Newbies Nest

[Yogamom]

Newbies Nest

Good morning all. waking up without a hangover on Saturday is the best! After dinner last night, instead of offering to do the dishes - a special time to sneak a few - I put my feet up and said I needed. the kids to do the kitchen. Next thing I was so tired I got in bed. Voila! Easy peasy. well, last night was at least. Well, Fin, just hearing the words boats and water make me think of AL - too much Jimmy Buffet and country music. I took my oldest to a Buffet concert full of drunks once. Huh???? What was I thinking? And my kids can all sing the lyrics to "red solo cup.". matt m. - you are trickier than me - lying that you were drinking. That is a new one. lol. AL sure is a sneaky bugger. kensho. frances keep up the struggle. I have a busy saturday planned. will check in later. My goal is to be exhausted by dinner. thank you to everyone who is here.

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Peppersnow! The Prize Patrol is really struggling with all the new technological changes in her life at the moment! Hearty congratulations on 6 months! You HAVE arrived! Did you ever think you would be giving advice on a Don't Drink Forum! (And you are really GOOD at it!). GREAT job! It gets better still as you grow into your own skin! :gramps: You are an Old Timers! Xxoo

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

I am STILL watching you, Ava! Bahahaha!

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Eye- opening, isnt it? Recognizing ourselves in those drunken folks. It really isnt cool at all (AL lie). Nothing sexy about it (AL lie) and what I thought was SOCAIL behavior was really just obnoxious behavior. It took me a while to feel comfortable at parties, but now I can be JUST as social now without the side effects of obnoxiousness.

PS, I think I am abusing my like LIKE button. (Maybe there's a thread for that....)

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Good morning, Nesters!
I wish we could put that whole string of posts in the Tool Box...the collective experience from all of us sure tells the story.
I know Ava has said it before, but if you could possible FEEL what 9 months is like, or if you are on day 1, if you could feel what Day 13 is like, you would stick it out. Yes, there are ROUGH edges and they seem insurmountable sometimes, but once you get over that mountain, the view is incredible. One key behavior is LETTING GO of the illusion that you can go back. THAT is one of the issues that keep us stuck. The difference in DENIAL and ACCEPTANCE is night and day. Stay the course, you can overcome the pull of AL. How? One day at a time. That's what I did....so far, so good! Byrdie

[Pavati]

Newbies Nest

Happy Saturday, Nest--

I missed a good concert with my husband last night - I just had to say no so I could come home and relax. Another positive aspect of not drinking is that I am learning to set better boundaries for myself. Yes, I missed some good music, but for my mental and physical health I needed a night off. I was always the FOMO gal (just learned that term - fear of missing out). Now I know that missing one concert is not going to kill me, and I'll be happier if I get some sleep and down time.

This week I wrote a letter of recommendation for a colleague at work who I know through work but not really at all outside of work. She thanked me and asked me what I liked to drink and I replied "I don't really drink alcohol." Now, I understand the "really" was a cop out that kept me from stating unequivocally "I don't drink," but that was a big step for me. Much easier with a relative stranger as she doesn't know I ever drank, but still, a milestone I'll take.

Some of you (Queen Ava!) are better at being blunt and honest. I take baby steps. I'm looking to you for guidance.

Even if I can't say it, though, letting go is what it is all about, and it has also been a life lesson. Instead of thinking "just one" "what if" "I might" I can say to myself, "I can't drink alcohol any more - what's next..." Starting from the point of it no longer being a choice helps me set up the rest of my life accordingly. I don't have the constant battle in my head. I can no longer lie to myself because I have been honest with others. My drinking dreams have always involved the horrible feeling of coming here and fessing up. I try (in my dreams) to devise a way to lie here, but I know I wouldn't be able to, and I know people will stalk me down if I quit coming (Ava and a brick come to mind).

I'm not sure where this ramble is going, so I'll just end it. I am happy to wake up with a pounding headache that I know is due to a sinus problem and not a hangover, and I'm happy to know that I have no regrets!

Happy Sober Saturday,
Pav

[gambler]

Newbies Nest

Well thats the key isnt it..Letting it go. I said my goodbyes a while ago and never looked back. Getting it out of your system..then out of your head. I think the system part was the hardest. Chemically balancing out sorta speak.

Anyways the boys had a soccer game today but I couldnt take them ( they didnt want to go anyways but thats another story ). I called up their mom as she had planned on bringing over their gear this morning. Well yea..she looked terrible. Pathetic actually. Long night at the wedding party as I had presumed. She said she felt nausia and a headache. Um..dear..thats called a "hangover". But its funny how peeps are in denial and will not even consider saying that word.."Im hungover". Like they might have a problem with alcohol. .. .. Hmm..dont get me wrong but If your hung over then you Might have a problem.

Pav. You know what I have found when others offer me drinks ( free like your saying even ) and I say "No thank you, I quit drinking"...most times they reply something like "yea..I dont really drink that much myself". Almost like they feel busted or something lol.

