Newbies Nest

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Soft Focus;1704516 wrote: Hello nesters

Hope all is well in your worlds. Have had a bit of a cold recently and surprised myself by thinking a little glass of wine to send me off to sleep would be a good idea. Just a fleeting thought, but I would never have guessed I would have associated being ill with having as drink. Well, you live & learn.

Take care
SF

SF, the same thing happened to me with my first upper respiratory bug after quitting - bet it's very common! I automatically thought about a hot brandy drink and for a few moments considered whether it would actually be "cheating" if I was sick, as if brandy were an equivalent to medicine. When really, those illnesses were just another excuse to get my buzz on without having to drink in secret.

I hope you feel better!

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Outstanding! Lavb and great speech. I will definitely agree with you on KENSHO

And one final thought about something that helped me; hopefully she doesn't mind being called out here.*When I started, I realized Kensho was only a week ahead of me. I know it's important to be responsible for your own quit, but seeing someone just one week ahead of me posting and pushing and encouraging me through has helped so much on the days when "30 days" or "90 days" or "always" seems impossible.

I'm one day ahead of her; yet I look forward to reading her post and wisdom! She is a badass fo sho!

Great job again Lav and you know, Stay Hard!

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Thanks Pepper. I will add this about my night: the old way if dealing would have been to drink a little more than normal (because I deserved it of course) and then start an argument with husband, which would have made kids tense and the dog hide. My daughter would have woken me up in the middle of the night needing fever medicine and I would have been grumpy and short.

INSTEAD, I got done what I could, focused on the kids, respectively asked my husband to help with a few things and left the dishes in the sink. Energy in the house is calm, and when my little bear wakes up, I will be kind and nurturing. I never realized how much MY energy affected everyone the entire household. Not that it would hurt hubs to jump in a bit more, but my old way of dealing was Zero. Percent. Effective. For anybody.

LAVB, you are a gem. Smart is right... You have braved the discomfort, learned from others' experience and made the decision to have a better life. I felt very bleh at 30 days, but... As PAV said, these flat feelings come and go. I still revel in how much in my life seems better by the day. I'm glad you felt I helped you, and I hope you know how much you've helped others

Nighty night! I'm expecting to be awakened in a few hours, so no Jimmy tonight!

Cross: thanks MarttyM! You just keep breaking trail for me, ok?

[JWP]

Newbies Nest

I must have forgotten to post about Day 8, which was yesterday. I took a long walk after dinner and then wrote a long email to a friend. That was a very sober night.

This evening closes out Day 9 without a drink. I really believed I'd have a drink tonight, I wanted one and I was going to meet friends at a new bar in town. It seemed inevitable. But my guardian angel was looking after me... When I arrived at the bar, my friends had decided they wanted to see a movie instead. How perfect! So we went to the movie and ate popcorn. Perfect night. Yay!

[Fat fella]

Newbies Nest

Glad you got through day 9 JWP, sounds like someone was looking out for you! I am not looking forward to tonight which is day 5 for me and traditionlly Friday night is a pretty big night. Am feeling positive though, and although Im half dreading it, I am looking forward to tomorrow morning when I will feel very smug indeed (hopefully). Hope tonight is ok for you too.

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Some times I like to take a day off from work ... go out on on my own spend half a day basically doing nothing ... on my own. Trying to cut off myself from the work and stress.

Today is one of the day. Sitting at a Star Bucks in one of the malls i can't help notice a young couple probably in high school. must be late teens. Sitting under a green tree in not exactly pleasant weather outside ... they hold each others had to pray before they dive into the snack which the guy brought for the date who looks more exited to be with him. But why outside ? Ah the cigarettes ! As they puff along looking in to each others eyes of love or lust enjoying every puff ... The dark nail paint on the girls nails , sign of coolness , and she seems more confinend than the guy who appears to out on his first date ...

Its funny when you observe people sitting at one corner and and just observing doing what they are doing. One of the things I also notice is people of all walks of life and all age group in this coffee shop. Reminding my of early stages of my life and more yet to come ...

"Who moved my Cheese " is the book the young girl from China / Japan / south East is reading .... practicing her english ? as he waits for her friend who comes with coffee and the book "Fault in our stars " Barely new book. As they talk in their own language maybe about the books they are reading in English ... maybe exited to read a foreign language. How different their life is ...

