Newbies Nest

[Lavande]

Greetings Nesters,

Almost noon here so I'll skip the good morning routine
I had a visit with the vampire, went to exercise at Curves, stopped at the market to pick up something for dinner & my girls will be here in about an hour - busy.

Ican, the more I drank the more depressed I became too. It's no good for us - just quit. Get a few AF days under your belt & see how fast you start to feel better. Do it not just for you but for your family as well. I wouldn't be getting these awesome visits from my daughter & granddaughter if I was still sitting around hugging a wine bottle. You can do this, I know you can!

Wishing everyone a great AF rest of the day!

Lav

[NoSugar]

Wonder if I set out a bowl of wine for them.......mmmmmmmmm

You can't do that because you don't have any, right :wink:?

[NoSugar]

I'm pretty sure I am killing myself with AL.

Ican,
It sounds like you are very scared. As I wrote to Daisy the other day, if the addict him/herself is recognizing what is happening, you really need to take this warning seriously. Most of us were the masters of denial when it came to the downsides of drinking so if you are becoming worried, it really is time to take action while it is still your choice.

Is this day 1? It will be good to see you around the nest again. :hug: NS

[KENSHO]

Just a thought I wanted to share. I just read about Brittany Maynard, the woman with terminal brain cancer. I watched her story and sobbed - for someone who really wanted to live. She had no choice but to die (by her hand or the natural course of the disease). Most of US now have a choice. Some of us are sick, and many of us have hard things we are dealing with. But we have not been given a death sentence - unless we continue to drink uncontrollably. I am grateful that I still have health and life and want to live it to its fullest. Alcohol is just not part of that equation.

[daisy45]

You can't do that because you don't have any, right :wink:?

Haha....if I had known a week ago I could have shared mine, waited till they blacked out and carried them outside! No, no wine available in this house!
Kensho, that is how I've been thinking recently.....we are so lucky to still have 'choice'. It should not be taken for granted.

[Eloise]

I am going to give this one a title: Conudrum.

First, I am going to admit I am not handling this as I should in light of the fact I am an alcoholic myself.
2nd, comments, insight, opinions are most welcome. Am I really as bad as I think or is it okay to look the other way? (This is a leading statement and it is obvious the direction I am hoping for...)

My sister in law had her birthday on Halloween and a small gathering at her house yesterday. I did not go.
My husband gave me the perfect out 'you worked 6 days this week and need a day of rest.' I worked yesterday too, but I had time to go wish her a happy birthday.
I didn't go because I didn't want to. I find her so bizarre and scary.

I wrote about how she came to our house 2 weeks ago and looked a terrible alcoholic mess, if anyone recalls?
It was painful to watch, I should offer her some kind words but I cannot seem to do it. On the outside she looks like she is rotting from the inside out. Sounds horrible and looks that way too. I told my husband this and he actually agreed with me.

She has taken to calling my husband again at any and all hours and if he doesn't answer she sends text messages. Beepbeep, beepbeep.

Guys I hardly know the woman and I rather hate her.
She is completely self absorbed. She doesn't even know we got married 2 years ago because my hd didn't want her around for the wedding because of her behavior.
Sad state of affairs.

In my defense I more or less forced my hd to talk to her about her drinking over a year ago. It didn't go well and he ended up being mad with me too because he had brought it up in the past already and it wasn't well received.
It was my idea after all. So, I am not going to suggest he speak to her about it any more, what is the solution?
Avoid her is the best I can come up with.
Is there a solution? How can you help someone who doesn't think they have a problem?
As for me, the more I listen to the Bubble Hour the more I am 150% certain I can never drink again. Wow do those ladies know how to find guests that will knock some sense into the listeners.

Alcohol is such a vicious trap.
One of my mom's came to pick up her kids tonight after art and it was pretty obvious she had had a few. She wasn't driving.
She wasn't falling over or anything just blood shot eyes, chewing gum and acting weird. Boy don't we recognize the tricks easily now! It is actually a little bit funny. Probably I acted like her in the past. Definitely.
I really like her too, I feel for her. Life isn't easy for a lot of us, but I just cannot find empathy for my sister in law.
She has crossed a lot of lines that I just find SO over the top it almost puts her in the felon category and I just don't know what to make of her?
Anyhow. Said my peace, sorry I am not perfect in many ways it seems even though I am not drinking. What a blessing that is!

[Resolve]

Greetings everyone. I'm new to the Nest in terms of posting but have lurked since July or so. Why am I posting now? Well unfortunately I've got a pretty bad cautionary tale and need to be held accountable. I've read and learned much from so many of you here and now need to share the events of yesterday and my endless stupidity.

