Newbies Nest

[Pinecone]

Hi everybody. I'm testing out some of the options in the little bar above the quick reply box. It is nice to be back! A little bit of daily maintenance is not a big deal to remain AF. The really hard push was right at first, after that it is more a matter of keeping it all on course.

[Elvis]

I just read the Mistaken Beliefs About Relapse post over in the Toolbox. It's very timely for me, as I know what I did wrong, but I don't know for sure yet, why? It's good to confirm that I'm not powerless or weak or anything like that, it's just that there is something missing in my recovery program. Now, to figure out what the hell that is, what to do about it, and learn to recognize and deal appropriately with my personal warning signs, I suppose that's the tough part.

[See the Light]

GMAE everyone and welcome back! Good to see everyone, even if it looks bit different now. Kensho, good to see you are back on track and realize the dangers of that one little sip. I remember you writing that last week and honestly thought "yeah, I probably could get away with that too”….and have been so close to doing so that it still frightens me. 1 sip in 62 days (and onward) is still very respectable. You’ll be back to 62 days in no time. Your last paragraph is really the focus (for everyone here) now.

Elvis that is a great reference to relapse, that too many of us here understand. Thanks for the reminder.

And for those here still having sleeping issues related to AL withdrawal or otherwise, I saw this article earlier today:


Booze or snooze: BUSM researchers uncover negative effects of alcohol on sleep

http://dailyfreepress.com/2014/10/07/booze-or-snooze-busm-researchers-uncover-negative-effects-of-alcohol-on-sleep/

And for those of you (especially our Aussie crowd here) who just like a good kangaroo street fight, I saw this today:

Kangaroos filmed fighting in suburbia:

http://www.abc.net.au/news/2014-10-07/kangaroo-street-fight-aussie-style/5796778

Stay strong and AF

[j-vo]

Good Morning, Nesters!
Nice to be back home here. I think there are still a few kinks to work out, but compared to the last one, we should have the maneuvers down in no time.

You really don't know what you've got til it's gone. No truer words than those. The two or three weeks of inconvenience of not knowing where and how to post made me realize just how important this site is to my sobriety. Could I go it alone at this point? May be....the odds are against it, tho.... if what I have seen over these 5 years is true. I'm not willing to take that gamble. In the 3 weeks that it's been a pain to post, I found myself getting lazy....why bother to check in? The next thing I know, I'm watching tv commercials about beer, wine, vodka, scotch and reading FB posts about getting drunk last night and how much fun they all had...the world out there is pulling us back in, staying connected to support is THE KEY. And it's a small price to pay as far as I'm concerned. I enjoy checking in and catching up with my friends here. Friends that know things about me know one else does, like the isolation of addiction.
I'm so glad to see everyone...headed back over to the Nursery to see Nursie. I know she put a LOT of work into her site for us. It was a real blessing. Hope everyone has a great day!!! Byrdie

This is so true Byrdie, and why they say stay connected in recovery. It's just too easy to let go, forget, become complacent when we don't stay close.

[peppersnow]

Hey all - it's very nice to be able to log on again. It took me a day to figure it out but I got here. I had a very weird thing happen to me this morning. I'm sharing a home during some weeks when I'm on the road, and last night three younger women staying in this 4 bedroom house I'm at had a dance party with AL, music blaring, loud partying... until I finally asked them to turn it down at 11:00 (we all have the same employer, so everyone had to wake up early). I was very annoyed, to say the least, and didn't sleep well. But I'm trying hard to keep an exercise routine, so in spite of being sleepy I still got up for a 2 mile hike with my coffee bright and early, feeling a bit smug that I felt so great and knew they'd be feeling like crap. The rest of them barely stumbled out of bed on time to get to work...1 had to skip her shower she was so late...not quite as chipper this morning as they were last night! . All looked like hell. I swear, as soon as they all woke up and started stumbling about, I went from feeling great after my walk to physically FEELING that hung-over feeling -- rotten gut, dry mouth, dull headache...it only lasted about 5 minutes and as soon as I got into my car and drove off, I felt great again. What the hell was that? Some bizarre psycho-social sympathy response? It was so strange - like physical memories of being in their condition the morning after with a hang-over.

Anyway, I'm very glad to be back and hope everyone finds us again, especially all the newbies who had just joined before MWO got all freaked out. This is a wonderful community and I'm grateful for each of you!!

