Newbies Nest

[Guitarista]

Hi Nesters,

Hi Kensho, glad you checked in.

The first days/s weeks after i stop drinking again are very dangerous times. My whole being is screaming out for it's fave fix, because it's chemistry is so out of whack again that it thinks it needs booze to feel good and survive. This is what happens to me every time i go back to drinking after some AF time, and then stop and try to stay off the grog.

In the early days, it often will feel easier to just resume drinking, but we must push through that feeling until our mind and body chemistry starts to stabilise again. I know you are aware of a lot of this stuff, but just some thoughts.

Just be careful, aware/mindful, and take care of yourself at this time. It may be that for now, your only way out is through. G

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters!

Yep, it's Monday morning, dark & gloomy looking outside, LOL!
I'll just turn up the lights & pretend it's sunny

Kensho, glad you came right back.
Every time we listen to that voice we get into trouble. Examine your plan & decide what you can/will do in the future instead of drinking. There is always something else we can do to comfort ourselves. Changing the 'habit' of turning to AL is hard but it can e done. Stick around now, OK?

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a great AF Monday for all!

Lav

[little beagle]

LavB my schedule gets WAY off on occassion. Hang in there.

[frances]

Things are starting to feel back to normal here on MWO - glad about that! Kensho everyone has already said it, you did the best thing by coming right here and talking about it and getting right back on track.

See the Light that's a great list - I especially like #3 - every time I think I wasn't that bad (even though I was), I think about how I was getting worse and worse and I know I was going to be that bad if I didn't do something about it NOW. This is a progressive disease that ruins people, and I am not going to take that lightly.

[See the Light]

GMAE everyone- Thx Frances..it helps sometimes to bring it back to the basics. Welcome back LavB- Looking forward to your well-written posts again...it takes a few extra minutes to read them when you write (just kidding) but they are worth it every time.

My inspiration For this gloomy raining Monday where I am:

One of the most important facts to remember about alcoholism is its progression. Alcoholism begins in an early stage that looks nothing at all like a life-threatening disease, proceeds into a middle stage where problems begin to appear and intensify, and gradually advances into the late, degenerative stages of obvious physiological dependence, physical and psychological deterioration, and loss of control.
WILLIAM F. ASBURY, Beyond the Influence


And I Saw this earlier in the weekend... I am so grateful to not be a part of that top tier anymore. Let's improve those stats 1 by 1.....:

How “Normal” Is Your Drinking?

STORY:

http://www.slate.com/articles/health...olism_and.html

CHART:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/...will-tell-you/

[Byrdlady]

Good morning Nesters!

Yep, it's Monday morning, dark & gloomy looking outside, LOL!
I'll just turn up the lights & pretend it's sunny

Kensho, glad you came right back.
Every time we listen to that voice we get into trouble. Examine your plan & decide what you can/will do in the future instead of drinking. There is always something else we can do to comfort ourselves. Changing the 'habit' of turning to AL is hard but it can e done. Stick around now, OK?

Greetings to all & sending wishes for a great AF Monday for all!

Lav

Lav if we had a Bible around here, this should be in it.
I sure found this all out the hard way! ANY time we turn BACK to AL as a solution we are losing ground! Not just MOST of the time, EVERY time. It was a hard lesson for me to learn, but I finally did. I HATE AL, for what it has done to me and my friends here. I hate it for what it continues to do to people, it makes them think they are being comforted when they are being pulled deeper into the quicksand. I treat (and handle) AL as if it were a rattlesnake. I don't trust me or IT. I keep my distance. I do not long for it any more because for me, it is deadly. SIPS lead to SLIPS lead to FALLS. I got out of it alive the first time, I am not going to tempt fate to think I can do it again. I have been on EVERY side of AL, and IT is always going to win. I do not stand a chance against it, I know when Im beat. So MY best bet is to take that choice off the table. Its JUST like a peanut allergy, you dont get over it. One little bit makes the addiction swell up take over.

Kensho, glad to see you back, settle in and we will get you back upright.

Mr B, my icons are acting up lets see if I can give you a little praise with one. :welldone:

Blownaway, there isnt a prize for 3 weeks but we are proud of you that here's one anyway!!!:sohappy:

I have never met an opponent as ruthless and relentless as AL. The only way to defeat it is thru time and distance! You will be amazed what an effective cure it is when you starve its food supply. With time, there will be NO itch to scratch, and that is such a blessing. Hang on everyone, no matter what.

