Newbies Nest

[KatieB]

Newbies Nest

Back to square 1

Well guys,
I'm back to square one, zero AF days.. I went and bought a bottle of wine this afternoon..:upset:
I have been trying so hard this weekend to keep myself occupied.. yesterday I went to the library and got some books out, did housework and worked..
Today (2nd day my son was with his father) I went to the city of Sydney to look round some markets.. on my own.. as I am a single mum, it seems no-one ever invites me to anything as they all have their own families to hang out with - I feel a bit of a leper at times! Sunday seems to be "family day" and if you don't have one, you don't have anywhere to go that escapes the happy families everywhere (I know they are not all necessarily happy but at least they have each other).. I got all sad seeing all these families and couples, and did not want to hang out very long.. I didnt even want to go into a cafe and get food as everywhere I looked were groups of ppl and I didnt want to feel pathetic being on my own.. I felt I would have stuck out like a sore thumb! So I did not eat the whole day til I got home at 2pm and ate some leftover pizza.. and I bought a bottle of wine on the way home as I could not face all afternoon on my own, feeling lonely (my son was not due back til the evening).. I did only buy low-AL wine so did not get drunk.. but I am still disappointed in myself - that's twice this week that i've now bought wine, after going nearly a month not buying any!
I'm worried and scared I am getting addicted to low-AL wine now, which is still AL! and end up buying more and more!
But what am I supposed to do? I have run out of ideas - 2 almost whole days on my own (though I worked 1/2 one day) - I went to a bookstore, the library, shops, the city markets.. and then.. I could not think of anything else.. so I bought the wine to ease the loneliness and boredom - which goes against everything that I have learnt.. :upset:
Katie

[Hippy Chick]

Newbies Nest

Evening all.

Got thru another weekend safe and sound. My husband is still not drinking and it makes such a huge difference to me. He is trying so I am encouraging him. Even if he cuts back - it will make it easier.

Pap and Nora - I use the CD's most nights. I love the cleansing one, I put the hypnotic one one but am always asleep before I get to the point where I am supposed to insert my own suggestions, so I tend not to use it. The sleeping one is just running water, it is "white noise". I used to use white noise when my kids were babies so they didnt hear the noise in the house and wake up. I'd use a radio with the dial just off a station so it was just static. I use the sleeping CD when I am having trouble sleeping or if my husband is snoring (which is most nights). It gives me something else to concentrate on rather than getting annoyed at hearing him. Everyone complains when I use the subliminal one as the music is rather weird. The voice is on the subliminal one - it is a level that cant be detected by the human ear (but it is apparently there!). I do use it at work but find I get a bit too relaxed with it on..... Work is boring enough, dont need anything more to help me nod off!

Thanks for sending the rain although by the time we got here it was only about six drops so still cant say we have had any rain! At least the nights have cooled slightly and we dont have to have the air con on just to go to sleep. (Never happy are we!)

Anyway, hope you have had a successful weekend wherever you are and wake up to start the week hangover free.

:h

Hippy

[TranqWilly]

Newbies Nest

Hi Everyone.

Just wanted to pop in and say Hi from Texas. It's been crazy busy her everyday and thought I'd sneak on here before the sun came up. It's nice to get away from the snow. Also nice to get out an play.

Hi to everyone new and all the regulars. I'll be back home on Tuesday.

Take care!
tw

[Violet70]

Newbies Nest

Hi All!

Happy Sunday Everyone! Nice gray day here -- back to our norm...

Lavande -- You read me well! Yes. I am still struggling with the concept of living AF and how I can possible do it. Sometimes find my sick brain trying to rationalize why I should be able to have just one, or maybe two...but I just keep reminding myself of everything I have missed out on these last 20 or so years. Especially the last 8 with my kids... But the self doubt is there and strong. And that tension that just sits in my chest that goes away with the first drink is still there. So I have a very long way to go. But I am not giving up. I thank God I found this Site and this thread. I don't think I could have ever dragged myself to a "meeting." But I definitely need support and people who have been through this and are going through this. So thank you!!!! All of you -- for being here!!!!

Violet:thanks:

[NoraC]

Newbies Nest

I don't think I could have ever dragged myself to a "meeting." But I definitely need support and people who have been through this and are going through this. So thank you!!!! All of you -- for being here!!!!

Violet - I agree with you 100%!!!!!!!!!!

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

A one hour time change shouldn't throw me off schedule - but it always does
Sitting here drinking coffee in the pouring rain...........getting boring! I'd rather be outside tending to my flower beds, etc.

Hey Tranq! Hope you are enjoying your golf trip.........hope you have warm, sunny weather!!! All the creeks & rivers around here are flooding - boo, hiss!

Violet & NoraC - this IS my meeting That's why I continue to come here 2-3X/day! Keeps me focused & moving forward, the only way I want to go!
I'll share my secret with you - once I shut down all that junkie talk going on in my head & accepted the reality things became a lot easier! The reality is - NO, I am not cured, NO, I cannot have just one glass of wine. The reality is I can live a very happy & fulfilled life AF (not perfect but so much improved)! The reality is my anxiety & depression are gone, I wake up each more with absolutely no guilt or remorse.

If we continue to support each other - everything will be OK!

