Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Thanks G

I just started a party thread for Myluck over in general - everyone stop by & say CONGRATS to Myluck - yay!!!!

[Byrdlady]

Happy Sunday morning, to those who are in this hemisphere!
You wont believe this, we are getting some sun! Whoop dog!
As I was traveling and thinking about my life and this journey and all of you, I couldn't help but feel gratitude for my 1369 days. It hasn't always been easy. In fact, it started out really rocky. I thought I would never be rid of the longing to drink. ACCEPTING the facts made a huge difference in my thinking, as did Lav's constant drumbeat of gratitude. Why does GRATITUDE matter? Ever been on a diet? You know what deprivation is....it's rice cakes when every one else is having spaghetti. Do you know how successful those diets are? Not very. Because it isn't sustainable. Man (species speaking) just isnt designed to live in a constant state of deprivation. That's how we are when we first quit drinking. "Everyone else in the free world can drink EXCEPT ME!" Those quits dont last very long either because (lets face it) we are in the instant gratification society. Turning your thinking around IS the differentiator in this mind game. Today, I am so grateful for my freedom from this addictive beast. I was an absolute SLAVE to it. I always got a kick out of the name on that Vodka... ABSOLUTE. How true is that? Turning your thinking around will take you miles down the road.

Observation #2 this past week. Lots of folks straying off from their support systems here (or whereever). We CANNOT do this alone. I have never seen anyone sustain a quit without support. I see so many people do the heavy lifting (quitting) and then think they have a handle on it all, only to stray off and wind up in the ditch. Really, isn't checking in here and staying connected to your Mothership a SMALL price to pay for MindPeace? I think so, otherwise I would have been on my way. I see the really long timers on here and what I see they have in common is they remain engaged. After some time here, you can spot a fall coming....folks get lax in checking in, every day becomes every other day becomes once a week becomes when they have a scare and the next thing you know they have fallen. I have seen this 1000's of times (hells bells, I DID it myself!).

There are 2 aspects to this journey.....getting sober is the first one....STAYING sober is something else. Please do not let all of your hard work be in vain. STAY connected with support....As Matt so eloquently stated, "I'm 100% positive I cant do this alone". NONE of us can. The world out there isnt built for the NON drinker....YET. Do yourself a favor, STAY engaged here, its 1000 times easier to maintain a quit than to start over.

We are heading into the holidays now, we will need each other more than ever. Keep your sober days intact, they are too valuable an investment to lose. If you have ONE sober day behind you, it is too dear to toss. Build on it. You will never be sorry for one day you spent sober.

I hope everyone has an easy day! Byrdie

[KENSHO]

Hey Peeps. I've been away doing some soul searching. Thanks for the shout outs from those of you with encouragement.

When I came here almost a year ago, I wanted a change. I didn't like how my daily drinking habit made me feel and I couldn't stop. So I decided to stop, but never had the conviction of "forever" - how daunting. I got to 30 days, then had a little AL - but came back to MWO. I got to 60 days - but felt like "what now?" And so I experimented - just to know if I could have a little bit and moderate.

I never had a habit of more than 3-4 drinks a night. And I didn't have the in-your-face consequences from drinking, but there have been a lot of subtle ones, that actually turn out to be pretty big. I have been using AL to hide from myself and others. And no matter what others say, 3-4 a night is not healthy - and I do believe it would turn into more over time.

I felt better not drinking, thats for sure. But I was not convinced that I couldn't handle a drink here and there - for the stress relief, or the social participation. So I tried drinking again. I hated the drinks I had, but I still did it because the old voices of "it will help with this, and that" came back. I was surprised that after 60 days, 3 drinks felt like nothing, and I was yearning for 4-5 (how that happens is amazing).

I have been searching for that THING that I can cling to that is my motivation to not drink ever again. And I went for a run yesterday and found it. No matter how many drinks I have, a few things are true about me drinking alcohol:
1. I cannot drink it responsibly. I lie, hide it, drive with it, drive my KIDS with it, and I don't treat my relationships (kids, husband, family, friends, self) with the respect and maintenance I should.
2. It makes me feel like shit (I woke up with sweats, stomach ache, shakes last night and lost 2 hours of sleep. I feel foggy as hell today and my nerves are on overdrive - and a whole long list of other things).
3. I cannot have the life I want while consuming it.