This brings to me .... if some one were to look at me from a distance would describe "Oh there an interesting bald guy with his mac, typing ... dressed in formals probably working .... preparing for his next business meet "

Its is amazing how the eyes just open up to the world around you once being sober... I used to take these breaks from the hustle of "life" just to be with myself ...

I sip the tall cappuccino ... which has a bit less coffee than i would like to to have ... I sip again and wonder sitting in this corner of the star bucks ... listen to some music which is new to my ears. Music ... Oh I used to be so much into it .... used to know every band out there ... zap 10 years on ... I feel I am in a new world ... older . ...

reminds of the "back to the future" movie i used love as a child. Fascinating as the time travel may seems it does look like i have just came thru time ... of atleast the time passed thru me ... it passed so fast and I barely could catch what happened ! It was passing while I was looking at a different direction. I kept wearing khaki's when the fashion moved to denim. I kept hanging on to rock and now suddenly that rock is "retro" ..

it was just like yesterday I was the guy sitting outside the girl ... out with someone I wanted to be for rest of my life ... and fast forward here I am siting in the corner of having coffee ... and she must be sleeping in her New York apartment, one time divorced and now re married and expecting ... gazing the world out observing so many things I never used to ... including how I came here ...

I dont know I thought of opening my laptop and started writing my MWO. felt like talking to someone, sharing with someone ... someone whom I dont know .. or hardly know ... not about my problems or worries but just sharing .. like the bubbles from a soda can which can stop going out I too type ... just write ..

I someone times feel like a dormant volcano who just burst out ... dormant for some many years ... dormant because of thick crust which I had built with years of drinking and staying by myself .. I am still with myself but no longer dormant ...

The volcano erupted when I decided to be sober .. its been and emotion journey but looks like there is more lava inside which needs to vent out ... or maybe this fire will always burn and needs to be always vent out ....

its strange to notice how so many people are hooked on to their phone, chatting and face booking away. Walk into a subway and see practically everyone doing that ... and why am I complaining even I am doing the same here ...

I will leave or another business meet... the meet I dont want to do , not because I dont like the guy but dont feel like working ... I wish I can be free ... totally free ... from everything.

I imagine myself deep inside the ocean when I was scuba diving las year in Langkavi, with fishes all around who seem to swim with no worries or on top of a mountain at 3000 meters or side a chilly cave which I discovered behind a water fall somewhere in mountains as a child ...

In all those places I was free .. at peace ...

Another puffs as I see the young couple, it reminds me of my drinking days I used to gulp down beers, numbing my mind and life ... hope do realise its not cool to smoke or be addicted to anything ... to cool at all !

But today I am free ... and so glad I am free and sober ... but not exactly at peace. And I need to find that ... I will find that ... Its not out there ... its inside me ... I will find it ...

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Friday to all

Cooler temps here, my favorite season has arrived
I'm grateful to be free from addictions so I can enjoy every moment of the season.

Rahul, I'm happy to hear you are enjoying the full benefits of a sober life as well.
I decided quite a while ago that quieting my mind is best achieved by spending time outside enjoying & really paying attention to nature. Needless to say my gardens & chickens have had quite a bit of attention from me these past 5+ years. Spending time with my grandkids has also helped me stay focused

Wishing everyone a great AF Friday!

Lav

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Good morning my friends! Great to see everyone checking in and leaving their thoughts. Just like my AA meetings, I don't always have a lot to contribute, but someone always says something that makes me think how I can become a better person. Congrats to all reaching milestones, it makes me happy to be able to share in someone else's successes, and that's what we are doing, succeeding!

We all have our temptations and problem days to deal with, how we handle them makes us who we are. I read a simple thought somewhere that helps me deal with my tougher days...... If someone dumps a load of rocks in front of you, will you build a wall or a bridge? Somedays it seems the easiest thing to do is to build a wall, isolate myself from my problems, wallow in that pity pot. But where does that get me, sad? Angry? Frustrated? By building a bridge, I have conquered the obstacle in front of me and I can walk right over it and continue moving forward!

There are other days when things get so out of control that there seems to be no where to turn, it is those days when I have to step back and just leave it up to Him, let Him guide me through it in His way, there's no sense in getting all bent out of shape over things I have no control over. It seems that we all spend a lot of time and energy trying to control things that in the end, didn't really matter....

