Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters & Happy Hump day

Thanks again for the Congrats, I'm happy!
Spending the day with my granddaughter so I will be busy, no doubt

Wishing everyone a wonderful AF Wednesday!

Lav

[Ginger999]

Newbies Nest

Lav, 2,000 days! You are my hero.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Sorry. i dont have time to read back. need to post. holding sick daughter in one arm... typing one handed. stress.... cant get work done, concerned about her... having really challenging conversations with husband; he thinks i can moderate, which is confusing. i would have a really hard time dealing with this while drinking, and that is what i need to remember. Hard right now.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Kensho, I'm glad you posted your true feelings and difficulties right now. That takes guts because you know that reaching out is hard especially for us parents who are supposed to be the ones taking care of others.

You wrote that it is confusing, and I'd like you to focus on that part. You know truly that it isn't actually confusing. We know that our problem is drinking and our solution is not drinking. Easier said at times, I know. That "voice" will latch on to any possibility so it can crawl in through any crack in our lives. Once back inside, we may have to spend months or years to gather up the guts to go AF again. That is if we are ever able to... Alcoholism is progressive, getting stronger and worse each day.

Only listen to the same voice that guided you here! It may be weaker at times but eventually you will easily overpower any drinking thoughts I promise. You did the right thing posting! Sending you support!

[Eloise]

Newbies Nest

oh lordie... i am here guys just having trouble posting. I will get the hang of this!

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Hi all
I too have found posting challenging, but I'll get the hang of it. Had a rough couple of days, had some pretty intense cravings the last couple of days prob the worst in my 45 days. No big triggers? Really strange.
These cravings have put me in a funk, that has been really uncomfortable, having had a pretty ferocious battle going on in my head. Between that and trying to figure out how to navigate this new sight, makes me want to punch a baby seal jk.
I'm done whining. Hope every is having a great day.
KENSHO~ Hang tough, your a rockstar!

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

GMAE all- Glad to see folks slowly returning back to the nest after some technical difficulties. I had an insurance physical this morning w/ bloodwork, etc. ( I am signing up for more life insurance for my family) so I am anxious to see if the weeks I have had without a drink have improved my medical stats (results expected in maybe a week..I’ll let you know, but am trying to be optimistic). Anyway, I hope everyone is staying strong and still fighting the good fight…

Sidenote- Somebody warn the baby seals!

[Roadside]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;n2511285 wrote: Sorry. i dont have time to read back. need to post. holding sick daughter in one arm... typing one handed. stress.... cant get work done, concerned about her... having really challenging conversations with husband; he thinks i can moderate, which is confusing. i would have a really hard time dealing with this while drinking, and that is what i need to remember. Hard right now.

Kensho, hard right now because you are taking care of others, minimizing your own needs. This is normal - you will doggedly do what needs to be done; difficult times do not reflect on fault of you. Get through these times and allow yourself to receive grace.

Positive thoughts your way...

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;n2511285 wrote: Sorry. i dont have time to read back. need to post. holding sick daughter in one arm... typing one handed. stress.... cant get work done, concerned about her... having really challenging conversations with husband; he thinks i can moderate, which is confusing. i would have a really hard time dealing with this while drinking, and that is what i need to remember. Hard right now.

It is tough enough on it's own, but even harder when we don't have the support of our loved ones. Or have loved ones who seem to try to undermine our cause. My DH brought home an enormous bottle of vodka for me a couple days after I stopped drinking. I'm not sure if I was threatening the status quo or what. Don't give any time to what your husband or anyone else thinks you should be able to do. If you know you need to quit, then quit. Positive vibes to you.

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Thank you Pinecone, Roadside (hi!), FlyAway (nice to meet you), Matt..... I have my hand back now so I can type.