The specifics on "the life I want" became very clear to me - and none of it includes alcohol. I am here to experience life fully and deal with it without needing something from the outside to make the insides ok. I AM ENOUGH.

I have a lot to work on, including stress reduction techniques, and learning to open myself up to others, learning to laugh more. And I know that it will be hard.

I have done the "I can abstain from AL", but it never included "forever" until today. I get it now. It doesn't belong in my life. So, starting today, I am done with alcohol forever. I don't need IT, I need ME.

[okoren1]

Hey Peeps. I've been away doing some soul searching. Thanks for the shout outs from those of you with encouragement.

When I came here almost a year ago, I wanted a change. I didn't like how my daily drinking habit made me feel and I couldn't stop. So I decided to stop, but never had the conviction of "forever" - how daunting. I got to 30 days, then had a little AL - but came back to MWO. I got to 60 days - but felt like "what now?" And so I experimented - just to know if I could have a little bit and moderate.

I never had a habit of more than 3-4 drinks a night. And I didn't have the in-your-face consequences from drinking, but there have been a lot of subtle ones, that actually turn out to be pretty big. I have been using AL to hide from myself and others. And no matter what others say, 3-4 a night is not healthy - and I do believe it would turn into more over time.

I felt better not drinking, thats for sure. But I was not convinced that I couldn't handle a drink here and there - for the stress relief, or the social participation. So I tried drinking again. I hated the drinks I had, but I still did it because the old voices of "it will help with this, and that" came back. I was surprised that after 60 days, 3 drinks felt like nothing, and I was yearning for 4-5 (how that happens is amazing).

I have been searching for that THING that I can cling to that is my motivation to not drink ever again. And I went for a run yesterday and found it. No matter how many drinks I have, a few things are true about me drinking alcohol:
1. I cannot drink it responsibly. I lie, hide it, drive with it, drive my KIDS with it, and I don't treat my relationships (kids, husband, family, friends, self) with the respect and maintenance I should.
2. It makes me feel like shit (I woke up with sweats, stomach ache, shakes last night and lost 2 hours of sleep. I feel foggy as hell today and my nerves are on overdrive - and a whole long list of other things).
3. I cannot have the life I want while consuming it.

The specifics on "the life I want" became very clear to me - and none of it includes alcohol. I am here to experience life fully and deal with it without needing something from the outside to make the insides ok. I AM ENOUGH.

I have a lot to work on, including stress reduction techniques, and learning to open myself up to others, learning to laugh more. And I know that it will be hard.

I have done the "I can abstain from AL", but it never included "forever" until today. I get it now. It doesn't belong in my life. So, starting today, I am done with alcohol forever. I don't need IT, I need ME.

Kensho, really profound! I am proud of you.

I have always believed that every permanent quit, ever, has started with an irrevocable decision to never touch AL again, and anything short of that was essentially a person just kidding himself and essentially wasting time and energy.

Very nice work!

[KENSHO]

I have always believed that every permanent quit, ever, has started with an irrevocable decision to never touch AL again, and anything short of that was essentially a person just kidding himself and essentially wasting time and energy.

Yes Okoren. My previous quits were almost like experiments. To see if I could be AF, and to see how it felt. Forever wasn't something I could wrap my mind around. It was great to get AF days under my belt though, because it gave me something to compare the drinking days with. I also HAD to learn that I couldn't moderate, or drink responsibly. We all need that mindset that makes "forever" possible - and I think we all probably have to arrive there in our own way. I am just glad I am choosing not to, as someone recently told me, "drink through my 40's", and let the habit get progressively worse. I understand now that even "a little" is very damaging for someone like me - I am not one of those people who will ever be able to have just one drink once a week, or once a day. I'm done with the experimenting. Now I have to deal with the pain of getting through the first couple weeks again - I really never want to have to face it after this time. I still feel really yucky from last night - mostly mentally, and I can't WAIT to feel clean and clear again. I'm ready to tell my husband that I'm stopping for good - and he can either like it or hate it, but he has to accept it.

