Newbies Nest

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

It was NOT a newsflash to my hubs (who already knew it). I was the last to know!!! See: Denial!

[available]

Newbies Nest

Wow coming onto MWO and reading what you guys posted is amazing. I was never an alcoholic, my brother was an alcoholic and died from al related illness yet i was not one, well in my mind i wasnt. I just needed to get past the age he was when he died (46) and i would be fine and dandy. Oh i was fine and dandy alright i was a full blown functioning alkie and getting worse. My brother has been dead 8 years, 8 years i have wasted denying i was an alcoholic. 8 farking years of a life i could have spent like i am now. I cant take back the past like us all but accepting that i am an alcoholic or whatever you want to name it is a relief. To accept completely that we can never drink again is half the battle, to know that no matter how much pressure we are under to drink that we cant as we are alcoholics is easier to deal with. My son is an ice addict, he can never take another drug, any drug again. That is his addiction and he knows he consequences if he uses and he chooses not too. Mind you telling people you are a crack addict is more acceptable than an alcoholic. Go figure!

Fin i am sure your wife knows more about you than you think. I was sure i hid my drinking extremely well but alas i found out i didnt at all, its just that no one was game to approach me to talk about my drinking as they knew my defensive button would go onto overload. Maybe it is time to tell her the whole dirty truth so that you can free yourself and have the life you deserve. She hasnt turned away from you yet and i am sure you will be totally suprised at how supportive she is. Mind you if you have done some extremely bad ass things that you know would destroy her then they may be better left unsaid. I dont know your situation in that respect.

What a wonderful world it would be if we could go out and if someone asked us if we wanted a drink to say "no thanks i am an alcoholic, i cant drink". No pressure from anyone. One of my sons friends said to me that since i had not had a drink for 9 months then surely i was okay and i could have one now and then. I told him my now and then would not last and would start me drinking again.

Matt your sense of humour is a great asset, off to the naughty corner you go!

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

She probably does know more than I think she does, but not all of it or she wouldn't be advocating moderation. I've never done anything outside the relationship to compromise our marriage. The dirty truth is all about the AL consumption only. The amount will probably floor her.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi all; rough day here, blehck! I needed to be up early to help my mom with some things today, but the insomnia hit me badly last night. I got about 3 hours of sleep and just could not even function when I did wake up. Like staring at the wall. So she got frustrated that she thought I didn't care about helping her and I got frustrated that Hi, I'm still in early recovery stages here and I think I'm allowed one off day, it's not like I planned it to get in her way.

It's hard - for one she is my mother and she's put up with a lot from me while I was drinking even if it was usually in small ways. And she has MS so sometimes she hits bad days, too - and I'm always the one who's supposed to step up on those days. But...I also believe you guys when you say the most important thing I can do right now is take care of myself and keep my quit. So...I don't always know how to balance those. And I don't know how to explain to her that just because I'm working to keep my positive and keep trucking; I'm not magically going to have an easier time kicking this than any other alcoholic. She's also been home all week and I kind of did think that would be hard for me but there isn't a good way to tell your mother, "Yeah, this week will be rough for me because you tend to be one of my triggers." I used to always drink when we disagreed so I'm sure it will take time for us to find healthier communication, but it's tough right now.

It's just hard. I don't want to hurt her feelings; but if I'm not drinking we're going to butt heads more often. I just now saw that she texted me that we can do things another day and it's ok; but it's always been hard for me to shake the feeling that it's my job to take care of her and I'm a horrible human being if I've upset her. :/ Before my life got so crappy, that was the reason I'm here helping her out instead of my brother - he was busy with a marriage and a new house when when she was diagnosed so I just...moved back and stepped in.

Anyway; so the good news now is that I did at least try to talk it out with her and be clear that I'm really not just getting over a little drinking problem; it's just as bad for me as anyone else to get past and I can't always know when I'm going to hit a bad day. i put a lot of pressure on myself but I can't outthink brain chemistry. That getting healthy will take time. I also came here and read and ate something before I went back to sleep just to make sure I didn't start thinking drinking would be a good idea and I'm back here now with my coffee. I got a wonderful pm here that really helped, and another pm over on FB - unrelated to my drinking, but it's a relationship that's gotten better since I quit so that was nice. I'm not so much craving AL today as I'm a little down and a little confused what to do to sort things and a little frustrated that good intentions aren't always going to make it easy. I mean, I knew that, but it's still frustrating sometimes.

Sarah42 - Wiser heads than my own have responded to you, but I'm glad my post helped. The things you write remind me a lot of myself the last time I was thinking about quitting, but I didn't follow through because I still thought I was in control. I wish I'd found this website then - but then again, I wasn't even really looking up how to quit at the time. I know that for me it was scary how fast "I can control this" turned into "I am scaring myself and don't know how to even stop." And scarier how big my denial got that I couldn't see all the ways the AL was making everything in my life worse. :/ So I'm hoping you listen to all the folks here who have been being supportive of you quitting; save yourself from some of what I blundered right through and into. Also your screenname is eerily close to something I could have picked myself so there's that, too!

