Newbies Nest

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

Watching the links that Turnagain posted yesterday or this video by the same guy (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Hz6-2NwRzE) can help you understand what is going on in your brain -- it kind of takes the emotions and fear out of just being done for good.

If you had a physical problem such as a broken leg, you wouldn't try to take one little jog, just because your friend was. Or if you had an allergy to peanuts, you wouldn't eat a few just because you were at a ballgame. You have a brain that is addicted to alcohol, even on your birthday. How great it is to have a problem that can be fixed - not by surgery or taking expensive drugs with serious side effects - but by not consuming a known poison.

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Wow, as usual ..great posts Byrdie, Jane and NS. Byrdie- that one should go in the Toolbox (maybe remove Kensho's name unless she agrees though). NS- quote of the day: " Or if you had an allergy to peanuts, you wouldn't eat a few just because you were at a ballgame." ...I'm going to tattoo that on my right leg (well maybe not really). Kensho- with such great support and advice here, I hope you make the right call...best wishes

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

Kensho~ Not much I can say here, And I really wasn't going to, because I felt this was not my place at a time like this( being new) And let the heavy hitters weigh in. But I am because I care, and have grown fond of your journey.
The members who have spoken to you are the heart and soul if this site. With wisdom and knowledge about this fucked up disease that is off the charts.
I want to share something with you that I have not shared with anyone. My last al free time lasted 10 months, this was prob my 10~15 time to quit over 15 years.
Alcohol had caused many problems in home/marriage; anyway about 8 months in to my last quit, I started getting the, " what ifs" it will be different,etc. Mentally I had prepared myself I was going to drink, and that is were my cunning, deceitful al mind went into overdrive. I had to figure out a way to convince the wife that it was ok to drink (and I truly thought it was) so at the 8 month mark I sat down with her and told her that I had been drinking a little for the past 8 months. Which was a big lie! You see things had been so much better at home, my lie was to prove I could moderate and take care of business and not be a dick all the time.
She wasn't really happy, but by the response I knew I had a chance to get back in the drinking game. After that and for the next 2 months I did not drink, but would make occasional subtle hints about it. Then at around 10 months AF, we went to my high school reunion. I had convinced her that I had been moderating for nearly a year and she succumb. Me knowing that that night at the reunion I had not taken a drink in 10 months! .
That night lasted 2 more years of waists, and selfish time away from my 3 little boys. And I'm here again!

I tell you this not to make this about "ME" but to show how fucking wheels off the Al mind can be, the planning the lying. I set the stage for that drink For several months, that is not normal.
My dear friend as others have stated, you came to this site for a reason, it is because your an alcoholic.
I can't imagine the obstacle you are facing by having your family pressure of having a drink. This is about YOU and your life and your sweet children.
Please do not take that first drink.
I am a big fan of yours and I'm pulling for you!

[Fin]

Newbies Nest

A quick check-in before running off. We're in Seattle celebrating 20th anniversary. I feel I passed the ultimate test last night. We have rented a houseboat on Lake Union which upon stepping aboard, pulled on all my AL triggers. Just being on the water does that to me and pretty much everyone else. What is it about water, boats and AL? Regardless, I then look in the refrig and yep, a six pack sitting there with a bottle of white wine. The short story is I didn't touch it. Day 17 in progress. Thanks for all the skills to stay strong, my friends. Have a great AF day.

Being good,
Fin

[See the Light]

Newbies Nest

Matt- If I had an actual working "like" button, I would have hit that on your last post too. Powerful stuff on this board. today ... Fin - Nice job dodging a bullet- you surely will enjoy your trip even more so now that it's AF (and it looks like you can update your signature for "Done" now on 14 day)

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Guitarista;n2512232 wrote: Yo Nester's near and not so far.

Hey Kensho,

Some of my friends say to me they sometimes feel like they'd like to drink all day, and now and then polish off a lot of booze in a session, and they assume they are like me/us. No, they are not. There is a distinct difference between my friends, your hairdresser, other family members drinking habits. The difference is this......We do not have an off switch. Our chemical make up is different to theirs as far as booze goes. They think they are big drinkers, but they know when to stop, and i don't care when i stop. They still have some kind of responsibility/self regulation meter still intact when they drink, evn if they don't know it. Ours, or at least mine, is blown, destroyed. I can exercise controlled drinking for awhile, maybe a few weeks, a couple of months, but i am back to where i started soon enough, and there is nothing safe about that journey.

