Hi, all!
Thank you, little beagle - at least it's not just me! I woke up earlier than I wanted to today; but hopefully that will help me get to bed earlier tonight.
Kensho, I'm always glad to see you here! And super glad you came back. I'm going to agree with NS about being lazy, for what it's worth. It sounds like a joke...but in some ways it's really true, for me anyway. My mom actually asked me about that as far as soda the other day - if I was still not drinking any or if I was letting myself have some occasionally. And I told her it seems easier for me to have none that to just have a little. I suppose partly because I'm a creature of habit - if I stay used to sparkling water or coffee it gets easier and easier to just grab one without having to think about it. And my taste buds have gotten so used to it that I swear some of my waters (which don't have any added sugar) are plenty sweet. But I know if I start grabbing a soda every once in a while, I'll start arguing with myself about how often I'm "allowed" to have one. When I'm drinking something else I'll start thinking "maybe a soda would be better."
It's even moreso with drinking. I was thinking about adding a little something to my coffee the other day - it sounded really good in the moment and I figured I wasn't at risk to go crazy with it. BUT I can't shake the feeling that from there it'll turn into spiked coffee on weekends...and then sometimes after dinner during the week...and then maybe two instead of one...and then maybe a mixed drink "just once" since it's been a while... And even if I don't get up to the amounts I was at when I quit; it feels to me like I would immediately get back into the same thinking. It is hard to remember that sometimes since part of me would really like to be someone who could just drink sometimes. It seems like that would make life easier - but the thing is, just having one or two isn't easier for me whether I like it or not. I've had to go through what I just wrote in my head to myself more than once. I don't know if any of it is helpful, but I know that for me at least it's something I have to...it's almost like I'm having to train myself to get used to telling myself that? I don't *like* thinking that way in the moment but the more often I make myself do it the more it becomes my response? I don't want to say it's easier since that isn't really the right word; but I listen to it a little better each time?
Thought I'd relay an interesting moment from last week. Out at dinner with my mother and something came up about either my drinking or smoking quit - it was a very positive thing, where she was saying that it's really helping her to see me trying so hard to make changes. But when she asked how it was going...my first reaction was to be annoyed, and then to feel vaguely guilty. I'm pretty sure that was the old thinking ("don't ask me about my drinking, it's my business!") but it's crazy how that feeling can sneak back in. I think I'm also still in the "Ok, so...now what?" sort of bubble which probably also isn't helping.
I think for myself, it would probably also be good for me to try to get back to having a more solid plan. The sleep thing is partly just my body doing its thing, but I've also noticed I've gotten lazy with meal times and such. Looking back, my quit was best when I was eating regularly and really putting effort into finding non-AL ways to treat myself. I picked up some new flavors of water and a box of cordial cherries as a bday present to myself last week and I was surprised at how much just that little treat perked me up. I'm also trying to get some more variety into my diet - I'm pretty bad at having the same things every day. Looking around, I can also see that I'm slacking somewhat on keeping things tidy; and then obviously I haven't been regular with my checking in here either.
So, that got kind of rambly but also hi and welcome to the new folks who have come in! And it's been a while, so thank you again to all the wonderful people here giving support and a listening ear!
Thank you, little beagle - at least it's not just me! I woke up earlier than I wanted to today; but hopefully that will help me get to bed earlier tonight.
Kensho, I'm always glad to see you here! And super glad you came back. I'm going to agree with NS about being lazy, for what it's worth. It sounds like a joke...but in some ways it's really true, for me anyway. My mom actually asked me about that as far as soda the other day - if I was still not drinking any or if I was letting myself have some occasionally. And I told her it seems easier for me to have none that to just have a little. I suppose partly because I'm a creature of habit - if I stay used to sparkling water or coffee it gets easier and easier to just grab one without having to think about it. And my taste buds have gotten so used to it that I swear some of my waters (which don't have any added sugar) are plenty sweet. But I know if I start grabbing a soda every once in a while, I'll start arguing with myself about how often I'm "allowed" to have one. When I'm drinking something else I'll start thinking "maybe a soda would be better."
It's even moreso with drinking. I was thinking about adding a little something to my coffee the other day - it sounded really good in the moment and I figured I wasn't at risk to go crazy with it. BUT I can't shake the feeling that from there it'll turn into spiked coffee on weekends...and then sometimes after dinner during the week...and then maybe two instead of one...and then maybe a mixed drink "just once" since it's been a while... And even if I don't get up to the amounts I was at when I quit; it feels to me like I would immediately get back into the same thinking. It is hard to remember that sometimes since part of me would really like to be someone who could just drink sometimes. It seems like that would make life easier - but the thing is, just having one or two isn't easier for me whether I like it or not. I've had to go through what I just wrote in my head to myself more than once. I don't know if any of it is helpful, but I know that for me at least it's something I have to...it's almost like I'm having to train myself to get used to telling myself that? I don't *like* thinking that way in the moment but the more often I make myself do it the more it becomes my response? I don't want to say it's easier since that isn't really the right word; but I listen to it a little better each time?
Thought I'd relay an interesting moment from last week. Out at dinner with my mother and something came up about either my drinking or smoking quit - it was a very positive thing, where she was saying that it's really helping her to see me trying so hard to make changes. But when she asked how it was going...my first reaction was to be annoyed, and then to feel vaguely guilty. I'm pretty sure that was the old thinking ("don't ask me about my drinking, it's my business!") but it's crazy how that feeling can sneak back in. I think I'm also still in the "Ok, so...now what?" sort of bubble which probably also isn't helping.
I think for myself, it would probably also be good for me to try to get back to having a more solid plan. The sleep thing is partly just my body doing its thing, but I've also noticed I've gotten lazy with meal times and such. Looking back, my quit was best when I was eating regularly and really putting effort into finding non-AL ways to treat myself. I picked up some new flavors of water and a box of cordial cherries as a bday present to myself last week and I was surprised at how much just that little treat perked me up. I'm also trying to get some more variety into my diet - I'm pretty bad at having the same things every day. Looking around, I can also see that I'm slacking somewhat on keeping things tidy; and then obviously I haven't been regular with my checking in here either.
So, that got kind of rambly but also hi and welcome to the new folks who have come in! And it's been a while, so thank you again to all the wonderful people here giving support and a listening ear!
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