Newbies Nest

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

NewStartNow;1702203 wrote: Hi All,
I am more a binge drinker than daily drinker. I abstained for 72 days last year, but find that my motivation has left me lately. Weekdays I can do. Weekends are my achilles heel. And lately I find that drinking begets drinking. I used to do Friday and Saturday only, but now sometimes it's Sunday or Thursday as well. And forget when I am on vacation. I am struggling with how to stop this terrible cycle. I plan on abstaining this weekend. I need to. How do other binge drinkers deal with temptation on times off from work?

NewStart- Tell us 1st..where and how do you drink (you go to bars, you have/keep wine/liquor at home, you bring home new stuff every night and hide it, keep it in your car?, etc?btw, I could raise my hand for all those at some point). Bottom line, what you do, you need to stop/change?create a way to avoid the AL and the ways you consume it. Then finds things to fill in the blanks?more exercise, different entertainment/distractions?new and improved snacks and drinks? natural supplements could help the cravings?and check out the Toolbox here..it has many coping devices and great advice? best wishes

[Leighann111]

Newbies Nest

Bored bored bored!!!! Damn I'm bored but I've got no interest in anything!! Hmmmmmm...............

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Congratulations, Matt! My new nest aspiration is to have you tell me to "stay hard!" I'm not fishing for it now, mind you, but someday I hope to inspire the comment spontaneously. I, too, consider Ava the Queen of Badassery. You're a good judge of character. 30 days is very cool.*

Pav~ Thanks You are definitely on the Bad ass/stay hard radar!

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1701753 wrote: She fears ....... and thinks I'll be less fun. Damnit all. We have a trip in Oct with good friends who will want to party and she's also scared I'll blow that, or make people uncomfortable. THIS is why I always cave. We are very social and going AF just doesn't fit our modus operandi. -Fin

I'm right there with you FIN. When I do try and quit he responds by saying "you pick the weirdest times to stop" and then that convinces me to wait until after whatever event is happening, and then I'll quit. But, there's always another one after that, and another, and another.....It doesn't end.

Stay strong. You can be just as fun drinking a 7up or something AND waking up bright eyed and bushy tailed ready to have a fun vacation while they are miserable until about 2 in the afternoon.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Sarah42;1701929 wrote: That being said Byrdie- yes

Now we're getting somewhere!
I notice that it took you several paragraphs to arrive at that answer. The rest of the justification was just noise...that is what is going on inside our heads as we try to stop feeding this beast, we start getting a lot of interference and noise in our heads that try and prevent us from succeeding. If it makes you feel any better, I took all the quizzes, too and on some of them I scored ok! I'm a blooming STAGE 3 alkie! We can always find documentation to back up what we want to believe. If we consider the facts, they are pretty compelling. I can talk to you all day about these, but as long as that noise is going on in your head, I won't get very far. But you have made a very important admission, you are asking for help with AL abuse and admitting that you are an alcoholic. There is only one thing worse that being a recovering alkie, that's NOT being one. It really IS a yes or no answer....and now that we know the disease, we know the treatment! In this disease we are all more alike that different, (I have observed). I thought I was unique and thought that it wasn't really interfering too much, but that wasn't really the TRUTH. There at the end, I wasn't even driving on weekends....and that's not a problem? BTW, I wasn't getting drunk either, but it was ONLY because my tolerance was high. I was willing to ignore ALL the warning signs to keep my lifeline going. I was getting progressively worse and it was beginning to affect my health, my marriage and my job. The point really is that AL is the problem. The solution is to remove it. I think you have all the tools in place to begin, and you certainly have support!
All you need now is the desire to improve your life. If your life were sunshine and roses you wouldn't have signed up here.....and stayed here. ... you wouldn't have listened us try and coax you into the water all this time. You KNOW you have a problem. (just like I knew it, and everyone here knew it). You have the opportunity to do something about it, starting TODAY. Like G said, give us 30 days. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain. YOU are in control of what YOU consume. Get off this insane ride, I promise it will not be as bad as you think. In fact, just look at Kensho's 30 day speech, what a positive change in such a short span of time. I imagine you will be pleasantly surprised how much fuller, richer and more hopeful life can be when you aren't constantly babysitting a glass of AL. Thank you for your honest post. Now let's get started! Byrdie

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1701753 wrote: I am in such hell right now after a date night with the wife. She's understandably frustrated by my big swings, or the "all or none" cycle over the past couple of years. I don't blame her, but her message was that I need to find a path back to moderation vs. abstinence. She fears the social stigma and thinks I'll be less fun. Damnit all. We have a trip in Oct with good friends who will want to party and she's also scared I'll blow that, or make people uncomfortable. THIS is why I always cave. We are very social and going AF just doesn't fit our modus operandi. I'm too afraid to tell her I'm a full blown alcoholic. There is no path back to moderation. I must stay strong. I must do my best to remain positive and especially in social situations. I'm feeling incredibly fragile. I have no idea how I'm going to pull this all off other than doing my absolute best to remain positive. I will not drink tonight, that's for sure.

