Newbies Nest

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

sarah?.you are NOT a weird case!!!!!!! I am exactly like you?.I am so high functioning, it is ridiculous!!! What motivates me is how I feel on the inside. Am I completely connected to my family? Do I find joy in the the little things? Do I think about having a drink in the afternoon and look forward to it (when not abstaining). DO I feel even the slightest bit of panic when I realize that due to schedules, I will not be home to have that drink? Am I at peace with myself?
These are the questions I ask?.after coming to the conclusion that based on purely the facts of how much I consume in a day?.that lead me to decide if I need to stop

[available]

Newbies Nest

Sarah for 6 months i have read your posts and each one procrastinates about drinking and you not having a problem or maybe a little one or maybe not one at all or maybe you are a alcoholic and maybe you need to see the dr and tell him and so many maybes. So why are you on here. We have given you a wealth of help and time and information and you have done nothing about it, 2 days af in 6 months. We have supported you and tried to help and each and every time you have come up with some excuse or another. You dont want to be berated but what do you expect? A kiss and a cuddle and you go on your merry way procrastinating each and every single time. You say what Byrd says that she is talking to you, well obviously she is not doing a very good job. I found that i listened to what Byrd said and i acted on her advice and wisdom and she has gotten me to where i am today. yes we are all individuals and that is why we are here to help but i would prefer to give my time and dedication to newbies that really want to try, that put in the af days, that may fall but they get back up and try again, the ones that totally want to be committed to an af life so they can have a better one. These are the people that deserve the nurturing of the nest. Call me weird but that is my but this is what i set out to do when i come on here daily or twice daily, to make someones life better and for them to commit to being af. If this sounds harsh then so be it. I dont have a problem with al anymore and i am proud of that fact as i read and listened to have a better life, i could bullshit about how hard my life was too and how i wasnt that bad, we all can on here but walk the walk.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

available;1700516 wrote: Oh Sarah if you are on here you have a problem, this is a site for problem drinkers. We dont need a rock bottom, we just realise we are drunks and need to end the madness that drinking gives. Its not a dating site, or a marriage counselling site or any other site, its a site for people with al addiction.

My rock bottom may not have been others rock bottom, I may not think that some people on here have a problem like i did and some i think i definitely was not that bad but at the end of the day al is ruining and ruling our lives and we want a better life. If you dont think it is ruining your life, keep drinking, that is your choice, for the others on here it is their choice to stop with the help and support of mwo.

If you dont think you have a problem you will keep drinking, when you are honest with yourself and dont want the life you are living with al in it then you will open up a totally new world for yourself. There are threads for moderating if you choose not to stop which seems like you are in two minds about.

Great post LavB and i can totally relate to those feelings and damn being sober gives me no doubts or worries or shame or guilt.

Sometimes I wish I could come to Aussie so I could talk to you directly. I want to stop. I'm just living with moderation now. IDK what else I can say? I mean after everything I have posted...do you honestly think I truly want to moderate or go to that thread? I'm here for a reason...and it ain't moderation help.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

jenniech;1701937 wrote: sarah?.you are NOT a weird case!!!!!!! I am exactly like you?.I am so high functioning, it is ridiculous!!! What motivates me is how I feel on the inside. Am I completely connected to my family? Do I find joy in the the little things? Do I think about having a drink in the afternoon and look forward to it (when not abstaining). DO I feel even the slightest bit of panic when I realize that due to schedules, I will not be home to have that drink? Am I at peace with myself?
These are the questions I ask?.after coming to the conclusion that based on purely the facts of how much I consume in a day?.that lead me to decide if I need to stop

If a person thinks they might have a problem, they most likely do.

Several reports estimate that 50% of alcoholics classify themselves as high-functioning and that percentage is certainly much greater in the MWO population. We're the lucky ones - able to live seemingly normal lives and have the resources and ability to get some help. But that doesn't change the fact that we have an alcohol addiction, even if those around us can't "see" it.

