Newbies Nest

[KENSHO]

Went to a counselor this morning. All he wanted to talk about was alcohol. While I agree that it is a part of the discussion, his approach was antiquated and all about the drink. I've found a lot more current and relevant information on this site. Besides, why I went to him was to discuss the things UNDER the drinking. Why do I always feel stressed? Why am I always in a state of overwhelm? Why do I feel I do everything half-assed and always feel behind? THESE are the things that caused me to drink in the first place. It was like he didn't know what to say to me. REALLY? That's wrong on so many levels.

I left and made a revelation though.... I have always put myself last and made sure all the other things were done. Kids, projects, meals. It's time to do the things that keep ME healthy and happy. That includes MAKING time for exercise and deciding NOT to work at night, no matter what deadlines come up. These two things alone would make for a completely different me. It means making that list of priorities in my life. I have felt like I have been staring at a future me who worked her ass off and drained herself empty and woke up with regrets that I didn't roll in the grass more with my kids and attend more of their school lunches. WORK ISN'T EVEYTHING and I'm tired of it being first.

Sorry to unload, but I felt I had to do some work after wasting money on this guy who actually said, "Well, you don't seem to drink that much..." REALLY?

[Yogamom]

Kensho, hopefully you didn't waste too much money! Sounds like you came to some important realizations on your own. No Sugar, I understand how you feel. I feel that where I am is a big deal because of my husband's attitude. That is my danger. If I was married to someone else it would be no big deal. But, maybe if I was married to someone else I would be drinking much more. Bottom line - I could spend all day trying to figure out if i meet criteria for alcoholic or not - that is a waste of time. I drink more than I want to and I want to be free from it. I need to do this for me.

[available]

Kensho if you want to stay in bed and be lazy then do it, the world wont end, if you put yourself first dont feel guilty. It does take the others in our lives time to adjust also to the sober us. They are used to what we were and no one likes change, it took a few months for my boys to realise that they mum drunk is totally different to mum sober but they now much prefer the sober me he is always there and in control.

That counsellor sounds like an experience never to be repeated, find another until you find an understanding one. I still have friends that tell me i have gone this long surely i can have a drink. I tell them sure i could but i would be then pouring al down my throat for the next few years and why the hell do i have to drink? These people have control whereas i have none.

Welcome Verv, runner and Mom, listen to the oldies they know what they are talking about. Mom if you are on here you have a drinking problem. I used to think "i dont drink as much as that person" so i am not that bad. Well 2 bottles a night is that bad, its not normal, drinking daily is not normal, when it affects our life and relationships it is not normal.

NS i used to think exactly the same as you, i didnt want to die but i wanted attention also so maybe someone would help me but then i dont know if i would have taken that help at the stage i was at but i was searching for something to make me stop. I realised that that person was me and only me.

Byrd, REALLY, panty liners! Gees woman, if i had known i would have sent you some Aus ones! Take it from me, i used to think you talked total shit, complete and utter crap until i read and re-read your posts and took it on board. To accept what i am has been a new journey for me and at times difficult at times i thought impossible but at 6am (which it is here), i am sober, i am happy and i am ready to face the day. This is what sober is about!

[available]

worth a read

http://www.soberlink.net/long-term-effects-alcohol-abuse/

[See the Light]

GMAE everyone (I am pretty late today..needed some rest and recovery this morning). Great link Ava- I think this part here

“Other long-term mental effects include mood swings, depression, anger, and delusional thinking”

has been the most complicated part of my battle. Since I started my drinking career before I was emotionally mature (although when is that really?) I struggle now dealing with every day things without my AL crutch. So I need to make some changes.

Kensho- Although I’m not seeing a counselor (although maybe I should) I know those feelings as well. I am not drinking anymore, but occasionally think it was all easier when I was (I know that is a lie though).

I made some changes today in the supplements I am taking to help my maintain a more stable “mental health”. I need to research more to make sure the interactions and amounts are correct, but I already feel better today (my morning nap probably helped too). I may discuss those details more in the holistic healing boards, or maybe here too if anyone was interested.

Headspace. Signed up there and have been listening to beginner stuff there . Also added The Bubble Hour to my favorites but have not gotten too far in depth there yet.

More things to do, but this is a life battle I am sure of it. So the more tools we can use, the better.