Thanks for the rant permission,
-Fin

Fin, Jennie, and Overit....

The definition of a dilemma is: The choice between two equally undesirable alternatives.

Fin, I will pick on you since I don't know how to do multiple quotes! If you have made the choice to BE and STAY sober, there should be NO dilemma. No conundrum. The only question becomes, how do I manage the situations I will be in without drinking? (but that wasn't your conundrum) If you take THE CHOICE to drink totally out of it, then everything changes.
This is to all 3 of you, I remember when you each had some significant sober time, NONE of you were NOT FUN. I remember Fin doing hand stands on a dock! Jennie was on Prize patrol!! Over it had her bag all over the boards, each of you were not only NOT boring, but FUN to around! I sought out your posts!!! ALL OF YOU!
Fin, your path back to moderation has sailed and sunk. There is no path BACK to that, we haven't had that in ages. If your spouse is like mine, what they are frustrated with is our constant battles with ourselves. If we can get and stay sober, those battles END. It's the CYCLE that's so painful for them to see....the hell we put ourselves thru in trying to quit again. I urge you get to your partners on board with this...they are walking thru life with you, they need to know. I was hesitant to do it, too, I wanted to be able to go back if the time came, but there is no going back, I made a decision to be sober and that is that. I do NOT want that life back, either. It takes some time to get here (longer than 3 days!) if may even take you 13 days to get here, but it is worth it! Please hang in there. Do not give AL an opportunity to pull you thru life by the short hairs. You are feeling pulled because you haven't slammed the door shut on Dick Head. Do it, and don't look back! You will never regret your decision to get sober...if you do, there is an easy fix! (but I have never heard of anything regretting getting sober, only regretting that they haven't). You are doing the hard yards now, but it is going to pay off for you! Surely, you don't want to have to repeat this again, I know I don't! Hang in there, the only way out is THROUGH! You will find your way on by persisting!! xo, Byrdie

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie,

Here's a first in almost 20 months: I disagree with something you said :eeks::

There is only one thing worse that being a recovering alkie, that's NOT being one.

While it is much, much worse to be an active alcoholic than a recovering one FOR SURE, there are many things that are worse than being "in recovery".

I still wish I had never had this experience but I have gained many things from it that I might have missed without it:

An appreciation for the minor but meaningful events of each day.
An awareness of the importance of health and gratitude for even little things like no headache or craving.
The realization that our days are limited and we'd better make the most of them
More tolerance of shortcomings - mine and those of others.
Empathy for others who struggle with all sorts of compulsions and addictions.
The ability to be less judgmental than before.
Understanding the power of being able to make and keep plans and commitments.
The joy of serving others.
The impetus to explore the power of the mind through yoga, meditation, and a practice of gratitude.
More ability not to take situations, people, or things for granted.
All the people I've met here who I truly love and care about.

Maybe with time I'll not even regret this experience at all. Everything that has happened has brought me to where I am today and I think I'm a better person than the younger me, and certainly compared to the drinking me. It has been a hard way to learn some life lessons but I'm glad I had the chance.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Greetings Nesters,

Still busy with family visiting & haven't had time to jump in today.
All I can say is this - you are all here because AL has caused you some problems!
Do the test - stop drinking for just 30 days then reassess. Do you feel better, look better, think more clearly???

Yes, you can live a happy & fulfilling life without AL but you won't know that until you stop

Have a great rest of the day AF!

Lav

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1702269 wrote: Fin, Jennie, and Overit....

The definition of a dilemma is: The choice between two equally undesirable alternatives.

If you have made the choice to BE and STAY sober, there should be NO dilemma. No conundrum. The only question becomes, how do I manage the situations I will be in without drinking? (but that wasn't your conundrum) If you take THE CHOICE to drink totally out of it, then everything changes.

If your spouse is like mine, what they are frustrated with is our constant battles with ourselves. If we can get and stay sober, those battles END. It's the CYCLE that's so painful for them to see....the hell we put ourselves thru in trying to quit again.

I made a decision to be sober and that is that. I do NOT want that life back, either.

You are feeling pulled because you haven't slammed the door shut on Dick Head. Do it, and don't look back! You will never regret your decision to get sober...if you do, there is an easy fix! (but I have never heard of anything regretting getting sober, only regretting that they haven't). xo, Byrdie

AMEN SISTA' Thanks as always Byrdie, all of it SO TRUE!

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Byrdlady;1702269 wrote: Fin, Jennie, and Overit....

The definition of a dilemma is: The choice between two equally undesirable alternatives.