Fin - Again, I think everyone else has given great advice already. But I think I definitely wouldn't have been able to keep to my quit if I hadn't told those closest to me as much as I can so they know I can't have temptation.

Kensho - Lovely post and thank you so much for sharing. That's one of the ones that was up before I went back to sleep and really helped my focus while my emotions were all over the place.

Byrd - I can definitely speak the tolerance excuses, too. "Oh, I'm fine drinking so much because I don't really get drunk off it." Erm...nooooo, if I have a super high tolerance that's because I've been drinking so much for so long that my poor body has had to adjust.

Thanks also for everyone reading and posting; I don't always respond to everyone - like right now when I really need to try to salvage at least some of my day - but I read them all and often reread. This is my safe place and I'm blessed to have so many kind, understanding people - who also can give great advice and a newspaper to the nose when I need that, too! xD

Good thoughts on an AF evening, all!

[available]

Newbies Nest

It floored even my children and my mother Fin, they did not realise that I hid bottles from them, even the boys who live with me, but we need to be honest to move on and i am sure she will understand and make you more determined not to be that person ever again. Its so hard to admit what we were like to others but it is a healing process that we need so that we can move on.

I said to my daughter that at 280 days sober i had not consumed 560 bottles of wine. Normal people do not drink that much, even my bottleshop i am sure does not stock 560 (give or take) bottles of wine. The sad thing is that that was my life, the good thing is its not anymore. Thats more wine than my daughter had at her wedding for 100 people.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

I think spouses know, and also deny. My hubs got on my case if he could smell it or if it mysteriously disappeared from our bottles, but yet it was this huge surprise when I said I was quitting. He still tells me that he thinks I exaggerated the extent of my "problem" (but he also acknowledges that he doesn't know what I was REALLY doing). In the end though, they just want a happy, healthy partner. Think about it... if we are happy, we are laughing, building them up, increasing their enjoyment of life - THAT's the stuff that matters.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;1702307 wrote: I think spouses know, and also deny. My hubs got on my case if he could smell it or if it mysteriously disappeared from our bottles, but yet it was this huge surprise when I said I was quitting. He still tells me that he thinks I exaggerated the extent of my "problem" (but he also acknowledges that he doesn't know what I was REALLY doing). In the end though, they just want a happy, healthy partner. Think about it... if we are happy, we are laughing, building them up, increasing their enjoyment of life - THAT's the stuff that matters.

YES!!

[jenniech]

Newbies Nest

too much to read after a long stressful day at work but checking in and being accountable.
I am actually overwhelmed...

[available]

Newbies Nest

Do not overload Jenni, take one day at a time. Things can wait till another day. The good news is those feelings will settle down. Tomorrow is another day sober. I also learnt to say "no", a hard word for us alkies who want to please everyone.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

They tell me a hard man is good to find......

I am staying hard this weekend.

Have a bewdy out there Nester's.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Um... might I add that a hard man is better to find when you are sober? Uh, oh - not that kind of.. well, ahem. Sorry. But its true.

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie - Maybe someone answered this and I missed it, but here's how you can quote more than one post in your reply:

1. As you're reading posts, you can select which ones to quote by clicking on the little quotation mark button at the bottom right of the post (you have to be signed in to see this option). It's just to the right of the button with the word "quote" on it, and it changes color when you select it.

2. You can select as many posts as you like (as far as I know).

3. If you change your mind about quoting one, go back and click that quote mark button again and it will turn off for that post.

4. When you're done selecting posts to quote, hit the "Post Reply" button at the top or bottom left of a page of posts.

5. That will bring you to the window where you can write your post, choose smilies, etc. You'll see each quoted post already in the text box, listed in the same order that you selected them (not necessarily the order they were written/posted).

6. Before you post, highlight and copy all text in case you lose the message - it would be a LOT to re-create!

7. Submit reply, like usual.

Hope that helps!

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Hey everyone, some really good posts to read through tonight! Just got in from a long as day (I went out a 7 am and it's now 2am)
I played my first gig since I became af, and I must say I really enjoyed being really present and not just there, if that makes sense.
When I first went into the bar I felt all of a sudden that I really wanted a drink, but I had a look on here on my phone and it strengthened my resolve no end. Someone even bought me a beer and I just said no thank you, I don't drink.
I'm really glad I got through it, especially after the state the other guys were in on the way home.
I'm definitely not in a hurry to go back to a bar, however!
I'll check back in tomorrow morning.

[j-vo]

Newbies Nest

Wag,
I get how to do what you said, but it you wanted to quote a part of their post and not the whole thing and do this with a multiple of posts, then what?

[wagmore]

Newbies Nest

j-vo - There might be another way, but what I do is the process I outlined above, and then in the window where I write the message I just delete the quoted parts I don't want. You can manipulate the quoted text just like you do with the new parts you write - bold, delete, change color/size, etc. Make sense?