Newbies Nest

[Rahulthesweet]

Hello Nesters,

If you see a Devil. Would you look into his eyes and say fuck off I don't care ... When you face your worst fears and say hey ...I am all right ...

Well here in Manhattan it's good to be back in these trendy bars with lots of live music and drinking memories. These are the places whereI relapsed last time around but not this time ...

The music sounds different as I hear from the sober ears. But sounds really great.

Strange the printed bar menu completely omits the non alcoholic section but turns out they have good ccollection of ice teas. But who cares ... I am good with water ... What ever let me be in this place with the lovely music.

It's good to ccelebrate sobriety another day....

Take care

[KENSHO]

Way to go Rahul. You sound so strong and happy!

I worked at a fast and efficient pace today - made progress but still behind. Did some things for my kids' Halloween parties on Friday, though I had to break it to my son that I will not be able to be AT the party because I have to meet with two clients or lose the project. Preparing for multiple meetings this week. All fun work, but I did have thoughts (first in awhile) of my "old" ways of dealing with this feeling. I realize now that I was living at an unlivable pace - no wonder I wanted to escape. That and having some "girl stuff" going on (sorry TMI) - has always been a recipe for allowing myself to consume whatever I wanted.

I recognized the thinking pattern and am trying to watch it from afar. I have no desire to go back to drinking, but I do notice that less sleep, and pushing hard to accomplish so much is behavior that I need to change. SO, I looked at my lists of "to do" and pared it down to bare minimum. I am ok with earning a "passing" grade for the week (instead of trying for the A+) - as long as I don't drink. I am in red-flag territory a bit though and need to be very conscious of it, and go to bed as soon as I get the minimum done!

I did make some really fun frozen banana ghosts on a stick for my daughter, and some melting witch puddings for my son.

Sleep tight everyone and I will be happy to post day 11 tomorrow.

[FreefromMerlot]

I'm new to MWO, new to being sober, working on my 4th day so far.. after 30 years of drinking and probably the last 10 of being my heaviest, the last year of being my darkest. Had a health scare Monday morning after binge drinking all weekend and and decided at 45 I'm not going to continue to poison my body and cloud my brain, I don't want to lose everything and I've been blessed with so much.

How can we have so many beautiful blessings in our life and just look at it through the bottom of a bottle? I'm scared that I will relapse, I come from a long line of alcoholics so it's in my blood and the devil knows it. I'm saved by Jesus but that doesn't mean I don't walk in the flesh and doesn't mean that the devil doesn't look for ways to attack me every day. All I can do is pray, lean on God, read my bible, find support here, start doing the hobbies I used to do, etc.

I'm scared and I'm weak on my own but in him he will carry me and be my strength and I have FAITH

[Lavande]

Good morning Nesters,

Happy Thursday to all! Cloudy here in my portion of the nest but not raining.

Hello & welcome Freefrom Merlot, glad you found us
Your faith, a strong commitment & a good working plan will help you meet your goals. Be sure to visit the Tool box for lots of great ideas. Congrats on your 4 AF days - you have a great start!

Lil B, you sound so good & happy too. Keep up the great work!

Just work for me today but that's OK. I'm also thinking a pot of mushroom soup is in the near future, LOL
Have a great AF Thursday everyone!

Lav

[Byrdlady]

Good Morning, All!
Great posts overnight! Little Beagle, would you consider putting that list in the Tool Box for us? It is a very good list! Thank you for taking the time to share it.
Welcome Freedom from Merlot. If you are ready to get this monkey off your back, you have found the tools and support to do it....all you have to do is use them! Welcome aboard!

Kensho, your list to To-Do's made ME tired! Learning to prioritize really helped me see what was what....I'll give you ONE guess what was #1? Yep, at 4 o'clock AL was at the front of the line and every thing else got pushed back. I don't know how I did it!? I'm glad you are learning what is really important, what can wait, and what doesn't really need to be touched by you at all! It will ALL be there tomorrow. As a commissioned salesperson, if I don't do it, it doesn't get done, but it all seems to come out in the wash. I apply the rule "In 10 years from now, will this even matter?" Usually not. I do the best I can and by golly, that will have to do!!
A rainy Pre Halloween day here. I have bought Halloweener Candy for the second time now...hopefully, I won't eat all of it before 6 o'clock tomorrow night!!!
Hope everyone has an easy day!! Your Ghoulfriend, Byrdie

[Eloise]

Hey guys- just listened to a great Bubble Hour- food & alcohol. They talk about the relationship between the two. Very interesting and good to hear!

