Newbies Nest

[Mstall]

MAE Nest. I was reading through the posts and I love birdie's line "Its only Friday, not a ticket to Boozeville" !!! I will be repeating that to myself on any day I'm feeling weak.

It's already getting cold here and I am dreading the upcoming winter. I got a summons for Federal Jury Duty starting on Tuesday. I would like to get picked because I think it could be interesting. I'm a legal assistant so I'm not sure if that would work for me or against me.

Anyway, stay strong all. Lucky 13 days for me.

[Byrdlady]

Morning, All!
Mstall, as you have prolly heard me say, Day 13 was a changing day for me! Something just CLICKED in my head, and I Knew this was something I could do! Keep going, it only gets better from here! The heavy lifting is done!

Lav and NS, ACCEPTANCE was the last piece of the puzzle....acceptance of my past, present, and future. I was a very resistant case, I seemed to fight every stage of the process, the worst being DENIAL. Oy.

We are missing lots of folks, I hope everyone is ok! Happy Sattidy!!! B:balloon:

[abcowboy]

Hi all! we finished harvest around 8 pm last night! It was a great feeling to get the crop off before the snow hits the ground! After seeding and harvest, there is always a big celebration in the shop with lots of snacks and of course, drinks flowing freely. I stayed AF of course, and as we all joked and laughed at all the harvest happenings, I realized that I was completely comfortable being at the party as a non-drinker. Something that I didn't think I would ever feel. And sitting this morning having coffee with Bubba, I told her that the day finally came where I understand and accept, and I'm okay with the fact that alcohol has no place in my life! It is a fantastic feeling to finally have acceptance for what I am, a recovering alcoholic!

On the recovery front, I do have something where I am hoping to grow my understanding. It has to do with disappointment and/or feeling down. Never have I expected that my recovery could eliminate those situations. What I do expect is that a strong recovery program would help me to not just not drink over them, but offer tools to deal with them more effectively. The serenity prayer helps to pinpoint what is or isn't in my control. So does an attitude of acceptance for what I do not control.

Now I want to take feeling down or disappointment to the next level...or what I am guessing the next level could be. If I understand the control part then offer my acceptance, where do I go from here?

One path is a greater acceptance, spiritually feeling that given my best efforts, I lost this particular battle (whatever it is) and that what is happening is meant to be. Also a belief that this HP of mine will not give me more than I'm ready to handle. Time in my 12 step recovery has me feeling okay, not great, or even 100% bought into that idea yet. For sure there has been progress, not perfection.

The other aspect I am exploring is that life sometimes just sucks. If the sucky part is out of my control and I accept it as exactly what should be today on my path, why not just accept that life is going to suck at times, and it is perfectly normal to feel disappointed or down and NO NEED TO TAKE DRASTIC MEASURES TO TURN THAT FROWN UPSIDE DOWN.

Perhaps many of you already do this. Just go with it. I have always felt this compelling need to reverse things as quickly as possible. Hey, when active in addiction, talk about ALWAYS thinking there was an easy fix...in a bottle.

I still want to reverse the negatives in life. However, I plan to do it with the realization that feeling bad is just normal and my overall path is self correcting and no longer requires a quick fix.

How ironic is it that recovery can make me feel okay and normal about feeling bad?

[Blownaway]

Hey Cowboy,

How did you give up the booze? you sound like it was easy for you to quit but what comes after is the hard part, maybe I am getting something wrong?

[abcowboy]

Hi blownaway, giving up the booze wasn't as easy as it sounds, it took me a couple of tries! What made it easier this time was trying to understand why I drank, most of us say that the booze is for self-medicating, if that is true, what are we medicating? Sometimes the problems are deep rooted and require professional medical advice and treatment, other times it's just people, places, and things that get us to drinking, in my case, it was and will continue to be anger. So, now that I think I have my self-medicating figured out, what do I do next? It's impossible to say "never get angry" we all know that is impossible because there will always be some sort of anger in our lives. After much reading here on MWO and listening to others at my AA group meetings, I figured out it was okay to be angry at something! Now, I just had to figure out how to deal with the anger without booze as the immediate fix. A few phrases stick out to me, Serenity Prayer, good orderly direction, let your HP (God for me) deal with things that you have no control over... Sounds simple! It isn't!! Giving up alcohol is easy, staying away from it isn't!

The hardest part is the changes you have to make to stay sober, starting a whole new way of life! Changing friends, daily living patterns, understand your triggers and make sure to avoid them as much as you can. And for me, don't look too far into the future.... 24 hours is all I have to worry about, just one day at a time... Now, when I feel the anger start to take control, I stop and ask myself why I'm getting angry? Is it something I have no control over? If I don't, walk away and let someone else deal with it. If it's something I can control, then face it in a good orderly direction, not in anger. And then think to myself, this day will come to an end, just get through this day and not let yesterday, today, or tomorrow get the best of me.

