Newbies Nest

[little beagle]

Eloise that's rough. I feel bad for your SIL. Glad your doing so well. And busy.
Glad to see you back Mr. V. And I'm glad you are going to get some time to focus on yourself.
Mossrose I'm sorry October is such a sad month for you. It's truly our most beautiful time of year here. Big hugs.

[narilly]

J-Vo, oh no, that is crappy. Well, progress not perfection right? Keep on coming back here and we will all get through this together. AL is sneaky and I guess if we all work together we can deal with it. Glad you are here. Xo

El, your SIL is a piece of work. Good that you can see what you don't want to be. It was sure nice to read your post.

Big hugs Mossy.
Same with you LilB. Glad you are doing well.
Mr V, hope you are having a good day.

Goodnight everyone.

[Pavati]

Hi, All:

El - sorry about your SiL - it is hard to see people like that.

My son's friend's dad just told my husband that he's heading to rehab. No secret that he was a drinker, so I am happy for him and his family that he's made that decision. I feel like I am noticing the acceptance of alcoholism all around me right now - don't know if it is my age (almost 50), or what.

J-Vo - Welcome back. The question is not about endurance, it is about one day at a time, IMHO. And actually, that word "endure" is the opposite of acceptance - I was "enduring" a life ruled by alcohol, but now I am enjoying a sober life. I don't think that's what you meant by endurance, but perhaps thinking of it like that will help.

Reading the information about relapse was very helpful to me - there are many signs BEFORE relapse happens, and "mental relapse" happens first. The key is asking for help when you see those signs coming, posting about those signs, and accepting the help of those who are reaching out. I think that takes a conscious effort, and a strong determination, and I am 100% certain it take others (right, Matt?) Anyway, tuck in there next to Byrdie, apply a triple coating of velcro, and stay put!

I just got interrupted several times, and now can't remember what else I've read. Hope you all have wonderful nights and are ready for some baseball tomorrow!

Pav

[Pavati]

And Hi, Vervil, Mossy, Runner, FF - hope you all stay close!

[KENSHO]

So true Pavati. I definitely played the thinking game for quite awhile before I decided to stray. I will be here if that happens again - asking you all to drag me out of that mud.

[available]

hi nesters.

Well the dog is ball-less and being a sook but thats ok. He will live. Liam, my son mentioned to me today that he must feel like a man feels when he has a vasectomy, i told him his father was pathetic when he had his, wanted to be waited on hand and foot. he told me i didnt understand. I TOLD him i had given birth to 4 children, to which he replied i was built for it and wanted it. Oh ffs, i gave up then and went to work. There is a reason i am single! Probably a few actually.

Jvo, if there is one thing i learnt in this journey to being sober its leaving my ego at the door and listening and reading and taking one day at a time. Some days are dolly steps and some days i lept but always in the forefront of life is keeping sober for today. I used to feel inadequate as others were climbing bloody mountains, running, cooking, painting, gym, yoga, you name it everyone was doing it. Me i was just eating sugar and gaining weight but i am not other people, i am me and at the end of the day i had to do what i felt comfortable with and asking for help when i felt shaky. I either spoke to my children or on here, i needed to be totally honest with myself and my support network otherwise i knew it just wasnt going to work. I dont do bubble hour (sorry Pav), i dont honestly want to think about al all the time, it does my head in. if i read about relapse i then start thinking when will it happen to me. I cant go there but it doesnt mean i am sticking my head in the sand as i read on here and i take note of the pain others have been through and i know i cant do that again. I dont want to feel how you must feel today. You have guts and determination J and i admire that totally but i know i dont have another quit in me. I know if i drink i wont be back, well i probably will if NS and Byrd have their way, they keep me accountable and i listen and learn from them. I see the contentment Lav has and i want that and i want her to be proud of me. I now feel i cant drink as some people actually listen to what i say, how can i possibly let them down also. But most of all i cant let me down again, i have done that for so many many years and i have let my children down. I dont dwell on the past and i dont plan the future, what happens happens and its for a reason, i am not perfect and i make mistakes but i am happy now. I never thought i would "get it", why am i different from others on here that fail but i was reminded that i was exactly the same when i started, had the same thoughts of modding, the same insecurities, the same pain, anxiety and shame - the same story. My story is now changing and yours will too, you are who you are, you are kind, loving, giving and you can do this J. One day at a time!

Now i have to move this lazy arse and go for a walk, i hate the wind but i am going to just go with it and enjoy the afternoon.