[Byrdlady]

Evening all!
Still mired in computer and email knots. I broke down and took my computer to The Man, a local guy who can figure out anything. HE got in a knot! Nice to know it wasn't just me. He is keeping it overnight for observation. I was in his shop from 10 this morning to 3 this afternoon. Im going to have a bill the size of the national debt. Anyone who works with computers has my undying respect!

Hope everyone has an easy evening! Zero tolerance! Its a 1000 times easier to maintain than to start over! Hang On!!! Byrdie

[available]

So many times i have wanted that one sip but i didnt. so many times i have wanted one glass but i havent. so many times i have wanted to be sociable and i havent. so many times i have wanted to sit in the sun and have a wine and i havent. so many times.........and why havent i? because i am protecting this damn quit with my life that is why. One sip is not enough for an alcoholic, one sip starts the seeds of that al voice. why bother with one sip when it is never enough for an alky. Its like Byrds theory on a peanut allergy, would you have that one peanut, knowing where you would end up.

On the weekend i went to reach for a glass of wine that i thought for some reason was mine (it was my daughters), did i continue on picking up that wine? No, i cant ever pick up that glass. Do i want to? Yes sometimes i do, somtimes i think i am different, that i can have that one sip, that one glass, and then i think that denial of what i am, is a funny thing. I am an alcoholic. When i first stopped drinking my daughters used to wipe up the wine if they spilt it just in case i wanted to lick it up. I told them that i would not stoop that low, i wasnt that bad but obviously they knew me better than i knew myself. Today they leave half bottles in the fridge for "next time" knowing i wont drink it. they are learning to trust me.

What i am trying to say is acceptance of never drinking again is hard, really hard and we can tell ourselves daily that we accept we can never drink but i think that takes time with being af. I get that now but i also get that i can smell al, i can look at al, i can wish all i want for a glass but i can never have one.

[Byrdlady]

So many times i have wanted that one sip but i didnt. so many times i have wanted one glass but i havent. so many times i have wanted to be sociable and i havent. so many times i have wanted to sit in the sun and have a wine and i havent. so many times.........and why havent i? because i am protecting this damn quit with my life that is why. One sip is not enough for an alcoholic, one sip starts the seeds of that al voice. why bother with one sip when it is never enough for an alky. Its like Byrds theory on a peanut allergy, would you have that one peanut, knowing where you would end up.

On the weekend i went to reach for a glass of wine that i thought for some reason was mine (it was my daughters), did i continue on picking up that wine? No, i cant ever pick up that glass. Do i want to? Yes sometimes i do, somtimes i think i am different, that i can have that one sip, that one glass, and then i think that denial of what i am, is a funny thing. I am an alcoholic. When i first stopped drinking my daughters used to wipe up the wine if they spilt it just in case i wanted to lick it up. I told them that i would not stoop that low, i wasnt that bad but obviously they knew me better than i knew myself. Today they leave half bottles in the fridge for "next time" knowing i wont drink it. they are learning to trust me.

What i am trying to say is acceptance of never drinking again is hard, really hard and we can tell ourselves daily that we accept we can never drink but i think that takes time with being af. I get that now but i also get that i can smell al, i can look at al, i can wish all i want for a glass but i can never have one.

AND I'M PERFECTLY OK WITH THAT! Not one sip, not ever. That stuff is out to kill us!

[Cherokeer]

AND I'M PERFECTLY OK WITH THAT! Not one sip, not ever. That stuff is out to kill us!

Amen!! It's poison in little easy serve bottles for your convenience as you slowly get dragged into hell. Run away friends!

[Lavande]

Maybe you're an empath pepper
Glad you survived the mayhem!

[Lavande]

WOW - just like the old days, dropping in to wish everyone a safe night in the nest!
Tomorrow is Hump day already - yay

Lav

[Elvis]

Went to the gym today after work. It's a new temporary gym since my normal gym is being renovated. Not a big fan of the layout in the place and it's an extra ten minute walk to get there, but I got a workout in, and the extra walking can't hurt, I suppose. I have a set workout that I like to do when I go, and I wasn't feeling great when it was time to go, so said I would only do the minimum, but by the end I felt better enough to do a few extra reps. Anyway, not much point to this, except that if you are feeling down or need something to distract you from alcohol or other things going on in your life, try to do some exercise, even if it's just walking around the neighborhood. I sometimes don't like going to the gym, but I always feel better afterwards. And after a while, you start to see results and your clothes fit better.

