nothing to regret

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest!

Lav

[available]

Newbies Nest

A huge congratulations Matt on your 30 days, bet you never thought you would do it! Wait till you hit the 100. As you said you are totally committed to your quit and that will get you places that others will never get too. Its not just a matter of stopping drinking, it has to be a dedicated effort daily. You are an asset on the nest Matt and huge hugs from Aus land

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Byrdy, fantastic limericks! You do have talent!

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Ava~ Thank you so much. You have become one of my favorites! day in and day out, you plug yourself into all threads and offer your experiences, strength and hope!
Your in the top 5 of MY Top 10 MWO Bad asses
Stay Hard!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Checking in after arriving home tonight. Nice to catch up and see such positive efforts and results. Hi Abcowboy! Loved the rhymes. (You too Byrdie). Congrats on 30 days Matt! I'm on your tail - so keep up the great work!

I'm trying to be positive, but the truth is that I'm feeling pretty flat. After nearly a month, I realize I no longer want to drink daily. Though I miss the immediate gratification and feeling of ease, I know it is a road I do not want to go down. It's a road to nowhere really - no growth, problem relationships, certain health consequences, etc. Problem is that I don't know what the new road really looks like. I'm evaluating everything as if I have a whole new ticket to life - but the evaluation is sometimes painful and overwhelming and confusing. What do I want? Where do I go from here? Who do I want to be? I'm tired of thinking.