And so fellow Nester's, a brave new day is ahead of us, grab life by the horns and enjoy this new ride we are on, and as we start into the weekend, let's all stay away from the bad stuff eh!

[whitemarshmom]

Newbies Nest

Woke up feeling AWESOME today! The weather is cool and crisp. Funny how your outlook can change so rapidly, just after a couple days AF! Going for a brisk walk and then I'm going to tackle some things around this house that i have been too depressed or tired to do Happy AF Friday to all!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Rahulthesweet;1704759 wrote: Some times I like to take a day off from work ... go out on on my own spend half a day basically doing nothing ... on my own. Trying to cut off myself from the work and stress.

Today is one of the day. Sitting at a Star Bucks in one of the malls i can't help notice a young couple probably in high school. must be late teens. Sitting under a green tree in not exactly pleasant weather outside ... they hold each others had to pray before they dive into the snack which the guy brought for the date who looks more exited to be with him. But why outside ? Ah the cigarettes ! As they puff along looking in to each others eyes of love or lust enjoying every puff ... The dark nail paint on the girls nails , sign of coolness , and she seems more confinend than the guy who appears to out on his first date ...

Its funny when you observe people sitting at one corner and and just observing doing what they are doing. One of the things I also notice is people of all walks of life and all age group in this coffee shop. Reminding my of early stages of my life and more yet to come ...

"Who moved my Cheese " is the book the young girl from China / Japan / south East is reading .... practicing her english ? as he waits for her friend who comes with coffee and the book "Fault in our stars " Barely new book. As they talk in their own language maybe about the books they are reading in English ... maybe exited to read a foreign language. How different their life is ...

This brings to me .... if some one were to look at me from a distance would describe "Oh there an interesting bald guy with his mac, typing ... dressed in formals probably working .... preparing for his next business meet "

Its is amazing how the eyes just open up to the world around you once being sober... I used to take these breaks from the hustle of "life" just to be with myself ...

I sip the tall cappuccino ... which has a bit less coffee than i would like to to have ... I sip again and wonder sitting in this corner of the star bucks ... listen to some music which is new to my ears. Music ... Oh I used to be so much into it .... used to know every band out there ... zap 10 years on ... I feel I am in a new world ... older . ...

reminds of the "back to the future" movie i used love as a child. Fascinating as the time travel may seems it does look like i have just came thru time ... of atleast the time passed thru me ... it passed so fast and I barely could catch what happened ! It was passing while I was looking at a different direction. I kept wearing khaki's when the fashion moved to denim. I kept hanging on to rock and now suddenly that rock is "retro" ..

it was just like yesterday I was the guy sitting outside the girl ... out with someone I wanted to be for rest of my life ... and fast forward here I am siting in the corner of having coffee ... and she must be sleeping in her New York apartment, one time divorced and now re married and expecting ... gazing the world out observing so many things I never used to ... including how I came here ...

I dont know I thought of opening my laptop and started writing my MWO. felt like talking to someone, sharing with someone ... someone whom I dont know .. or hardly know ... not about my problems or worries but just sharing .. like the bubbles from a soda can which can stop going out I too type ... just write ..

I someone times feel like a dormant volcano who just burst out ... dormant for some many years ... dormant because of thick crust which I had built with years of drinking and staying by myself .. I am still with myself but no longer dormant ...

The volcano erupted when I decided to be sober .. its been and emotion journey but looks like there is more lava inside which needs to vent out ... or maybe this fire will always burn and needs to be always vent out ....

its strange to notice how so many people are hooked on to their phone, chatting and face booking away. Walk into a subway and see practically everyone doing that ... and why am I complaining even I am doing the same here ...

I will leave or another business meet... the meet I dont want to do , not because I dont like the guy but dont feel like working ... I wish I can be free ... totally free ... from everything.

I imagine myself deep inside the ocean when I was scuba diving las year in Langkavi, with fishes all around who seem to swim with no worries or on top of a mountain at 3000 meters or side a chilly cave which I discovered behind a water fall somewhere in mountains as a child ...

In all those places I was free .. at peace ...

Another puffs as I see the young couple, it reminds me of my drinking days I used to gulp down beers, numbing my mind and life ... hope do realise its not cool to smoke or be addicted to anything ... to cool at all !