The bottom line for every RA is - do you want to be sober more than you want to drink? When you can answer yes to that, like I finally did last night, the journey will take a whole new direction, now it's time to stop the self pity, realize that I lost the privledge of being a normal drinker, and get on with recovering!

[Byrdlady]

Hey Blownaway! Welcome aboard! Cowboy's right, quitting isnt easy, but it is doable, we are a nest- ful of proof. What helped me is to decide that all I had to do, was get thru this day AF, no matter what. Please check out the Tool Box for tips and coping skills to help you, see the post about making a PLAN. Link is in my signature line. Get all the AL out if your space and keep yourself hydrated and FULL. EATING is the silver bullet to overcoming a craving. Glue yourself to this site and learn as much as you can about this disease. We are so glad you found us!

Cowboy, anger is a bear and controlling it is a work in progress for most folks. The phrase, 'This, too, shall pass' helps me, and my hoss told me one time, "Bad things happen in everyone's life and it's just YOUR turn". Isnt that true? Everyone DOES have trouble from time to time, we shouldnt think the Universe is out to get us when it does happen. These are a couple things that help me.
Congrats on your harvest being in, I imagine thats a good feeling of accomplishment. Keep up the great work on your AF journey!!

Just baked a cake to take nextdoor. Got a new pan and wanted to take it for a spin. Smells really good, chocolate bundt cake ( sorry NoSugar)

Hope everyone is having an easy day!! Byrdie

[See the Light]

Sometimes the problems are deep rooted and require professional medical advice and treatment, other times it's just people, places, and things that get us to drinking, in my case, it was and will continue to be anger. So, now that I think I have my self-medicating figured out, what do I do next? It's impossible to say "never get angry" we all know that is impossible because there will always be some sort of anger in our lives. After much reading here on MWO and listening to others at my AA group meetings, I figured out it was okay to be angry at something! Now, I just had to figure out how to deal with the anger without booze as the immediate fix. A few phrases stick out to me, Serenity Prayer, good orderly direction, let your HP (God for me) deal with things that you have no control over... Sounds simple! It isn't!! Giving up alcohol is easy, staying away from it isn't!

Great post Cowboy- That has mainly been my worst trigger as well...and a timely post for me as I've been feeling that all day since I saw this morning some jackass smashed my window on my car overnight, stole a bunch of stuff from car and left it in a total mess....I know I felt like having a drink, but how does that fix anything right? Worse things are going to happen (and have) so dealing with life as an alcoholic means dealing with triggers in any other way than booze. Took me some time to chill, spend time with my kids and grab some NA drinks throughout to get to a point that I didn't have the urge anymore...but it does go away... Anger (and all life's triggers) can be managed, but not with AL

hang in there all and stay strong...hope everyone is having a great weekend!

[available]

Mstall great work on day 13, its wonderful to be af and the longer time the better it gets.

Cowboy, when i stopped drinking i wanted to get from A to B as quick as possible and that is what i thought would happen. Well i got that wrong. It has been a rollercoaster ride for sure. Some days i was so angry i just wanted to pull peoples eyeballs out of their heads for fun. Other days i just wanted to sit in a corner and cry. I did not overwhelm myself with my past or what was going to happen now i was sober, if a thought came up i dealt with it and put the rest away for another day. The good thing is we have a lot of time sober to reflect and analyse how, why, when, what for. Now i realise that "time" has been a great healer for myself. I am not angry anymore about people and life, i accept what i was and what i am now and work on how i can be better. I do find my tolerance level is lower and i dont suffer fools/idiots like i used to when i drank and i now stand up for myself which i never would have thought of doing before. My opinion when i drank meant very little, so i thought and i worried about hurting others, hurting myself meant very little. Now i think before i speak and people listen. They probably did before but my self esteem was zero. I have found that with work i have made amazing steps forward by doing what i know is going to work and my "village idiot" of a boss has a form of respect for me now. The anger has left the building now and we all deal with it differently.

for me the Giving up alcohol is easy, staying away from it isn't!, giving up was the hardest thing i had done. I procrastinated about it day in and day out forever and a day. When i did get to my bottom then only i could decide and mean it to stop. The staying away from it was so damn hard in the first few months, its everywhere, you turn around and its staring you in the face. Thats where being accountable helped me enormously by being on here and my family. The reason i wont touch al again is i dont feel i could give up al again and i have done so much now that i dont want to drink anymore. I have way too much to lose whereas when i drank i thought i had nothing to lose by drinking.

Acceptance and time is what i realise now with sobriety. Its like having a newborn and you think the sleeplessness and tiredness will never end and then amazingly life settles down, though it did take years for me with 4 children and now thats what i have again, a life i enjoy and appreciate more and more.

