Newbies Nest

[FlyAway]

Newbies Nest

To find your User Settings, scroll all the way up to the top of the page and you should see Byrdlady in the upper right corner. Click on that and you'll see User Settings.

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Newbies Nest

Matt M.;n2512316 wrote: Kensho~ Not much I can say here, And I really wasn't going to, because I felt this was not my place at a time like this( being new) And let the heavy hitters weigh in. But I am because I care, and have grown fond of your journey.
The members who have spoken to you are the heart and soul if this site. With wisdom and knowledge about this fucked up disease that is off the charts.
I want to share something with you that I have not shared with anyone. My last al free time lasted 10 months, this was prob my 10~15 time to quit over 15 years.
Alcohol had caused many problems in home/marriage; anyway about 8 months in to my last quit, I started getting the, " what ifs" it will be different,etc. Mentally I had prepared myself I was going to drink, and that is were my cunning, deceitful al mind went into overdrive. I had to figure out a way to convince the wife that it was ok to drink (and I truly thought it was) so at the 8 month mark I sat down with her and told her that I had been drinking a little for the past 8 months. Which was a big lie! You see things had been so much better at home, my lie was to prove I could moderate and take care of business and not be a dick all the time.
She wasn't really happy, but by the response I knew I had a chance to get back in the drinking game. After that and for the next 2 months I did not drink, but would make occasional subtle hints about it. Then at around 10 months AF, we went to my high school reunion. I had convinced her that I had been moderating for nearly a year and she succumb. Me knowing that that night at the reunion I had not taken a drink in 10 months! .
That night lasted 2 more years of waists, and selfish time away from my 3 little boys. And I'm here again!

I tell you this not to make this about "ME" but to show how fucking wheels off the Al mind can be, the planning the lying. I set the stage for that drink For several months, that is not normal.
My dear friend as others have stated, you came to this site for a reason, it is because your an alcoholic.
I can't imagine the obstacle you are facing by having your family pressure of having a drink. This is about YOU and your life and your sweet children.
Please do not take that first drink.
I am a big fan of yours and I'm pulling for you!

What a wonderful post Matt, it bought me to tears over my first cup of morning coffee. The deceit and the lying to the ones we love most in the world is heartbreaking for us alkies. Why do we do it, why do we destroy the beautiful life we created and all for al? Its another reminder of why I dont want to have that first drink ever again. To lose what i have found now after 20+ years feels like i would be committing suicide with my life. I have way too much living to do now as we all do. Thanks for that reminder and believe me any advice, new or old is always appreciated to give a different perspective on this a*hole.

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Greeting Nesters,
The sun has set here, the day is done & it's not even 7:30 pm. I guess summer is over!!!

Kensho, I haven't seen you post yet today, sorry if I missed you. You have gotten lots of great advice from your nest mates. I hope you make the best choice(s) this weekend.

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

Hi All. I read your responses on my phone throughout the day. It is sinking in. I am sad, yet grateful to have friends like you. I will re-read later and respond. Thank you.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Dang it....do I put the bracket and space, then the URL? I will try that because the bracket followed by the URL isn't working. oy.

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Newbies Nest

Pepper congratulations on 6 months today. That is a fantastic achievement and from all accounts it gets easier from here on in. You are a wonderful asset on MWO and i for one am so proud of you today in all that you have accomplished in your journey. Have a wonderful day and huge hugs from Aus land.

[Matt M.]

Newbies Nest

"The deceit and the lying to the ones we love most in the world is heartbreaking for us alkies. Why do we do it, why do we destroy the beautiful life we created and all for al? Its another reminder of why I dont want to have that first drink ever again".

Well said AVA~ The "Why" do we hurt the ones we love and HOW in the Hell we seem to forget the pain and misery we felt. It is absolutely unfathomable to comprehend the power of Al/addiction.
Thanks and your my favorite! ( unless Byrdlady is around)
But def my favorite Aussie! Or is it " Sheila"

WTG Pepper!

[peppersnow]

Newbies Nest

Thanks, Ava - Matt, too! Ava I tried to PM you back but was told you are not allowed to receive messages...weird. Although I couldn't find a "reply" for your message and composed a new one instead so maybe that was the problem. Anyone know how to reply to a PM? Is there a button for that? And where's a teenager when you need one? I've been so looking forward to hitting 6 months and thought often about this day, but didn't realize until this evening that I'd nearly missed it. I was out for dinner with a friend and as we were leaving she asked me how long it has been -- which is when I remembered! I raced home to get onto the roll call just to make it official in my head.