Smooth sailing on this Columbus Day!! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

I fall and come back with my tail between my legs and you still welcome me. :heartbeat: I don't want to have this problem. I hate that I have to be different in social situations. I didn't go on full out benders, but I obsessed about it once I tasted it. G, I think it IS a chemistry thing. I was feeling like I didn't want AL at all - that's what the 60 days did for me. And then I had one sip. ONE LOUSY SIP. And even though that's all I had in one night, it started the process all over for the next few nights - the obsessing and the voice of addiction worming its way into my thinking in any way it could until it became "ok" to have just 1. Then to sneak it when husband wasn't looking... I read you all saying this again and again and MAN you must get so tired of repeating it when people like me still go and try it! DON'T EVEN HAVE ONE SIP. Thank you LavB, LAV, G, STL, NS, Frances, BL.

[abcowboy]

MAE to all my friends! It's Thanksgiving Day here in Canada and we're going to the in-laws for the customary turkey with all the trimmings supper! Yummmmmy!

Kensho - None of us have the "magical" words to keep you on the right path, we can only share what worked for us... For me, I drilled a hole in my first 24 hour coin that I got at AA and put it on my key ring. whenever the AV gets to whispering to me, I reach in my pocket and rub it to remind me that being sober is the only way for me. I'm not sure I have another day 1 in me, and I don't want to find out! Do you have something you can carry around to remind yourself that the AF life is the best life? And remember, keep coming back!!

[Elvis]

Good morning all. Hope everyone is doing well today. Isolated myself a bit from real life this weekend, but it feels great to get through a weekend again without alcohol. My wife congratulated me on my week yesterday and told me it was worth celebrating, which made me smile. It was actually end of my Day 8, but I'm just happy she noticed. Light traffic and less people in the office today due to the holiday. I do have a dentist appointment this evening so I'm not looking forward to that, but then dinner and TV night with my wife and parents, so that's an acceptable reward for getting my teeth cleaned.

Have a great day everyone!

[Mstall]

MAE all! Kensho - I admire your honesty and quick return to the nest. I find distraction and thought moderating work for me. The first sign of any thoughts that I know aren't positive or healthy, I tell myself I DONT DRINK, I DONT SMOKE, I WANT HEALTH, I WANT HAPPINESS. I literally scream that at myself (in mind, not verbally so people think I'm a lunatic)

anyway, I'm on my way on Day 15. On day 1, I did not have any confidence but am slowly feeling it. Have a great sober Monday all! Heading for jury duty tomorrow morning. should be interesting.

[NoSugar]

Kensho, it helped me (and others have said the same thing) to learn the objective, clinical facts about addiction. It helps to remove the emotional/judgmental components of the problem and face what simply IS as dispassionately as possible. Pretend it is just like any other disease for which you have to do (or not do) a certain thing to be well -- because, really, at the core, that is all this is. You know, people who are allergic to peanuts can't eat them. People who cannot metabolize alcohol normally can't drink it. End of story.

I posted a link last evening to a book in which is written that "Saying the words 'I am an alcoholic' should convey the same moral overtones as the words, 'I am allergic to pollen'." That is a tough place to get to (I continue to work on it!) but the more you can look at this as nothing more than a substance that you, for reasons that you can't change, can't consume and be well, the easier it is to consistently say no.

[KENSHO]

Yes, NS - I think it would help me to learn more about addiction. The thing is that I feel like I have learned how NOT TO DRINK, when I choose to. I applied the tools I learned to get to 60 days (distraction, other fizzy drinks, connect with someone or just plain willpower - and I don't have any trouble any more telling people I am not drinking). It's the inner battle about whether I truly can or cannot have "a little" that I am struggling with. I seem to be able to stop at 2-3 relatively easily - and even fewer recently. But the thing that bothers me a great deal - and it is the main reason that I came here - is my thinking about AL. Even if I can have one sip and stop - and a few nights later have 1.5 drinks and stop - my thinking gets out of control. One sip or one drink and I am thinking about where to get the next and how to hide it. That's a shitty damn way to spend time. I will never return to 3-4 drinks nightly, I believe I would be harming myself mentally and physically and leading a low-quality life. But I still find myself questioning whether I can have one or two here and there. But it would take so much mental struggle to achieve that. So much inner battle. I have been through this - and shame on me for continuing to try it... what the hell am I thinking? I guess I am thinking that "I am strong - I can have just one now and then be able to participate in the group celebration... I can deal with the struggle and then stop". A smart person would say, "why would you put yourself through that for one or two silly little drinks??" When I was growing up, I had to learn to get through some tough stuff. So I ended up strong, but it hurts me because I know I can get through hard things and sometimes choose to weather storms I don't need to. That's just plain stupid. Struggling is not a way we should choose to live - and for what reward? Feeling like "part of the group" and operating at less than optimal?