If you want to drink again, why not wait for a while like a normal drinker. What would your mind/body say to you if you said....'let's wait for awhile, not this weekend' If you feel discomfort or a battle, this is not what a normal drinker feels, and is an indication that a serious problem still remains. Why not wait another year? What's the rush? What does your mind/body say to that concept? Maybe strip this back to basics. Maybe write down or pull out an old post or list of why you stopped drinking, and want to stay stopped. A cost/benefit analysis. What are the pros and cons of you boozing? Why did you stop? Take care friend.

Wishing all a safe, sober, and magical weekend.

Passing the extra strength butt velcro to the...........................right. G.

Absolutely brilliant post G!

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

STL~ Thanks for the "Like" I do not have the Like feature as well

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hello all! Well, I'm getting there, my mood started getting better yesterday so I'm hoping I can follow that with getting more things done. I still don't have comment or like buttons, so looks like I'll stick with a list for now. :P So many great posts today, though! :h

I think I'm going to have to cancel some plans with a friend, which is a shame. A guy I used to date wayyyyyyy back in high school got back in touch a while ago (just as friends, happily) and had asked if I'd want to come out with him and a couple other friends. It would be perfect since I could use getting out, but I know they're going to a place I used to always drink and that someone else will be driving. He's been vaguely supportive of what I'm doing, but he drinks regularly himself and I think assumes I'm just "taking a break." With my mood so back and forth, I'm thinking it might not be the best plan just now. Maybe I'll see if we can rechedule for coffee or something instead.

I know what happened last time I quit and then tried to moderate - right after the pancreatitis. Ocassionally led to nightly led to all day again; I'm not going back there. Nuh-uh. It's helping me to be very aware that when I think about drinking, I think about the feeling more than the taste. I always used to say I never drank to get drunk because I was good at keeping it to "a good buzz" but for one I was lying and for two...that's still drinking for the feeling!!!!!! It makes me sad now, how much AL is made out to be this wonderful thing. I'm not perfect - I still smoke - but I've never been "proud of how much I can smoke," you know?

Matt - Thanks, I sure don't feel strong some days; just keeping my head down and remembering AL won't help things. I hear it from everyone on here and I know it when I make myself face it so whatcha gonna do? I think it helps that I'm reminding myself that I want to be in a better mood BUT AL won't actually do that - it'll just make me not care about my bad mood for awhile and then be even worse since I'll lose something important to me. And there's still so many things I want to do sober - including getting far enough to really push past the brain fog and have more feelings of clarity. It's pretty scary that I still feel pretty foggish most days, that tells me so much about what I was doing to myself.

Kensho - I'm so sorry it's so hard right now, but thank you for posting. That was also a great reminder to me that it's not just about "one drink" - it's about the amount of arguing we'd have to do with ourselves even if we could manage it! I know the "only one...well, two....ok just a bit more" thinking all too well. I also don't want to get back into "I need a drink before...." thinking; there's so many excuses I found to drink that became habits even when I didn't hugely want it.

In a roundabout way, that reminds me to be grateful - I may not be in the best mood, but I'm not living that daily battle. My mom and I both like to figure, when we're having bad days, that it's always good to focus on at least one thing you did "right" that day. Whether it was being kind to someone, or eating a healthy lunch, or cleaning a kitchen counter...for me, even if I think everything else sucks at least I can say "I did not drink today" and know that is my "at least one right thing." You've got that going for you, too. I think we'd both like to have more right things going on, but we've got our one, darn it!

G - Awesome post and excellent point!

Fin - Good going, very well done!

Butt velcro for all, we're all here for a reason and we can all do this!

[frances]

Newbies Nest

So glad to have come on today and read the inspiring posts that are here!
Kensho, I really connect with your story and your struggle. I have been here on MWO since 2008. Tried and failed a number of times and been here, gone, here, gone, a few times over those years. I would give up for awhile and then try to moderate, and wind up back into the same old habits and unhappy and back here again. But I think when I started here I was probably at a similar place to where you are now, or where you were when you came here. Occasionally overdoing it but usually just the regular 2-4 glasses of wine each evening.