[Pinecone]

Hi everybody, it it's very nice to be back here, and it will be even nicer when we have our avatars back too. I miss seeing everyone's "faces".

Elvis good on you for getting to the gym. Exercise has been a huge part of my quit. It really is a cure all. I find the times that it has the strongest effect are the times I have a really hard time dragging myself to do it.

I hope we get most or all of our members back here soon! Have a great AF night!

[okoren1]

SO glad to be back here! Who would have known that I could find support for such a private struggle in a forum with complete strangers. I appreciate each and every one of you and am proud to be a part of this group, and to not call you strangers so much any more.

On another note, I've posted 7 days AF on roll call. I would be at 62, but I had one ridiculous and enlightening sip. Last week I posted about how that sip turned me into a crazy, craving lunatic, with thoughts of dishonesty and desire. Once I realized what was going on in my mind, my "switch" flipped and I understood that alcohol would never be a part of my life ever again. I could probably post 62 days and get away with it, but I'm posting 7 just to remind myself how important that sip really was to my healing and understanding. I have consumed 2 drinks and one sip in about 90 days - and it was two drinks and one sip too many.

I do not drink. I am not a drinker. I will never again be a drinker. There is nothing in a bottle that I want any more. I have begun to heal my relationships and work out the issues that caused me to drink. I am HERE for my kids, I am HERE for my husband, I am better at my work, I am learning to balance my life and say 'NO'. I am more stable, more efficient, and a better cook. I sleep better. I am learning to laugh more. Alcohol has no place in my life any more and I am pleased to share with you that I am 7 days AF and proud to be moving on with my life.

LAVENDAR Blue - where are you?

Hi All-
Good to see some of the familiar names posting here. It feels warm and reassuring that everyone is back and doing well.

Kensho thanks for the very straight forward and honest share. Sorry to hear about your slip, but you sound strong and your renewed resolve is apparent. As is the case with many things in life, there is a bright side to this mishap. Your recent 62 AF days closely parrallels my own journey (60 AF days today) and it gave me a much needed shot of resolve, which I can sorely use right now, so for this, I thank you!

[See the Light]

So many times i have wanted that one sip but i didnt. so many times i have wanted one glass but i havent. so many times i have wanted to be sociable and i havent. so many times i have wanted to sit in the sun and have a wine and i havent. so many times.........and why havent i? because i am protecting this damn quit with my life that is why. One sip is not enough for an alcoholic, one sip starts the seeds of that al voice. why bother with one sip when it is never enough for an alky. Its like Byrds theory on a peanut allergy, would you have that one peanut, knowing where you would end up.

On the weekend i went to reach for a glass of wine that i thought for some reason was mine (it was my daughters), did i continue on picking up that wine? No, i cant ever pick up that glass. Do i want to? Yes sometimes i do, somtimes i think i am different, that i can have that one sip, that one glass, and then i think that denial of what i am, is a funny thing. I am an alcoholic. When i first stopped drinking my daughters used to wipe up the wine if they spilt it just in case i wanted to lick it up. I told them that i would not stoop that low, i wasnt that bad but obviously they knew me better than i knew myself. Today they leave half bottles in the fridge for "next time" knowing i wont drink it. they are learning to trust me.

What i am trying to say is acceptance of never drinking again is hard, really hard and we can tell ourselves daily that we accept we can never drink but i think that takes time with being af. I get that now but i also get that i can smell al, i can look at al, i can wish all i want for a glass but i can never have one.

Great posts Ava, Pinecone, Byrdie, Elvis and others - This continues to hit me like of ton of bricks...I still want a drink EVERY Day..life can put that pressure there...that is how I used to cope with EVERYTHING....stress/ anxiety, depression, anger, boredom.... accepting that that life is life and raw emotion is part of it makes life's happiest moments ever more valuable...and we CAN deal with life without AL It IS a battle and it is NOT easy...this a fight worth winning though...I have never done as close as well as I have this time without reading the awesome inspiring stuff you all write here..so keep it up, you are changing lives