So, whether we consume 2 or 20 - is it the thinking that defines addiction?

[NoSugar]

Maybe you need to be a little lazier, Kensho :wink:. Most people here find it is just plain easier not to drink than to control it.

Learning about addiction will help you understand the internal battle you are waging better and most importantly, realize that even if you are doing well in some of these little skirmishes and having only a sip or only a drink, the odds of you winning the war and emerging a happy and content, moderate, "normal" drinker are very low.

This is a hill I'm not going to die on -- and for awhile I thought it was. For most of us here, to surrender is to win (even if that turns this war metaphor right on its head!).

[Byrdlady]

Yes, NS - I think it would help me to learn more about addiction. The thing is that I feel like I have learned how NOT TO DRINK, when I choose to. I applied the tools I learned to get to 60 days (distraction, other fizzy drinks, connect with someone or just plain willpower - and I don't have any trouble any more telling people I am not drinking). It's the inner battle about whether I truly can or cannot have "a little" that I am struggling with. I seem to be able to stop at 2-3 relatively easily - and even fewer recently. But the thing that bothers me a great deal - and it is the main reason that I came here - is my thinking about AL. Even if I can have one sip and stop - and a few nights later have 1.5 drinks and stop - my thinking gets out of control. One sip or one drink and I am thinking about where to get the next and how to hide it. That's a shitty damn way to spend time. I will never return to 3-4 drinks nightly, I believe I would be harming myself mentally and physically and leading a low-quality life. But I still find myself questioning whether I can have one or two here and there. But it would take so much mental struggle to achieve that. So much inner battle. I have been through this - and shame on me for continuing to try it... what the hell am I thinking? I guess I am thinking that "I am strong - I can have just one now and then be able to participate in the group celebration... I can deal with the struggle and then stop". A smart person would say, "why would you put yourself through that for one or two silly little drinks??" When I was growing up, I had to learn to get through some tough stuff. So I ended up strong, but it hurts me because I know I can get through hard things and sometimes choose to weather storms I don't need to. That's just plain stupid. Struggling is not a way we should choose to live - and for what reward? Feeling like "part of the group" and operating at less than optimal?

So, whether we consume 2 or 20 - is it the thinking that defines addiction?

Great post, Kensho.
If I hadn't lived this same scenario, I would have never believed it. I AM a strong person and I have overcome many obstacles thru sheer WILL alone! But this is an opponent against whom we cannot win. This thing is out to kill us. When I started moderating, I said I would never return to the levels I came from, but it wasn't long before I was right back there AND WORSE! We must remember this is a progressive disease, it only gets worse because we build up that tolerance. The progressive aspect is what I kept leaving out of the misty watercolor memories of the way we were. Even if you you could just have one or two for a while, it wouldn't be long before 3 or 4 were acceptable. I noticed in your note that you had mentally already gone from having JUST one to having 2-3 and it being acceptable. This disease will pull out every dirty trick it can in order to live in you. Don't be fooled. If you are like the rest of us, we ALL tried controlling it before we ever got here. Addiction is something beyond our control, as you will see from NS's research. Once you stop fighting it, you can focus your energy into recovery! It IS easier!

Discover better living thru Butt Velcro!! Hugs dear lady! We've got your back!!! B

[Samstone]

Maybe you need to be a little lazier, Kensho :wink:. Most people here find it is just plain easier not to drink than to control it.

I thought the same. The process of watching one's self at social occasions or whatever the situation might be is tedious at best and in the end, if you don't succeed downright worrisome. So much energy into controlling that could be used for other things that bring enjoyment, satisfaction. Just my 2 cents.

Glad you came back so quickly!!
Sam