I neglected my relationship with husband for a long time. I looked more forward to drinking (and then spent time hiding it), than I did spending quality time with him. I am ready to mend that. In the process, I have had to explain the extent of my "problem". He mentioned that he felt I have exaggerated the extent of this whole thing - saying that he knows of plenty of times I would get one drink eating out, and then come home and go to bed. I let him know that, while that happened occasionally, most of the time, I would sneak down and get another shot or two when getting home. I came clean about picking up a bottle of wine on the way home and having the first glass before arriving (in the car). He flat out didn't believe me! I also told him that I spent a LOT of time thinking of and lusting after that drink I would have later (which became drink-s), and that I got tired of it. I printed out my very first post here and told him he could read that when he was ready, but that I think I had more of a problem than he was aware of. He said he would never encourage me to drink, but that honestly he wishes I could participate. That voice came right back in - "maybe you didn't have that big of a problem". "I only drank 3-ish a night. " "There are a lot of people who drink that amount that don't and never will consider themselves problem drinkers."

I think for me though, as I evaluate this, I am happier and more able to cope with life WITHOUT drinking. And I don't want to live my life spending SO much time thinking about when and where I will get my drink(s) for the evening. I want to spend my time thinking about how I can connect with my husband and kids, and solving problems like a 103.5 fever in my baby for yet another day. Instead of getting a drink to deal, I made an appt. with dr. and then went upstairs and cried - out of exasperation, concern and overwhelm. THAT is so much more healthy.

My family thinks I will be done with my "personal challenge" of not drinking on my birthday, which is this weekend. I have been really considering - what if I CAN have just one glass of really good red wine, and then stop again for a month? What if I CAN just drink on the weekends? You never really tried to moderate much - maybe you CAN do it. I have found myself actually considering this.

How can I possibly be thinking it? I like how I feel now. I feel strong, in control (yet overwhelmed with stress of work and kids), and am beginning to FIX things in my life - like cleaning out office and files - like being a better mom to my sick little one - like having an honest and calm conversation with hubs - and showing him some real affection (I really have been a bad partner). Why in the WORLD would I want to change that? The only answer is "for others". And that is not how I am supposed to live my life. I think hubs just needs to catch up a bit - I've only just begun to tell him the gritty details.

Thanks for listening. This feels hard, but as Matt says, so am I. Bring it.

[Overit-still]

Newbies Nest

WOW! I haven't been on here since this has been updated. Very confused.

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

I want to say that I will NEVER regret a morning waking up sober!

[Eloise]

Newbies Nest

Overit-still;n2511420 wrote: WOW! I haven't been on here since this has been updated. Very confused.

Just wanted to pop in and say hi.

I want to say that I will NEVER regret a morning waking up sober!

Confused here too but we will get used to the new format!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi all, trying to get back in the swing of the forums, still. Welcome to all the new folks I missed between forums moving! And lots of support for everyone struggling - I don't know why but something about the way the forums are set up now is making it feel hard to go through posts like I was used to. Probably it's just getting used to the layout; sorry to anyone I've been missing anyway!

Thanks all for the kind words and support about my friend. He's actually never been a drinker, so there's no pressure there. I'm sure he doesn't completely get the struggle I have with it, but he tries to be supportive there - it's one reason the friendship is even more important to me right now. I got ahold of him yesterday and he listened to why I was upset, and made some time to just spend with me which means a lot to me. I always seem to forget when I'm upset that if I flat out tell him, he makes effort to try to make it better. Part of me might be thinking "Well of course that was going to upset me!" but I need to stop assuming he just doesn't care and immediately throwing myself a pity party.

It's in the pile of "things that don't magically disappear just because I'm AF." Not that he's perfect, but I could stand to take things with a bit less of "the sky is falling," for my own sake. I read somewhere (was it here?) that empathetic people sometimes have trouble remembering their loved ones might not see things the same way, and I think I fall into that more often than I like to admit. I could also stand to keep working on having more things going on in my life than being AF and only really talking to one or two people regularly offline. Not to push myself when AF is the important thing, but to fill my life with more good things so I don't have an instant panic response when one thing or another isn't going the way I'd like. Hiding from life is something left over from the drinking, I think it's getting to be time I carefully poke my head out more.