Great posts today - Kensho, good for you for posting about what you were feeling. I was blown away by how salient all the responses were and what a brilliant community this is to be part of. Thank you to all of you amazing people! Hang in there, all, and goodnight!
Pepper

[KENSHO]

Newbies Nest

So very tired tired tonight. You are all right. I don't want a drink and the pain associated with it, I want to stop the stress and hurt I've felt this week. Sounds silly now, that "one" drink would ever solve that anyway. You are right and I will not drink tomorrow. I am scared for my marriage, and completely drained from this week... But sleep is a better start. I am blown away and humbled at your responses. Thank you for sharing your experience and truth. I don't want to feel how I feel now, but AL is not the answer. Thank you all for caring so much for me and sharing so much with me. I am lucky to have found this place. :h

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Newbies Nest

Ive got nothing on technology either Pepper, when i sent you the pm, i clicked on your name and it said to send pm so i did it that way. i did not get anything back but i did notice a thread on pm's so will look if i can find it.

Matt, doesnt apripear that Byrd is around so favourite i am ha ha. god "sheila" makes me cringe, one of the slang words i wish we did not have!

Kensho i am so glad you wont drink and you will have a wonderful night i am sure. Doing "firsts" af is hard but suprisingly great. Just think of al as dead and you are grieving for a dear friend (or so we think) that is lost to you forever. The pain eases and in the end al will be a not-so-fond memory. Being overwhelmed is not good for us alkies, try and take one day at a time, what will be will be, we can only do our best and our best is done when we are sober.

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Hi, All:


PEPPERSNOW!! Congratulations! You have arrived, and you have done so gracefully, honestly, and thoughtfully. Thanks for all you do around here.

Kensho, thanks for posting of your struggle, and everyone else, thanks for posting your support. Matt - your post was amazing. It is hard to believe the web of lies we are willing to tell ourselves and those we love. I wasn't even thinking of it as lying - it was radical denial and justification.

I agree, Ava, some "firsts" are hard. I have found the anticipation of them to be MUCH harder than the event, however, and that's when I really try to focus on one day at a time. No sense on worrying about your birthday - just stay sober today. You can do that. I'm sorry you're sad. I definitely went through sad periods - I just saw a Facebook post tonight from a couple celebrating their anniversary with champagne. Yep - i got sad. It lasted a short second, because it doesn't take long for me to remember how much better my life is without alcohol in the mix. I hope you can work things out with your husband so that he can support you in being sober.

Off to bed after a long night. The weekend is just another two days to live happy and sober.

Pav

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Yea Frances..your story hit me too. Both my boys would have a beer out of the fridge and starting to 'tap the cap' to de-fizz the thing before I even sat down when I got home ( they knew I was going for it first thing ). I said Both boys..because they also knew that the first one was only going to last a minute before I would get another lol. Even though they remember how I was..they seem to focus on how I AM now.

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters

Just a quicky check in before the boys wake up and yank me into playing Minecraft.

So last night I had to wait for them to get through their Aunts wedding. Expected to be by 7pm but after a getting a text at 8:30pm saying I can "come and get them" got me a little peeved. So I jump in the truck and blow right by the place ( got the wrong street from txt sent ). A quick google map put me back on track and arrived with 3 drunks stammering out in front of the lobby. As I waited for them to come out I sat and watched these guys waving their drinks and laughing indiscriminately..thought to myself.."Hey..that was You a year ago man!". I pondered how silly they were..how unattractive they seemed...how..I dunno..sickening I guess? Maybe not 'sickening' but really turned off I was. Should I be more forgiving towards 'drunks' and how I feel? .. Understanding since I was 'one of them' a year ago..? I woke up and actually felt bad for the poor fellas ( and the whole party as well ). Knowing how hung over and regretful some are going to be feeling when they revive themselves later this morning/afternoon. Oh..yea..I stretched out my legs at 5am this morning lol. Got me to thinking how much my Ex was saying how drinking was a factor in our eventual breakup..when she didnt look too well last night herself. In fact over the past year Ill bet she drank 52 times as much as I did ( dont know how the math works when your working with 0's though ). Anyways..just thinking out loud here.

Kensho..your doing great! Those feelings of how just one drink..or the weekends..or ( Insert your favorite lie here ) will be as varied as the situation suits. Know this though..If you keep yourself guarded on all directions you will prevail. I wrote how what a trip it was going sober..and how sometimes I think I would miss the rush of it ( It really was a crazy trip lol ). Uuups and then some downs. Roller coaster ride really. Things leveled out after 3 months..5 months? Anyways It got seriously fun for me in so many good ways. Pay no nevermind to those 'reasons'..its all a self induced trap to get your body back to 'Normal'.

Anyways..Im off to play Minecraft with the awaken boys now ..

Dave

PS. I became a Subscriber so now I got all the cool bells and whistles ( oh..and supporting the boards I guess is important too )

[Lavande]

Newbies Nest

Good morning Nesters,

No sun yet but it's 7:30 am so I guess the day is in progress

Pepper, CONGRATS to you on your 6 months AF :wd:
Makes such a huge difference, don't you think? Keep going & have no regrets, ever!

Kensho, so glad you checked in to see your nest mates rallying in around you!
I hope you have a much better week ahead

Greetings to everyone checking in today. Have a terrific AF Saturday one & all!

Lav

[Pie]

Newbies Nest

Peppersnow! Hooray for your 6 months!! A milestone to celebrate for sure!