Thank you to everyone here - I could not have arrived to this without your listening and support. Thank you Byrdie - a truly special soul. :heartbeat:

[Pinecone]

Kensho, good to have you with us.

Byrdie, I really appreciated your post. As someone who has gone through periods of getting lazy about posting, it is a good reinforcement. I would let myself drift away from the forums at times, but I was never 100% comfortable about how it felt. I never "got close" but it was not the greatest feeling. It is very hard for me to admit that I cannot do it alone. I cannot do it alone. <whew...> I am a stubborn, strong willed, independant person, but I am also a stubborn, etc. etc. alcoholic. I need the support, and I truly want AF life more than going back to that hell. So, it is very, very worth it to me to swallow that tiny bit of pride and admit that I need help. Besides, I have encountered the nicest and most generous people here. I feel like I fall very short of that in my daily life, so it is important to me to spend time with those who can live the way I want to and maybe get "pulled along" a bit. It is also a good reminder to me of where I need to work.

Edit to add: Huge congratulations to Pie!!!

[Rahulthesweet]

HelloNesters,

I wanted to explain a bit about my last place. When I mentioned about this dark place I meant the state of mind I was in during my drinking days just before I started this wonderful journey towards freedom .. Towards sobriety. TodayI am in much much better place. I experiance life with its us and downs.

Pepper I am glad you found it inspirational. Infact your journey has been inspirational as well.

Paviti, good to hear from you and glad to see you are here regular.

Byrdaldy I agree we must not let ourselves away from the support group.

[NoSugar]

I agree with you, Pinecone. I spent my life not asking for help (and turning it down when it was offered). It was almost impossible for me to join MWO, admit there was something I couldn't manage on my own, and ask for support and guidance. Thank goodness for the anonymity that the Internet offered or I likely would still be trying and failing to quit on my own.

A benefit of this experience is that I've become much better at admitting when I'm not fine or need help in my real world life. I've revealed more of myself to others instead of keeping up the large and in charge, no problems here persona I maintained for way too long. It's kind of amazing what life lessons you can learn from people you've never even met face-to-face, isn't it?

Interesting discussion on 'abstaining' - I don't think of it that way, either, because of the implied deprivation, which I no longer feel. It's just the right choice for me. And fortunately, after awhile, a choice doesn't even have to be consciously made - drinking just isn't part of life.

Kensho, reaching the point of "taking the option off the table" is a great place to be. Now the thing to do is to day by day, keep it there. For a long time I felt uncomfortable with the One a Day at a Time philosophy espoused around here (and thought it contradicted a commitment to lifelong sobriety) but I've come to embrace it - in all aspects of my life. How else can we possibly remain AF or achieve any of our long term goals but to do what is necessary today and then tomorrow, to do the same? And on and on.

[Marylou123]

Hello fellow MWO friends,
Finally figured out how to get back on MWO - just dropping in to say hello. Lots of back reading to do but I hope everyone is well. Coming up on nine months AF and feeling good. (But my sweet tooth has been out of control lately - must be the Halloween candy laying around!)
To all the newcomers -a big welcome. You've come to a great place for support to kick al out of your life. I feel like many here about protecting your quit. I never thought I could go one day AF, never mind a week, a month or longer! But with the help of those here, and a true desire to actually LIVE life, I am on the road I want to be on.
Have a wonderful, AF day everyone.

[available]

Pie and ML congrats on your days. Its great to see us succeed especially with all the hard work that goes into being and keeping sober.

Good work Kensho on realising that drinking solves nothing. I thought it was the be all and end all of my world at the end of a day. I deserved it! Not sure why others didnt think the same but who was i to care about them, i know i needed it after the days at work. I dont think any of us can accept never when we give up our best friend, our balm after a days work. I refused to accept it was for ever when i first stopped then i changed my mindset to "today i will not drink" and thus far it has gotten me a long way. Somedays i still dont accept i will never drink but i know in my heart i can not and so i dont and i pray to whomever that i never will. My story has no end with al and fighting it but it gets easier day by day and month by month. I am winning and that is all that counts for today.