By way of my background, I'm a near 49 year old and have been a bingy weekend warrior for the past decade or so. I finally had enough and stopped in August. This past Saturday was 76 days AF, nearly 11 weeks. I've had the internal "can I moderate" debate and decided that yesterday I would see if I could in fact do that. I was ok breaking the streak and told myself I'd return right back to it if I didn't think this was possible. So here I am back at it today because yesterday was a complete, humiliating and painful disaster.

I made the terrible decision to have a few drinks and attend my son's hockey game. And yes I drove him there. Well, after a few more in the car pre-game I recall going into the game and then don't recall much after that. My next memory is another dad somewhat helping me up and asking if I was ok. I think I must have passed out and really don't recall much at all before that. At that point I struggled to stay conscience and eventually made it outside post-game to the group of waiting parents who immediately took control. I offered no protest of course and only apologized time and time again. The coach drove me in my car (who I've never even had a conversation with) and my son followed in another. I didn't know I could create such a cringe-worthy night complete with the worst judgment possible.

Outside during my intervention, my son came up and asked me what was wrong and what was going on with tears in his eyes. That image in my mind will haunt me and I hope won't define me in his eyes. Upon the caravan home I retreated upstairs and after coming to later then had to face my wife. Our marriage is hanging by a thread as-is so I'm fairly certain that this just destroyed any level of trust or hope that may have remained. I'm deeply ashamed by the embarrassment that I caused my son and will speak to him honestly this evening (and likely packing my bags). I'm humiliated, embarrassed and astounded at my actions. The thought of facing everyone in my home tonight is nauseating but I will own everything and do so sober. I can't even look at myself right now but damn it I will be strong to own up to all that I have caused.

All of this brought on by me, by my drinking and for what. I've embarrassed my son, probably killed a marriage that was on life support, humiliated myself in front of an entire team of parents and am at the proverbial rock bottom. There is no silver lining here, but the only positive I can find today is knowing I was well on my way with sobriety and am now back with a vengeance. When you F up this badly it's awful, and I don't even know just how awful it will be yet. I'm incredibly sad, angry with myself and in disbelief that I did this. And I did this.

This is why I am here now posting in the Nest.

[NoSugar]

Hi, Resolve

Your story brought tears to my eyes. I think everyone here can understand the pain you are in right now - and how confused you feel. It is so hard to understand how we can choose to do something that is not what we want to do and that we know will cause ourselves and others so much pain.

You've learned the very hard way that you are powerless over alcohol when you choose to consume it. But that does not at all mean you are actually powerless - in fact, starting today you can exert the total control that you actually have by choosing to never again consume alcohol. And that strips it of all of its power over you!

Congratulations on your 11 weeks AF. So, you know you can do it and you know how good life can be! The main benefit that comes from a community such as this is the constant reminder that you can't run the experiment that you tried yesterday. In fact, by sharing your story, you have helped me remember why I can't give in to my bad mood and drown it "just this one night".

So, thank you. And welcome!

[Byrdlady]

Hey Resolve, and welcome to the Nest. I can't add much to what NS so eloquently wrote...I have a tale of my last night of being drunk.

On the night of Jan 19, 2011, my hubs delivered an ultimatum to me....HIM or AL. Actually, he just said he was leaving because he didn't want to be married to a drunk. I had to find a way to stop drinking for good, and HOPE I would earn his trust back enough to give me a final chance. I also didn't know if he was just sick of me altogether, or the drunk version. I am happy to say it was the latter. Our marriage has never been stronger than it is now. I know I am ONE drink away from losing all of that now. It's a chance that I'm not willing to take. I am done with AL. It did me NO favors and just make me act like an ass. I know the future is uncertain for you now, and tonight is going to be difficult, but you CAN beat this thing. It won't make last night go away, but time heals a lot of things. If you use the experience for good, then all is not lost. Wishing you strength!!

Eloise, as we see over and over here in the nest, nobody can stop an addict until he/she is ready to stop. Even when they come in here of their own volition, some are just not ready to admit and take action to reverse this disease. All I can say is lead by example. If/when she is ready to confront her demons, maybe she will seek you out and then you can talk to her. Until that time, I would avoid her. She sounds toxic. Who needs/wants that? When your hubs gets sick enough of it, he will say something to her. You can control your relationship with her, and your relationship with him, but you can't control their relationship with each other. Good luck to you, that's a tough one. As you know, my whole family is nucking futs! I'm the most normal one of the lot and I'm a flipping alcoholic!!!!!! Unfortunately, we cant choose our kin!!

Spoiler alert, I'm going to be cranky tomorrow....clear liquid diet and colon cleanse day!! :toilet:

Hugs to all! Byrdie

[available]

Ican at the end of my drinking career i vividly remember swaying and talking to my son and his friends and asking if they had more al and my son telling me to go to bed. I walked out of there and thought to myself "what the fuck are you doing". I, in my drunken state swore i would come onto mwo and try yet again. My life wasnt getting better, like you, i got drunk quicker and the effects were getting worse. That was my last quit 11 months ago. Maybe you have found your bottom and now its time to go up! Its hard and scary especially since we have done it before and failed but it will click Ican and you will have the life you deserve. I know i do now.