And Ava, thank you and I have been trying to walk away from things when I need to, what you wrote makes me feel better about that. It's hard because I do have a compulsion to get everything "on the table" and sorted out sometimes. There's something in there about patience and trust and taking care of myself that I still have a lot of work to do with.

G - Belated congrats and thank you for the reminder not to forget gratitude. I'm grateful for supportive friends here and offline, that I found this site and got started on an AF life, and that I'm in a place where I can burrow in and focus on my quit. I'm also thankful that we're enjoying some perfect fall weather this week!

Kensho - You are amazing and what you wrote inspires me so much. I know that for me, even my own mother first responded with things like "Well, I've worried about your drinking but I don't think you're really an alcoholic." It's been very hard trying to talk with her about some of the things I've learned on this site and I still haven't really gone into detail about why I KNOW I have a problem - and that's without the extra stress of taking care of kiddos or her saying that maybe I could just moderate. I can't even think of how hard that would be; so much love and support your direction. Hold on to all the thoughts you posted today; you do know what you need for yourself and you are right that this is about what *you* need.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie (and anyone else who was trying to add their old signature lines). It is under User Settings (click on your name above). Check box for signature about half way down.

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

KENSHO;n2511387 wrote: Thank you Pinecone, Roadside (hi!), FlyAway (nice to meet you), Matt..... I have my hand back now so I can type.

I neglected my relationship with husband for a long time. I looked more forward to drinking (and then spent time hiding it), than I did spending quality time with him. I am ready to mend that. In the process, I have had to explain the extent of my "problem". He mentioned that he felt I have exaggerated the extent of this whole thing - saying that he knows of plenty of times I would get one drink eating out, and then come home and go to bed. I let him know that, while that happened occasionally, most of the time, I would sneak down and get another shot or two when getting home. I came clean about picking up a bottle of wine on the way home and having the first glass before arriving (in the car). He flat out didn't believe me! I also told him that I spent a LOT of time thinking of and lusting after that drink I would have later (which became drink-s), and that I got tired of it. I printed out my very first post here and told him he could read that when he was ready, but that I think I had more of a problem than he was aware of. He said he would never encourage me to drink, but that honestly he wishes I could participate. That voice came right back in - "maybe you didn't have that big of a problem". "I only drank 3-ish a night. " "There are a lot of people who drink that amount that don't and never will consider themselves problem drinkers."

I think for me though, as I evaluate this, I am happier and more able to cope with life WITHOUT drinking. And I don't want to live my life spending SO much time thinking about when and where I will get my drink(s) for the evening. I want to spend my time thinking about how I can connect with my husband and kids, and solving problems like a 103.5 fever in my baby for yet another day. Instead of getting a drink to deal, I made an appt. with dr. and then went upstairs and cried - out of exasperation, concern and overwhelm. THAT is so much more healthy.

My family thinks I will be done with my "personal challenge" of not drinking on my birthday, which is this weekend. I have been really considering - what if I CAN have just one glass of really good red wine, and then stop again for a month? What if I CAN just drink on the weekends? You never really tried to moderate much - maybe you CAN do it. I have found myself actually considering this.

How can I possibly be thinking it? I like how I feel now. I feel strong, in control (yet overwhelmed with stress of work and kids), and am beginning to FIX things in my life - like cleaning out office and files - like being a better mom to my sick little one - like having an honest and calm conversation with hubs - and showing him some real affection (I really have been a bad partner). Why in the WORLD would I want to change that? The only answer is "for others". And that is not how I am supposed to live my life. I think hubs just needs to catch up a bit - I've only just begun to tell him the gritty details.

Thanks for listening. This feels hard, but as Matt says, so am I. Bring it.

Kensho, please don't listen to that voice tempting you to "just have one", etc, etc. It doesn't work. I've been going around and around in circles with this inner dialog for two years and now know it's a lie. You're second paragraph is a great summation of the reality of our situation. Stick to it, girl.