But today I am free ... and so glad I am free and sober ... but not exactly at peace. And I need to find that ... I will find that ... Its not out there ... its inside me ... I will find it ...
Rahul, this is just beautiful!
You should write a book on freeing yourself from addiction! Climbing the Sober Mountain.....Climbing out of Addiction....Turning Mountains into Molehills....someone helps me here....Jane, you are the master of these things! Help us out, we need a working title!
It really IS amazing to be in the very same body, but with a different MIND and attitude about life. The Back To The Future reference was spot on....sometimes it is like watching myself thru someone else's eyes. Like I am 'seeing' the picture thru impartial eyes and taking in more information. I actually DO make better decisions because I am receiving MORE information with which to make them. This is a side effect that we don't speak too much of here in the nest, but which is phenomenal to experience. This is the result of long term sobriety, and it is really as if we've been given a second chance at life. 30 days is a great beginning, but it sure takes more than that to get where the magic really happens. STAY with it, everyone....it really DOES get better. No matter what life throws AT you, drinking AT the crap doesn't get us anyway but deeper in the rabbit hole. Getting sober allows us experience life and appreciate it!! (both good and bad).

Thank you so much, Rahul, for sharing your thoughts with us. I am so glad to be sober!

Shore up your plans for the weekend, everyone! HOPE is not a strategy! You can't wish and hope your way to sobriety you must PLAN for success! It's only Friday, just another day! You DESERVE to be sober!! Hugs to all, Byrdie

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

Wow, some great reading this AM. It's as if we're ALL waking up...finally!

I had an interesting night last night. It was my first party experience of this final quit. I was anxious leading up to it, but had a plan. The plan is key. I took a can of sparkling water with me as my decoy beverage. Once opened, no one asked me if I needed a drink.

I kept waiting for the crippling anxiety to set in around not having any AL in my body, but it didn't come?! When it did start to creep in it was usually around some low in a coversation...you know, the tail end of a conversation when there's not much more to say? So, instead of inviting that person to the bar for another drink, I simply moved onto the next person. Repeat, repeat, repeat. By the end of the party I was so happy. I had basically managed to "work the room" vs. shying up with a select few people who I felt safe drinking around. It was a great way to keep occupied and pass the time which helps suppress cravings.

I also observed that no one was drinking to excess the way I would. At least I couldn't detect anyone doing that, nor was anyone noticeably drunk. How many times did I make a fool of myself? How many times did people comment after a party how over served I was? Maybe they didn't, but...anyway, I had to wonder. I then got a call from my daughter to be picked up from a new friend's house. She just started high school. It was a very short drive from the party to where I needed to pick her up. I got behind the wheel and was so grateful to be crystal clear before turning over the engine.

The other MAJOR change was when I pulled up in front of this beautiful house in one of the more desirable locations in our town (which can be intimidating). As a drinker, I was often embarrassed to go to any door to meet my girl for fear that the other parents would know I had been drinking. Instead I would sit in the truck and text her that I was outside. Actually, a lot of parents do this, but I've always thought it was odd even though I did it too.

Last night I pulled up to the house, confidently stepped up to the front door and was met by this really nice guy I'd never met. He invites me in, I meet the entire family and his brother, we have a short chat, my daughter comes downstairs with her new friend, I meet her, they offer me wine, I say "no thank you" and they kindly express their happiness that their daughter and mine have become friends, the family dog licks me, hand shakes go around and out the door we go. Wow. Cool! This is the way it should be!! Thank you ALL for helping me get here again. It is wonderful to move through the day without all the guilt. I'm an open book now...and...

Committed to being AF for good,
-Fin

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

MAE Nest Friends.

Thanks for the dreamy reading Rahul - as if I am transported to your place. I spent a lot of time in coffee shops journaling at one point in my life. I made so much personal progress during that time. Isn't it wonderful to feel again? I was once afraid of feeling so deeply - drinking allowed me to run from these feelings. But it is a gift and just needs to be reined in at times, and let loose at times. Glad you are writing. With all of your travel, are you able to connect with people deeply? I have found that connecting with others is theraputic even though I am a raging, guarded introvert. It is amazing to feel like we are meeting ourselves again, after so many years of being alcoholically devoid of real emotion.