Hope everyone is staying strong and AF

[abcowboy]

MAE fellow nestors! It seems like Oct 18/19 was really hard on some of you.....I don't know why, but it is what it is.... Slips/relapses don't have to be, and I wish I didn't have to go through 2 minor slips to understand that I want to be sober more than I want to drink! I think I said this earlier in a thread, but I'm too lazy to search back, so sorry if it seems like I'm preaching. Us RA's often say "we are just one drink away from becoming a drunk again" you'll hear that said over and over again! Now, you're reading this and saying that you don't abuse AL all the time, just every so often. But then you awaken with the hangover, the guilt, shame, and remorse. I like to think of it as Russian Roulette, put a drink in front of you and a gun with just one shell in the chamber.... which drink or which pull of the trigger will be your downfall? I for one, am not willing to take that chance anymore! In my world, there can be NOTHING on the table!

I'm going to add a couple of quotes to finish off my sermon lol, they help me to get through each day....

A man walked down the street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. He falls in. He is lost... He is helpless. It isn't his fault. It takes forever for him to find a way out.
The next day he walks down the same street. He pretends he doesn’t see it and he falls in again. He can't believe he is in the same place. But, doesn’t think it’s his fault. It still takes him a long time to get out.
Again, he walks down the same street. There is a deep hole in the sidewalk. He sees that it is still there. He still falls in. It's a habit. His eyes are opened. He knows where he is. It is his fault. He gets out immediately.
The next day, he takes the same street. He sees the hole, but walks around it. He looks back and wonders if it wasn’t so bad after all.
The next day, he takes a different street..

This guy's walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can't get out. A doctor passes by, and the guy shouts up, "Hey, you, can you help me out?" The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a priest comes along, and the guy shouts up, "Father, I'm down in this hole. Can you help me out?" The priest writes a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on. Then a friend walks by. "Hey, Joe, it's me. Can you help me out" And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, "Are you nuts? Now we're both down here." The friend says, "Yeah, but I've been down here before - and I know the way out.

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello Nesters,

Wow what powerful posts. Its amazing to see so much energy.

Byrdlady : You are the angel who keeps this place alive. Your messages are so inspiring. You are bang on right when you say the best way to kill the deamon is to starve it to death.

Kenso : I too am a workoholic and have been always giving second priority to anything and everything. Past 8 to 10 years have been always about work and alcohol rest all second. Now I am sober and my eyes are wide awake, I no longer am running after work like a donkey. I am trying to become efficient by applying self improvement principles.

Abcowboy : I loved the story about the guy falling again and again. Very well said.

I must say our minds have an incredible capability to shut off and tame the beast. Just like the byrdlady said the best way is to starve it to death. I am a living example as I am able to tame it it not kill it.

Today we had a party at our home with about 50 odd friends which whom we network. Part of organizing also meant setting up the bar. I went to a licquor shop after about 8 months or so. This was the same place where I used to go every fuckin day to grab beers. The guys there also knows me. Buying booze and holding the chilled bottle of beer in my hand I was tempted for 0.0001 second before I kicked those thoughts away with a whisper. And that's me doing someone who could not stop just could not atop drinking.

Benefits of sobriety are so many. People asked you not drinking and they were envyed when they came to know I am sober for past 8 months. One even was feelingbad as he has office tomorrow and can no longer wake up fresh which I can since I was not drinking.

I have traveling coming thru ... New York, chicago, rockford, Dubai and hong Kong. Plenty of time along but going strong. I have even kicked coffee out of my system now.

Take care

[NoSugar]

Just came across a great blog post that relates to yesterday's discussion about the way we think about what we're doing here: http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/carr...b_2760742.html

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Glad to see all the relevant discussions going on in the nest today. You just never know when someone will finally get the message by reading these & do the right thing for themselves

Rahul, wishing you safe travels.

Sending wishes to a safe & cozy night in the nest for all!

Lav

[See the Light]

Agreed. This is a golden nest. A gift to many..lurkers and posters a like. If something said here helps someone else's battle, it's worth it every time.

[Mr. B]

Abcowboy your post was well said. Sounds just like what I've been doing for so long. I think I'm gonna take the other road next time myself. My wife tells me my brakes need fixing cause l keep driving off the cliff.