Mr G, 28 and a lovely day already. I have children bodies through my house as it was liams 26th birthday yesterday. Last year he was just off ice/crack and i was quite merrily getting blind and passing out. This year we ate, we laughed, they ate my cooked food and we had a fantastic night. This is why i love being sober and no god damn hangover to deal with. Dont work too hard!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Great to see everyone doing pretty darn well

Cowboy, writing seems to be a good outlet for you, that's wonderful. Put that last post of yours in the Tool box, it surely will help others along.
Mstall, nice to see you again & great on day 13!
Blownaway, welcome & please make yourself comfortable. Have you made a good plan for yourself yet?

Had a quiet-ish day today, tomorrow the grandsons will be here - oh boy

Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pinecone]

Hi friends, it's very comforting to read all of your thoughts today. I often look for a theme and I think today's might be learning how to live sober, facing challenges, not necessarily quitting. I'm sure I'm finding what I need to find at the time. We have a lot of work to do on ourselves, but forcing our doesn't work either. I think we have to take a slow and steady approach, like the journey of a thousand miles type of thing. God, that sounds corny. I mean there has to be some mix of sustained progress but at a therapeutic pace. We need to get better, but we have to take it gently. I'm a little scattered today, maybe I'm thinking keep going but don't overextend ourselves.

Ava, you mentioned time as a salve and I really agree. A tough day is almost over but I faced it sober and I'm grateful for that! Have a great AF night!

[Blownaway]

Well, today is my 21st day A/F. But darn, it is hard. My body begs me everyday to drink. It just won't quit begging, but I am not giving in. Like byrdie says, all I gotta do is get thru this day.

I used to love to read, did it every night before bed, but Al took that away from me. So now I've equipped myself with an arsenal of books and have really started to enjoy reading again. I am trying to change my routine as much as possible but that is hard, as I am raising my 9yr old grandson and M -Th we pretty much stick to the same routine. He is a child who needs and depends on that. I just no longer have wine with the homework!

I read here a lot, have learned so much and so appreciate the people who stay to help the ones struggling.

Here's on to day 22!

[available]

Blownaway great work on 3 weeks sober. It gets easier as each day passes but those al thoughts can be draining. Keep doing what you are doing and take each day as it comes. Be very proud of your af days, we alkies know they are not easy to do and some days it is such a struggle keeping sober. I was just adamant and determined not to drink and now at 10+ months sober i dont have the internal battle anymore. Sure i would like "one" wine now and again but i dont want to be the person i was or live the life i lived while drinking. Today i have done a 7 1/2 kilometre walk at 10am, never would i have contemplated that with a hangover. I recommend watching youtube on alcoholism, it made me more determined to stay sober and i feel lucky that i stopped when i did as to see what al causes is mindblowing.

[peppersnow]

I have way too much to lose whereas when i drank i thought i had nothing to lose by drinking.

Ava that line really resonated with me. I look back now and can't understand how I could have reached the point where I could care less whether I lived or died...that I had nothing to lose anymore so why not drink myself to death. Whereas now, my life -- especially the people in my life and the happiness I've found in sobriety -- seems incredibly precious and I feel ferociously protective of it.

BTW, I missed my 200 day milestone on Thursday, darn it. Am visiting my 17 year old daughter, who is away at a semester-long school, and was so excited to see her on Thursday that I completely forgot that was my 200 day mark.

It's family weekend and families stay on-campus in dorm housing, and they sent a reminder out in advance asking that adults not bring AL onto the campus. A year ago, I would have snuck it in, been sneaking it all day, and made up an excuse to head to my room by 7:00 so I could drink. Or I would have found another mom who wanted to drink. Tonight, I went star-gazing with my daughter and other families, had apple cider and treats before returning to my room, and had a wonderful time with my daughter and other families that I will remember tomorrow morning when I wake up hangover free to watch the sun rise over the lake!

Being able to reflect on how completely my life has changed is plenty enough of a prize for 200 days!

[peppersnow]

Also, congrats on 21 days, Blown Away, and Welcome!

And Pinecone -- Absolutely nothing that you wrote was corny -- I loved your post . Your words were beautiful and hit the mark. That's the beauty of this site, that we all relate to one another and know exactly what all of this feels like and are not alone.

What I wish is that there was some way of conveying to people in those early days and weeks how wonderful it is going to feel many months down the road. Don't give up, because life gets really amazing again.

[available]

Pepper congrats on 200 days and doesnt it get so much better and easier. When i first quit i thought if i drank again i would feel better, yeah right! Feeling better is how i feel now and i know i still have a way to go before i consider myself sober but for now i am the happiest i have been in a very very long time and you sound exactly the same. I love waking up and not planning my day to drink at the end and why i deserved to drink daily and how i could look and act normal. Now i am kind of normal, well as normal as i will ever be and it makes me smile to see what i am from where i was.

I am so glad you had an amazing time with your daughter, i know my children are so proud of me.

Pine, the great thing about being sober is everyday is different and you are so right that we cant hurry this journey, there is no end date for us in sobriety. I dont hurry anything anymore and whatever is thrown at me is dealt with sober and a clear head. Oh you dont sound scattered Pine just reflective and content.