Greetings to all nesters, wishing you all a wonderful Sunday!
Lav

[mama bear]

Newbies Nest

I just love you Lavande.....will you adopt me???
everything you say is dead on and makes so much sense....now i have this vision of the "junkie" in my head that I must get rid of.....
actaully I have made great improvements...
not AF, but not a drunk anymore either..... I have always been hard headed and self indulgent so that "junkie" still winds sometimes, but them my rational voice and my MWO friends whisper in my ear...."what the hell are you doing and I put the beer down and go to bed"
Plus my hubby is a drinker and I have not mastered ignoring that either.....
anyhoo....enough of my whining
off to get my son ready for his fielf trip to washington dc for a week....I wanna go!!!!!
Smooches from Sunny Florida

[NoraC]

Newbies Nest

Lavande;822068 wrote:
Violet & NoraC - this IS my meeting That's why I continue to come here 2-3X/day! Keeps me focused & moving forward, the only way I want to go!
I'll share my secret with you - once I shut down all that junkie talk going on in my head & accepted the reality things became a lot easier! The reality is - NO, I am not cured, NO, I cannot have just one glass of wine. The reality is I can live a very happy & fulfilled life AF (not perfect but so much improved)! The reality is my anxiety & depression are gone, I wake up each more with absolutely no guilt or remorse.

If we continue to support each other - everything will be OK!

Lav - Thank you for that. It makes a lot of sense. It has been about a month now for me. Long enough that I don't know the actual number of days without going back and counting. That is amazing for me.
As long as this subject came up then I want to tell you about my little junkie on my shoulder. I do have that little junkie talk going on in my head. My husband is going out of town next week. There is a lot of talk going on in my head. A LOT of talk.
A very good friend of mine is coming out for a couple of days in April. We are going to stay in a hotel for a couple of nights for a girl weekend. She is already planning the margaritas. I was not drinking the last time I saw her. So, I will try my best on that front.
My very best friend is coming in June. She knows all about me. So all I have to tell her is that I can't drink and there will be no more conversation about it.
Anyway. I just wanted to tell you Lav that it helped a lot to know that I wasn't the only one that had that voice in my head. Thank you for being here. :l

[mollyka]

Newbies Nest

NoraC I know that talk going on in your head, it goes on in mine too!! When I was reading your post the bits about your friends coming visiting etc. that didn't stir anything in me at all - BUT and a very big but, the bit about your husband going out of town for a few days, that junkie immediately crept in to my head and told me I could drink and no one would know. That really scares me, I know I'm rationalising it now and I wouldn't drink but the thought came readily. This alcohol thing is HORRIBLE

[NoraC]

Newbies Nest

Oh Mollyka -

"I could drink and and no one would know."

That is exactly the bad part. It is even to the point of - I can hide the bottles because the trash will be taken out before he gets back. I won't drink until after I talk to him on the phone for the night and on and on. It is horrible.
The sad thing is that I feel so much better now. I really feel like I'm getting a handle on this. Cravings are so much better. I'm running to the L-Glutamine and other Supplements if necessary. Posting here. Doing everything to avoid the bottle. And yet this voice in my head is planning & plotting. :upset::upset:

[mollyka]

Newbies Nest

I know exactly what you mean, maybe the fact that we are aware of the 'voice' is enough for us to fight it? I have surprised myself how vulnerable these thoughts make me feel like you I too feel so much better and felt I was in control - maybe we never are fully
Stay strong
Molly

[KatieB]

Newbies Nest

Morning all,
I want to thank everyone again for your wonderful posts on my thread.. on Day 1 AF - but moving onwards and upwards!
Labels do not help anyone.. AL effects everyone in different ways, we are all unique.. remember it is the drug that is the poison, not us! the fact it is legal makes it harder, and the fact some ppl can drink "normally" - but everyone has a chance of becoming addicted.. I finished that Allen Carr book - took me just 2 days to read! it was really good.. he basically states even the so-called "normal" drinker that has 2 glasses of wine a day is still addicted - anyone is that thinks AL improves their lives in some way - but it is a load of rubbish! He also refers to the use of the word "schizophrenia" in that its like we have a little devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other.. trying to tell us what to do! its which one you listen to that means improvement.. we need to listen to the angel who wants the best for us! :H
Remember back to when we were kids - we didnt need AL then and we certainly don't need it now.. this is my "meeting" too.. I need to keep reinforcing the message, to myself and by reading other's posts..
Have a great day all: Nora, Mollyka, Lav, MB, Violet, Tranq and HC.. and everyone else who pops in,
Katie xx

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

I wonder if Allen Carr has ever actually met a schizophrenic, hmmmmm!

KatieB, just hang on to our coat tails, we're headed in the right direction, I promise Remember, just check in at least once/day, we'll keep you motivated. Besides, I'm going to throw myself a big !st Anniversary party on the 26th & I want you to attend

Wishing all nestlings a safe & cozy night in the nest. It has finally stopped raining here....I'm thrilled!
Leaving the night light on.

Lav

[NoraC]

Newbies Nest

Lav - that is awesome!!!! We are going to celebrate!!!!!:band2::rockband:

[papmom3]

Newbies Nest

Lav, can't wait for your party!! And the best part is we don't have to feel "left out" because we're not drinking!!! i've marked it on my calendar, just let us know what time!

:disco: