Newbies Nest

[abcowboy]

Newbies Nest

Good morning my friends! Ahhh, the feeling of watching the sunrise, clear head, no hangover, no guilt, just coffee in hand, Bubba beside me and Hank laying at my feet, can life get much better?? I wish the same feeling for each and every one of my fellow Nesters!

Kensho - I hope your evening went fine, and I hope both you and your daughter are feeling better this morning!

I love reading the posts, I don't comment or say thanks to each, but I use them to strengthen my resolve for the day!

Rahul - you say your posts are outbursts, but they come from the heart and carry an important message to all of us!

JWP - I used to be a very spiritual person, being raised Roman Catholic, the fear of God etc... Through AA, I have learned to respect everyone's beliefs, no matter what. And through AA, my faith in God (or HP - Higher Power) has returned to me. Maybe it never left, maybe it was just buried under the pile of empty beer cans. But the important thing is that I know there is something far greater than me who I can turn to when all else fails...

London - great post! Just keep reminding yourself who you want to be when the AV whispers in your ear!

Sarah - Oh the struggles.... I have been there, many times... "I just had to have a drink to get me through {insert excuse here}". Sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever attempted in my life, barr none! When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, the road will have less obstacles, only you will know when that day comes. Sobriety is like a seed, a thought planted in our mind. It will lay dormant till the conditions are right to germinate. When it does, it becomes but a seedling, something fragile, prone to many dangers...but if we protect it, nurture it, it can withstand those dangers and continue growing and getting stronger. But it's not over yet, it still needs care, it needs to have the weeds removed from around it, it needs daily care, watering, fertilizing, until one day it becomes strong enough to withstand the dangers all on it's own. But we're still not done, there will always be pruning to be done and weeds to pick. So you see Sarah, your seed has been planted by the fact that you are here, let us help you to turn it into a beautiful rose!

http://youtu.be/N5jlPL1tNDY[/video]]Lean On Me by Bill Withers with Lyrics - YouTube

And so to all my new found friends, enjoy your al free weekend, keep the garden free of weeds, give it plenty of water and fertilizer!

Oh, I almost forgot, promise no drinkin or druggin eh!

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Great post, abcowboy! I especially love this analogy. :l

abcowboy;1705320 wrote: Sarah - Oh the struggles.... I have been there, many times... "I just had to have a drink to get me through {insert excuse here}". Sobriety is the hardest thing I have ever attempted in my life, barr none! When you want to be sober more than you want to drink, the road will have less obstacles, only you will know when that day comes. Sobriety is like a seed, a thought planted in our mind. It will lay dormant till the conditions are right to germinate. When it does, it becomes but a seedling, something fragile, prone to many dangers...but if we protect it, nurture it, it can withstand those dangers and continue growing and getting stronger. But it's not over yet, it still needs care, it needs to have the weeds removed from around it, it needs daily care, watering, fertilizing, until one day it becomes strong enough to withstand the dangers all on it's own. But we're still not done, there will always be pruning to be done and weeds to pick. So you see Sarah, your seed has been planted by the fact that you are here, let us help you to turn into a beautiful rose.

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

abcowboy;1705320 wrote: Sobriety is like a seed, a thought planted in our mind. It will lay dormant till the conditions are right to germinate. When it does, it becomes but a seedling, something fragile, prone to many dangers...but if we protect it, nurture it, it can withstand those dangers and continue growing and getting stronger. But it's not over yet, it still needs care, it needs to have the weeds removed from around it, it needs daily care, watering, fertilizing, until one day it becomes strong enough to withstand the dangers all on it's own. But we're still not done, there will always be pruning to be done and weeds to pick. !

Really well said, AB - and great advice for all off us.

JWP, way to go with your 10 Days! You said that you want to avoid the pull of AL this weekend. From previous failed quits, I found that to protect my quit this time I had to avoid all social situations for the first month or so if, since most of my friends were wine-drinkers (bur normal). It was hard because I disappointed several friends, I know, but for me it was necessary, and I had to lie to do it. I made up phantom family members visiting from out-of-town; work deadlines that required me to work through the evening; sick kids who wanted their mom home with them...lying to my friends was painful, but I have no feelings of guilt whatsoever because it was what I had to do at the time to save my life. I wasn't a hermit, though - when they would express disappointment that I couldn't go out, I'd suggest a walk the next morning, a trip to the famers market on a Saturday, breakfast or lunch out, etc. When I began socializing evenings again, it took me awhile to come out as a non-drinker, so again I made up phantom reasons for being unable to drink; I claimed to be on antibiotics for a few weeks...pretended I'd already had a few drinks with my husband and was switching to water...starting a new diet and AL isn't on it. For me, all of that worked. I can now go out and not drinking isn't a problem at all. Sometimes I wish I could join them, but it's not hard at all to decline and I still have fun being out. When they really get their drink on, its actually easier for me because people start acting stupid and I know they're going to be hung over, and I won't.

Anyway, I just wanted to mention that for anyone very early in their quit. Do whatever you have to in order to protect your quit! I figure I spent so much time lying to people and keeping secrets in order to drink -- the universe will forgive me for telling a few lies to protect my sobriety! It felt wonderful when eventually, I finally came out to my family and close friends and was able to begin living honestly. But I have no regrets about doing whatever I needed to do to get there!

Kensho and Fin - way to go to both of you as well, and other new folks, too. I'm terrible with names but am cheering each of you on when I read your posts! Have a great sober weekend, all! :l

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Morning, Nesters!
First things first!
Daisy has earned a moon! 7 full days! The world is your oyster!
:moon:
Shine on, dear lady....it only gets better from here!

Londoner, you sound great! As I have mentioned (ad nauseum) that I was a very resistant case here and even after I got on board, my recovery seemed to be slower than others that I compared myself to. Your expression of where you are now is about where I am in my head. I've been with my company for 27 years....one of the only female salespeople, I've always been intimidated by the guys. I never spoke up or asked questions because I was afraid they would think I was stupid. It has only been in the past several months that I HAVE spoken up and I do reply to people on LinkedIn and express my opinion and I must say, I am extremely happy with the response! The other day on a regional conference call, I asked several questions and after the call, a couple of the guys called ME because I seemed to know a lot about this new things we are implementing! I used to fade off into the corners but I don't anymore....I am as good as the next guy!! I am comfortable with ME! Being ME is enough! I can rely on ME....and I like ME. It is a wonderful change!! I'm so glad you are experiencing this, too! You also, Available! It is worth the price of admission! All the heavy lifting we all have to do those first few weeks will soon become worth it!

Sarah, sleep disruption is a classic symptom of detoxing....it just comes with the territory (for most). Congratulations on your 2 days! You know you can do this, let's go again! Whatever your situation is, having a clear head will make it easier to handle....you want to be part of the solution, not part of the problem. I've had several family crises myself, and the last thing anybody needed was someone else to prop up! (we have plenty of those in my family). Let's get going again, this time it will stick! Remember...no matter what! AL is NOT an option. NOT AN OPTION. That's what worked for me.

Great posts, everyone!
GREAT SONG, Cowboy! Lean on us!!!
I also find Bridge over Troubled Water(s) to be fitting for us all here.

Lav, T minus 3 days!!!! 2000th Celebration, here we come! I hope you make it!!!! Bwahahahah!!

Jane, I thought Naruda was a special kind of cheese???

Have a happy Sattidy, eva'body!!!! xxoo, B

[okoren1]

Newbies Nest

My quit has been pretty straight forward (today my 36th day). When I made the decision to stop drinking AL, it was/is an irrevocable decision. So, in a sense life is real simple; AL just doesn't exist for me any longer. I don't have any debate going on with myself. In my sig line I say "stopped swallowing poison..." So to take a drink of AL, I might as well simply drink a glass of gasoline, or whatever. It would be the same thing.

Now, that said, being a +40 year heavy daily drinker, there is a practical side to ceasing that activity. What did those daily drinks of AL do for me? It would be silly to think there isn't some void to fill. Therefore, at least for now, in order to acclimate to my new life and abide by my decision, I've adopted some 'transition steps":
1) Have a daily drink- and I do! Club soda and Roses Lime Juice, on the rocks. Wonderful refreshing non-AL drink, which I enjoy at my former AL cocktail hour.
2) Sweets- we all know AL is full of sugars, so temporarily, I am filling that void with a little chocolate in the evening. I'm doing a lot harder cycling now, burning off those sugar carbs.
3) L-GLT- if the above two things don't fully work on a given day, I carry around 1,000 mg capsules and will open up as many of these, sprinkled under my tounge AS NEEDED[/I] for any craving to subside and this works really fast.

Bottom line- by the daily Graces I recieve from Our Lord this works! Just got back from a long cyclying trip in the Swiss Alps with a number of my buddies; wines and beers flowed freely at lunches and dinners and I wasn't mildly tempted because of my irrevocable decision. It was actually a pretty easy call.

I post all this because here in the nest lately, some folk have been at least a little tempted, and I hope this is useful.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Great post, OK. Some people don't like the simplistic "just take the option off the table" idea and at one level, I agree it isn't that easy. However, if a person were told that if s/he took another drink, s/he would die immediately, I'm pretty sure most people would manage not to take it. If the time frame were 1 week or 1 month, most people still would manage not to drink. How much time left is truly long enough to squander?

None of us can know when alcohol could kill us - either due to an accident or the cumulative effects of years of self-poisoning - but the fact is, it can be the direct or indirect cause of death, especially for people are addicted to it.

I look at wine now as something that could end my life one way or the other - makes it pretty easy not to drink.

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Morning all - even up before noon this time to say that. :P Also need to do some shopping today and might finally get to that movie with my mom. I'm feeling pretty unmotivated to move, but it's better than when I was drinking. I feel much more like I can at least give it a try and that at least doing *something* is good instead of being horribly annoyed and yes, bitchy, that everyone won't just leave me alone.

Thanks to all who answered my MAE question; and Jane27 thanks for bumping the thread! Also thanks for your post over on roll call; I might have to copy that and save it to look at later. Ditto what you wrote, Byrd - it really DOES help me on flat days to know it's part of the process and will also pass. Right now it's not tempting cravings too much; but it is giving me the very wrong feeling of "Oh great, now I'm just going to be miserable anyway." I don't think that in words, because I know better; but it's good to have something to argue the feelings. And I'm sure those feelings *will* lead to cravings; I need to be ready for that before it gets bad.

Fin - That's really a neat idea. I'm kind of getting that from the belated throwing away of bottles; but I like how that puts it right there, front and centter.

Daisy - I know you wrote in response to Kensho, but your words about your last relapse really hit home for me, too. Thank you for sharing. And congrats on your 7 days!

Kensho - I'm so sorry you had such a rough night. I think you're probably right about the idea of a smaller plate, though. We can both get through the slump, I know we can! *hugs*

JWP - I'm so glad you made it through! I'm trying not to be around places that serve AL but I don't mean that to slam you, just that would have been hard for me. Peppersnow had some great ideas on suggesting alternate things to do if that seems like it would help you out, though! So many of my friends drink that I know I tend to forget there are other things you can do.

Londoner - Those are some powerful thoughts and I'm glad you're sharing them here! I know I didn't reach out here to quit until I felt like I didn't even know how else to try to fix my life - not in big public ways, but in very personal ways. It's good to have that reminder that I could end up right back where I was if I'm not careful. I want to be the me that's free to experience my life instead of always focusing on that next drink, the one who can manage stress and bad feelings without feeling like reaching for the bottle is the only way.

Sarah - Good going on making it 2 days! Stick close here and keep reading and posting, we're all here to help you get back and try again! They're really not lying - as much as we get used to it, AL doesn't actually help bad situations anymore than it helps good ones. I'm very sad that I've lost loved ones in the past and wasn't fully present before it was too late. I'd give a lot for more sober time with my grandparents, for myself and also because they deserved that. *hugs* and good thoughts your way.

jane27;1705329 wrote: That is something! I definitely don't miss bottle build up management. Towards the end I started packing up the empties into cardboard boxes (stuffing newspaper in between and on top so the box wouldn't rattle), duct taping them closed, then throwing them into the dumpster in the parking lot at work. The thought makes me shudder, but not as much as it should. One drink will take me right back to where I was. I never want to go back there.

