Newbies Nest

[Cherokeer]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Okoren1. I am grateful to be where I am today. I truly thought today about the utter misery and despair I was in while I was drinking and my heart ached for where I was. Maybe I can help one of those around me who drink too much. I get questions all the time on how did you stop. One day I said I will drink no more and meant it. It's difficult to explain to someone who hasn't been there and too personal of a journey to share with most.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hiya, Nest:

Cherokeer;1703055 wrote:
My husband actually said to me you had all the ear marks of an alcoholic but weren't one. I said I am an alcoholic what makes you think I am not? He said you decided to stop drinking one day and did.

Cherokeer - CONGRATULATIONS! 100 days is a GIANT milestone. It is not just a float down the river but takes work paddling and paying attention (how's that for a kayak metaphor?). I think about what your husband said, sort of. People hear that I haven't had anything to drink and they say "oh, you're SO strong!" I feel like a phony because I can't impress upon them how much work it was without going into details I'm not ready to share with just anyone. I don't feel so strong. But a friend pointed out that maintaining a focus on staying sober one day at a time - like the Canadian Cowboy says - does show strength. You could quit because you accepted your illness and did something about it. Simple but not easy.

Way to go Fin, Alb, Kensho, JW - sober makes life so much easier.

Glad you're back, Daisy!

I've been in a funky mood, but I know it will pass - and with a lot less drama than if I were drinking. I'll face some things at work tomorrow and get them out of the way, and I'll feel right as rain in no time.

Good night, all.
Pav

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;1702903 wrote: Good morning Nesters,

Sarah, I really don't know what is going on with you but you do seem to want to continue to rationalize your drinking. Sometimes we just have to accept things as they are & stop trying to dissect everything. It's a delay tactic & another way we BS ourselves. I did it for a long time too & I'm just being honest in telling you it's a waste of time. If you truly want to stop drinking, just stop. Taking back control of your life is the kindest thing you can do for yourself!

Lav

Hi Lav- thank you! Nothing is 'going on' with me..it's my personality. I do this with EVERYTHING in my life, and I hate it. I've lived with it my entire life (even when I was a youngster). I have gone to 3 diff psychiatrists..each saying the same thing "It's your personality"...and each said the same thing "your mind HAS to work thru stuff until you get the 'aha' moment to being making changes'.

Did I say I HATE it? I ABHOR it! I analyze everything to death (to the point of beating a dead horse, per se), and when the stars and moons line up (for lack of a better analogy) along with my deductions; does it work. The only things wherein I react quickly are intuitive reactions, and there are many of those.

Not making excuses at all...this is all FACT, and while it may seem to sound like an excuse to prolly 98% of the population, I'm being truthful when I say it's not.

For me as far as drinking is concerned; instead of saying "Sarah..stop..this isn't good for you", my mind thinks this: "Sarah, you need to evaluate the amt of AL you are consuming. It's too much I think. Let's see WHY are you drinking, how many grams of AL is actually being absorbed into your system, WHY do you enjoy it, what benefit are you getting out of it, why did you pick this shit up in the first place, why can't you understand what you are drinking at, is there anyone out there who understands what I'm doing, is there anyone out there that can tell me why I'm doing it, k Sarah..we know you've been thru some shit, but other ppl deal with it, how do other ppl deal, Lord plz save me, I only had 3 drinks last night- whoohoo, Sarah, 3 is too many", and etc etc.

That is how my mind works...all within a span of a few minutes.

This was actually difficult for me to type, b/c I don't like opening myself up to others in any type of open forum or otherwise. While some may think I'm making excuses or trying to justify my drinking..then answer me this...why am I sticking on an AF forum for as long as I have and not intend to stop? Do any of you find any LOGIC to that? I could easily disappear from here and carry on, but I CHOOSE not to leave.

Truthfully, I NEED every word out of everyone's mouth (screen type) to help me 'dissect' this madness or I'm doomed.

I apologize for the long post (and making it all about me), but even if 1% of you 'hear me'..than maybe you say something later that gives me that 'aha' moment I need for my brain to get 'it'.

Sorry again for the long post...I hope I didn't put ppl to sleep.

Much love,

Sarah

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

LavenderBlue;1703028 wrote:

Sarah42: I guess for me, I'm just confused what you want? You've asked for what we think and everyone has pretty much said, "Yep, sounds like you're right and you should probably quit." I understand the arguing in your head about it, done it myself, but I'm not sure what else we can do? Would it maybe help to start with just setting a goal for 30 days? I know it's been easier for me to figure out what I really want the longer I stay AF - seeing positive changes made a big difference for me. It's only a thought, though.