I'm home today with the sick little one. On one hand, trying to work a bit, but on the other hand I'm giving her special time just "being" next to her. I often think that if I were like Scrooge and was given the opportunity to look back on my life at its end, I would be appaled (sp?) to see myself SO focused on work at times my family just needs me to be there. I'm trying to identify and focus on the important stuff these days.

Anyhoo - best to everyone for another AF day full of promise for a better future!! :h

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Remarkable transformations, Fin and Kensho! I am so proud of you both....getting a peek at NORMAL!

Lav, T minus 4 days!! The trouble is SAYING that it's your 2000th day...it sounds like I'm drunk or I have a wad of peanut butter stuck in the roof of my mouth. 2000th. Impossible to say, but not impossible to do!! Can't wait to get the party going on Monday (leave it to a bunch of drunks to want to get going early!!!) Oy. xxoo

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Fin;1704898 wrote: Wow, some great reading this AM. It's as if we're ALL waking up...finally!

I had an interesting night last night. It was my first party experience of this final quit. I was anxious leading up to it, but had a plan. The plan is key. I took a can of sparkling water with me as my decoy beverage. Once opened, no one asked me if I needed a drink.

I kept waiting for the crippling anxiety to set in around not having any AL in my body, but it didn't come?! When it did start to creep in it was usually around some low in a coversation...you know, the tail end of a conversation when there's not much more to say? So, instead of inviting that person to the bar for another drink, I simply moved onto the next person. Repeat, repeat, repeat. By the end of the party I was so happy. I had basically managed to "work the room" vs. shying up with a select few people who I felt safe drinking around. It was a great way to keep occupied and pass the time which helps suppress cravings.

I also observed that no one was drinking to excess the way I would. At least I couldn't detect anyone doing that, nor was anyone noticeably drunk. How many times did I make a fool of myself? How many times did people comment after a party how over served I was? Maybe they didn't, but...anyway, I had to wonder. I then got a call from my daughter to be picked up from a new friend's house. She just started high school. It was a very short drive from the party to where I needed to pick her up. I got behind the wheel and was so grateful to be crystal clear before turning over the engine.

The other MAJOR change was when I pulled up in front of this beautiful house in one of the more desirable locations in our town (which can be intimidating). As a drinker, I was often embarrassed to go to any door to meet my girl for fear that the other parents would know I had been drinking. Instead I would sit in the truck and text her that I was outside. Actually, a lot of parents do this, but I've always thought it was odd even though I did it too.

Last night I pulled up to the house, confidently stepped up to the front door and was met by this really nice guy I'd never met. He invites me in, I meet the entire family and his brother, we have a short chat, my daughter comes downstairs with her new friend, I meet her, they offer me wine, I say "no thank you" and they kindly express their happiness that their daughter and mine have become friends, the family dog licks me, hand shakes go around and out the door we go. Wow. Cool! This is the way it should be!! Thank you ALL for helping me get here again. It is wonderful to move through the day without all the guilt. I'm an open book now...and...

Committed to being AF for good,
-Fin

Hi Fin - I could just write "ditto" after every single paragraph you wrote -- the party, working the room sober and enjoying it, and the driving of teenagers. But I didn't quit soon enough to escape the shit list of other parents. There was at least 1 family who always insisted on picking up their daughter at our house, even when it was my husband who was going to be driving kids home. I'm sure they didn't want to take a chance that I'd be the one getting behind the wheel. When my best friend was a bottle, I just brushed off those thoughts, but now that I'm sober that humiliation feels very raw. I try to use it as a tool, and balance those negative memories out with gratitude for the here-and-now. But I'd give anything to have quit before my daughter left for college and have those teenage years back. Good for you for having quit NOW - you can be the parent you were meant to be, and that's a precious opportunity! :goodjob:

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

peppersnow;1704911 wrote: But I'd give anything to have quit before my daughter left for college and have those teenage years back. Good for you for having quit NOW - you can be the parent you were meant to be, and that's a precious opportunity! :goodjob:

Oh, Peppersnow, this just broke my heart. It is so tough on (overly ) involved parents when their children move up and out -- even when that is exactly what we spent the previous 18 years preparing them to do! That life change contributed to my problem really taking off. I wasn't comfortable in the proverbial empty nest. Like you, I sincerely hope that all the parents here with younger children get a handle on the problem NOW. They will never wish they had waited until their children were older.