[narilly]

Good morning, I will check in later. Very busy at work and everyone can see my computer.

No mini pad NS!

Later Gaters.

[See the Light]

GMAE everyone..I missed a few days in the nest here but still reading back… Super busy at work now and too much going on at night too.. a guy in my small group is out on disability (he has late stage stomach cancer, poor guy)..and my a-hole boss is on vacation, which just means extra work for me. I’m glad I’m working this week though, last year it went much worse. I took off Halloween last year and drank all day like a fish…walked my kids around the neighborhood for candy for about an hour in evening kinda stumbling around like a zombie, then finished the night off at my neighbor’s house by drinking a whole bottle of bourbon and falling asleep on his garage floor overnight like a dick (which he was not happy about either :cuss: ). This year I’m going to be a SOBER person for Halloween and my only indulgence may be a York peppermint patty.

Welcome FreefromMerlot- 3 days of no AL is a great start and you have landed in the right place to help keep that going

Rahul- well said man…F that guy

Lil Beagle- Great list…thx for sharing

Narilly- Congrats on 200!

Kensho- great ambition, but don’t forget to chill a little too

Still behind, but I will ketchup :victorious: ….hope everyone else is doing fine, being strong and staying AF

[j-vo]

Hi Nesters,
I'm feeling good today. It's a crappy day and only going to get uglier, but that's ok. I"m feeling bright inside. So many great posts, so thank you.

LB, that was a great post. I appreciated that so much. I like the Plan A and B. Plan A for moving along with life, and Plan B as the emergency plan. I need to start categorizing so I can be more aware that just because I'm in emergency, doesn't mean I need to drink. I need to use the tools that I have, the support system that never lets me down, and remember my blessings. Thank you, LB.

Moss, prayers being said for you, your brother, and family. I've got a long prayer list, and I don't never mind adding to it.

G-man, I'm glad you made it through a wobbly period. Chalk that up as a success, remember it and the tools you used.

Byrd, I don't think I know of any 'normal' families. Crazy is more like it for mine. But at least there's medication for that! But I know of family fighting over money and it's sad.

El, hope you're doing better after the convo with Dad. That's really a hard one and one I don't have advice for except that remember how important and special you are, not to mention talented. You're a great person and one that deserves respect, and although it it may not come from him, it will come from lots of others. Hang in there.

Rahul, what a great post full of gratitude. That's awesome.

Kensho, I could have written your post. I'm like that in that I think everything I do, especially at work, must be the best, perfect, flawless, and everyone must use my idea! WTF, seriously! I run myself down by living this way. It creates tension and anger, leaves me completely drained. When I'm drained and feeling that way, it's one of my biggest triggers. I think you're the same. Take it easy, take it slow, and remember, this is...slow and steady wins.

Welcome Free from Merlot. Glad you found us. Check in daily here with your thoughts, questions. Check out the toolbox and read lots.

[NoSugar]

Kensho, I could have written your post. I'm like that in that I think everything I do, especially at work, must be the best, perfect, flawless, and everyone must use my idea! WTF, seriously! I run myself down by living this way. It creates tension and anger, leaves me completely drained. When I'm drained and feeling that way, it's one of my biggest triggers. I think you're the same. Take it easy, take it slow, and remember, this is...slow and steady wins.

So glad to hear you're feeling better, J-vo. Tomorrow should be a sunny day, even if chilly (you seem to get my weather the next day :smile.

I peaked in that perfectionism business during my school years - even into college. My (now) husband really helped me with all that - pointing out how my goal should be to be the best person I could be and that I was sacrificing that by being the best student I could be. He was right (and fortunately, able to say it in a way that didn't make me write him off and not marry him :haha.

Part of being your best person is not to be a drinking one - that might require that you let some other stuff go. Like Kensho, BE A LITTLE BIT LAZY!!

[BeachGirly]

Great posts here overnight. It sure helps to see other people live regular lives and have struggles as well.