Over time, I realized that I could not think about anything else until I had that glass of wine. If I was going out somewhere that didn't have wine I was so irritated about it and dreaded it. Over time, I started getting my wine on the way home and making sure I had a screw cap so i could start while still driving home. And somehow try to pour a glass as soon as I got home very quickly before husband would notice that the amount I drank while driving home was already missing from the bottle. Or I would buy a single serving size and have that on the drive and then the bottle could be freshly opened when I got home (and that way I got to have the whole bottle plus one ? bonus!!). Over time, I would come home and have a glass or two in between church and whatever the afternoon activity was. And this could be before noon, it was Sunday, no harm right? Over time, one bottle of wine was not enough in an evening. It became 1 1/2 to 2 bottles. And if I took the kids to the mall with friends I found a place I could go for a drink while they did whatever they did. And if I took the kids to their games I found a place I could go for a drink while they warmed up before I went back to watch the game. EVERYTHING had to do with drinking. It was taking over. It HAD taken over. And that's why I am here now and I KNOW I cannot drink again. I do hate that fact. But it is where things are and where I am and it is just a fact of life. It took me many years to get here, and many times, thinking over those years as my little ones grew from little ones to being taller than me, I hate that many of their memories of me will be always with a glass of wine in my hand. Always pouring that glass of wine first thing the minute I walked in the door. And even with those thoughts, I kept drinking all those years. IT had become more important then how my children viewed me. How f?d is that?! They are now in high school and I truly hope and pray that I will stay sober and not have any more of those regrets
I say all this because I didn?t think I was really that bad. But it was getting worse and worse over these years. And I think you already know that trying to control it is a ridiculous all-consuming activity. That fails eventually. And then you go back where you were and it gets worse. And even if I wasn?t that bad when I stopped, I know I would just keep getting worse and worse and it is difficult to imagine it can happen to you, but it can. It?s hard to believe you can become as bad as ?those people? who have REALLY bad problems. But it?s not always crazy binge drinking from day one. Some people start off normally and over time they just progress into a place that they never thought they would be. And that scares me too because it can happen and it does happen. Many of ?Those people? were just like you and me at one time.
OK enough of that but I think I needed this for myself too. I know how tempting these thoughts can be. You know better. Stick with this!

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie, I tried sending you a PM, but it doesn't look like my PMs are working. I wanted to tell you that the reason your signature links aren't working is because the URLs are for the old site. Since we migrated to the new site, you need to use the new URLs in your signature line. I tried the new ones in my signature and they work fine.

[Pinecone]

Newbies Nest

Hi Friends,

Kensho, someone on here has "A relapse starts long before the first drink is drunk" or words to that effect. I really like that sentiment. It means that we need to be aware of how we feel. Conduct a little mental health wellness check on yourself daily. Wake up and say "Where is my head today?" Do you feel strong, weak, etc. You have received so much good advice so far. DO NOT ENGAGE THAT LITTLE VOICE IN YOUR HEAD! Run, don't walk away. You or anyone else can make it through absolutely anything AF if we want to. We can't re-write our relationship with alcohol after this point (this point being that we are here at MWO together). It will just get worse and worse and rob us of our lives. Please get grateful quick, that is something that can really save your bacon. Also search for the term "euphoric recall." Thinking of you!

LavB good to see you! Yes, stick with the gratitude!

Hi Frances, nice post.

Have a great AF night everyone!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

OK, I turned on the signature setting! Unfortunately, I have made a mess of the links. I'll have to tackle that next! Thank you so much for the direction!!! B

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

Byrdie you don't see in my post where is says "AF since February 18th, 2012" and under that the links for the Newbie's Nest and the Toolbox?

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Yes, I see your links now!!! how can I get them in mine? (be gentle)

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

LOL! Okay, I'll try. Remember this rule-whenever I type a < you are going to have to replace it with a [ and whenever I type a > you are going to replace it with a ]. If I type this with a [ or a ], we will get hyperlinks and you won't be able to see what I'm typing.

So when you click on the link for the Newbie's Nest or the Toolbox, the URL for that thread is what is displayed up top; the "www.mywayout....." stuff. So let's say you're at the Toolbox. You want to copy that URL. Then go to your User Settings and once you're there, go to Accounts. Scroll about halfway down the page and there's a blue hyperlink that says Edit Post Signature. Click on that and a box pops up. Paste the URL in that box. Now click in front of the url and type That should put the link for the Toolbox in your signature. Do the same thing for the Newbie's Nest. Go to the Nest, copy the URL, type