[j-vo]

The discussions on here are exactly what I need. Glad I started taking notes much earlier in the day or I would have never gotten through all of it. This is what I need in a community. Thank you.

I feel pretty good today. I restarted or upped my anti-depressants last Wednesday, I think, and it should take two to six weeks for them to kick in completely. But overall, I think I'm feeling better, probably just by being here and admitting once again, that I cannot and should not ever drink. It's not a secret in my world anymore with close friends and family, so when I slipped the last few times, I hid in my house and kept it all to myself. Not living.

LB, thanks for your post. And that sounds like me putting too much on my plate. Always thinking that I need to do more than what I'm doing and missing the most important point. Just don't drink and stay connected. I couldn't imagine finding a better place to be than here.

See the light, thanks for your kind words, and more and more I think we're all heros here. Saving one another's lives. I will take the time to re-read my posts, but I'm trying to scale down the list of things to do. Your list looks good with Bubble Hour, and other stuff, but don't get too carried away as I would do. That's one of my problems. Trying to input too much information from so many sources. But then again, maybe your brain can handle it!!!! Just don't overwhelm yourself.

Kensho, day two for us. Sorry about the lack of understanding on the therapists part. Agree with Ava - try a new one - one that fits your needs.

Pav, I guess I used endurance the wrong way. I think I meant to say that i burn myself out in so many areas of my life - like I sprint through the day, the weeks, months, then I just run out of steam, and then I drink. Instead I should be doing a slow jog so that maybe I can endure longer with balance and peace of mind. I think my mind works too hard to get everything right, to have all my ducks in a row, and then, BOOM. I need to use the Calm app more. But I do believe that others see it coming before I notice it myself which makes staying in contact with you very perceptive people daily important.
Glad you're doing so well.

Ava, lol with the Liam chat. On a more serious note, I do need to keep sobriety in the forefront of my mind as we all do, ODAT. I always start that way, then I let other things creep in and take priority. And that honesty thing. I guess I'm not always honest with how I'm feeling. Kind of hide it, as that's the way I have lived my life. Not a good way to be, especially for an Alky. And when I do keep pushing things aside in my head, the damage ensues. Just a matter of time. Yep, present thinking. That's a hard one for me. Thinking of just today. I'm a born planner, and I guess that's a curse in a way and good in another. Maybe not so good for me.

Lav, yes, I thought I had acceptance. Then one day, I didn't. That was a dishonest moment. Not accepting what I couldn't have, but being grateful for what I did/do have. Anytime I fall off, I may still know that I'm an alky, but I ignore all the damage that i can do to myself and to others. That's a pretty selfish thing to do.

Byrd, loved your post. Now the minipad was quite the analogy! But yes, you're right. The number of days needs to be strung together. Every time I fall, I think of the 2 year mark, and putting myself further and further back to getting to that mark - when the brain is completely healed. I won't put myself back any further.

Nar, I'm glad you're posting here in the nest. Nope. We are not normal drinkers at all. We need to find that acceptance and gratitude, gratitude of being an alcoholic so that we get to enjoy so much of life that we wouldn't have otherwise. What...so we don't get to wake up with a hangover, feel like shit all day, regret conversations we had, do it all over again and keep putting our lives through hell.

Mr. V, I have a fear that my risk taking is way too risky anymore. Health, relationships, just everything. My son didn't talk to me a few days last week and that hurts more than anything. I fear that my son not talking to me could become a permanent situation if I'd continue to drink.

NS, thanks for being here for me always. I always learn something from you. I don't want to hit rock bottom, although sometimes I feel I'm there. It could get worse, and I don't want to risk it, just like I mentioned to Mr. V. I don't want to waste anymore time. When I drink, I don't think of life as precious. Just the opposite. But even though I don't have those days strung completely together, I've had a good taste for what they're like, and I don't want to lose them.

[j-vo]

Hi Mr. B! Good to see you.

[Pinecone]

Some truly incredible posts today, I'm absolutely floored by the content in the nest today. Byrdie, Lav and NS, those posts should go in the toolbox. I really think they are too important to let them just be read by the lucky ones who were here today. Reading stuff like that is more refreshing than any drink. It's alive and it's real. Thanks to all who posted today! What a place!

[little beagle]

Good stuff today.