[Yogamom]

Good morning everyone! Finally back online. My userid was not working. Anyway, here I am for the upteenth time. I am on day 2 and have been having many AF days. Just every couple of weeks I overdo it. Often, I can have just one. So, it is tricky that I can get lulled into thinking that it is not a problem. DH is mad at me right now about drinking last week. He says I need to choose either alcohol or him. Well, this am I choose neither. LOL. I have been really trying and working hard. He stresses me out. I think he would about die if I told him that. But to tell the truth, I dread him coming home and feel relief as soon as he leaves the house. Isn't that terrible. Financially i would be fine but i know it would not be the right thing for the kids. Well, went to the tea shop yesterday and bought yummy teas to drink in the evenings when I am hankering for something. Also, exploring different med options. will catch up and stay close. thank you all for listening!

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters, happy Tuesday to all

Cool & sunny in my portion of the nest & that's perfect for me!

Welcome back J-vo & Yogamom, glad you are both ready to begin once again.
I just want to mention a few things that may help you both. I don't see where 'endurance' has anything to do with our quits. 'Acceptance' is probably the best description for what we are doing here. Once we simply accept that we can no longer drink AL safely the rest comes rather easily. The other thing is recognizing drinking triggers & choosing an AF way to deal with them. Without launching into an hour long story I also spent 10 years drinking hard AT my husband & all I did in the process was hurt myself. He didn't make the changes I wanted him to make. I decided to change myself in spite of him & right in front of him too. Eventually he caught on & started on his own path to improving his negativity & resulting bad behaviors. He's not perfect but has greatly improved. We do have control over what we choose to do with ourselves!

Wishing everyone a great AF day!

Lav

[Matt M.]

I just want to mention a few things that may help you both. I don't see where 'endurance' has anything to do with our quits. 'Acceptance' is probably the best description for what we are doing here. Once we simply accept that we can no longer drink AL safely the rest comes rather easily. The other thing is recognizing drinking triggers & choosing an AF way to deal with them.

WORD!
Carry on

[KENSHO]

Good morning. I feel like I have entered hibernation mode. Can't get out of bed, and it's not from AL! I loved your post Ava. Hope your pup recovers well.

Happy to be AF. I don't want to give it another single day of my life.

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, Nesters!
I was listening to TV this morning as I was getting ready for work. There was a car commercial....at the end of it, the guy said, "So what's more important to you?" This set me to thinking about my choices with AL. For an awful lot of years, it was pretty clear what was more important to me. It wasnt until my wonderful hubs of (then) 24 years made me choose for real. Him or AL. It was a damnable choice, how could I live without either of these things? But now they had become mutually exclusive. I chose him, but many times I wondered how I could get away with cheating on him (just a little) with AL. But THAT is a scene that had already played out time after time. It was now an OLD, tired story....a big dose of reality came up and slapped me.....I had to quit FOR REAL.
When you find yourself in THIS boat, its amazing how your perspective changes. I read the words here with a different eye. I REALLY read them, I LISTENED, and I asked questions. I didn't skim over stuff saying, "yeah, yeah, yeah, I already KNOW that". If I already knew it then why were these others successful and I wasnt? Why were people I'd started out with racking up MONTHS? Necessity is the mother of invention, I had to LEARN to listen. Lav is short and sweet, she laid it out there for me. Make a PLAN. Blah, blah, blah. Guess what....when I made a plan, I finally made it. Go figure.

In the category of TMI, I wear a thin panty liner every day. ALWAYS have (bahaha). Last time, I bought the wrong ones. There are dozens to choose from, its no wonder. I have been suffering thru this box of liners for 100 days and I am finally out of them! Rapture! But to think how much our lives can be turned around and set right after 100 AF days is mind boggling....those 100 days with my bad panty liners weren't as bad as I thought, and I actually got used to them. 100 days in the span of a person's life isnt very long....but what a difference it can make when we choose to stop ingesting poison into our bodies. After my 100 AF days, I felt liberated and accomplished. It wasnt nearly as hard as my AL brain told me it was going to be. "But you're going to mess up!" Dick Head would say..."No, hell no, Im not!" I would counter! You see, I actually had a choice in this matter! WE have the power (see Pav's Avatar).

One more thing that made me stump my toe (in retrospect) was thinking that I had X number of AF days vs this time last year and BY GOLLY, that is progress! This is the Alkie's Loophole (A-Hole, for short). This thinking will derail you. Why? Because we are giving ourselves an OUT. You cannot give Dick Head any wiggle room. NONE. Also, it is the CONSECUTIVE days that matter....all back to back, strung together. Do you think the peanut allergy peanut get to have peanuts on weekends? Of course not....same with us alkies. The only way to kill this demon is to starve it to death.....there is NO other way, and if you give it ANY AL, you are keeping it alive....in fact, you are making it worse! (It gets desperate for more life support). Much like a drowning person will overtake the rescuer. Feeding this addiction....even ONE sip, is an invitation to set up shop in your head. Sips lead to slips to to falls! Not one drop, not ever!