Cowboy, the look of pride in my childrens eyes make me more determined not to drink and they know about here and they know about all of you and they know when i am feeling wobbly but most of all they are so proud and they know the time i spend on mwo keeps me sober and supported.

SF be gentle on yourself. if you dont want to exercise then dont, took me 7 months to get off my arse. I do enjoy it now though but still procrastinate for an hour or so which of course i am doing right now.

I am glad Daisy you have no wine, i was going to ask the same question as NS. Keep them as pets, we had hundreds when the kids were little, i love them. I also love Bambi!

Kensho that was so sad for Brittany and here we are killing ourselves slowly but i didnt realise i was an alcoholic for so long. God my brother died of al and here i was thinking if i could get past the age that he was when he died i would be fine. Yep thats an alky brain for you. I did make it past but it still took me 3 years to stop. I am lucky.

Resolve welcome to a safe place to start your sober life again. We have all reached our bottom and there are some very sad stories on here like yours but there are also some wonderful stories of sobriety and keeping it. Today is definitely not a great day for you but it can be the start of a new life, it has to be if you want it. The great thing about mwo is we are a bunch of alkies who dont judge you, we understand the place you are at and that is what makes your story so sad. You will have the strength to get through this Resolve and we are here for you. You have been sober before so believe in yourself and know what ever you did yesterday that it will be the very last time you will drink. Today is also going to be a good day, well after you deal with the aftermath. Keep strong and keep on here. Sending hugs and please let us know how everything went

I have a day off today, a horse race is a happening! i care nothing for the horse race of course. mum has the first of her ultrasounds today and another on thursday and a biopsy next week so fingers crossed its not cancer. i wish i was closer but i am sober and that is the main thing to be grateful for. Enough procrastinating, time for a walk.

[Samstone]

Resolve
not much you can do to alter the past, I truly hope all things work out for you in a positive way. If possible maybe keep this moment tucked away for the next time you're thinking of having a drink, not as a beat yourself up thing, rather as acknowledgement of what can go wrong.

You're not alone, we've all got those skeletons in our closets.

Best to you
Sam

[j-vo]

Resolve,
I can empathize with your whole situation as so many of us can. We can get ourselves out of this complete mess. I can't tell you how many times my son saw me, how many times i embarrassed myself in front of others. Yes, it's true,a nd there's only one thing I can do. That's not drink. One day at a time. Yes, it takes a lot of work, a support group, and youve already had 11 weeks so you know you can do it. You know now you must not go back to it, because if you do, there's that chance that the same thing could happen again. Fear of those things happening certainly gets us started on the road to sobriety, but gaining long-term sobriety leads to a lot of good stuff, and the fear must fade. You are worth it, you have a family, and hopefully you can save your marriage. You have so many things to be sober for. I hope you stay here and take it one day at a time with us and remember that moderation isn't going to work for anyone here. We're lying to ourselves if we think that one day this miracle will happen and we'll be normal drinkers. Sure, maybe we'll hit the lottery too. We're here everyday. I hope you stay here too.

[Lavande]

Good evening Nesters,

Seems so late yet it's only 7:30 pm - time changes are tough

Hello & welcome Resolve, glad you decided to join us!
We can't do anything to erase the events of yesterday but we will do our best to help you get back on track & stay there too Sorry you had such a rough time, just make sure you never put yourself in that situation again. It takes some of us a little longer to 'get it' - we just cannot drink AL safely. Focus on a better & brighter future sans AL. Stay close to the nest & let us know how you are doing,

Eloise, you already know that you can't help your SIL if she doesn't want to help herself. It is sad but it is her choice. Protect yourself & your quit, stay away from her if that's what it takes. I haven't been in the same room with one of my brother's for decades for the same reason. He's a mean & nasty drunk, I don't want to be around him.

Byrdie, take it easy tomorrow with your prep. I know they are harsh, be kind to yourself. Sending you a great big ((group hug))

My daughter & granddaughter are staying overnight so I guess we'll look for something fun to do tomorrow.
Wishing everyone a safe & comfy night in the nest!

Lav

[Icanwithoutacan]

Testing - my posts will not post

[abcowboy]

Geez you guys, I just got home from a hard, tiring day, things went as bad as they could, but I didn't give in!! Get busy living or get busy dying, it's up to you! It's just one day at a time you know, and if you don't, you'll have many day one's, so stay here, post, pledge, count days, seconds, minutes, hours... just don't pick up the first one! If you need my help as I do your's, call me anytime!