Newbies Nest

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Pavati;n2511641 wrote:

Hah! This made me laugh out loud, Matt. That's about the feeling some of the time. It comes and goes still for me after 9 months, but I can say that it comes much less often and with less force each time.

Kensho - I admire your resolve! It would be very tempting for me if everyone was telling me I could moderate. I feel like you do, now, though. There is no way I would go back to drinking. Moderation is NOT going to happen in the true sense of the word - taking or leaving alcohol.

I was out at my kids' back to school night tonight and am TIRED. I hope Byrdie and NS get back here soon!

xo
Pav

Glad I can make you laugh Pav!

What you said to KENSHO is so what I was thinking. To think I have complained that my wife is the "Al Nazi",,,, had she condoned my Al abuse I'd likely be in bad shape. I too admire Kenshos resolve in this matter.

Hope everyone has a great day! Keep it a dry one!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Look at me commenting on a comment within a comment!!!! We're off the Island! Good to be back, now I must go into the office and change over to my new computer for work! Where's that baby seal????? xxoo!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

WE WERE WATCHING YOU!!! Bwahahaha! xo

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters

Well shucks..I thought I could not log on for some time due to the new layout. I didnt see the little bitty log in link in the top upper corner ( used to the log in box thing ).

I know Im late to the Lav 2k day party but Im sending out my congratulations and a super duper High Five to ya anyways Great Job and even better is that your here sharing your time with us.

Just a quick morning check in to say how just recently I have found my skeptical view of others is beginning to brighten up. I was starting to suspect that old proverb "If you cant beat them Join them" was my only solution..but now its unraveling on its own. Long story short is that Im a contractor..and the service writer has been dong/saying things that was putting me on the tarmac for which the 'Busses' frequent. Well..the GM ( for some reason ) wanted to speak to the owner of a project Im working on. The Owner in turn told him the skinny on whats been happening and how we almost lost the contract due to the unscrupulous nature of the service writer. AAnnd how I have been the one who has held it all together preventing him from going elsewhere. Never have I heard the GM said he was sorry..but directed to me was an impossibility given his nature. Well he did and now everything is out in the open. Phew..what a relief !

I guess taking part of all the BS that others get themselves into ( or try to get you involved in ) is a direct path to stress and anxiety. Nope..I will stay my path and take the helm of my own destiny.

I was going to write more..but im getting this frequent Invalid Server Response Error pop up and its making me nervous lol.

Wishing everyone here a wonderful AF free day.

Dave

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

GMAE all- just when I thought I figured out this new site, for some reason my time zone keeps changing each time I log in so not sure WTF time it is or what part of the globe I?m representing currently but either way hope everyone is staying strong. Inspiring posts yesterday Kensho and Fin? as Winston Churchill once said- If you are going through Hell, keep going. Hope everyone else is doing well (especially those poor baby seals ;-) )?best wishes

[ToMyHealth]

Newbies Nest

Test

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Good morning everyone. Ashamed to say but I am back on day 1. I knew it was coming. My dh was going out of town. Woohoo. No one watching what I do. What a pathetic thing I am. Not as bad as other times, I actually stopped after a few. But still......why????

Congrats on 2000 days Lav! What an accomplishment.

I am going out of town a bit this fall. I think I am going to use it to explore AA. I am going to a big anonymous city. Better than exploring a bar........

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

YOGAMOM, "why" is because you are addicted to alcohol. I know you feel pathetic, but addiction gives us that sense of no personal control. You are wonderful! Maybe you just haven't found that strategy that will work for you yet. It's not just recognizing we have a problem and having willpower that gets us to the other side, it takes application of the right combination of tools. That you keep going and start again at day 1 shows that you have the tenacity to get that strategy - keep at it!

I went for a run this morning... something so important for my mental health that I have neglected. I have help with the sick little one today, and I'm trying to catch up a bit on work. I have found that in general, people who don't do business from home have a hard time understanding that I don't have endless free time -- (husband) -- so I typically get the brunt of the "extras" like kid transport and being home with sick ones put on me. But things are looking up today.