Much appreciated post LavB! It's diff for me to set a goal on anything to 'change' unless I figure out all the 'whys' I do it. Logically, everything you say (and everyone else for that matter) makes sense to me, and is helpful. Been there..done that...bought all the yogurt and food I could find via the toolbox recommendations, and still no go. For me personally, until I figure out WHY I am doing it (and I don't even want it anymore) then it's going to be more diff to accomplish what I am trying to accomplish. The AL is secondary. It is a result of something that needs fixing... that's what I got to figure out. B/C the truth is if I don't discover that 'THING" then even if I quit AL, I'll replace that "thing" with something else.

Love,

Sarah

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Yo Nester's!

Just do your best Sarah. You will get to where you want to be.

Congratulations Cherokee on the big 100! We are SO hardcore we had to stop. :goodjob:

Fab stuff on 30 days Okeron. :goodjob:

Too many incredible achievements 'round here to mention.

Long run under a warm 22c blue sky today, a swim, then a slow walk home along the beach, barefoot in the sand. Just perfect.

Have a safe one out there and think positive. Passing the butt velcro to the.............left.

[Fat fella]

Newbies Nest

Hi all

Well im back again. No meltdown this time. No massive binge resulting in wanting to quit. Just the realisation that im actually sick of it being in control of me, rather than the other way around. Day 1 today. My immediate target is to get to day 36, as that is 1 day further than last time.

[Guitarista]

Newbies Nest

Fat fella;1703123 wrote: Hi all

Well im back again. No meltdown this time. No massive binge resulting in wanting to quit. Just the realisation that im actually sick of it being in control of me, rather than the other way around. Day 1 today. My immediate target is to get to day 36, as that is 1 day further than last time.

Good to see you FF. Good target and i've no doubt you will do it.

Go for it friend, and take back your precious life. :goodjob:

G

[available]

Newbies Nest

Sarah you are drinking as you are an alcoholic and/or are addicted to al.

Chero happy 100 days. I was so relieved to make it to 100 days, a huge achievement and something to be extremely proud of. I also thought probably like Pav that it would be plain sailing when i reached triple digits. Oh wrong, wrong, wrong but it is so much easier to be af and maintain our sobriety. I am so happy for you. Did you ask hubs what was the earmarks of an alcoholic? I hid my drinking very well from everyone and therefore they thought i did not have a problem, little did they know that i could drink those 2 or 3 drinks and then drink the bottle i had hidden as well. I think thats a sign for me that i am earmarked as an alky and like all addicts we either keep doing what we are doing until we die or we take every bit of strength and determination to beat that addiction and thank god we made the right decision. Its a wonderful feeling to be happy again.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Sarah you are drinking as you are an alcoholic and/or are addicted to al.

I don't disregard that, and sorry you are fed up with me. If it were that easy to understand FOR ME, then I would have stopped long ago.

Alas, here I am.

Ava- there really is no reason my dear friend at this pt in time to respond to me personally. I'll just keep reading the board..as well as your words of wisdom.

Again, if it were that easy I'd be done with it, but it's not, and I think u should respect (at least a little) what I said.

[Sarah42]

Newbies Nest

Guitar- yes I wil..thanks.

[blackflag]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
Quick check in from me, cherokeer, well done on some BIG numbers!
off to work so ill be back later.

[available]

Newbies Nest

No, sorry Sarah, i have heard it all numerous times and i am sure i will keep reading it numerous more times. I am not concerned whether you choose to drink or not, i am more worried that the newbies see you still drinking and think they should do it also and maybe your way is the way. Its like going to a moderation thread and reading how well they are going and thinking "oh maybe i could do that" and the al thoughts start seeping in as they do in the early days, say day 2 or 3. My concern is for them only. People are given respect when they earn it and that may seem harsh but stopping al and coming to the nn is a cry for help for ones who want to stop right now not in 6 months time. These newbies are walking the walk and as lav says not bs'ing about it but doing it, they are due the utmost respect from myself and others.

[roxane]

Newbies Nest

sarah, what time is it at yours when you post? you only seem to post at around this time. if you notice, others post all times of the day/eve/night to help them be connected, accountable and supported in their quit. not within a narrow window of time like you. are you a member of any other support sites? do you do the same with them if you are?

BG BF good on you for keeping on and keeping trying respectively.

cherokeer, fantastic and bloody well done for 100 days!!! you dont get to that number by just thinking about it!

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Hey Newbies, onto day 2 and happy to see it! Hardly slept last night but that is ok....I know this will sort itself out this week.
Don't have any children today until lunchtime so that is a relief. I am going to try not to substitute alcohol with sugar....my last quit I had terrible headaches that lasted 2 to 3 days. Don't know if that was the reason but will give it a go.
My day 1 was quiet. Felt guilty about not visiting my mum but I do feel in the very early days you need to be a bit selfish and do what is needed for you. I spent a lot of time reading here and reflecting.

[daisy45]

Newbies Nest

Cherokeer, so well done on your 100 days! You sound great!