Aw, man - you just reminded me I have a large moving box full of empties that I forgot about. Oh well, it'll get chucked like the rest given time. And it'll be one less thing to trip over when the dog is getting rowdy.

[Eloise]

Newbies Nest

Hey guys- amazing things happening here these days.
Congratulations on so many successes... ,!,!,!

Tomorrow will be 4 months AF for me and I want to thank everyone here for all they are putting into their quits, your efforts have also helped me to stop drinking. I cannot emphasize how posting and reading here has Really gotten me away from the bottle.
Tonight would have been a 1 1/2 bottle of wine night for me. Home alone would nearly always end up in a binge night.
I was thinking about this before making dinner. I would have drank my dinner, instead I ate it.
So if someone reads this and thinks, " 4 months... I can't do that." Well, I never thought I could either and I am still too scared to get over confident about it. I can say with confidence that it gets easier and it is worth ALL this trouble. Every single effort will pay off.

Lets keep this positive energy moving forward guys and thank you, thank you, thank you!

[Eloise]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1705340 wrote:
None of us can know when alcohol could kill us - either due to an accident or the cumulative effects of years of self-poisoning - but the fact is, it can be the direct or indirect cause of death, especially for people are addicted to it.

I look at wine now as something that could end my life one way or the other - makes it pretty easy not to drink.

You know NS folks could read this and think ' yeah, we all have to die of something..."
Well, all of the poor health my dad is now experiencing is because of bad lifestyle choices.
All of them.
Not one ailment is unrelated to the choices he made in his life.
And his "oh well" attitude seemes exaggerately stupid just now, even to him. He should be enjoying a healthy life at 70, but instead his days are pretty limited. Shame when he really has it all but good health.
As soon as he stopped abusing cigarettes and alcohol his body started to heal. Really rather miraculous. He had a major heart attack mind you.
So stopping today will help, everyday alcohol and smoke free matters.
(Just wanted to put my two cents in..)

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Eloise, I didnt mean to step on your Mooning toes here in the nest!
Are you going to cover them here, too? I hated to ask you to check both places every day....just let me know and I will butt out! :H:H:H

Congrats on your 4 months, I will see YOU tomorrow about that!! Xxxooo, B

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello nesters,

Have you wondered if you meet yourself ? I mean not in literal sense but some who is like you at least when it comes to sobriety and it's struggles.

When I was in college I had a elder cousin, who had so many "cool" friends. I remember I used to go to his place often for party. Party for them was drinking, smoking and more. There I remember seeing atleast one guy, kinda decent, tall had a pretty girl friend. They used to be always together. We had out times together with drinks. I was quite young then and so was he.

Then life moved on I got married so did he to the same girl he used to date. We did meet once or twice occasionally here and then. I met him today in one of the dinners where bunch of couples went out for dinner. Saw him with a glass of coke and I asked hey you not drinking ! "I gave up about 6 months ago." Said he with no sight of regret, eyes beaming , confident and proud. "Me too .." I said with similar thought ... And since of accomplishment ... In a flash saw you all and MWO !

Next what he declared was surprising "I was drinking too much, I was drinking everyday and it became a habit !" . Wow the guy have guts to declare ... That he has trouble with alcohol. "How about you?" He said expecting maybe a similar answer "in my line of work I have to entertain clients and it too was much for me ... But I was not drinking everyday " Said half lie .. And half truth ... Rather only part that was true was I was drinking ... Rest all crap and lie .. I was drinking way too much with or anyone to entertain ...

"For first few month I got fracked ... It was hard " ... It was actually a question for my side " yeah ! I could not sleep ... I was super active " said he redo firmed my doubts ! ... He too is an alcoholic ! Wow ...

What ever small talk we were doing in a group I could very well understand what he was talking about.

On one occasion we were sitting with another friend was enjoying his second round of scotch and he was saying he have had too much and the max he has is 3 rounds and his heads starts spinning ! . We looked into each other's eyes with a smile ... Thinking "3 is not an appetiser for us ... " and then a feeling which I can feel in his eyes as well ... " am sooo glad I am sober !"