I still have to deal with the birthday thing... I used the "not until my birthday" excuse to stave off family members, and now it is here. I think I'll keep going with my not drinking, but I have to confront them and the reality with them will set in that this may be long term. I know they will get over it, but I'm quite tired of the drama.

Have a great day everyone and thank you all for your kind and supportive words. I send hugs right out to everyone here fighting to get and stay sober. It's worth it!!

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Pie;n2510873 wrote:

Fin, Following is a resource RJ posted recently. The explanation of what happens in the addicted brain blew me away, and my cravings have lost much power as a result. Maybe it will help you too. Link to what I watched is in blue.

"Another powerful resource in my collection these days; a DVD called “Pleasures Unwoven” by Kevin McCauley, MD. You can order it online but for a free version of a similar talk, visit Dr. MCCauley’s https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE"]keynote address at an addiction conference, available on Yutube."

Hello Nesters,

I loved watching this video of the doc. Though about it quite number of time. Some of the points this doc raises which are interesting to debate about us addicts :
1. There is a thin line between a hard core aperube abuser and an early stage of addict.
2. Our mid brain is affected by the drug and its responsible for our basic tasks like hunger, sex, survival and rewards associated with it.
3. Most importantly he says that it's the years of stress which affects our brains.

It's insteresting as I look back I did have quite a stressful childhood. I remember myself being quiet depressed early on. This on top of shyness and low self esteem made life miserable. Is that responsible for my addictive personality? I wonder.

It's good to have folks back byrdlady, Ava,lav, no sugar, Jane. Etc

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

Rahul, I too found his comments about stress interesting. Especially that while everyone faces stress,we don't all face the same severity of stress, or the same pattern of stress, nor do we all have functioning coping systems, nor do we all come to the table with the same brain (here he brings up the impact of a mother's stress during pregnancy on the development of her baby's brain).

[Rivergal]

Newbies Nest

So glad to see you back, Jane & NS & Byrd.... & everyone!!!!

[Turnagain]

Newbies Nest

Hiya everyone....I'm another one who got stranded on Subscriber Island. We had fun amongst ourselves, but it's nice to be back in the big world again! Just thought I would chime in about....Pleasure Unwoven. This series of videos was crucial in helping me understand the changes that drugs like alcohol and nicotine make in our brains. My old links to the series have gone ffffft (the doc was divided into parts) but I did find this youtube link (not official) that has the complete playlist:

PLEASURE UNWOVEN

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?lis...F89537FD4C3FD1

Besides being packed with good information in an interesting way, Dr. McCauley shot the series in Southern Utah - one of my favorite places on this planet. As an aside, those of you who remember the old Butch Cassidy movie with Paul Newman and Robert Redford will recognize some of the scenery and settings.

Yogamom, you asked "Why?" This series can help you understand that. Alcohol is a toxic, carcinogenic, epigenetic, addictive drug. It alters the mid-brain which ends up overriding the front part of our brain which is in charge of good judgement. In fact, the drug alcohol even damages our neocortex (no getting around that - every drink affects EVERYbody - not just those of us who've become addicted - by an addictive substance.)

Sticking around here will help you with the "How?" There some powerful strategies that many of us have used to successfully break free of addiction. The fact that you are here and looking for those strategies is huge. Alcohol is the problem - not you. Addiction robs us of so much BUT as you begin to pull yourself away from addiction, you begin to heal. No shame in needing help to get out of the hole - those of us who are out sure remember what it was like to be down there. That's why we're around now, to reach out to those who need it, just as others did for us.