My experience has been that I wasn't functioning nearly as well as I thought I was. I had narrowed my world enough that it wasn't too tough to feel big in such a small pond. I'm a littler fish in a much bigger pond now but that's fine - at least I'm now swimming freely and experiencing life.

This book might be helpful for spouses who don't understand what you're dealing with:Understanding the High-Functioning Alcoholic: Professional Views and Personal Insights (The Praeger Series on Contemporary Health and Living): 9780313352805: Medicine & Health Science Books @ Amazon.com

[Samstone]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1701928 wrote: My gut says yes...that's why I am here. However, I'm not sure. I've read everything under the sun...units/amts,etc. I haven't been 'drunk' in months if not years, but I drink daily...so that IS a problem. I drink just enough to relieve stress or anxiety and pretty much go to bed, but I know that is not good for me. DAMNIT Byrdie you always do this!!

From the common scientific standpoint of units consumed..yes I am. However, I don't get drunk, don't have hangovers, or do stupid shit I remember everything the next day. I think this is why this is so hard for me. I can't exactly relate to some/most of you in 'that' way, but I still think I drink way too much.

Lordy, I have watched several documentaries, interventions, and researched a ton of medical research stuff...and your question is as perplexing as it seems.

Again, if I didn't think I had a problem; I wouldn't be here. But I would be lying if I said I didn't think in the back of my head that I didn't have a problem and just 'enjoy' a few drinks.

I still cook. clean, wash clothes, have wonderful conversations with my son, take care of the dogs, etc.


Sarah
you actually know the answer one way or another, it is what you feel in your gut.
Best
Sam

However, a ' normal' person doesn't drink everyday.

So to answer your question Byrdie...IDFK. I just know for health reasons I need to stop (and I have cut down immensely). However, the idea of stopping completely has me in panic attack mode. I enjoy my drinks esp during football season.

I guess the bottom line is, I am torn. On one hand..I think I need to stop, and on the other...I feel I'm ok cause I control it. (or I think I do)

I'm sure I will get alot of flack about this, but plz everyone know before you berate me...I DID come here b/c I felt I needed help.

Personally, I don't think it's black and white...I think every person who comes here is an individual with their own problems/needs/wants, etc. Well..that is me...I'm a weird case I guess.

Love,

Sarah

Sarah
you know the answer in your gut, one way or the other
best
Sam

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Ava- point taken.

Love,

Sarah

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Yo Nester's.

Wobbly one today, but all good now. Handy to read your post to Allan at his 30 days Byrdy!

Fin. Your wife is your best friend i'm tipping. Therefore she will listen to you and support you unconditionally on your AF journey when you explain to her. People don't have to understand, they just need to listen, hear us, and true friends will support us unconditionally. If you need to hibernate socially for awhile until you have firmer footing in your quit, do it. A partner who cares even when they may not understand will support this. Go for it friend.

Have a great weekend all.

G

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Morning my friends.... I'm an old school kind of guy, early to bed, early to rise, and end up with a big family lol. Lots of posts last night, seems like struggling is a way of life for us.....

Fin, an old timer (33 years sober) in my AA home group gave me some advice after my first slip..... Being sober doesn't just mean not drinking, it means a whole new way of life! Obviously some things in our lives will have to change, maybe even our social activities, and just maybe some of our friends! But were they really friends, or just drinking buddies? This disease can't be explained to someone who doesn't have it, even our loved ones have difficulty understanding it, but they have lived through the consequences of it! Of course we all want to be a normal drinker, what ever that is... After my second slip, the Missus and I had a sit down heart to heart. She asked me how I wanted to spend the rest of my life, trying to be "normal" or grateful to be alive? She said it wasn't normal for anyone to need to drink, to her, having to have a drink in a social situation was no different than needing to put a needle in your arm to feel good! Have I lost friends because of my decision to stay sober, yes....does it bother me, yes....but am I willing to give up some friendships to have a happy, normal life, YES, if that's what it takes!! And now, I have a new set of friends, through AA and MWO who don't need alcohol to have fun!