I have been in the stage (in the past) that life keeps dumping on me (and we have had alot in the last bit) and that gave me an excuse to drink wine every night. I know now that was an excuse. It was me who choose to drink to hide from all the issues. Honestly, how could I excuse 10-12 yrs of drinking on "being dumped on"...?

I am now 4 days AF and want to continue. No excuses. I am responsible for what I do. I am concerned about learning to deal with some of these life events but it is time I do!!

Lots of wisdom in the posts. I am building my own toolbox now.

BG

[Pinecone]

Hi friends, great posts here lately.

LB, I loved what you have learned. What a great post.
Hi Rahul, ALWAYS great to read your words.
Kensho, there is a lot of wisdom in what you are doing; being conscious of your internal resources and slacking where you can.
Freefrommerlot, welcome to the nest. I'm glad you are here with us.
Hi Lav and Byrdie. I love the 10 year rule and I may steal that. I tend to get wrapped up in "smallies" too often and I'm working on that.
Hi Eloise and Narrily! Eloise, I think you handled that well considering! Narrily congrats on your milestone!
STL, glad to see you.
Jvo, boy I sure can relate about being that type of personality. It has been a huge stumbling block my whole life. I know that even attempting to try to work on that problem is only possible with AF life, though.
Hi NS!
Hi Beachgirly, congratulations on your 4 days! Stick close!

[Byrdlady]

Hey BeachGirly....someone had it in his/her signature line, I don't remember exactly how it goes, but something like, 'There's no reason you can't get sober, just excuses'. There are so many things I wish I could put in my byline, but I think the most important one is there....all you gotta do, is get thru this day! You can do that! Great job on 4 days!! Rinse and Repeat! Byrdie

[Matt M.]

Hello My name is Matt and I have issues with Alcohol! But for the last 87 days I have become the Alcohols "issue"
Ok I'm not going to lie that sounded ignorant after I read it.

Anyway just checking in, I have been reading just not much posting. I have 2 jobs and have been wheels off busy. I know I can't let my"old ways" and old normal" creep in, I'm pretty sure that's how I failed miserably at this before.
A little of what BeachGirl was talking about and learning how to deal with things in life Sober. For me I know I'm going to have to relearn to cope with my stressors and sadness,etc..I always drank them deeper, not away, they will stack up until it becomes to much.
I know I shared with you guys how I struggled losing a great friend. I'm finding that my job has become the real bitch to deal with in my sober mind.
Some of you may know I am in Public Safety( Firefighter\Paramedic) I work in a large city in Texas. Seen a lot of horrific shit in my career and have always just wrote it off as part of the job. I still do cope with most of it that way now, and we talk as a crew to vent our emotions.. But there is always certain calls we go on that are just bad, real bad. I have vivid, graphic memories of several. In the past I know I would self medicate to ease that. Recently, we have had a streak of some horrible calls, and I am finding myself thinking about it off work, at night..It affects my mood, sleep, diet. I am weak when it comes to being emotional and not grieving, I always held it in. Of course that's the macho public service bullshit ego..
Being sober during this streak of bad stuff has forced me to let go a bit and to think it's ok, to feel sad and sorry for what happened to the people affected, even though they are strangers. I know I'm rambling, but it feels good to spew it out. I'm not looking for sympathy or a pat on the back, I'm not a self proclaimed hero. I love my profession and for all the bad things I've seen, there are a magnitude of great things I have witnessed and been apart of.
I often thought about finding someone, like a therapist to share what I have bottled up from almost 20 years in my profession, but that thought quickly fades with Nausea .
I'm banking on finding someone in these rooms who thinks like me ( a drunk) that I could share with?
Thanks for reading!

And as always MWO Family,,,, Stay Hard!

[Guitarista]

Hello Nester's near and not so far,

Hey Matt, great going on your 87 days AF. Thanks for your post above. I'm wondering maybe a savvy therapist who has experience working with folk in your line of work might be worth seeking out? There must be workmates who can recommend a good one? The Vietnam veterans association, or military services must have some good counsellors they can suggest for you if you wish to explore talking to a professional. I know here in Oz, the first step would be to talk with our doc/GP if we have a good one, and taking it from there. If a counsellor/therapist feels a bit full on to begin, i wonder if there are any support groups 'self run' that meet regularly in your line of work?

Take care friend. Wishing you all the best.

A warm welcome to our new folk!

Day 94 and a whole lot more.

Take it easy out there. G