I just want to put something out here. Although I consider myself over and done with AL and Its been a year now..I still have guards up. Not that I think I would ever choke one down or anything..but still..somethings always on guard against getting blindsided. Probably will be there til the end..but thinking of it like having a coat of armor on makes me feel protected and relieved actually.

Anywho..gonna run and do some dishes or something. Feeling kinda crappy in my tum tum.

[Hypernova]

Newbies Nest

Once again Byrdlady you are spot on and the timing of your post couldn't be better for me as I give it a go again. Today is 'the beginning' ~ thanks for the inspiration

[Eloise]

Newbies Nest

Omg I am having so much trouble posting... Just plain doesnt work and then it does.
This is really not nice... Feeling very disconnected.

[NoSugar]

Newbies Nest

What troubles are you having, El? We don't want to be disconnected from you, either!

[LavenderBlue]

Newbies Nest

Hi all! Tired today, but this time for a good reason. My "that one friend" was doing something last night and invited me along. So it's nice on the level of reminding my crazy-brain that we're friends and we do things; but better for my AF-brain because if I'd still been drinking, I likely would have been drunk or buzzing since earlier in the night, and either not able to do things spur of the moment or gone but not been in my right brain and worried all night that I was going to do something foolish. AF frees me to make decisions like that without the baggage and paranoia.

Frances - Thank you for that post; I know I can remember times I was going to the zoo or the movies and would keep a spiked bottle of soda in my purse so I could sneak to the bathroom and have a few drinks. It didn't seem like a big deal at the time, but when you consider I felt like I "needed" AL with me to do anything, it really is.

Kensho - Glad you've been staying close and reading; we do care about you a lot! You're such a strong and lovely person; and I'm glad you're going to stick with what you really want. Sending support! :h

Pepper - Woohoo; congrats on 6 months!

Gambler - Thank you for that post, too. When I was out with my friends last night, one of the guys made a few jokes that he "has a problem" as far as drinking. I don't know if he really does or not, but it hit me that a while back I'd be making that same joke, very uncomfortable, knowing that I actually do. Also I love Minecraft, hope you and your boys had fun with that.

Yogamom - Good going, I'm so glad you made it through another night!

Byrd - As always, what you post is so motivational to all of us still waiting for some of the great things to click in! Thanks for keeping us looking forward to the future and how much better it will get in time.

Pav - I know what you mean by Fear Of Missing Out, I'm so glad to hear you're finding ways to set better boundaries. I noticed last night, for myself, I didn't feel so much like I needed to keep the conversation going at all times myself - like I'd be missing out or failing my friends by not staying 100% chatty. It was a much more relaxing way to enjoy time than acting like I'd never see anyone again and had to be perfect at all times. That might not make sense, but in my head it's a connected issue.

And off to find some food, here. Hope everyone has a great and AF day!

[Rahulthesweet]

Newbies Nest

Hello Nesters,

"Its good to meet your brother after a long time ... brought back good memories !" I sent a text message to the girl whom I had proposed 12 years ago ...
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Last 10 years has been a lot ... lots of drinking, lots of travelling, lots of work and lot less of making friends ! I am now trying to settle into a new younger group trying to make new set of friends . A group which came along from all sorts of back ground but with a sort of a partying for a cause ... cause as in social work. Tonight they all decided to go out and party. My wife was not interested as for her they are kids and hanging around a bunch of newly weds while she is mom of two has not much to talk about .. so I went there on my own.

Its was a pretty strange and nostalgic evening for a variety of reasons. For one I went alone something which I always look forward to do earlier as then I could drink drink and drink ! The going alone was normal for me as my wife was either too busy with kids or kids were unwell or she didn't like to be with me as she knew i would get drunk and she used to hate that ...

12 year ago in the same area I went tonight; I used to party with a girl with whom I was deeply in love with. It was in this area where I went today I had proposed her ... she was drunk that night so was I ... my proposal brought her to senses ... spoiled her "high" . I didn't see ir then but can see it now with clarity. We were out that night to give company to another couple friend of ours. I still remember after proposing her I was driving , holding her hand while she pretended to be "drunk" , faking it so as not make things awkward. While the couple at the back was kissing I was drinking, half drunk, full happy for I had proposed the girl of my dreams, who I knew was not so exited to hear my expression of love and commitment ; something which I could not see it then but can see it now as I was walking thru the same streets tonight holding a coffee cup in my hand. It was as if I could see thru time ...

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So that brings me back tonight ... where was I ? yes I went to party alone with the younger group without my wife. So was it de ja vu or a coincidence that I met the the brother of the same girl I proposed 12 years back in this same area I was tonight. Was it a coincidence that I felt as alone today as felt 12 year ago....