Believe me, I know exactly how you felt when you had that hubby out-of-town opportunity. That was definitely a big trigger for me. Yet , once I made the decision to NEVER drink again - no matter what....it also became a big opportunity to do hand-to-hand battle with that trigger and get through it successfully. You'll see it coming next time and know to prepare. Keep busy, keep distracted, come here and post like crazy, walk the dogs, the frogs, the kids - make a plan and cling to it like your life depends on it - because it does! And the next time, you'll be bursting with pride for that success and sharing that with everyone here. And before you know it, you'll be knocking off all sorts of firsts with confidence - your first AF holiday...the first AF vacation...the first AF year....the rest of your AF life!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi there all! (*waves* at Byrd, NS, RG, Pinecone and anyone I missed - Glad to have you back!) My checkins are getting later again - I've had a headache the last few days that's just messing with my schedule all over. No idea if it's all related to my quit since we've also had a temp change that always brings out my allergies. Headache and brain fog are rotten no matter what the cause, though! It's kind of frustrating since a few days ago I was all gungho with motivation and now I'm pretty blah.

But I'm still AF so I'm giving myself props for that, and trying to focus on small things until the bigger ones seem more manageable. If I was still drinking, I'd never be managing even small things while I feel rotten - even little things like cleaning the kitchen and making dinner last night. I'd be drinking more as if that would make me feel better, even knowing deep down that it was only making it worse. Going to try to hit the grocery store a bit later and see if I can't perk myself up a bit getting out and getting myself a treat while I'm at it.

I also did something I'm pretty proud of the night before last. While dumping old bottles, I found one with AL left in it. It was something I only ever bought as a "treat" so it doesn't have the bad memories of other things. I was nervous about dumping it out because I knew I'd be able to smell it. Well, I decided that was better than letting it sit in the house and to only open the bottle when I was already at the sink with the water running. Even smelling it I was actually pretty ok with "Too bad, has to go down the drain no matter how it smells." I don't plan on "testing" myself on purpose, but it was a good reminder that if I hold on to the "NO" it can get me through things that make me nervous. And it felt really good to show myself that I can do it.

G - Thanks to you, too! I love your posts; you remind a lot of someone else I used to know online, makes me smile to read what you write.

Ava - Lol, yeah patience has never ever been my strong suit. I keep reminding myself that AF can only help that given time; I want to give myself a chance to learn it better instead of just blocking it out with AL.

Matt - Glad it's getting a little better for you; I've had some restless days myself and it's no fun at all. At least it does pass, though! Nothing wrong with a little bit of a wiseass - it's better than the opposite. :P

Gambler - I'm so glad to hear your perspective is getting better. I have plenty of days that it feels like everyone is horrible, but I think you're right that when you focus on that it's easy to mess with your own mood. You can't always avoid everyone else's games and BS, but I know I do better when I remember it's not actually *always* like that. And if I'm in a better mood, I have more understanding for why other people might act the way they do, too so it's a double win.

Yoga - Kensho said some great things that I second fully. I'm also glad you're starting again and looking for more tools; if it was only about willpower I don't think any of us would be here. Sending good thoughts and support!

Kensho - I think staying AF sounds like a really nice birthday present to yourself! Would it help to think of it that way? After all, bday gifts are supposed to be about you and NOT about anyone else. It'd be pretty rotten if you told someone "this is my present to myself" and then they started trying to talk you out of it - perfect reason to ask "who DOES that?"

Hmmmm, maybe tomorrow I should make a goal to learn how to direct reply to posts - that's a pretty neat alternative to lists. xD Hope everyone has a great AF day; I actually am in a pretty decent mood despite the headache.

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

LavB~ You really sound strong! Keep it up
Let me know when you find out how to direct reply to post. I also saw a "like" feature which I do not have? Enough complaining, I owe a lot to this site, therefore I will look at is a temporary beautiful disaster for now.

Kensho~ Hold fast! You got this!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Matt M, once you get FULL functionality like ME you will see these buttons at the bottom right of the posts! The Flag button, quotey button, Comment then Like is there. You will love it! Bwahahaha.....I'm Silent NO MORE!
What a day.....I got a new work computer and going from the stone ages to modern day is now killing me on two fronts! Here, and THERE! Glad to be back, tho! Turnagain, ALWAYS gerat to see you! Everyone sounds good and strong! Byrdie