Sarah, there's not much more that I can add that hasn't already been said. I'm sure that all of us wanted to believe we didn't have an addiction, that it couldn't happen to us. We weren't alcoholics, just problem drinkers! Then finally the day somes when we finally admit we are.....step one done, now to find the strength, courage, and support needed to do something about it! All of us here are here for that reason, why not give it a try and join us one day at a time....

The weekend is upon us, trying times for all, let's all hold hands and skip our way through to Monday af!

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1701928 wrote:

I just know for health reasons I need to stop (and I have cut down immensely). However, the idea of stopping completely has me in panic attack mode. I enjoy my drinks esp during football season.

Hi Sarah,

It is a tough situation many of us face. I love drinking so much, i've had to stop. Why? Because it will kill me way before my time. Remember, AL is a silent killer working away in the background as we slowly, knowingly suicide. Pretty crazy i know. This knowledge hasn't stopped me in the past. For me now, my decision not to drink is about my quality of life, and going for a healthy mind/body/spirit to be able to follow my dreams.

If you need to stop for health reasons as you say, i hope you can grasp the lifeline and hoist yourself to safety, health and happiness. Stick with it. Why not try a 30 day AF challenge? Then if you want to go back to drinking, you can decide then. Won't hurt, and you won't miss much, just gain heaps.

G'night from him downunder. Ooroo.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Guitarista;1702130 wrote: Yo Nester's.

Wobbly one today, but all good now. Handy to read your post to Allan at his 30 days Byrdy!

Fin. Your wife is your best friend i'm tipping. Therefore she will listen to you and support you unconditionally on your AF journey when you explain to her. People don't have to understand, they just need to listen, hear us, and true friends will support us unconditionally. If you need to hibernate socially for awhile until you have firmer footing in your quit, do it. A partner who cares even when they may not understand will support this. Go for it friend.

Have a great weekend all.

G

Thanks Guitarista. I know you're right. For now, I need to just focus on getting some days established. I can't believe it's only Day 3. Sigh...it's definitely getting harder and harder to reboot. I must stay the course.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

abcowboy;1702133 wrote:

Fin, an old timer (33 years sober) in my AA home group gave me some advice after my first slip..... Being sober doesn't just mean not drinking, it means a whole new way of life! Obviously some things in our lives will have to change, maybe even our social activities, and just maybe some of our friends! But were they really friends, or just drinking buddies? This disease can't be explained to someone who doesn't have it, even our loved ones have difficulty understanding it, but they have lived through the consequences of it! Of course we all want to be a normal drinker, what ever that is... After my second slip, the Missus and I had a sit down heart to heart. She asked me how I wanted to spend the rest of my life, trying to be "normal" or grateful to be alive? She said it wasn't normal for anyone to need to drink, to her, having to have a drink in a social situation was no different than needing to put a needle in your arm to feel good! Have I lost friends because of my decision to stay sober, yes....does it bother me, yes....but am I willing to give up some friendships to have a happy, normal life, YES, if that's what it takes!! And now, I have a new set of friends, through AA and MWO who don't need alcohol to have fun!

33 years sober?! Holy cow. That's major and truly inspiring. I hear you on the life changing nature of this quest. A lot of fear and excitement are mixed into that equation. It sure does keep life interesting and in my heart of hearts, I know the path toward an AF existence is where the good stuff can be found going forward. Regardless, thanks for all the support folks. It's been a rough restart for sure.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Fin, Sarah and any others struggling with AF as a life change ..I get it, and don’t envy your position, as I don’t always envy mine…It is very hard to balance both the fun and relaxation of AL with the conflict of controlling it. An AF life does initially seem a touch more boring in that respect to me, but I know there is no compromise for many of us . Luckily, I see the benefit in the other things in life are worth the “sacrifice”. I’m married, in my 40s and have 2 kids...and I have already drank enough for 3 lifetimes full…(I’ve done so much stupid shit while drinking it probably makes for an entertaining comedy film for college kids). But then enough becomes enough, and time to deal with life sober. No matter what it throws at me. And it will through things..it always does. So AL, is not a way to cope, a way to relax or a way to have fun anymore. It feels like a prison at 1st because I do so many things to avoid contact…My bar friends still go out and drink without me…my co-workers go to social events with AL that I have to decline …family and friends go to wine tours and tastings, concerts and sports events that I CANNOT trust myself to go to, because I don’t trust my will to fight temptation. So, I spend more time with my wife and kids, more time exercising, more time reading and more time at work…and you know what? Comparing all that, I guess I’m not sacrificing that much after all. Be strong and resist.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