It IS our choice. It is NOT easy all the time, no one is painting that picture, but its 1000 times better than being at the bottom of that dark rabbit hole. I've had both views, Im here to tell you, the view from the top is GRAND! Dont fall in! Reach out and ask for help,we thrive on helping others! Helping you helps us! Talk about what you are thinking and feeling. If you have fallen and are embarrassed, put that aside! This is a support forum for ALK'ism, we understand! Trying to get sober before you come back is like rinsing off your car before you hit the carwash!

So the question is, "What is more important to you today?"
Xxoo, B

[Mr Vervill]

GMAE, everyone,
Thanks for the heartfelt welcomes.
As so many of you noted, LB, Lav, Brydie, Pine, and Narilly, I will be taking the time away from work to better myself in many ways.
As Lav, says, this is a gift from the universe, a blessing in disguise. My work environment is toxic, and killing me.
Just hope I don't have to stay until the end of the year.

Matt, I have no real relapse story, because I've never really been sober for more than a few weeks at a time.
My real problem is getting my head around the fact that I can't drink. It's a fear, or whatever you want to call it, that I just have not accepted yet.
I know what I need to do, but that old AL brain just keeps yakking.
Runnergirl, welcome.

[Yogamom]

Lav and Byrdie, you ladies rock. I just can't do this for my husband. Because then when I am mad at him, drinking is an awesome way to go. I need to do it for me, my health, my children, my future. I see it as an us (the warm hearted and caring drinkers in my life) versus them (the uptight, judgemental, puritanical, stingy nondrinkers in his family.). I realize this is a broad generalization. One thing that is helping me is fear of dementia as I am helping care for my mom. She was not a drinker but her sharp mind is gone. I know alc will make that situation so much worse and i want to be the vibrant older lady in the Cialis commercial. Just kidding, usually that is an older guy with a younger gal! Well off to see my mom before work.

[narilly]

Wow, Byrdie, that was a great post. Not ever, never ever can we drink. I fight with this all the time, as we all do.
It is amazing to watch normal drinkers drink, that really shows me how my drinking was not normal. They really can just have one. I mean, what's the point? Who would have just one? I guess a normal drinker would have just one.
Byrdie, I like that A-Hole...stay away from the A-Hole!

Verv, You can't drink, that is why you are here! Part of me still thinks I can drink and that is why I come here everyday, I need this support. I KNOW I can't drink and neither can you!

J-Vo, I hope you are doing ok. Get back on this horse and STOP drinking! Its OFF the table! Please take care of yourself J-Vo, you are important and we need you to stay sober!

Big Hugs.

[NoSugar]

It wasnt until my wonderful hubs of (then) 24 years made me choose for real. Him or AL. It was a damnable choice, how could I live without either of these things? But now they had become mutually exclusive. I chose him, but many times I wondered how I could get away with cheating on him (just a little) with AL. But THAT is a scene that had already played out time after time. It was now an OLD, tired story....a big dose of reality came up and slapped me.....I had to quit FOR REAL.

You know, Byrdie, I used to pray that someone would give me an ultimatum. Or that I would develop a disease that would land me in the hospital (without killing me) that would force me to "dry out". Or that I would be prescribed a medication that, if I consumed alcohol with it, would kill me. (So, I guess I still wanted to live even though some days it didn't seem that way). Sometimes my approach was a little more positive, I would think about needing to take care of an aging parent or a future grandchild. Surely, I told myself, I would quit drinking if I was so acutely needed. I was clearly looking for something "bigger than me" that would force me to do the thing I couldn't seem to do on my own.

I read your story and those of others who sadly had hit really ugly 'rock bottoms' and found myself jealous of all of you. Even in my fuzzy state I was aware that envying people who had almost lost their spouses, had been in accidents and gotten a DUI, had been hospitalized with cirrhosis or pancreatitis, or had had any number of tragic events, meant that I was in a pretty desperate state of mind.

But here's the good news for anyone who feels that way right now. You don't have to wait for a rock bottom. Why take the risk? You can't recover from some rock bottoms. And why waste more of this one precious life you've been granted?

It turned out there was something "bigger than me" right here - a community of peers who understood what I was going through even when I was completely unable to explain it myself, who knew what kind of support I needed (strokes and kicks), and who were unfailingly there to offer it.

If you're unhappy with your life because you're drinking, take the leap and join us. It is so much less scary than you think it will be. And at least for me, the rewards greater than I ever dared to imagine.