Off to work i go. A late start for me, one of our dogs is off to get his balls ripped out. Hope he takes it like a man! Have a great Sunday everyone.

[Rahulthesweet]

Its Diwali time in India for those who dont know. Its like christmas for us. festival of lights, where people exchange gifts and enjoy. Have been going to a few parties and today was out there in the mall shopping. Storage as one of the shops gave me a coupon for couple of $ off the bill for Hard Rock Cafe. Why not for a lunch...

I have been crazy about rock music from teens I guess its among our generation as it was the cool thing to do when I was growing up in 90's. Then when I started traveling in early 2000's I used to make a point to go Ro either a local Irish bar or Hard Rock Cafe. I have a special relationship with that place. Sitting at the bar with bunch of taps and the fancy logos various copies have to sell their pioson. Anyways I have been to them quite a lot of places: Cologne, Hamburg, Mumbai, bangkpk, pattya, Orlando, Dubai, Pune, amsterdam, Delhi, Hyderabad, Bangalore, Singapore, Edinburgh, new York city, las Vegas ... Are some which I recall. Not to boast about it but rather with a bit of regret I felt today what was I chasing and doing in such places drinking alone. Bar tender was surprised when I ordered some food and mocktail. Ifact until that point I was not even thinking about my past relationship with HRC.

It was also a pleasent not to have any attraction towards AL , not that I am trying to be complacent or something but seeing the surprise look on the face of bartender reminded me of the master card Advert ... Priceless.

I felt envy in his eyes when I declared without any bias but with a since of pride that I am almost 8 months sober. He admitted he drink everyday and can't imagine life without AL.

Funny relationships you have with these bars...

Take care ... All and be sober

[Byrdlady]

MaryLou! Hello, girl! congrats on your 9 months!!! That is just amazing!!!
:notepad:
This is worth writing home about!!!! I remember when you first came in! There was a group of you and you have all been very successful! Great job, ML!!

Rahul, another insightful message from you! 8 months is just mind blowing!,
:dancin:
We are so proud of your accomplishment! It is a great day when we discover that the pull of AL has finally left! Great job!

Pinecone, you are amazing. Thank you for that post, everything you write I think "That ought to go in the Tool Box". You have a great gift for writing!

Ava, what you say is WORD! I believe something so strongly I put it in my signature line... all you gotta do, is get thru this day.
NS, asking for help is hard....I am so glad we were all able to overcome it and join this wonderful place! Hard to believe I actually did it, I must have been desperate.....oh yeah, I WAS!
Keep string everyone! Dang, STRONG! Auto correct is my worst emema. Xo, Byrdie

[frances]

Yep I agree Byrd, 'Word' is what I say to Ava's post too! I could have written it myself. Except for the part about the dog getting his balls ripped out LOL!

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Sorry about your dog Ava - hope he's OK

Welcome back Marylou & congrats in your AF time.

Always glad to see you both Pinecone & Rahul.
Greetings to everyone who dropped by today.

I picked a large basket full of green peppers today, a frosty night has been predicted. And I always has lots of eggs so I really should invite you all for breakfast

Wishing everyone a safe & cozy night in the nest!

Lav

[Pavati]

Hi, Nest:

Ava - you have a way with words. Glad dogs can't speak human...

Kensho, Byrd, and the rest of you - I didn't understand one day at a time either, because it wasn't until I knew in my heart of hearts that I could and would never drink again that I could stick to a plan and stay sober. But then I worried - how will I go through my birthday, a wedding, that beach vacation without drinking? And then I realized ODAAT - I don't have to worry about that now, I just have to get through today. I still keep the end game in mind, but if I am troubled about looking ahead, I can put my head down and hyper focus on today, now, etc. I remember my first day here - I was anxious and felt like crap - and K9 gave me the advice of taking the day in 15 minute chunks. I didn't need that all day, but for an hour or two, I needed that.

I spent all day working - it was good and rewarding work, but I am exhausted. Just now, reading about the "balm after work" I got triggered for a second. Alcohol is SO quick at what it does. Instead, I am typing this and then going to hang out with my family. No desire to do that with a drink any more, so I am all good.

Ok, off to eat. Stay strong nest!

Pav