PAVATI wrote: Kensho and Matt - there is a tradition around here of a 30 day speech. Anything you have to say to Newbies coming behind you to inspire them to make it past that tough day 3?

Ok PAVATI! Here you go...

THOUGHTS ON 30 DAYS

My thoughts on going 30 days without alcohol are simple:
1. It CAN be done
2. It SHOULD be done

To elaborate...

1. Thirty days without AL is totally doable. The first week is definitely the hardest. Everyone is different, but for me there were fewer than 5 really hard craving episodes during the entire 30 days, and they lasted less than 3 hours each. That's 15 hours, out of 720 hours (or 2% of the time I spent making an improvement in my life). I posted here - got really mad, distracted myself, surfed the urge, or tried to satiate the craving with food and/or other beverages. A craving, no matter how strong, will always go away, and remembering that helped also.

2. 30 days seems to be just the right amount of time to gain a clear perspective on what alcohol did to me, and how I feel without it. Now, it is very clear that my drinking habits were leading to a dead end road of sluggishness, dysfunction, remorse - and possibly to serious illness, and other consequences. I know that life was not for me, and that a new life without it is critical to my growth and happiness. I sort of knew I didn't want to keep feeling like I was, but now I have a really good understanding of what AL was REALLY doing to me.

ONE OTHER NOTE: My life hasn't magically turn into rainbows and sunbeams at 30 days AF. But it has become possible to start making decisions to better my life, without the distorted cloud of alcohol haze. I feel like I have a new ticket to life - and I get to decide what to do with it. I won't figure everything out tomorrow, but I have new goals - and what's absolutely spectacular - I feel I have the strength to tackle them, instead of running from them. Still, per golden advice here - I'm taking it a day at a time.

SO, if you have found yourself here - knowing that you desperately want to (and really need to) stop drinking, get brave. Jump in to a commitment of 30 days - NO MATTER WHAT, and you will arrive out on the other side with not only a changed perspective, but new friends, lots of ammunition to throw at the beast, and a new life ahead of you. I am eternally grateful for the people at this site who have poked and prodded and encouraged me to get through the discomfort in order to begin to really live life.

[NewStartNow]

Newbies Nest

Weekend Warrior

Hi All,
I am more a binge drinker than daily drinker. I abstained for 72 days last year, but find that my motivation has left me lately. Weekdays I can do. Weekends are my achilles heel. And lately I find that drinking begets drinking. I used to do Friday and Saturday only, but now sometimes it's Sunday or Thursday as well. And forget when I am on vacation. I am struggling with how to stop this terrible cycle. I plan on abstaining this weekend. I need to. How do other binge drinkers deal with temptation on times off from work?

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

NewStartNow;1702203 wrote: Hi All,
I am more a binge drinker than daily drinker. I abstained for 72 days last year, but find that my motivation has left me lately. Weekdays I can do. Weekends are my achilles heel. And lately I find that drinking begets drinking. I used to do Friday and Saturday only, but now sometimes it's Sunday or Thursday as well. And forget when I am on vacation. I am struggling with how to stop this terrible cycle. I plan on abstaining this weekend. I need to. How do other binge drinkers deal with temptation on times off from work?

Dude (or dudet), I've been here. It's such a vicious cycle. The yearning for the weekend. The struggle to stop again on Sunday, or "oh just start on Monday again" treadmill. The only answer I have come up with is to just stop the madness.