I felt I met myself in another form. But I must admire his gutz to come clean meeting me after long time ... I know I could do that. But I just wonder declaring yourself to be having problem with alcohol can that be such a relief ? Can it give sense of some sort of freedom ? I wonder. For me when people ask " why you not drinking or how long detox ?" I reply with all sorts of lies ... But then I met this guy and I wonder .... Is it a good idea to do that ? I am not judgemental but I know how people would ...

This the first time in real life I met someone whom I could relate to and appreciate .... when I said " I have been to some most exotic places in last 6 months all over the world ... And I didn't drink ! He smiled at me ... And other fellow with with his second (and his last round ) of whiskey in his hand asked " why not ?" !

I again look at the other me and smiled ... "To be free !" ... The whiskey drinker still didn't understand ...

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good evening Nesters,

I agree Rahul, it's all about the freedom
Life will keep getting better & better too, you'll see!

Eloise, very nice on your 4 AF months!
That's about when I started to trust myself again.....for the first time in a long time. Keep upi the good work!

Hey Brydie, how many cakes do we need for the party?? :H
Think I better get started with the baking now!!!

Wishing everyone a safe night in the nest.
The rain has come & gone here & now it's even cooler

Lav

[VirtualInsanity]

Newbies Nest

My Day One

Hi all, :new:

I discovered MWO a couple of days ago and have been floating around since then reading this and other threads and just trying to gather up the courage to actually register. I don't know what I was afraid of really - you all seem lovely and so very supportive of each other.

I have been drinking very heavily since I became legal. The odd binge on a night out slowly grew into something that was bigger than I was and I am now drinking on average 4L of cider a day. I don't generally touch anything else drinks-wise unless I'm out and then I'll be in real trouble because I will already have necked a lot of cider before I even hit the pub, and then I drink more when I get there, and then the shots.... urgh. I'm sure you all know exactly where I'm going with this. It NEEDS to stop NOW.

I am in my 30s now and I have an awesome boyfriend who has been putting up with my crap for 14 months now and I am just about to move into a beautiful new home with. I also have two beautiful, bright children who seem to be thriving in spite of my issues as well as a good job - all things that I do not want to screw up.

Today is my day one. I have invested in some kudzu root and milk thistle and am hoping that these will assist me in getting through the early days, however I'm under no illusion that they are guaranteed to work for me and my next step will definitely be to go see my doctor - I just really don't want to be taking anything that is gonna have terrible side effects unless I absolutely have to and the idea of RL support groups absolutely terrifies me so I thought that I would try the supps and join you guys in the Nest first and see if I can kick this illness to the kerb that way.

Thanks for reading and I hope to meet all of you soon.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Welcome, VI!

You've found the right thread in a great forum to get yourself free. Have you checked out the Toolbox? It has many ideas and encouraging posts. The link is given below.

Congratulations on Day 1 - you're past one of the biggest hurdles already!

[VirtualInsanity]

Newbies Nest

NoSugar;1705463 wrote: Welcome, VI!

You've found the right thread in a great forum to get yourself free. Have you checked out the Toolbox? It has many ideas and encouraging posts. The link is given below.

Congratulations on Day 1 - you're past one of the biggest hurdles already!

Thanks for the welcome, NoSugar. I'm actually quite looking forward to spending a lot of time here. I was a member of and moderated another forum a few years back and as someone who suffers from depression it was hugely beneficial to me, constantly having any number of people on hand 24/7 to talk to me about anything and everything, Even though I can guarantee you that I was sat there with a drink for ever single day that I was a member there, I still feel like while I was participating in that forum, I wasn't out doing anything worse. Does that make sense? I was gutted when they had to close down that forum but just having had that experience is a big part of why I knew taking the plunge and joining you guys today was going to be a VERY good idea.

I've not looked at the Toolbox yet - it's 2.30 in the morning here and I'm starting to wilt but I will be back later once I'm up and awake enough so that will be my first point of call. I imagine I will be pretty desparate for all those tools once I've woken up - withdrawal is such a b**ch. Thanks again.