Fin, I will pick on you since I don't know how to do multiple quotes! If you have made the choice to BE and STAY sober, there should be NO dilemma. No conundrum. The only question becomes, how do I manage the situations I will be in without drinking? (but that wasn't your conundrum) If you take THE CHOICE to drink totally out of it, then everything changes.
This is to all 3 of you, I remember when you each had some significant sober time, NONE of you were NOT FUN. I remember Fin doing hand stands on a dock! Jennie was on Prize patrol!! Over it had her bag all over the boards, each of you were not only NOT boring, but FUN to around! I sought out your posts!!! ALL OF YOU!
Fin, your path back to moderation has sailed and sunk. There is no path BACK to that, we haven't had that in ages. If your spouse is like mine, what they are frustrated with is our constant battles with ourselves. If we can get and stay sober, those battles END. It's the CYCLE that's so painful for them to see....the hell we put ourselves thru in trying to quit again. I urge you get to your partners on board with this...they are walking thru life with you, they need to know. I was hesitant to do it, too, I wanted to be able to go back if the time came, but there is no going back, I made a decision to be sober and that is that. I do NOT want that life back, either. It takes some time to get here (longer than 3 days!) if may even take you 13 days to get here, but it is worth it! Please hang in there. Do not give AL an opportunity to pull you thru life by the short hairs. You are feeling pulled because you haven't slammed the door shut on Dick Head. Do it, and don't look back! You will never regret your decision to get sober...if you do, there is an easy fix! (but I have never heard of anything regretting getting sober, only regretting that they haven't). You are doing the hard yards now, but it is going to pay off for you! Surely, you don't want to have to repeat this again, I know I don't! Hang in there, the only way out is THROUGH! You will find your way on by persisting!! xo, Byrdie

I am humbled. I will NOT let any of you down this time. Too many handstands left to do which are impossible to do with a beer bloated body. Byrd, thanks for not giving up on us. Your words mean much to me.

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

I'm going to go ahead and get this out there mainly to keep BYRDLADY AND AVAILABLE off my Ass. :b&d:

I'm an Alcoholic! A real, NO shit drunk! :new:
All BS aside, not minimizing anybody's struggles with AL, just figured a little sarcasm was in order? I'll head on over to time out.

That is all
Stay Hard! You 2

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, Matt. I'll join your candidness. I'm a f'in out of control IPA a drinkin' alcoholic. I cannot, nor will I go another round on Day 1.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Matt M.;1702288 wrote: I'm going to go ahead and get this out there mainly to keep BYRDLADY AND AVAILABLE off my Ass. :b&d:

I'm an Alcoholic! A real, NO shit drunk! :new:
All BS aside, not minimizing anybody's struggles with AL, just figured a little sarcasm was in order? I'll head on over to time out.

That is all
Stay Hard! You 2

Ha, …all sarcasm aside I think admitting to a title with such a stigma is a hard thing to do. I’ve been to 3-4 AA meetings this year and a few more in the years past..and that is one thing I could never do…admit to the “A word” (although I suppose others likely called me other “A” words before). A number of years ago I told a few people I thought I drank too much (and more than a few told me 1st)..I’ve said I have a “drinking problem” or “I abuse alcohol” many times before too, but admitting to the disease is a critical step of realization that you need help. I finally told my wife I was an alcoholic about 2 weeks before I first posted here, but never actually said it/wrote it anywhere here that I that recall. So.... My name is See the Light (well, not my actual name) and I too am an Alcoholic.
Wow that was hard.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

See the Light;1702290 wrote: Ha, …all sarcasm aside I think admitting to a title with such a stigma is a hard thing to do. I’ve been to 3-4 AA meetings this year and a few more in the years past..and that is one thing I could never do…admit to the “A word” (although I suppose others likely called me other “A” words before). A number of years ago I told a few people I thought I drank too much (and more than a few told me 1st)..I’ve said I have a “drinking problem” or “I abuse alcohol” many times before too, but admitting to the disease is a critical step of realization that you need help. I finally told my wife I was an alcoholic about 2 weeks before I first posted here, but never actually said it/wrote it anywhere that I that recall. So.... My name is See the Light (well, not my actual name) and I too am an Alcoholic.
Wow that was hard.

Good job. So, how did your wife react? Mine would freak out. She'd be supportive (and is now) but she doesn't know the whole dirty truth and that's what I fear.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Fin..she already knew (probabaly before I did). She was happy to hear me admit it actually . She told me to go to AA (which I did and didn't really like it). She cleaned out our/her wine collection from our house while I was work. And now she watches me like an eagle. She doesn't drink, which helps..but she also doesn't understand my struggles either (which is why I stick with MWO..I know folks here understand). Maybe yours already knows more than you give her credit for..who knows. Either way, hopefully she and others can keep you going on the right path..