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This is the party district ... lots of bars and pubs. So there was one of my favourites which played the best rock music in town. I guess there are two kinds of places to go out. One where you dress up well and go ... and other where you just go ... kinda like pub with chilled out college amps crowd. 12 year ago I used to go out to the dressy party places with this girl of my dreams .. when she left. I patronised the other chilled out place ...

lots of memories in this bar too ... so much drinking, partying, not so good memories of my wife taking care of me while i was drunk. The place i used to stop by for a drink before and after catching a flight ... the place I went when ever I felt like partying alone ... last 10 year so I knew this place. .. it was a part of me ..

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So today I went to this places. I knew I had left the girl of my dreams behind me 12 years back and today I know I left the other thing I was obsessed with .... the drink ! For both ... the girl and the drink I hd morned ... they both shattered me deeply. Brought me to my knees. It felt like end of the world when I left them .. Today at the same bar I felt out of the place. But still enjoyed the music while having my diet coke. I felt out of the place not because I was not drinking or missing it but because I have moved on in life. I feel older. But I still felt lonely ... but so glad being sober ...

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They all asked me you dont drink ? y ? For how long will you stop ? I am now so used to these questions that they dont affect me now. I recall my early sobriety when I was following "one day at a time" time was tough, life was so hard, craving every evening ... and then I had to entertain a client over drinks ... except I was thinking of MWO and staying strong. Now I dont give a damn about people asking "y u drink questions" . I am so glad to be sober....
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I left early while the party was warming up wondering what my wife would be doing home ... I guess now my drug is coffee went to coffee shop. single shot americano which I accidently dropped at the same place where I had proposed the girl of my dreams 12 years back. You have got to see these party places at midnight. People walking half drunk, enjoying kissing etc. Late night food joints which bring back memories how I used to eat wary morning party party dinners ...

Back for another coffee .... this time I covered it nicely and walked at the same place where I had proposed the girl of my dreams 12 years back.
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"Its good to meet your bother after a long time ... brought back good memories !" text message to the girl of my dreams I had proposed 12 years ago
.... to whom should I send a text about my old friend alcohol ? ... I wonder ...

[Byrdlady]

Newbies Nest

Eloise, I am trying to get my PM's out of a knot. I feel scattered, too. I think the functions of Comments and Likes are available to subscribers. I am trying to clean out my PM inbox, I don't recognize some of the things in there, it's as if my sents and Inbox are one in the same. Just jammed together. Oy.
AND as you can see, I have a mess of the Tool Box and NN links.

[available]

Newbies Nest

Yoga keep up the momentum you wont regret it. Its changing our lifestyle and thoughts that helps get us through another day. some days are e? asier than others in the early days but keep on here and keep posting. There used to be a lunatic poster who posted and posted and posted to stay sober in the early days, oh that would be me! But with coming up to 300 days for Pav and I, there is something to be said about being on mwo daily and having it open 24/7. I prefer to be a lunatic and sober on here than a lunatic and drunk on facebook now.

Kensho how did the weekend start? I hope you give us an update.

Hyper welcome back and stay close. Byrd is a wealth of information though she seems to be stalking me at the moment!

Pav, pav, pav we are all different and can only do what we feel comfortable with. I would love to say "im a raging alcoholic and cant drink" but i dont think many people would like that. Instead i always say "wine and i were becoming too good a friends" so i state it nicer and that normally shuts everyone up anyways. No one has ever asked how much i was drinking but if they ask i tell them. No one will lead me into temptation again. hi

Gambler, yep a hangover is a hangover. God i had every excuse under the sun why i felt like i did. It was hard when i had 3 drinks with friends/family but then guzzled wine in my bedroom and looked like shite the next day. Bamboozled a lot of folk i must say. Do you ever hear from ??, the other guy that was on the same time as you on here? I always wonder how he got on. We lose so many to al or maybe he just stopped drinking.

Well yesterday i did some spring cleaning and went to get a drink and the bottle of wine in the fridge had moved to next to the milk. I did look and think of the memories that bottle bought me, none of them nice ones. Me having wine in the fridge and it sits there and waits for me to offer someone a glass, who would ever have thought that was possible. I never had any al to get rid of when i gave up drinking, i had drank it all, my bottles in the fridge had water in them. I quite happily closed the fridge, made a coffee and kept cleaning. I did find it hard initially listening to music as it was always associated with drinking but those days have gone. I do have a special song, Avicci, that was basically my last drunk favourite song in the whole world and that one makes me smile. I nearly drove a DJ insane asking for that song with a glass of wine in each hand. "wake me up when its all over", that is how i felt at the end of my drinking career and like Rahul and Pav, i am so awake now.

Rahul, i now look back at my past drinking life and i can either look at it with shame of a memory of what i dont want back, just like you. I suppose in one way it has shaped us into the people we are today and we are stronger and more alive and happier, people without addictions dont experience that awakening in their lives so we are the lucky ones. Mind you they probably havent gone to hell and back either! A great post and i think you messaged al on MWO.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IcrbM1l_BoI[/video]]

[Orimus]

Newbies Nest

Have to read back but ... is a dear Jane letter a dick move? It's been months .... Course today she texted me to get a free ticket to the ren fair.